Jest Right

by Piers Anthony

  Seeing their blank stares, the peeve rephrased. “Think of them as like pages in a book, each so similar to its neighbors that they look the same until you find that one tiny change. If you start on page one, and make a change, that puts you on page two. Make a change there, and you’re on page three. So when the princesses found the tunnel, that was put there by the folk of the prior page. The tunnel you build here will be used for the folk on the next page. Not paradox, but multiple timelines. You’re all helping each other. But you don’t want to change things too much, because you might wind up in a completely foreign alternate history. The idea is to change history as little as possible while still getting the job done. And Prince Dolph is the one in a position to get the job done with hardly any change at all.”

  The blank stares were hardly less vacant, but nobody argued the case further. Jess decided to think about it at her leisure, hoping to improve her comprehension bit by bit until she got it clear. Maybe. For now she was happy to take Tata’s word that they were not starting a paradox that would wipe them all out. She hoped.

  “Then we shall resume our journey to see the prince,” Nia said.

  Win, Imbri, Tata, and the peeve went topside to put the boat back in motion. The others relaxed as much as they were able. Soon Myst, Mairzsy, Noe, Aria, Ula, Kadence and Squid were playing a game of Nineteen Questions centering on “Does He or Doesn’t He?”, while Jess, Magnus, Dell and Nia talked about nothing in particular while relaxing in chairs. It was pleasant aboard Fibot; Jess only wished it could have been without so disturbing a mission.

  In due course, which actually was not too long, they arrived at Castle Roogna. King Ivy welcomed them, knowing that anyone aboard the fire boat was worthwhile. Jess was startled to see her, before reminding herself that this was the present, not the future; she had not been deleted in this time.

  But of course they couldn’t tell her, because the knowledge of her own deletion in the future would surely change her actions now, leading again to paradox. Their own group seemed to have some immunity, but it would not be smart to push it.

  “What brings you here, Dell, Nia and children?” Ivy asked. The two princesses were not manifesting at all, only their hosts, Ula and Noe.

  “Jess and Magnus have a traveling show,” Nia explained. Jess of course could not explain it herself. “They have commissioned Fibot to take them to different villages to put it on. The children help.” Nia was actually eleven years older than Ivy, but looked young enough to be her daughter.

  “You must do a show here!” Ivy said.

  Oops. Now they would have to.

  “First we have private business to discuss with Prince Dolph,” Magnus said. “But after that we should be able to do it.”

  “My little brother and his wife Electra went flying this afternoon,” Ivy said. “You should be able to find them in the sky. He will be in dragon form. A smoker, I think; she likes to sky-write.”

  “Thank you,” Nia said. “We will check the sky.”

  “Meanwhile I will gather an audience,” Ivy said. “It’s dull here since the princesses moved out. No more mischief, you know.”

  Nia laughed. “Our children have not yet moved out. We do get mischief.”

  They returned to the boat. Soon they were sailing back into the sky. Win guided the boat back and forth, canvassing the area.

  Then, near a pile of what vaguely resembled entrails, they saw a flying dragon with a woman riding on his back. That had to be Dolph, in dragon form. He was emitting puffs of smoke, forming vaporous words in the sky. NEED THREE MORE PLAYERS FOR GULF QUARTET.

  “Oh, no!” Magnus groaned. “He wants to play gulf!”

  “But if we don’t join him, we may not get to talk with him this afternoon,” Jess pointed out.

  “Maybe we can intercept him before he finds his gulfers,” Nia said.

  “Maybe,” Jess agreed dubiously. The last thing she wanted was to get into another horrible game of gulf.

  They sailed close, and Magnus waved. “May we talk with you?” he called.

  “Sure!” the prince called back. “Have you three gulfers?”

  They were not going to escape. “Tell him yes,” Kadence said. “Aria and I will do it.”

  “Yes!” Magnus called.

  “See you there!” The dragon glided down toward the intestines, which on closer inspection turned out to be gulf links.

  “I guess I’m in for it,” Magnus said, looking ill.

  Jess couldn’t stand to see him like that. “I’ll do it,” she said morosely, hoping he would decline.

  “Oh thank you!” In his relief he actually managed to kiss her as if he meant it. She was definitely stuck for it.

  “Question,” Nia asked rhetorically. “Can you girls identify yourselves?”

  Kadence considered. “I think in this instance we’ll have to. If we are to work together to save Xanth, Uncle Dolph will have to know the score.”

  “But we’ll have to swear him to secrecy,” Aria said. “He should understand.”

  The dragon landed, and the boat docked beside it. The woman climbed off, and the dragon became a portly man. Jess and the two princesses walked across to them.

  “Hello,” Jess called as Kadence put a hand on her arm. “I am Jess, and these are—two princesses, who must remain anonymous to all others.”

  Prince Dolph looked at them. “You remind me oddly of my nieces Melody and Rhythm. There’s a strong family resemblance.”

  “Yes,” Kadence said. “You must keep the secret, for fear of paradox. I am Kadence, Rhythm’s daughter, and this is Aria, Melody’s daughter. You and I have met before. Remember Ragna Roc?”

  “Kadence!” he exclaimed. “You saved Xanth by making the eggshell! You were from the future, then. Paradox indeed!”

  “I’m still from the future, Uncle. A few years later. I’m ten now. In a host.” She faded out for a moment so he could see Ula. Aria did the same, showing Noe.

  “Hosts in the present. I understand. Yes, I will keep the secret; this must be a very private matter.” He turned to his wife. “You too, Electra?”

  “Of course, dear,” she agreed. “I know about the oddities of time travel, having suffered a variant myself. This has to be very important.”

  “It is,” Aria said. “Kadence and I are babies now, at this present time. We must not interact with them at all. We have to be known as our hosts, Noe and Ula, to everyone else. We can’t tell King Ivy or our mothers. But you alone have to know.”

  “Of course.” Dolph laughed; he was evidently an affable man. “And to think I took you for gulf partners.”

  Kadence grimaced prettily. “We must make sacrifices for our mission. Even gulf.”

  “There will be plenty of time to talk as we play,” Dolph said. “Then you can let me know what is going on, and how I can help.”

  “Yes,” Aria said. “But we don’t mean to squeeze out your wife.”

  “I don’t play,” Electra said. “I can’t stand the game. I start radiating electricity. I just cheer him on. Recently even the daydreams have turned awful.”

  “They will be good today,” Kadence said.

  Electra frowned. “I am not sure you understand, if you haven’t been playing.”

  “We do understand,” Jess said. Kadence was still touching her. “We went to the Day and Night Stallions and got them to return to their proper stations.”

  “You did that?” Electra asked, amazed.

  “Kadence lectured them,” Jess said, smiling. “They saw the error of their ways. She is good at making things align.”

  Electra stared at her, her amazement magnifying. She did indeed seem to be radiating electricity. It was her talent.

  “I suspect this is going to be a most interesting dialogue,” Dolph said.

  “One other thing,” Jess said. “You may have not
iced Kadence touching me.”

  “We did,” Electra said. “We assumed there is a reason.”

  “Yes. It’s that nobody takes me seriously; it’s my magic and my curse. But Kadence’s magic of alignment aligns me with the rest of you so that you can take me seriously. She’s a Sorceress, so her power overrides mine. However—”

  Kadence removed her hand.

  “When I talk alone, I come across as a jester,” Jess finished. “Not to be taken seriously, even if you know better.”

  Both Dolph and Electra burst out laughing. “You’re hilarious!” Dolph agreed.

  Electra returned her hand. “But if I am to explain to you the complexities of our situation,” Jess continued, “as I think I should, being the adult in our trio, this may be a problem. Kadence can’t constantly touch me while playing gulf.”

  Both of them sobered. “Now I appreciate your problem,” Dolph said.

  “I may be able to help,” Electra said. “Sometimes there is an electrical component to curses. If I electrify your club, and you keep touching it, it may disrupt your curse enough to enable you to speak plainly. I can recharge it as necessary.”

  “I don’t know,” Jess said. Electricity?

  “We can try it,” Dolph said. “My wife can do marvelous things. I get tingly just touching her.”

  Jess was not sure that was the same thing, but did not argue the case.

  They arrived at the Fantastic Scenes Gulf Club. The two princesses withdrew into their hosts, leaving Ula and Noe to handle the details. “We hosts are just ordinary girls,” Ula said as they walked as a foursome plus Electra toward the course. “My talent is being useful in unexpected ways, and Noe’s is being noe the prettiest, smartest or luckiest girl, but she gets along.”

  “Being right for the occasion, perhaps,” Electra said. “That’s subtle magic.”

  Noe smiled, appreciating the phrasing.

  “Party of four,” Dolph said to the proprietor. “Three ladies and me.” Ula and Noe tittered at being called ladies, while Jess was silent, now that Kadence was no longer touching her.

  The proprietor was a somber troll. Jess knew that some trolls were actually civilized, performing useful roles such as managing the Trollway or baking Troll-house cookies. He issued each of them appropriately sized gulf clubs and small colored balls. Dolph got a purple one, as he was royal; Jess got a green one, Ula a red one, and Noe a yellow one. Jess understood that this way there would not be confusion about whose ball was whose.

  “If I may,” Electra said, taking Jess’s club. She held it for two and a half moments in her hands, concentrating, then returned it.

  Jess was shocked. But after the first pulse, the club settled down, and she was able to hold it comfortably. Electra had certainly charged it up.

  They walked to the first link. From up close it was not at all like a sausage link, fortunately. This one was a lovely garden, with milkweeds, assorted pie plants, chocolate burrs, lollipops, sparkling soda ponds, and boot-rear and beer-barrel trees around the edges. The bunkers were filled with sugar sand. It all looked good enough to eat.

  “Uncle Dolph—” Ula started, speaking for herself and Kadence.

  “Yes, of course; everything here is edible,” Dolph said. “We don’t want hungry gulfers. But stay clear of the beer trees, at your age.”

  “Only boot rear,” she agreed.

  The two girls ran to pick burrs and pops, and get booted, while Dolph and Jess walked to the tee-off spot. Electra went to stand by an acorn tree bearing candy acorns, out of the way, as she was a spectator. “Can you take me seriously?” Jess asked cautiously, holding the club tightly.

  Dolph nodded. “Yes. I am not even cracking a smile.”

  “That’s a relief.”

  “There is something I should explain about this course,” Dolph said. “It is competitive, but not entirely in the normal manner. Individual matches are determined in the usual manner, with the lowest scores winning. But there is a daily special prize of significant value. The winners of those are not the ones with the lowest scores, but the ones that the course itself selects. Its rules are subtle, and change day by day, as do the prizes, so it is difficult to be certain how anyone will do.”

  “We’re really not here to win anything,” Jess said. “Or even for fun. We just need to talk with you.”

  “I understand that. However, I do hope to win the special prize. I am playing for a friend who needs it. So please don’t take it amiss if I focus intently on my game.”

  “As you wish, Prince,” Jess said, resisting the urge to pry into that obscure matter. It wasn’t her business.

  Dolph teed off. His purple ball flew down between the lines of trees to stop in the middle of the fairway. He was plainly practiced in the sport.

  Jess took her turn. Her ball skittered to the side and plopped into a bunker, where it stayed. “I haven’t played this game much,” she said apologetically.

  “It hardly matters.”

  They stood aside as the two girls came up to take their turns. They were both well coordinated, and their balls landed in the center, though only half as far as Dolph’s.

  This was not nearly as bad as the other game had been. Dolph hit his ball to the green at the far end of the fairway. Jess walked to the bunker and tasted the sand. “Genuine cane sugar,” she said. She finally managed to get her ball back onto the fairway, though well behind the others. She realized that while the ball was taking her efforts seriously, because of the electrified club, she still was stuck with her duffer’s ability to play the game. She was clearly the least practiced of their foursome.

  Dolph walked with her as she chipped out of the bunker in three tries, getting powdered sugar in her face and hair. At least her slowness enabled them to talk longer than would have been feasible had she been a good player.

  “You look good enough to eat,” Dolph said, brushing some of the powder from her.

  “Thank you,” she said, removing her hand from her club for that instant.

  “Now about your business here,” Dolph said as they moved on.

  Jess told him of the disaster in the future, with Ragna Roc deleting Ivy, Rhythm, and Melody, and chasing Harmony and the two young princesses. How they had made it to the tunnel, which took them to the World of Three Moons and safety. “So Queen Harmony will set up a government in exile, hoping to somehow stop the big bird from completely wiping out the kingdom,” she concluded.

  “This is certainly serious business,” he agreed. “You realize of course that paradox will prevent you from actually changing your own timelines. What you hope to accomplish is a shift to an alternate timeline where Ragna remains confined.”

  “I suppose,” Jess agreed. “I can’t say I understand it very well. I’m just trying to help the princesses do what they need to do.”

  “Of course. Now I need to know how I am to be involved in this effort.”

  “I think it dates from when you attended the wedding of Cheiron and Chex Centaur.”

  “Oh, yes. The Simurgh herself performed the ceremony. I was then but a child of nine.” He smiled reminiscently. “I had a rather adventurous childhood, in my fashion.”

  “Yes. Didn’t the Simurgh make you swear an oath to protect their future chick, so that Xanth’s future would not be changed too much?”

  Dolph clapped a hand to his head. “Why so I did, joining the winged monsters, as I was then in my dragon form. I had quite forgotten.”

  “We think that if the Simurgh thought it was important, it must be important. So we think we need you now.”

  “You surely do,” Dolph agreed. “Though I am unclear how.”

  “You don’t know?” Jess asked, alarmed.

  “I never had any idea. But it has to relate to Che Centaur, the son of Cheiron and Chex. He became tutor to Sim, the Simurgh’s own chick. As you may know,
it is Sim’s duty to learn everything there is to know in the universe, so that if it should be destroyed again, he can restore that knowledge.”

  “We are hoping that destruction can be avoided.”

  “Of course. I may have to ask Sim Bird. He may by this time be aware of my proper role in this matter.”

  “I hope you know how to contact him.”

  “I have no idea. But I believe I know how to contact Che Centaur, if I can reach him in time, and he should know where Sim is.”

  Jess smiled. “As it happens, we have good transportation.”

  “Oh, yes, that had slipped my mind. I may have to ride with you.”

  Since Dolph could assume dragon or roc form and fly extremely swiftly, Jess wondered where Che Centaur could be that Dolph could not quickly reach.

  Meanwhile she had plunked her ball into a tsoda pop puddle and had to take a penalty stroke. She licked off the ball to clean it somewhat. “Lemon marmalade!” she exclaimed. “My favorite flavor!”

  “I think you could find some good in Hell itself,” Dolph remarked wryly.

  “Isn’t that where Princess Eve lives? She’s good.”

  “My daughter Eve,” he agreed. “Of course. She married Demon Pluto. She lives in Hades, technically, but I believe that makes my point.”

  They completed the first hole. On that one the level “green” was formed of green candy grass that the girls tasted. Dolph’s score was three. Jess’s score was twelve. The two girls were at sixes and sevens.

  They played on, because they did not want to make it evident that they had more on their minds than gulf. That would have been unforgivable here on the gulf course. They had to finish the round.

  “You’re right,” Electra remarked. “The sweet daydreams are back. That will make the game of gulf popular again.”

  The next link resembled the Faun & Nymph retreat. Jess was alarmed, knowing that just about all the fauns and nymphs did all day was chase each other and “celebrate” in a manner children were forbidden by the Adult Conspiracy to witness.

  “Have no fear,” Dolph murmured. “This is an emulation, not reality. All they do here is hug and kiss.”