Hello Forever

by Sarina Bowen

  “Mmm,” he moaned around my cock, and the vibrations made me crazy. I gripped his hair more tightly in my hand. “Caxy…” I choked out. He gave me a good, hard suck and then I was coming. “Baby,” I gasped, erupting in his mouth.

  He swallowed, then swallowed again. I had to let go of his hair and plant my hand on the bed, because I was suddenly feeling dizzy. I tipped my head back and practically melted onto the comforter.

  Meanwhile, Cax started laughing. Then he ran into my bathroom and I heard the water running.

  “Did I choke you?” I asked when the water shut off.

  He chuckled. “Let’s not forget that I’m a newbie.” He emerged, smiling. “But that was a porn-star load.”

  “Jesus.” I grinned at the ceiling. “Felt like one. It’s been a while.” Even more than I loved coming like a freight train, I loved that we were laughing right now. There’d been way too much drama between us, and I think I’d needed this moment of levity more than I needed the blowjob.

  He walked over and bent down, kissing my forehead. “I have to go home.”

  “I know. But don’t I get to return the favor?”

  He kissed me on the lips and straightened. “Not this time. But I promise to think of you later while I’m soaping up my dick in the shower.”

  “Wish I could be there.”

  He pulled me to a sitting position with my good hand. “Now get under the covers. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” I let him tuck me in. “Love you, Cax.”

  “Love you more,” he said.

  I doubted that could be true. But I sure liked hearing it.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Cax

  Ten days after I came out to my brothers, I stood in a courtroom listening to the judge appoint me temporary emergency custody of all three of them. The judge banged his gavel once on the bench—just like in the movies—and I felt my eyes get wet.

  Too bad the boys weren’t there to hear it. They were back in school. And my father wasn’t there to hear it, because he was in jail.

  But Axel was there. When I turned around, I saw him waiting in the back of the room, his smile bright on his face—the bruises were fading, thank God.

  My lawyer babbled at my side as I walked toward the exit doors. “Temporary custody is just a formality. He won’t get the kids back,” he promised.

  “Thank you,” I mumbled. All I could see was Axel’s smile. When I reached him, he hugged me.

  It took me a second to hug him back, because old habits die hard. I didn’t know how long it would take me to forget to be afraid—to forget all the years I’d hidden myself. But after a moment, the good times won out over the bad. I hugged him hard, because his ribs weren’t hurting him much anymore. And because I didn’t care who saw us.

  “I want to take you out for coffee,” he said.

  “All right,” I agreed. “Can we swing by my library carrel? I need my books if I’m going to blow off the afternoon.”

  “Anything you need.”

  Smiling, I took his hand and walked him toward the parking lot. Because all I really needed was him.

  When we got to the graduate library, Axel came inside with me. Again, I had to fight off a shiver of worry. It doesn’t matter, I reminded myself. Anyone can know. It’s okay. I held the door for him, then put a hand to his back as we walked down the hall. I was sick of hiding. I was done with it.

  And when Jason appeared in the atrium, walking toward us, that was okay, too. “Hi,” Axel said, my palm still at the small of his back. “How’ve you been?”

  Jason looked from me to Axel and back again. “Just fine. You?”

  “It’s been a rough month,” Axel said with a chuckle. “But things are looking up.”

  Jason cleared his throat. “I can see that.”

  “Hey,” I broke in. But then there was silence, because I didn’t know how to proceed. He’d asked me if I was gay, and I’d lied about it. “I, uh. It’s…”

  Jason shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I read the papers.” He winked. “Seems like you were in a tough spot.”

  “That’s one way to put it,” I said, and Axel laughed. “We’re getting some coffee,” I added. “Care to join us?”

  Jason’s lips twitched. “You two go ahead. Maybe another time.” He walked away smiling.

  “We have to find a nice guy for him,” Axel said when he was gone.

  “Totally. And soon.”

  When we got outside again, I asked Axel where he wanted to go.

  “I’ll show you,” he said. “But let’s take your car.”

  “Okay.” Since he was still a bit fragile, the request to go by car didn’t seem weird. But then he began directing me into a residential neighborhood. Then he asked me to turn down Newbury Street.

  “I think I like this coffee shop,” I said. His apartment was just two blocks away.

  “Stop here,” he said suddenly. “In front of that house.” He pointed at a ranch-style house with a For Sale sign in the front yard.

  “What are we doing here?”

  He opened the car door. “I want you to see this house.”

  “Why?” I killed the engine.

  Axel bit down on a smile. “Please, just come inside. I have ideas.”

  We got out of the car. I followed as he walked up to the front steps and opened the door.

  The house was vacant. “Ax, please tell me why we’re breaking and entering.”

  “We aren’t.” He turned around and gave me a slightly nervous grin. “I talked to the real estate agent and she left it open for us. I want to buy this house, baby. We can all fit. There’s three bedrooms upstairs, and in the basement there’s a fourth one. It’s kind of perfect for a moody teenager.”

  “Well, hell.” I looked at the barren walls of the empty house. The place was big and seemed clean enough. But it hadn’t seen a paint brush since the seventies. “I can’t afford a house. I love that you think we can.”

  Axel rubbed his hands together. “I’m going to buy it.”

  “How? The down payment would be fifty grand. Your piggybank can’t possibly have that kind of coin in it.”

  My boyfriend smiled at me. “True, but I’m getting some help from my mom. She wants to invest.”

  “What?” I looked more closely at him now, at the twinkle in his eye. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “Of course! Why else do you think I’d drag you into a vacant house? I want to make an offer, but first I need to know if you hate this place. There are other houses. Not many, but…”

  I held up a hand. “How would this work?”

  “My mother and I would buy the house, and we’d all move in. Not my mom,” he amended quickly. “She’s downsizing in Ohio to a condo. That’s why she’ll have cash to invest here. Her only requirement is that we buy a comfortable sofa bed for the times she visits.”

  I tried to picture that, but my head was busy exploding at all these new ideas. “But how would I pay you rent?”

  Axel shrugged. “When the lawyers work out the child support, we’ll talk then. Meanwhile, we can improve this house, Cax. It needs a lot of work—but not structurally. It’s all painting and ripping out old wallpaper. New floors, maybe. I’m looking forward to it.”

  I took a deep breath against the tightness in my chest. “I don’t know. There’s so much up in the air for me. PhD programs take a long time, Ax…”

  He came closer and hugged me. “But we have a long time,” he whispered. “Stop panicking, baby. You need a place to live. The bank is going to be circling you like a shark soon. You said so yourself.”

  “He still hasn’t paid this month’s mortgage,” I said, putting my chin on his shoulder. “I think he’s trying to smoke us out. Can you believe that? His own kids.”

  He kissed my jaw. “Fuck ’im. The court will make him pay. And maybe it takes a year. But we’ll be here, learning how to sand floorboards. Caleb and Josh are going to help us. Amy will help, too. My mom w
ill come to stay for a little while. You’re not alone. We’re not alone.”

  “Can we really do this?” I whispered.

  “Of course.” He kissed me again. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

  “Bankruptcy? Duh.”

  Axel chuckling against my sensitive skin was the best feeling ever. “Can I show you the rest of the house now? Because you’ll have to pick up Scotty in an hour.”

  “Yeah.” I took a deep breath and stepped back. “Show me.”

  * * *

  The next day I couldn’t stop thinking about the house. Even as I stood in our old kitchen stirring pasta sauce at the stove, I took yet another mental tour of the other place.

  In its current condition, the vacant house wasn’t beautiful. But it had so much potential. The backyard was especially large, with space for a patio. “And look! There’s already a basketball hoop over the garage,” Axel had pointed out.

  For some reason, that detail made it seem real, because it made me picture a future there. Axel could teach Scotty how to dribble crossovers while I grilled the burgers. Mark could finish his homework at the kitchen counter (currently made of laminate, but we could eventually upgrade.)

  I wanted that future so damn bad.

  “The bank called again today looking for Dad,” Jared said behind me. “But I think there’s progress, because when I told the loan officer that Dad was in prison, he said, ‘Oh, I see a note about that in the file.’”

  I snorted. “That’s progress? I guess you’re right. At least it’s made it into some corner of the file.”

  Jared stole a carrot stick from the heap I’d made on the serving platter. “What’ll happen to this house if we don’t pay the mortgage?”

  “Either Dad will sell it, or the bank will take it,” I said. “But we’ll be okay. We’ll go live somewhere else.”

  “Can’t we just pay the mortgage?” Mark asked. I hadn’t heard him come into the room. So far, Jared was the only one I’d spoken to about our current housing difficulties. He was old enough to figure out the problem himself.

  “Well.” I cleared my throat. “I can’t pay the mortgage alone. I don’t make enough money. And the court will probably make Dad pay it. But they won’t get around to that for a while. Until after his trial.”

  “What are we going to do?” Mark asked, sounding about five years younger than he was. Sounding like a frightened child.

  I turned to look him in the eye. “There are a few possibilities. I’m going to choose the best one.”

  “Like what?” He wasn’t going to let it go.

  “Grandma and Grandpa in Canada might end up helping us.” Our mom’s parents were deceased, but my father’s were about a hundred years old and living in a nursing home. I hadn’t spoken to them yet about what was going on, and I didn’t know if my father had. But if we became truly destitute, I was going to petition them for help.

  “I don’t want to move to Canada,” Mark said quickly, his brow furrowing.

  “We’re not,” I said gently. “Moving is a last-place option. But it’s possible I’ll need to find a full-time job, and the Henning job market isn’t all that big.”

  Mark cringed.

  “There’s one other idea.” I turned off the pasta sauce to buy myself a moment. Mark and I had been circling each other these past two weeks. I’d made myself available to him, hoping he’d ask me questions about Axel or Amy or both. But he hadn’t. Meanwhile, we’d seen Axel twice—once for a pizza dinner and once when Axel came over for lunch on the weekend. Both times, Mark had ignored him.

  But now I was going for it. I was going to bring it up, and he was going to have to deal. “Axel wants to buy a house. We might all live there.”

  Mark dropped his eyes. “Where?” he asked.

  “Newbury Street.”

  He rubbed a rough corner of the tiled floor with his toe. “Is that the best option?” he asked.

  “Probably,” I said quietly. “Unless Dad does something generous and signs over this house to us. And even then we couldn’t afford it.”

  Mark chewed his lip. “But we can afford it if we live with Axel?”

  “Yeah,” I said quietly. “We’d pay him back when we could. But he’s not going to kick us to the curb. And you could stay in school with your friends.”

  “Can we eat now?” Jared asked. “I’m starved, and I have homework.”

  The moment broken, I turned back to the stove and relit the fire under the sauce.

  “Pasta again?” Mark complained. It’s not like my father had made the boys terrific meals. But he used to buy lots of frozen crap that I couldn’t afford. They were used to nuking whichever pizza or burrito struck their fancy.

  I tore the top off a box of pasta and poured it into the boiling water. “There’s something you should know about Axel,” I said. “He’s a fabulous cook.” I wondered what he’d think of me talking up his cooking to win over Mark. I pictured him in his apartment kitchen, checking the chicken in the oven. He’d probably be okay with it, actually. After all, it was his idea to live with the entire Williams brood.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “He’s a real pro.”

  Mark stole a carrot stick. “Maybe he can teach you. If we all live in one house.”

  Warmth bloomed in my chest at the sound of those words, and the fact that he’d said them so easily. I wanted to grin and grab him in a hug, but that wouldn’t fly with a teenager. “Maybe he can,” I said instead. “Maybe you can learn, too.”

  “Probably not,” Mark grumbled. Then he wandered toward the family room.

  I felt my shoulders relax by a fraction of a degree. Because this might just really work.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Axel

  The day after I showed the house to Cax, I finally went back to work at the athletic department.

  I was still two weeks away from getting the cast off my arm, but otherwise I was doing much better. My ribs felt mostly normal, except when I coughed or sneezed. And more importantly, the vision in my right eye was back to normal.

  “Get yer ass back in the chair!” Boz yelled when I walked into the office. “I’m killing myself trying to cover hockey and basketball.”

  “Nice to see you, too, Boz.”

  He smirked at me. “I’m, like, responsible for you now, right?”

  “What?” I set the cup of coffee I’d bought down on the desk. “What do you mean?”

  “You know—because I saved your life.”

  “How do you figure?”

  “Carrying that stretcher, man. Do I own you now, like a slave? Are you going to name your children after me?” He spun his desk chair.

  And to think I’d missed this place. “Truth is, I can’t get my boyfriend pregnant. But Boz sounds like a good name for a dog.”

  He grasped his chest in mock horror. “A dog?”

  “That’s really the best you can hope for from Cax and I.”

  “I should have left you bleeding in the woods.”

  “Then you’d have to cover hockey and basketball by yourself. You might accidentally work more than forty hours a week.”

  He picked up a Barmuth Bears sweat band off his desk and threw it at me. “Good point, asshole.”

  “I might be persuaded to take you out for lunch, later, though.” I threw the sweat band back, bouncing it off his forehead.

  Boz tucked his hands behind his head and grinned. “That’ll do. Now help me plan a family night at the hockey stadium. Can I just copy your press release?”

  “Sure, pal. As long as you remember to put the word ‘hockey’ wherever I wrote ‘basketball.’”

  “You could do that part for me.”

  “You’re going to milk this whole ‘lifesaving’ thing, aren’t you?” I gave the word air quotes.

  “Uh-huh.”

  I turned on my dusty computer and started searching for the press release.

  * * *

  The day went by quickly. It
felt good to think about work again, as opposed to all the big questions in my life.

  I missed Cax, though. And I wasn’t sure it was a good sign that I hadn’t heard from him after our big discussion in the vacant house on Newbury Street.

  At home that evening, I sent him a text. Can we talk?

  He came back with: Can I call you around ten? Pajamas optional.

  Of course.

  I was awfully tired, and staying up until ten proved harder than it should have. I ate a piece of lasagna and watched some sports highlights on television. Then I got into bed to wait for Cax’s call.

  Unfortunately, ten o’clock came and went without my phone ringing. At ten minutes past, I texted him again. Are you free now?

  There was no response. But a minute later, someone knocked on my door.

  And, goddamn it, I actually experienced a shiver of fear. There was no reason to feel unsafe in my apartment. The only man in town who’d ever wanted to hurt me was locked up. But the subconscious is a bitch sometimes. “Who is it?” I called.

  “Just some guy,” Cax’s voice said from behind the door. “Some guy who wants to get you naked.”

  I shivered again for an entirely different reason. Then I hustled over to the door and opened it as quickly as humanly possible. “Hi,” I breathed as Cax came in, bringing the January chill with him.

  He kissed me once, quickly. “Get back in bed, babe. It’s cold. And that’s where I want you, anyway.”

  Heat flared in my groin as I obeyed him, crossing the room and climbing into my bed again. We’d always lacked for time alone, and this was the best kind of gift. “You left Jared in charge?”

  “All three of them are asleep. I left a note on the kitchen table saying where I’d gone. But my plan is to go home around seven tomorrow morning, so I can get Scotty up for school.” He stood over me beside the bed, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “Is that okay?”