by Maya Daniels
“I wouldn’t dream of it, witch”
Chapter 22
Alexia…
“Well, since no one is willing to enlighten us with information, I say we just go for it. Let’s go to Ishtar’s realm and get this party started,” I say with a cheerfulness I don’t feel.
I look around at all the faces staring solemnly at me and smile, hiding all the turmoil in my heart. This shit is happening, and like a perfect storm, I can’t do a thing to stop it. All I can do is hold on and pray we come out with our lives on the other side.
“Everything is ready. We have packs for everyone. Just say when and where,” Philip says, pulling Remi in front of him and wrapping her in his arms.
I can see his body trembling slightly, no matter how hard he tries to hide it. Looking around, I see it in everyone. They hide it impressively, but it’s there in the crinkles at the corners of their eyes and between their eyebrows, as well as the turned-down corners of their mouths. Subtle, but there.
Well, apart from Lucifer and Inanna. Lucifer looks pissed off, like he’s ready to tear the veil apart, and Inanna looks determined. I’m hoping I don’t have to worry about those two going at each other’s throats in the middle of this. I honestly don’t think I could deal with that.
“Okay, so we’ll open the portal. Let’s go see a goddess.” I turn and walk out.
Without a word, everyone moves. Grabbing packs that they sling over their shoulders and rushing out the door one by one, they’re ready for whatever awaits us in the realms. I wait, leaning my shoulder on the doorframe, watching it all with a detachment that surprises me. I guess I really did come to terms with the fact that we’re all going together into the unknown. Lucifer is the last to leave, not carrying anything, but he stops at the threshold.
“Ready?” He reaches his hand towards me, palm up.
I look around the house I have called home for over a year now, the only place that has felt like home for a long time. The energy imprints of us pulse around me, embedded in the walls, the furniture, and the very foundation. The laughter, the tears, the joy, and the sorrows all swirl together like they are saying goodbye. With one last fleeting glance around me, I turn and place my hand in his. Lucifer’s calloused fingers close over mine, gentle but firm. I tighten my hold like he is my lifeline and look into those eyes of his. He watches me like he’s seeing my essence, not just my physical presence in front of him.
“Ready!” I tell him, and he leads me towards the woods and the circle there.
We wave hand in hand through the trees that sway gently on the breeze. I steal glances at his face, wondering what’s going through his head. Apart from being angry from earlier, there is a stiffness in his shoulders that tells me there’s more than just his worry for me. It looks like he’s hardening himself, and I’d give my left kidney to know why. Somehow, though, I keep my mouth shut.
As we approach the clearing, I see my sisters have already taken their places in the circle, so I release Lucifer’s hand and take my spot on the north point. Everyone is quiet and solemn, standing around with reverence, showing respect for the elements and spirit of this ground. We have come a long way from when we used to act like idiots here, joking and pranking instead of taking things seriously. Or maybe the gravity of the situation has made us more stoic. I miss seeing their smiles and hearing their jokes, but I remain quiet, too. We just have to do this and then we can laugh and joke as much as we want. I’m going to hold onto that thought with everything I have.
“Can we start, A-Ma?” Meda asks softly, standing closest to the altar as always.
“Yes, I’m ready.” I smile encouragingly at her.
Philip, Will, Archie, Daisy, Inanna, and Lucifer are in the middle of our circle as we start invoking the elements, inviting the spirits of each one to come bless and guide us. Meda is the last to summon the spirits of the land and our ancestors to complete it. Our magick is much stronger now and the dome shines like a rainbow of colors around us as it closes. The hairs on my arms stand on end from the sheer power inside it. The light-workers look at us in awe, shivering and twisting their necks as they take in the energy around them. It makes me smile. They are the only ones who haven’t seen us do this before. Daisy, on the other hand, has tears of pride shimmering in her eyes as she glances back at me. My chest tightens, and before I start acting like an idiot, I figure I better get this going.
“Who will open the portal? Mother?” I look pointedly at Inanna.
“This is your path. I shouldn’t even be here,” she says absently.
I frown at her. It’s second nature, like breathing, for her to open a portal, yet she will stand here like the goddess she is and let us do all the work? I bristle at the thought. “Really? All you have to do is flick a wrist. You’ll make us waste precious energy to do it?” I snap.
Her eyes widen as if she has just realized where she is. My frown deepens. What in the world is going on? “Oh! Right,” she mumbles and flicks her wrist towards the middle of the circle.
I steel myself as the veil bends and twists before it opens. Taking a deep breath, I wait. And wait. And … nothing happens. Peering around, everyone has the same puzzled look as me. Lucifer scowls at the spot where the portal should’ve been as if it’s the ground’s fault it’s not there. Taking a step forward, he flicks his wrist forcefully, squaring his shoulders as if daring the portal to disobey him. I steel myself again and wait. Nothing happens.
“What on earth …” Jez whispers under her breath but with the quiet around us, it sounds like she shouts the words.
Lucifer curses under his breath and circles both his wrists pushing his hands to the sides, his power making my skin burn like it’ll peel off my bones. I gasp but nothing happens. He growls low in his throat and throws both arms in front of him, sending even more power into his actions. My sisters whimper in pain while Will, Philip, Archie, and Daisy drop to the ground like rocks.
“Lucifer, stop!” I scream and run towards the pile of human limbs on the ground.
As I reach them, they groan and untangle themselves so they can get up. Lucifer and Inanna try to help them as well.
“It’s not working. I cannot open the portal,” Lucifer says angrily.
“No shit, Sherlock. We figured that out already,” I snap at him.
“I am Lucifer. I do not know who this Sherlock fellow is.” He growls low in his throat, eyeing me suspiciously.
I can’t help it. I laugh. Bending at the waist, tears run down my face, and I hear the rest of them laughing, too. Leave it to Lucifer to get angry about something so silly. My hands resting on my knees, I lift my head and meet his gaze. He has murder written on his face. I hope he never meets anyone named Sherlock.
“It’s a figure of speech, angel. He’s a fictional character, a detective. A brilliant one at that,” I tell him through giggles.
“To humans, I am a fictional character, too,” he says through clenched teeth, suspicion not leaving those star-filled eyes.
“I promise you, this one is!”
Dismissing his silly jealousy, and to keep my stupid heart from getting all warm and fuzzy, I turn to Meda.
“We must try doing it our way,” I tell her, and she nods grimly.
She turns, lifts her arms, and chants. There is something going on with her, but I will never force her to tell me something she’s not ready to say. I can only hope it’s not as bad as I think it is. I feel her energy meld with mine and ours combine with the rest of my sisters. It swirls and tugs in the middle of my chest, a strange but comfortable feeling. Knowing it’s because they are connected to me—part of me—makes it special and my heart swells at the sensation. Again, as she nears the end of her chanting, I steel myself for the portal. Nope. Nothing.
“This is ridiculous! Are we doing something wrong? Or is Ishtar keeping us out?” I say, then I gasp. “Do you think Ishtar is working with Tiamat?” I look at Inanna for answers but she’s already shaking her beautiful head.
“No.
She would never work with Tiamat. I was worried this would happen,” she says more to herself than the rest of us. “She will not let any of us open the portal for you, love. You will have to open Ishtar’s gate.” Her eyes meet mine with love and sadness.
“How the fuck can I open her gate? I’ve never even heard of it,” I say angrily. “Actually, I’ll just try the chant Meda used. Maybe it will work,” I add hopefully.
“No, it won’t, A-Ma. Your energy was present when I tried and it still didn’t open. If you try again, it will only make you more tired, and we still don’t know what’s waiting for us on the other side,” Meda says, but her cheeks turn reddish, and she stares at her toes instead of me. I wonder what that is all about, but I don’t question her.
“In case you all lost your hearing just now, let me repeat myself. I haven’t even heard of it. How the hell can I open it?” I speak slowly like I’m talking to simpletons.
“It’s in you, Alexia. You just need to remember. You have opened that gate many times through many lifetimes,” Daisy finally says, and we all turn to look at her.
“And how do I do that?” I ask her.
“By accepting all that you are,” she says simply, slowly lowering herself to the ground “We will sit here until you are ready, I guess.”
“I’ve accepted it already.”
“No, love. You have not!” This comes from Inanna and I turn on her.
“What do you mean? I have done all you have asked of me. Not just you, but every fucking entity, god, goddess, and angel.” I look pointedly at Lucifer before continuing “I have let you use my heart, my energy, even invade my body with your merging. My soul hangs around someone’s neck like a piece of crap, for fuck’s sake! What more would you have me do, Mother? You want my life? Take that, too, and let’s get this over with!” I’m practically shouting the last words in her face, but her expression doesn’t change from the calm demeanor she is displaying. It pisses me off even more. “Well? What else! Speak!” I wave my hand in her face.
I’ve lost my mind, yelling at her like some random person I’ve come across. I won’t blame her if she flattens me to the ground and ends my existence. But what else can I do? I don’t know how to make this nightmare end.
“You have done everything. That is true. Only you did it for everyone and everything but yourself. We all know who and what you are and accept and love you for it. Do you accept and love who and what you are?” Inanna watches me with such intensity I fidget and squirm like a worm pulled out of the ground.
“What does that have to do with anything? I am what I need to be. It should be enough!” I say stubbornly.
“But it’s not,” says Daisy, and she has tears in her eyes.
Chapter 23
Alexia…
I grit my teeth and it feels as though my jaw will snap in two. This whole thing is crazy. I’m sick and tired of everything and everyone and I prepare myself to march out of the damn circle, saying to hell with it all. Accept myself, my ass!
From the corner of my eye I see shimmering around the altar, so I turn my head to it, hoping that by some miracle the damn portal will open. It grows brighter and brighter, so much so that I squint my eyes so I don’t go blind. Placing my hand over my eyes, I grind my teeth from the intensity of it. It’s like looking at the sun, even with my eyes closed, and my head instantly throbs. Everyone is groaning. Just when I think I am going to pass out, it dims and I slowly spread my fingers, peeking between them to see what it is. It better be the portal!
As my eyes adjust, my jaw drops to the floor, my arm falls limply next to my body, and my legs buckle, dropping me to my knees on the ground. All the air leaves my lungs in a whoosh. Gasps tell me I’m not hallucinating, that they see what I see. My hand shakes so badly I can hardly lift it. I reach out, hoping and dreading that if I make contact, it’ll disappear and leave me so broken I won’t live through this.
“Granma,” I whisper fearfully, looking at the shimmering glow of the person standing before me.
Tears run unchecked down my face, blurring my vision, and I wipe them away with shaking fingers, afraid that if I blink she’ll be gone. I fight to swallow the huge lump in my throat so I can speak. Clearing my throat, I try a little louder, still afraid I’ll make her disappear if I disturb the silence.
“Granma, it’s you!” My voice breaks on my dumb statement.
“Stand up. Let me see you.” She smiles down at me and opens her arms.
I fly into her embrace so fast I almost topple her to the ground. I’m ugly crying, laughing, and talking all at the same time. My body is shaking so badly she is having hard time holding me to her.
“Calm down, Alexia. I’m here, child. I’m here,” she whispers in my hair.
I cling to her tightly, as if I can hold her here with me by sheer will alone. She grunts and I lift my head from her shoulder to see her features twist in pain. I release my grip but don’t let go. I never want to let go.
“You’ve grown strong, pussycat. You’ll break me in half.” She smiles at me.
I start crying all over again with long, gasping sobs. Dropping to my knees in front of her, I hug her hips and press my head against her belly, clinging for dear life.
“Please don’t leave. Or take me with you, please,” I beg.
“Now, child, that’s nonsense. You will come to me when it’s time, not a moment sooner. Stop crying and stand up so I can see the beautiful woman you have become,” she says firmly as she pulls on my shoulders.
Just like time has turned back and I’m a little girl, I obey her without question. Hiccupped sobs still shake my body as she holds me at arm’s length, eyeing me up and down with a longing smile on her face. She looks exactly like the last time I saw her, like she hasn’t aged a day since.
“I’ve missed you so much. I love you.” I sob but it comes out as a whisper.
“As I have missed you, my beautiful child. There is no one I love more in the universe,” she says and the truth of her words echoes in my bones.
“I’m sorry you lost your life because of me. I wish it had been me,” I tell her in the words I’ve told myself a million times over the years.
“Don’t you ever say that again, you hear me?” She jiggles me, her eyes narrowed. I glance at my feet.
I fight gods and warlocks, stand up to goddesses and angels, but this slip of a woman makes me feel like a chastened child. The gravity of how much I have really missed her hits me like two planets colliding on my head. I step back to look at her.
“Why haven’t you come to see me over the years since you obviously could have?” Everyone can hear the hurt in my voice. I don’t care.
“If I could’ve, I would’ve. It was not the time,” she says.
I want to say so many things but her eyes shift over my shoulder.
“Inanna.” My grandmother nods slightly using her “I mean business” tone of voice.
I would’ve smirked at the goddess if I weren’t still shaking in my shoes. Let’s see how brave she is dealing with my grandma.
“Margaret.” Inanna nods back. Seeing the respect in the goddess’s eyes as she gazes at my grandma makes me all warm inside.
“Lucifer.” She turns towards the angel.
“Margaret,” he replies, and I forget about shaking and crying the same second.
“You know my grandmother?” I turn on him, incredulous.
“Of course,” he answers simply, the emotions shimmering in his eyes something I don’t what to think about right now.
I humph at that but say nothing. I’ll drill him on it later; I have more important things to say at the moment.
“You’re back for good now, right?” I tug on my grandmother’s hand like I used to when I barely reached her hips, even if I am a head taller than her now “Right?” I add hopefully.
“No, Alexia. I’m afraid not. I came because I needed to see you and help you during this time. I can’t stay, no matter how much I wish I could,” she says sadly. “But we
will talk about that in a moment.”
She turns from me and walks to Daisy. They embrace each other as longtime friends often do. It’s beautiful to see, and I. It turn my head to my sisters and find they are thinking the same, tears sparkling in their eyes.
“… I did all I could, but I still failed you,” Daisy says to my grandmother.
“You didn’t. Everything is as it should be. It all had to pass. You, most of all, should know that.” My grandma hugs Daisy again before stepping away from her
Lucifer inches closer to me. His eyes are burning holes through my skin, but I can’t peel my gaze away from her. It’s the fear that she’ll disappear if I blink. It’s stupid, but I can’t help it. I want to glue my eyelids open so I don’t even have to blink.
“She won’t leave without telling you,” Lucifer says softly, as if he read my mind.
“I know,” I mumble, still not looking away.
“I am sorry,” he says, taking me by surprise, and this time I do turn to look at him.
“Why are you sorry? What did you do?”
“It is not what I have done but what I haven’t. I cannot help but think if I have gotten involved in all this a long time ago, perhaps things would have taken a different turn. I knew you loved her and missed her but I did not understand it until now. I hate to see that pain in your eyes. It makes me want to bend time and space, or kill whoever put it there just so it goes away,” he tells me in a gentle voice, his knuckles brushing against my cheeks.
“Thank you. You’ll have your chance to kill the one that put it there, don’t worry,” I answer him.
Like a moth to a flame, my body sways towards him to get closer. My gaze drops from his eyes to his lips and he takes a deep breath, parting them invitingly. I lick my lower lip and his eyes zero in on it like a hawk. Everything around me dissolves and all I can see and feel is him. His arm snaking around my waist, the warmth of his body pressing on mine, his breath fanning my face and making my blood pound in my ears. My lips tingle. I shove my hand in his hair, tangling my fingers in it and pulling him down to me when the clearing of a throat snaps me out of my daze. My grandmother is looking at us with her hands on her hips and amusement dancing in her eyes. I jump away from Lucifer like he has burned me and bend my head to look at my feet. Shit, I’m a grown-ass woman, not a child! Hearing everyone snickering in the background makes me want to zap their asses. I lift my head to glare at them, and they snicker even more. Glancing at Lucifer from the corner of my eye, I can see I’m not the only one acting like an idiot. He has a sheepish look on his face and he’s rubbing his neck uncomfortably, looking anywhere but at my grandmother. She does have that effect on everyone, obviously.