by Maya Daniels
“You wish to share something with me, Alexia?” she asks, amusement clear in her voice. I steal a quick glance at her face but look down fast.
“Nope!” I answer my toes.
Everyone snorts or laughs, the goddess included. Lucifer snickers and I glare at him. Shrugging his shoulder as if to say “what can I do,” he grins at me. Asshole.
“I don’t, but I think Lucifer does.” I grin at him, baring teeth. Let’s see how funny it is now.
She turns her head towards him, and Inanna laughs out loud.
“I would’ve paid anything to see that look on his face.” She laughs harder and the rest join her.
“No kidding,” Jez chirps from somewhere behind Inanna. They laugh more at that. My grandmother joins them, shaking her head.
“You’re a grown woman. You do know that, right?” she asks me.
“Of course.”
“So? Want to tell your Nana why you are giving that starry-eyed look to Lucifer?” She smiles so big her face may split in half.
“I most definitely did not!” I say stubbornly.
She snorts under her breath and shakes her head. Coming up to me, she wraps an arm around my waist and leads me towards the others where they were sitting on the ground. Lucifer follows behind us as if guarding our back.
“You will tell me when you are ready to tell yourself then, huh?” She squeezes my waist gently, looking at me lovingly.
“If you stay, I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” I promise her and she smiles sadly.
“If you hurt her, angel, no realm will be big enough to hide you. I promise you that,” she says firmly, not taking her eyes of me.
“I understand,” he says solemnly, and I peer over my shoulder at him with raised eyebrows, my heart thumping so hard it’ll break my ribcage if it keeps it up.
“I mean it,” he says simply and looks over my head as if the subject is closed.
We meet the rest of the group and lower ourselves to the ground. I cling like a tick to my grandmother. If she can’t shake me off, she might stay. She pets my hand gently and smooths my hair behind my ear.
“Let’s see if I can help you with your destiny,” she whispers so only I can hear.
Chapter 24
Lucifer…
Inanna is laughing hard at my expense. Let her laugh. I’ll still win in this!
“I would’ve paid anything to see that look on his face.” She laughs harder and I smile, not feeling bad at all that she is making fun of me. My chest warms and nothing can make me lose this feeling.
“No kidding,” Jezzinta says from somewhere behind Margaret. I glare at her jokingly.
She raises her arms in surrender, grinning from ear to ear, which only makes my smile grow wider. I think I shall wear this smile for a long time now. I know Alexia feels the same as I do. When she lost herself in me while Margaret was standing close by, it told me all I needed to know. My heart is so full it may just take flight. I try to hide it as I do not want them knowing how uncertain I am regarding her feelings for me.
All my fears have been for nothing. I want to shout to the worlds, but I keep my smile on my face and stay quiet. Remi looks at me with knowing eyes, just like Faith and Meda. All four of them nod at me and I nod back. I have won their trust; they know now I will do everything for Alexia, just like they would.
“You’re a grown woman. You do know that, right?” Margaret says.
“Of course!” Alexia answers, her cheeks turning red, and my hands itch from how badly I want to pull her into my arms and kiss her until she forgets her name. I clench them at my sides.
“So? Want to tell your Nana why you’re giving that starry-eyed look to Lucifer?”
“I most definitely did not!” My witch says stubbornly as they turn trying to catch up to the others, and I follow behind them.
Watching Alexia walk next to Margaret makes me want to do everything in my power to keep her grandmother here. I can’t cross that line, no matter how badly I wish to do it for her.
“You will tell me when you are ready to tell yourself then, huh?”
“If you stay, I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” Alexia says, and my heart hurts at the longing in her voice. The next words coming from Margaret make me forget all about that.
“If you hurt her, angel, no realm will be big enough to hide you. I promise you that.”
“I understand,” I answer from the bottom of my soul. Alexia looks at me as if surprised.
“I mean it,” I tell her, glancing at the rest of them making sure they’ve heard me.
As we sit and get comfortable, Margaret whispers to Alexia so no one else can hear.
“Let’s see if I can help you with your destiny.”
Inanna and I hear her very clearly, and we glance at each other. My heart starts beating like a war drum at her words and Inanna’s eyes glow with hope. Maybe Margaret can tell Alexia some of the information we are not allowed to say. I stay still and hold my breath, hoping beyond hope that all secrets will come to an end.
“So you can’t open Ishtar’s realm?” Margaret asks.
“No one can open it. She has it warded somehow, and I can’t break through without hurting everyone here,” I answer her, anger getting the better of me.
“Humph … no need for force, Lucifer. Alexia can open the gate.” She dismisses my frustration.
“I can’t open it, grandma. I don’t know how,” Alexia speaks, and I can hear the child she used to be in her voice.
My gaze meets hers, hoping she can see how proud I am of everything she has done so far. She only holds my look for a second before she glances at her hands in her lap.
“Of course, you do! You just need to remember.” Margaret dismisses Alexia’s statement, too. It shouldn’t make me feel better, but it does. It seems like Margaret’s presence brings out the child I never was, too.
“I would love it if you’d all stop saying that! I’m not a fucking computer and I can’t pull up files whenever I bloody want,” Alexia grumbles.
“Alexia Semiramis! Watch that mouth of yours before I wash it out with soap!” Margaret snaps at Alexia, and my hackles rise at her tone.
“Sorry,” she mumbles, and I can’t help myself any longer.
Reaching over Margaret, I snatch Alexia’s arm and drag her into my lap, glaring. She struggles to get off me, but I wrap my arms around her and hold her down, still staring daggers at Margaret. She gives me the biggest, warmest smile anyone has ever given me, like I have done the right thing for the first time in my existence. It confuses me enough that my arms go slack, and Alexia manages to wiggle out of my grasp. Before she straightens and takes a step away from me, I snatch her to me again.
“Stay,” I growl at her.
“I’m not your fucking dog, Lucifer. Get your stupid paws off me.”
I release her because she slams a current of energy at me and my limbs go slack. Jumping up, she drops next to her grandmother again, glaring at me. Everyone makes strangled noises, and when I look around, I realize they are doing everything they can not to laugh. Margaret is the first to laugh, everyone else joining her. I snicker, too, shaking my head. The witch makes me act irrational and … well, human. I shiver at the thought.
“Let’s see what we can do to make you remember,” Margaret says after she stops laughing, but the smile is still big on her face.
“She needs to accept herself. That will make her remember,” Daisy speaks from next to Faith.
“I’ve accepted everything, thank you very much,” Alexia says, looking unflinchingly at Daisy.
“No, you have not,” Daisy says, stubbornly turning her gaze from Alexia to Margaret as an unspoken conversation passes between them. I am not sure if anyone else notices.
“What is this all about?” Margaret turns to Alexia.
“There is nothing more I can do, I promise. It’s kinda like a take it or leave it sorta thing. I’ve done everything they’ve asked of me. Even what they haven’t asked
. I mean, look at me.” She turns her arms towards Margaret, lifting them up. “They’ve branded me like an animal. Merged with me, saying they made a sacrifice—without my permission, if I might add, in the case with Lilith. What more do I need to do? I’ve been chained, kidnapped, dragged around realms, had my sisters taken from me, manipulated, betrayed … I have nothing else to give or to accept,” she finishes with finality in her voice.
My gut twists, and I clench my hands at my sides. I cannot wait for the day when Tiamat shows herself to me. I will tear her limb from limb. A growl reaches my ears, and a hand rests on my leg, squeezing gently. The hand belongs to Margaret, and I realize the growl is mine. I stop immediately. Margaret is not even looking at me; her solemn eyes are on her granddaughter.
“Since when did you start playing the victim, Alexia?”
“What?” Alexia’s eyes widen.
“You heard me. When did it start?”
“I’m not playing anything. I’m stating facts!”
“Who are you and what have you done with my Alexia?” Margaret’s voice grows louder, and my mouth drops open.
I did not expect this reaction from her. I expected her to be angry like I was for all the things done to her grandchild. Not this anger towards her. Alexia is as surprised as I am because she is looking wide-eyed at Margaret like she has sprouted another head. But Margaret is not finished, so she continues talking, her voice getting stronger as she lifts herself off the ground, staring down at Alexia.
“I raised a brave, smart, compassionate child. I molded a person who takes responsibility for her actions and doesn’t blame others for what life brings her way. I raised a warrior. A fighter. Not a victim. You have never been human and you knew that. Despite that, I did my best to keep your humanity intact while encouraging you to accept your powers. To accept who and what you are. Have I failed you so badly?” Tears shimmer in Margaret’s eyes as she drops to her knees in front of Alexia. They run unchecked on both their faces and I can’t sit here watching Alexia’s heart break into a thousand pieces. Lifting myself up, I grab Margaret’s shoulder and, not caring what anyone thinks, I push her away, making her fall on her side. Standing in front of Alexia, my body shaking with rage, I turn on her grandmother.
Chapter 25
Alexia…
Before I get over my shock from everything my grandmother said to me, Lucifer jumps up, pushes her away like a discarded towel, and stands in front of me. His wings snap out from his back, forming a barrier in front of me, his body vibrating, his hands in white-knuckled fists at his sides.
“How dare you speak to her that way!” he roars. I have to put my hands on my ears or my eardrums will burst, “You know nothing of what she has been through while you took the easy way out, acting as if it was a big sacrifice for her.”
I feel like he has reached inside my chest and ripped my heart out while it still beats in his hand.
“Lucifer, what are you doing?” I move to stand, holding onto his back because my legs are wobbly from the shock of everything that had transpired in the last couple of minutes.
“Stay back, Alexia. No one—and you all better hear me when I say this—no one speaks to her like that! Am I clear?”
This is not the Lucifer I got to know. No, this is Lucifer the light-bringer. The commanding angel who doesn’t let anyone or anything stand in his way, and all that power and anger is turned on my grandmother. Fear grips my heart but I stop whatever I am going to say when she lifts herself off the ground, smiling like the cat who ate the canary. What the fuck is going on?
“What’s the matter, Lucifer? Did you just realize she is not worthy of your love? Your other half is as powerful and as strong as you are. It creates the balance. Is that why you are angry? You got played and thought she was the one for you?” My grandmother’s words suck all the air from the circle and I see black spots at the corners of my eyes. I can’t breathe. Why is she saying all this? Has she hated me all this time when I stupidly thought she loved me? Outraged gasps and words flow from everyone as Inanna steps next to Lucifer, glaring at my grandmother, too. I don’t think I have enough strength to even drop to the ground. My hand is twisted in Lucifer’s shirt and that’s the only thing holding me up. More darkness closes around me.
“You know nothing. You shouldn’t ask her who she is and what she has done with your granddaughter. You should tell us who you are. Margaret would never speak those words to Alexia.” Lucifer’s words are packed with so much power they slam into my chest and I take an involuntary breath, thankfully. If I hadn’t, I was going to pass out.
“Look at her!” My grandma points her finger accusingly at me and I can only stare. “Does that look like someone worthy of you, Lucifer? Or to be your vessel, Inanna? She looks pathetic, hiding behind the two of you. Hiding behind her excuses and fears. That is no grandchild of mine! She’s an imposter playing a game!” As spittle flies out of her mouth, her crazed eyes turn on me. “I’m going to ask you again, who are you?”
At that, everyone takes a step away from me as if I was just diagnosed with the plague. Lucifer and Inanna turn around and the uncertainty in their eyes does something to me that I don’t think anything will undo for many lifetimes. I look around and see they all have the same look in their eyes. Only Meda has tears running down her face. I’m all on my own. I only have myself, as always. Even when I thought I had someone who loved me, it was all a lie, and in this moment, it hits me. I was never created so I could be loved.
I was created for a purpose, to be a tool, a means to an end. My purpose was to love and care so I would protect, not to expect the same in return. That feeling from the light in the lake slowly returns and starts overtaking me. I let it. Let it take over and make me what I was made to be. I won’t fight it anymore. I’m nothing. Whatever version of Alexia Semiramis I created in my mind was is a lie. She is a girl I made up, a girl who wanted to be human, a girl with faults and weaknesses who liked to play make-believe in this cruel world full of demons with angelic faces.
The light overtakes my body, but Alexia Semiramis drops to her knees in the darkness, defeated by her own stupidity. “You are nothing! You don’t exist!” I scream at her in my mind. Power surges through my limbs and I lift my head. Everyone takes another step back, looking at me with wide eyes instead of uncertainty. Only my grandmother’s expression shines with pride. I wonder what she’s proud of. Perhaps because she destroyed the person I created? Probably.
“This is the last time you speak to me! You say I am not worthy of someone or something?” My voice is not my own. It sounds like a hundred voices speaking as one, echoing around the circle and making everyone sway towards me like snakes towards a flute master. “You are all not worthy of my presence! I give life, but I also take it! Bow to me before you exist no more!”
“I won’t bow to you! Now let my granddaughter merge fully with you or you will be no more, either.” My grandmother stands, proud and unafraid.
“You dare command me?” I tilt my head at her. She is not aware that I can truly snuff her essence and she will be no more in any realm.
“You are part of her as she is part of you. She can’t accept you because you don’t accept her, either. You are not two parts of a whole. You are one. Let her become whole, I beg of you. If you don’t, neither you nor she will live to see this through.” She reaches for my face and I grab her wrist.
She screams and bends her knees, dropping in front of me. Now I see there is a glow around me again. It’s beautiful and it makes me smile.
“I told you to bow,” I tell her. “You should obey.”
“Accept her! She is you as you are her,” she says hoarsely, and I frown.
Can she be speaking the truth? Is the human I created one with me? I have existed longer than this realm. How can that be? The one inside me that kneels in the darkness whispers “Aren’t the rivers part of the ocean? Which one was first? Which one is better than the other?” I stop squeezing the wrist I’m holding. Can she be r
ight? Have I been denying who and what I truly am?
“You know I’m speaking the truth. Please let me have her back. I’m begging you. Accept her so she accepts herself.” Now my grandmother sobs, and the one kneeling in the darkness starts getting restless.
I can fight her and I will win. But to what end? If she is part of me and we both accept it, we can be stronger. We can protect better. I like that thought, so I turn inward and speak clearly.
“I accept you as part of me, if you accept me as part of you. We will be one from this moment forward.”
The one in the darkness lifts her head and smiles. She tells me she thought I would never ask. With that, a blinding light sears my head and peace like nothing I’ve known envelops me. I’m finally whole.
Chapter 26
Lucifer…
One moment I am ready to rip Margaret apart. The next, her words create confusion in my mind. Seeing Alexia glow again leaves me frozen in place, unable to move or say anything. Even when Margaret screams from pain, I can do nothing but stare mutely at what stands in front of us all. She is glowing, yes, but she is made entirely out of water, like the water has lifted off the lake to take the form of Alexia. When she speaks, I hear her not just with my ears, but with my entire being. If she tells us to end our existence, I have no doubt in my mind we will all do so. I see the fear in Inanna’s eyes. She is not aware of this, either. It makes me uneasy, but when I see Alexia’s body turn normal and she drops to the ground, I forget about everything else and rush to her. Margaret is there before me and everyone else crowds around us.