by Maya Daniels
“We cannot. We are cloaked, but I was not sure we could even do that,” I tell her, turning towards the barrier to start pushing on it again.
“Still, I didn’t think we could either. Did Inanna do this? I hope she doesn’t kill the sap,” Jezzinta says from behind me.
“Yes, she did,” I answer angrily.
“As a matter a fact, she did not. I did.” A voice floats, and I slowly rotate towards it.
Everyone comes closer and stiffens, ready to fight if need be. The witches raise their hands up, pushing Philip behind them to protect him from whoever spoke. I am not worried. I know who it is.
Ishtar steps out so we can see her. She has not changed at all from the last time I saw her. Her dark hair floats around her bare shoulders in spirals. Rows upon rows of gems cover her chest all the way to her belly. Golden silk is wrapped around her waist, floating to her feet. It’s shimmery and leaves very little to the imagination. Bangles adorn her wrists and squeeze her upper arms. The headdress of the red sun sits squarely on her head, horns pointing skywards framing it. Her beautiful face looks serene; she is a goddess, after all. I used to think she was beyond beautiful and irresistible. Now, I notice my mind is comparing her with Alexia, and the witch is winning big time. Her face drifts through my mind like a beacon of light.
Everyone else drops to their knees in front of Ishtar, including the human. I widen my stance and cross my arms over my chest. When her eyes land on me, she smiles like she knows something I don’t. My heart thumps painfully.
“Lucifer! How very lovely to see you. It has been too long, lover,” she purrs and I cringe.
“Ah, fuck!” Remi sounds defeated and my stomach drops to my feet.
“Ishtar!” I greet her in a calm voice, though my mind is spinning with all the things that can and will go wrong in this realm soon enough.
“You picked a bad time since my consort is here, but I’m sure he will not mind sharing. It’s not like we haven’t shared before. After what we heard about Lilith and her sacrifice, you must be very lonely indeed.” Swinging her hips, she sashays towards me and places her hands over my crossed arms.
“Oh, Alexia will just love this shit after everything she’s gone through,” Jezzinta mumbles, and Remi hums her affirmation.
“It has been centuries, yes!” I point out, hoping my words will help lesson what is no doubt coming my way. “But I am not here to talk about old times. Remove the barrier before Inanna hurts Alexia.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. The witch is holding her own,” she says, squinting at me as if trying to read my thoughts.
She turns with a swoosh of hair and the twinkling of gems, walking away. Everyone stands, the witches glaring at me and making me want to squirm—the human, too. Somehow, I ignore them. My mind creates all sorts of scenarios where what little headway I have made to get Alexia to let down her guard crumbles at my feet. It makes me lightheaded.
“Oh, Alexia is going to love this shit,” Jezzinta repeats herself.
“I can’t wait to see how you get your ass out of this one, Lucifer,” Remi says, still glaring.
“I have done nothing!” I tell them through clenched jaws.
“Let’s hope she sees it that way when she hears Ishtar. You should’ve said something so she’s not caught off guard. That’s the only thing you did wrong,” Daisy tells me with a sigh. “After all the revelations about Enlil and Derik, this will be the cherry on top of a cake.”
“I have done nothing!” I repeat the words, hoping that if I say them often enough it’ll make the rest go away.
I screwed up. I know that now. I do not know what I was thinking. If I pretend it never happened, will that make it go away? It is not like I have betrayed Alexia. I do not even know which lifetime she was living the last time I was in this realm. But knowing we were coming here and not saying anything, even when I knew I should, makes me look guilty, as if I am keeping secrets from her.
“Fuck!” I roar, grabbing my hair with both hands.
“Yeah, now you know what we are talking about.” Remi nods her head. “I don’t envy you, but I’ll tell you this much: if she doesn’t want anything to do with you because you lied—”
“I did not lie!” I snap, and she narrows her eyes at me.
“You may have not lied, but not telling her is worse than lying. I’m with her. I will not say a word on your behalf. And just so you know, you’re an asshole!” Petting me none too gently on my arm, she stomps after Ishtar, leaving me staring at her with a gaping hole in my chest.
“I’m with Remi on this one. I was hoping you wouldn’t turn out to be an asshole after everything you know about her.” Jezzinta grabs Daisy and they follow Remi.
I stand still, feeling lost. What will I say to Alexia? She only just started returning my affection without me forcing her to admit it to herself. I chew on the inside of my mouth. Everything in me wishes to run to Alexia’s side, and at the same time I’m dreading it, wanting nothing more than to turn around, go to my realm, and stay there to lick my wounds. And there will be wounds, I can feel it.
“I have no idea how you feel, my man, but I am sorry for you. From what I know about Al so far, I can tell you right now that you’re screwed.” Philip’s voice snaps me out of my misery, pulling my gaze to him.
I forgot he was here.
“Human,” I tell him, my mind still reeling.
“You keep saying ‘human’ like it’s an insult.” Philip shakes his head at me, rubbing his forehead with his fingers.
“I feel human,” I clarify. I wasn’t insulting him, only answering his rhetorical question.
“What?” He looks taken aback.
“I haven’t felt this way my entire life. This fear of losing someone I can’t say I fully have is not natural to me,” I say, my shoulders slumping. Taking a deep breath, I add, “I think it is making me feel human.”
“Well, join the club of stupid men. Let me be the first to congratulate you. We really do it to ourselves, you know. Don’t worry, they’ll side with her. It’s what women do, but I’ll do my best to help you.” He looks at me with determination.
“Help me do what? You can’t turn back time,” I tell him, defeated.
“Grovel! I’ll help you grovel so badly she’ll take pity on you. It’s your only option right now. Trust me on this one. I’ve been a stupid human man my whole life, so I’ve got you on experience there. Let’s go.” He slaps me a couple of times on my back, and as foolish as his words sound, hope blooms in my chest. Summoning strength in my numb, rooted feet, I follow him towards my doom … or my salvation.
Chapter 33
Alexia…
The inside of the temple is no less awe-inspiring than the outside. I have no doubt that it was designed to be intimidating. The ceilings are so high I’m like an insignificant speck of dust on the shiny, marble floors.
I look at Inanna from the corner of my eye. Unlike me, she doesn’t suffer from issues regarding her self-worth. Shoulders back, head held high—although her hair still looks wild like she has been trying to finger-comb it after our little drama outside—she strides in like she owns the place. I feel the difference between us by the way my shoulders are tense and up to my ears, because I expect an attack at any moment. I don’t want to act like a dumbass, though, so I do my best to relax and act normal. Well, as normal as I can. It’s not easy to forget the damn gate took two people I love already. It doesn’t scream welcoming at all.
Instead of getting stuck in my head, I watch the priest, who is not a “buddy,” apparently. That thought makes me snicker under my breath, and Inanna looks at me sharply as if I’m a disobedient child. I sober immediately and mouth “sorry” while she rolls her eyes. My eyes follow the bare back of the priest. His hair reaches to the middle of his back in tiny braids that have little beads at the end, and they sway with his movement. Broad shoulders lead to a narrow waist and muscular thighs while he takes each step with purpose. Like any woman alive, I appreciate
a good-looking man. I have eyes; I can’t help it. But looking at him now, I realize I can’t even appreciate that anymore. Lucifer’s body comes full frontal to my mind, uninvited, and it taunts me. It still bothers me—like a splinter—that he is just too perfect. If only he had a little scar or a freckle or something—anything, really. It would make him more attainable, I think. At the moment, he feels like something I should worship from afar. I’m too worried I’ll soil his beauty if I place a finger on him.
I’m snapped out of my own thoughts by the priest stopping so abruptly I almost collide with his back. A woman comes up to meet us and bows as she stops next to him.
“You will need to change to meet with the goddess. Follow me.” Her voice echoes off the tall walls around us, almost like we are in a cave.
“What’s wrong with how we look.” I frown, glancing at my jeans and t-shirt before my eyes fall on Inanna’s dress. “We look fine.”
The woman doesn’t give a damn. Like I haven’t spoken, she turns and steps diagonally towards the hall. I look at the priest, bewildered, only to see him staring me down with displeasure. What an asshole. I didn’t come here to play dress up. I bristle and am about to give him a piece of my mind when Inanna grabs me by the arm and drags me after the woman. Apparently, they have a rule in this realm called “drag Alexia around like a rag doll.” I try to snatch my arm back, but she has a good grip on it, so I look even more ridiculous because I resemble a child throwing a tantrum.
“Keep walking. We will talk in the rooms,” she tells me, but doesn’t stop or release my arm.
Like a petulant kid, I purse my lips and follow her begrudgingly. The asshole priest smirks at me so I do what any self-respecting, mature, adult woman would do: I stick my tongue out at him. Say goodbye to the smirk, which only takes a single second to disappear. I lift my nose in the air while I flip my hair, and the move makes me stumble but I’d rather not mention that. It just ruins the dignified way I deal with situations. Since people started bowing to me, it’s important that I act ladylike. Right?
So we move, and I stew in my own frustration about having to change clothes in order to ask how the potions can open the portal so we can get to the tablets. Entering the hall, we pass many doors until we reach the end and face double doors big enough for a giant to go through. They better have sensor doors, because I don’t think anyone can open them. As if she knows what I am thinking, the woman stops in the middle of the two doors and places each palm on one of them. Bowing her head, she whispers. “Hail Ishtar!”
The doors swing open like it’s no big deal, revealing a room fit for … well, a goddess. Jewel-colored silks, pillows thrown around on the floor, magnificent big windows, and furniture pieces I don’t even know the purpose of flood the room.
“Really? Hail Ishtar is the key for our room?” I can’t help but say it.
As before, I’m ignored, and the woman leaves us standing there.
“I will be back when the goddess can see you. It will not be long,” she tells us before the doors close behind her.
“What has gotten into you, Alexia?” Inanna whirls on me as soon as the doors shut.
“What? You don’t find this whole thing ridiculous? I mean, Meda and Faith are dead. Dead! The rest of them are who knows where? I can’t believe they are waiting for us until I see them with my own eyes. And here we are playing tea party and dress up. What the fuck is wrong with you people?” My volume increases with each word until I’m screaming, breathing hard like some feral animal.
“We are not people.”
“No shit you’re not people! A moron can see that!”
“Calm down, Alexia …”
“Don’t tell me to calm down! How dare you? I have every fucking right to be angry and to hurt. They’re dead!”
“I know, and I didn’t tell you not to hurt or not to be angry. Don’t forget you are in the realm of one of the gods, and you are here because you need her help. Do you really want to show weakness when she can easily use it to bargain with you? Think about what you are doing.” She’s trying to hold me by my shoulders but I shrug her away. “Sometimes we don’t have the option to hurt because we must stay strong and finish what we started. Instead of letting this cripple and break you, use it to fuel your determination. They would’ve wanted you to finish your quest. Don’t forget they chose to give their lives so you had that chance. Will you really dishonor them this way?”
Grabbing the first thing I can reach, hurling it at the wall where it bursts into a million pieces. Like a woman possessed, I throw everything I can see and pick up. From bottles to cups, chairs—even statues placed around. The sound of things breaking is like a balm to my tortured heart. Inanna doesn’t stop me, just watches me patiently as if things like this happen to her daily. My birthmark and the two brands on my wrist and hand pulse, as if urging me to destroy more. I’m more than happy to oblige. When I can’t find more things to break, I rip the silks that hang on the walls and windows. By the time I’m done, the beautiful room looks like a junkyard. My hair is plastered on my face and I’m gulping for air. I laugh like a lunatic at the mess while tears stream down my face. I really think I’ve finally lost my mind. Wiping them away with the backs of my hands and pulling my hair away from my face, I turn to Inanna who’s still standing in the same spot with her arms crossed over her chest.
“You feel better now?” she asks when I stop laughing, as if I didn’t just destroy an entire room.
“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “I just don’t like it when you make sense.”
“It has been known to happen from time to time.” She chuckles softly
“Now what?” I plop down on the floor, feeling drained.
“Now get up. Let’s get washed and dressed so we can meet with Ishtar. Pull on your strength and on the love for all you hold dear in your heart, then lift your head. Their physical bodies are gone, but they are not. You will meet again. Don’t let her see your pain so she can exploit it. Transform it into strength. You are a powerful creature; so act like it.”
Looking up from where I’m sitting on the ground, I stare at her for a long time. She does have a point. I can almost hear Meda and Faith telling me to snap out of it. It’s easy for those that are gone. The ones left behind have to deal with the loss. Knowing that they aren’t really gone doesn’t make it any easier. It hurts like a bitch and there is not a thing I can do about it. At least not right now.
“Okay, let’s do this. I will not think of it until we are done with this journey. You will have your vessel. After that, I want to be left alone to grieve. I don’t want to see or hear from any of you. Deal?” I ask her.
“Deal,” she answers a little too fast for my liking.
“I believe our clothing is on the dais that you fortunately didn’t notice.” She points towards two neatly-folded piles that look ridiculous in this mess.
Grimacing at them, I look to see what I’m going to wear. One pile has some white silky fabric and tons of necklaces with jewels. That’s it. The second pile is a black corset dress and what looks like lacy, fingerless gloves that will reach my elbows.
“White has never been my color,” I tell Inanna over my shoulder as I snatch the black dress and head for the door that I assume must be a bathroom.
She laughs, probably because she knows as well as I do that there’s no way in hell I’ll swing my boobs around covered only by necklaces. She, on the other hand, doesn’t give two shits about it. Hanging around her for this long makes me realize I have a lot of issues. And I thought with everything that has happened I’d finally gotten rid of all of them … go figure.
Without too much fuss, in two separate areas that serve as showers with water flowing down from the walls like a tiny waterfall, we get ready. I might be Inanna’s vessel, but that doesn’t mean I want to flaunt said vessel in front of her or anyone else.
I wash away the day as fast as I can. It makes me a lot better, almost like some of the weight pressing on me has disap
peared. I dry off using a soft towel that anywhere else would be considered a lap quilt and put the dress on. I’m not at all shocked that it fits perfectly. However, I’m not very happy that it’s a dress. Who can fight in a dress? Not that there will be a fight, but one never knows, especially when it comes to me.
“Let me see you,” Inanna says from behind me as I pull the gloves over my arms. I turn around.
“Oh, wow. You look beautiful. White is definitely your color,” I tell her because she pulls off those necklaces as I knew she would.
“You do, too, love. You make me proud.” She smiles, and I stomp closer to where she is standing in front of a tall mirror, trying to fasten the choker with dangling chains around my neck.
“I look like a witch!” I laugh when I look at myself. “I’m only missing a pointy hat and a broom.” Tears prickle the corners of my eyes.
“Humans and their ridiculous stories. Whoever said that’s how witches look?” she huffs.
“The goddess will see you now.” A voice makes me jump and a burst of fire flies from my hand in the direction it came from.
There’s a yelp and, after a second, a sizzling sound. Shit, I hope I didn’t hurt whoever it is. We hurry to check and the same woman that led us here is standing in the middle of the mess cradling her arm to her chest while she glares at me.
“Sorry. You startled me,” I mumble.
“Follow me.” She spins and rushes forward, so we hurry to keep up.
As we let her lead us wherever she is sees fit, Inanna snickers, pulling my attention to her. I have no idea what’s funny until I see her pointedly looking at my feet. If I take longer strides, my dress splits up the sides, leaving my legs bare all the way to my hips. This is also a problem because I didn’t put on the shoes left for us; I’m still wearing my sneakers. No wonder she’s laughing, but I don’t care. I can move faster with sneakers than with those tiny-ass shoes. I grin at her but keep moving, finally reaching a big, arched entry. The woman steps aside, waving her arm for us to enter.