A Soldier's Roots

by Tessa Elaine

  I knock on her door and wait for her to answer while Mutt walks circles around me. He must be just as excited to see her as I am.

  Sarah answers the door a minute later and she doesn’t look surprised to see me, and she doesn't ask me to come in.

  “What?” Is all she says to me.

  “I brought pizza,” I say holding up the box.

  Mutt starts to jump up and down making little yelping noises to get her attention. She is scowling at me, but the second her eyes land on the mangy dog she smiles at him. Lucky fucker. That smile should be mine.

  And now I’m jealous of a dog.

  “Not hungry.” She looks back up at me smile gone from her face again.

  “Sarah, baby, what’s wrong? You didn’t answer my text, and now I’m getting the cold shoulder.” I can’t figure her out. Usually, Sarah is easy to read and wears her emotions out in the open, but right now I can't read her at all. She’s mad, that’s all I know.

  “You can’t push your way in here whenever you want, Wyatt.” She shakes her head while scratching Mutts ear.

  “Princess, there is no pushing. I just wanted to have dinner with you.”

  She looks uncertain but finally steps back and opens the door for Mutt and me. I walk to the kitchen and put the pizza box down. When I turn around Sarah is standing in the doorway looking at me with so much vulnerability it crushes me.

  “Come here, princess,” I call her with my finger.

  She hesitates only for a second before walking my way. She stays slightly out of my reach, so I take the last few steps to her. Pulling her close I wrap her in my arms needing this as much as she does. That reassurance that this is real.

  I kiss the top of her head and take a deep breath. Groaning at the smell of lemon and honey, something sweet and mouthwatering.

  “You smell good enough to eat,” I whisper into her hair.

  “Wyatt,” she breathes my name into my chest.

  “Talk to me baby, tell me what’s going through that head of yours.”

  Sarah takes a step back, and I reluctantly let her go.

  “Yesterday was… intense. Then today I’m left feeling...” She doesn’t have to finish that sentence, I see the note on the table. The note I left this morning instead of sticking around.

  She follows my eyes to the note, and a blush covers her face.

  “I know we’re not…” I cut her off there pulling her back into my arms.

  “Yes, we are, Princess. That was a shit move on my part.” I fucking knew it was stupid to leave a note after what we did. Sarah let me touch her and love her body, and I ran out before the sun came up.

  Placing a finger under her chin, I bring her eyes to mine. Sipping at her lips, whispering I’m sorry with every touch. Sarah melts into my body, and the kiss grows hotter. Her hands slid up my chest and around my neck pulling me closer. When Sarah moans into my mouth, I almost lose it in my jeans like some teenager.

  My hands slid down her side and cup her perfect ass. I press her against my erection, grinding into her stomach, trying to relieve the ache.

  We finally come up for air, both breathless and clinging to each other. I have to hold onto my control tonight.

  “Let's eat, and you can tell me how your day was,” I say running my thumb over her bottom lip. Sarah nods, and I let her go so she can grab the plates.

  We both take our seats and Sarah puts a movie on the TV. Tonight, she’s not sitting on the other side of the couch from me. I’m leaning on the arm of the couch and Sarah is pressed against my side. Both of us relaxing and just enjoying the moment.

  After we have finished eating Sarah snuggles into me. I need her closer, so I lift her up and pull her into my lap. She doesn’t protest she just snuggles down and lays her head on my chest.

  The movie credits start running before we know it and I look down to see Sarah staring up at me. I kiss the end of her nose, and she rewards me with that smile I crave so desperately. Just as fast as she gives it, she takes it away.

  Seeing her struggle with this, with us, is killing me.

  “Don't hold back, princess.” I want her to say whatever is on her mind.

  Sarah looks down at her hands, fingers twisting in her lap. All I keep thinking is I put this doubt about us in her head. I made it, so she can't trust me, she can't trust herself.

  “Why did you leave? Did you regret…” She doesn't want to finish what she's saying, but I know what she is thinking.

  “Never,” I say cupping her face in my hands. “I could never regret a second with you, Sarah.”

  Sarah closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, holding it for just a second before she releases it.

  “Why now?” she finally says.

  This is going to be the part that might push her away. The part that takes her light away from me for good.

  Sarah senses my hesitation and she starts shifting in my lap. The feel of her ass rubbing my cock has me groaning and grabbing her hips.

  “Hold still, sweetheart.” I smile at her, and a blush covers her face. I know she can feel what she's doing to me.

  I need to answer her honestly and stop thinking with my dick.

  “It’s not really a question of why now, Sarah. I couldn't control myself anymore. I have tried so hard to stay away, to keep you at arm's length.” I shake my head hearing how stupid it sounds once it comes out of my mouth.

  “When Elena came back, and you started calling me, needing me. I felt like this place that was empty inside me for so long, it didn't feel so hollow anymore. You have this light about you Sarah, and I want to drown myself in it. But I never felt like I was good enough for you. You deserve so much better than the broken man that returned home.”

  Chapter 14

  Sarah

  I went through the day with thoughts of last night running through my head like a broken projector. Like it was stuck on the same reel, and I can’t turn it off. In my heart all I could think was he's regretting what he did last night. Did he regret touching me, being with me, all the sweet things he said to me.

  I went through my day with all these thoughts in my head. By the end of it, I was mentally exhausted. He texted me at lunch, and I just couldn’t answer. I hated avoiding him but what could I say. I didn’t want to be that girl that freaks out over every little thing.

  I am not this insecure, but Wyatt has always been my Achilles heel.

  The drive home was full of what ifs. What if we try this and it falls apart? What will it be like between my brother and Wyatt? What if I get hurt because I go all in and this is all a game to him?

  My mind was all over the place when I pulled into the drive.

  Now I’m sitting in Wyatt's lap, on my couch, and he's telling me he's not good enough for me. Why is he placing me on this pedestal with the perception that I am flawless, and that he is less than?

  How could I possibly live up to the expectation he has portrayed of me? What happens after we have been together for a while and he sees I am not flawless? The idea that he is less than anyone else because he came home with the scars of war is absurd.

  How can I convince this man that he is worth so much more? That to me he is worth everything, all I have ever wanted. He sits here holding on to me for dear life like he might wake up and I’m somehow gone from his life. He’s clinging to the idea that I will see him as broken and run from him.

  That could never happen.

  I know what kind of man Wyatt is, and I know the sacrifices he makes every day for those he loves. Why would he for one second think that I would see him as anything other than the amazing man he is?

  Cupping his face and looking into his eyes, I see the struggle. He has been through so much and kept it all to himself. Not letting anyone in, not letting anyone shoulder the burden with him. I want to be that someone for him. I want to be his light as he calls it and take away some of his pain. I want to be that something good in his life.

  “Wyatt, neither you nor anyone else gets to decide wh
at is good enough for me. I am the only one that gets to make those decisions. Understand?” I lay it out to him the only way I know how.

  Wyatt dips his head once in understanding and leans into my hands. He closes his eyes, and we just sit there holding each other not needing to say anything more right now.

  We sit there for what feels like hours, the sun long gone, movie forgotten. Holding on to what we have. I almost feel like we are both scared to let go, scared what we are trying to build could be stripped from us.

  I know I am clinging to the idea of forever with him and that is scaring the bejesus out of me. My heart is all in, and there was never any stopping it. I have been in love with Wyatt for so long, no matter how hard I tried to push it away, I couldn’t. Now that I have him I’m seeing there was never another option. It was always him.

  Wyatt holds me until I am slowly drifting off in his arms. And just like the night before, he picks me up and carries me to my bed, tucking me in and kissing me goodnight.

  Going to bed every night like this would be heaven.

  “Will you stay?” I ask, not wanting him to leave yet.

  He kicks off his shoes and climbs in bed with me, pulling me close. I wrap my body around his and lay my head on his chest. His fingers running up and down my spine.

  “I need to tell you something else, Sarah,” he whispers into my hair.

  I lean up slightly to see his eyes, a little worried.

  “I don’t sleep. And when I do it’s not peaceful.” He closes his eyes and takes a breath.

  “Nightmares?” I whisper into the dark room.

  “That’s why I didn’t stay last night. I laid here for hours holding you, and it killed me to have to leave this bed. But I can’t hurt you, I couldn’t live with myself.”

  My heart breaks for Wyatt and for me, but I lay my head back on his chest and hold on to him tighter. I want to ask more, ask about his time overseas. About what he went through over there. I have to tell myself he will open up to me when he is ready and not to push.

  “Will you stay until I fall asleep?” I understand his fear, but I can’t help the feeling of disappointment.

  “Every night, princess.” He kisses the top of my head.

  I lay in his arms wishing things could be so much easier. Wondering if this is how every night with him will be. Will I always fall asleep to him and wake up alone? What will happen if this gets serious? Do we have our own houses forever? Does he have his own room if it came to us living together?

  I swear today has brought more questions than answers.

  I fall asleep to thoughts of half a life. How am I going to feel a month from now or even a year, and he is leaving my bed every night after I am asleep.

  I guess right now I will take what I can get.

  I wake up to my alarm and last night rushes back to me instantly. I look over at where Wyatt was laying and see the indentation in the pillow. The smell of coffee is pulling me from my bed, so I grab my robe and head to the kitchen.

  The sight that greets me is every fantasy I have ever had. A shirtless Wyatt in my kitchen, jeans hanging lose on his hips, back muscles flexing, arms covered in ink from his shoulders to his wrist. And he's cooking breakfast. I stand there admiring the sight before me, the way his arms flex with every move.

  Holy smokes a girl could get used to this.

  “Hey,” I whisper.

  Wyatt turns to me with a heart-stopping smile, and I think I need to take a cold shower. My panties are soaked, and my ovaries exploded. How the heck can one look have so much effect on my body?

  He reaches over the stove and turns the burner off and starts my way. I can’t stop the stupid smile that takes my face and the giddy feeling coursing through me. My heart flutters when his hands grip my waist, and he pulls me flush against him.

  Wyatt leans down and kisses me slow, and sweet, taking my breath with every pass of his lips. He gives me this dizzy feeling, and my heart speeds up with all the emotions I feel.

  “Hey,” he whispers with that sexy smirk on his face. He can see the effect he has on my body.

  “You stayed.” I was so worried I would wake up to an empty house.

  Wyatt looks over my shoulder with an expression I can’t read. I turn to see blankets folded neatly on the couch and I realize he slept in the living room. I can only shake my head, and accept what it is we have.

  “Come on, I made coffee and omelets.” He smiles at me.

  I shake off the disappointment of him sleeping on the couch and follow him to the table. Wyatt brings two plates and two cups of coffee over, sitting next to me. We eat in silence and it's killing me. I have known Wyatt almost my whole life, how could we not have anything to talk about?

  I just sit there, picking at my plate, and sipping my coffee. I have so many unanswered questions I just don’t know where to start. I don’t want to rush into talking about the future when this is new. So, I settle for small talk.

  “Where’s Mutt?” I ask looking around for him.

  “He’s out back, I hope that’s okay.”

  “Absolutely, he’s always welcome,” I tell him.

  “Does that go for his owner too?” Wyatt winks at me, and I smile at him behind my cup.

  “I don’t know, but I do have a soft spot for dogs.” I tease.

  “Ouch!” Wyatt slaps a hand across his chest like I wounded him. We both laugh and some of the tension brakes as we finished our breakfast.

  After we clean up Wyatt lets Mutt back in, and I give him a good scratch behind the ear before I head to my room to get ready. It doesn’t take me long to get dressed. I go with black leggings, knee-high boots, and a long sweater scarf combo. I pull my hair to the side in a loose braid and slap on some lip gloss. Ready for my day and feeling a little better about everything.

  Wyatt stayed, even if it was on the couch, he stayed. I didn’t have to wake up to a note or worse alone. I head back into the living room and gather all my stuff for work. When Wyatt slips his arms around me from behind, I fall into him.

  He starts at the base of my ear and kisses down my neck to my shoulder. My body trembles against him and I feel the subtle press of his erection on my backside. I push back into him, and he groans in my ear. I realize my neck is more sensitive than I thought, as he bites and licks his way across my shoulder and back up my neck.

  “Princess, if we don’t stop I will have my way with you right here against your front door.” I push back, grinding my bottom into him again, not wanting this to stop.

  “Please, Wyatt,” I moan as his hand comes up to my hair and he tugs bringing my mouth to his.

  Wyatt devours me in a way no one ever has. He bites and sucks on my bottom lip, twisting our tongues together. Leaving me with only thoughts of his body pressed to mine.

  All too soon he is pulling away, leaving me panting, and in a lust filled haze. I’m chasing his mouth as he pulls away, but his grip on my hair tightens holding me in place. A whimper leaves me, and he just smirks at me.

  “I know, princess, I know,” he says, his voice hard and thick. He gives me one more quick peck, but it’s not enough.

  “You’re killing me,” I whisper.

  Wyatt runs his finger across my cheek.

  “Have dinner with me tonight?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I say with no hesitation. I don’t even need to think about it.

  The smile on his face reaches his eyes and lights up his face. I haven’t seen Wyatt smile like this in a long time and knowing I’m the cause makes me feel like I’m walking on cloud nine.

  I yelp when he slaps me on the ass and ushers me to the door. I try to narrow my eyes and give him a stern look, but he sees right through it.

  “I’ll see you tonight, Sarah.”

  I hate leaving him but we part ways and head to work. Could this be every morning for us? Waking up to breakfast and coffee served by the sexiest man alive. Hot kisses before work and the promise of repeating it every night.

  There was no heavy
petting last night we just enjoyed each other's company. Wyatt and I really haven’t talked about a lot and I know we should just take this one day at a time to figure things out, so I’m just going to go with it.

  I stay pretty busy throughout the day and try to stay focused on work. At lunchtime my phone rings and I get excited when I see Wyatt's name.

  “Hey,” I answer.

  “Hey, sweetheart, how's your day?” Wyatt asks.

  “Better now.” Okay, it still feels a little weird to talk to Wyatt like this, but it feels so good too. Not having to hold back.

  “I like hearing that.”

  “How is your day?” I ask him.

  “Pretty good, but my morning was better.” I hear the smile in his voice.

  “Mine too.”

  “I’m here at the ranch helping Lucas finish up.” There is a long silence, and I know we are both thinking the same thing.

  “We never talked about telling Lucas. Is it something we should do together?” I say what we are both thinking.

  “I think we should wait.” And my heart falls. He doesn’t want to tell anyone we are seeing each other. “Just until we get our footing. This is so new I want to enjoy keeping it between us for now.”

  “Okay,” I say as my mood is shot all to pieces.

  “I promise, princess, we will tell him soon. But I think I should be the one to talk to him.” Wyatt sounds uncertain about telling Lucas, and that hurts.

  “I don’t know if you all realize this, but I’m grown, and I’m allowed to have a boyfriend. My family does not get a say in who I date.”

  “I’m your boyfriend?” I can just picture the smirk on his face by the sound of his voice.

  “Yes?” It comes out more as a question than an answer, was that too soon?

  “I feel like this is so much more than that, princess. But I like the way it sounds.”

  I agree. The title boyfriend does not go with the feelings I have for this man. What title do you give that forever feeling, that I can’t breathe without you, can’t live without touching you? I am so gone for him I don’t think I will ever come back from this.

  “Hey babe, Lucas is yelling for me. I will see you tonight, princess, have a good day.” He breaks me from my thoughts.