A Place to Belong

by Joan Lowery Nixon

  "Yes," Ma said. "I hope you will wish us happiness. Alfrid has."

  "No! I won't!"

  Danny fled from the room and dashed upstairs, throwing himself facedown on the bed that was no longer his. He cried in rage and frustration, hitting at the mattress with his fists. Finally, too exhausted to cry any longer, he rolled over on his back and discovered Alfrid patiently sitting in the chair next to the bed.

  "Ma's not being fair!" Danny cried out to Alfrid.

  "Not fair to whom?" Alfrid asked.

  Danny sat up. "Well, to—to you."

  "She's been very fair," he said. "She's been honest with me about her feelings for Murphy, and she's paid back every cent of the money I sent for her train fare."

  "But she was supposed to many you" Danny moaned.

  Alfrid leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees. "Danny, just between you and me, I am relieved at Noreen's decision. She is a vital, energetic woman, and, truthfully, I want a home that is a place of comfort and peace."

  "But Aunt Melba said you should get married."

  "One reason was to have someone to care for you and Peg, but now that you won't be living here—" AlfricTs words broke off, and he cleared his throat.

  With a cry Danny leapt up and flung his arms around Alfrid. "No matter where I live, you'll still be my father! You will! And I'll think of something. I'll think of a plan. I'll—"

  "Danny," Alfrid interrupted, his voice heavy with un-happiness, "it's time for you to go downstairs to join your mother. She and Katherine have been waiting patiently for you. They're ready to leave."

  / will think of a plan, Danny promised himself as he walked down the stairs with Alfrid. He couldn't lose another father. He was determined to work out a way.

  On the drive back to St. Joseph, Ma put an arm around Danny and hugged him, in spite of the fact that he stiffened, refusing to hug her back. "I couldn't marry a man I don't love just to please my children," she said.

  "It doesn't matter," Danny grumbled, spitefully adding, "My father doesn't love you, either."

  He was sorry he'd said the words the minute they were out of his mouth, but Ma didn't react the way he'd expected. She smiled and said, "See. There you are. It worked out well for the both of us." She hugged him again and added, "Danny, you and John may have—well— got off on the wrong foot with that wild tale you told him about your rowdy brothers and sisters, but I know you'll soon come to like each other."

  Danny shook his head. No matter what anyone said, John Murphy had stolen Ma from Alfrid.

  They rode the rest of the way in silence.

  Danny wasn't to be spared John Murphy's company and conversation. Murphy appeared at Katherine's house the following evening. The moment that he and Danny

  were alone together, Murphy tilted his head and gave Danny a sardonic grin. "It's a good thing I decided to set things straight with your ma about her wild children," he said. "Honesty turned out to be the best policy."

  Danny shrugged and said, "I—I know what I told you wasn't the truth, but I didn't want you to get in the way."

  "In the way, is it? Why don't you like me, Danny?"

  Danny stared at his shoes. "You're not Alfrid."

  "No, I'm not, and thank goodness for that, or your ma would have been bored with me as well."

  Danny clenched his fists and glared at Murphy. "Alfrid is not boring! He's kind, and he cares about people! And he's not—"

  "Hold on now," Murphy said. "Perhaps I was making too light of the situation. A little attempt at humor, you understand."

  "What you said wasn't funny."

  "Ah, I've got you riled, and I apologize for that," Murphy said. He held out his right hand. "Let's call a truce and start over again. I'd like us to be friends."

  Danny grudgingly held out his hand, allowing Murphy to shake it.

  "I'm hoping to be friends with your brothers and sisters, too. Sure, I've heard all about them from Noreen and Peg. We're hoping they'll all be able to come to the wedding."

  Danny could only stare. Finally he managed to say, "But they'll all be coming here to live, won't they?"

  "Well now," Murphy said as he rubbed his chin, "it seems I've blundered again. I should have made sure that Noreen had explained everything to you."

  "Explained what?" Danny demanded.

  Ma put her hands on Danny's shoulders, and he jumped. He hadn't heard her come up behind him. "It's not that easy, love," she said. "For one thing, the others

  have been placed into happy homes. They love their foster parents just as you love Alfrid."

  'They don't want to come back?" Danny was astounded As Ma hesitated, something she'd said struck Danny. "You said 'for one thing/ What's the other?"

  "Well," Ma began and took a deep breath. "It's hard for a man to take on the care of a wife and six children. John has promised me that we'll travel to see the others as often as possible. He said I could go to them anytime they need me, and we'll make a fine home here for you and Peg." She paused as she studied his face. "Danny, we have to be practical. There was no way that Alfrid could have taken us in, either."

  "Alfrid didn't say that!"

  "We discussed it."

  Danny was heartsick. "I don't believe it!"

  Murphy's smile vanished. "Don't speak to your ma like that, lad. If she said it's so, then it's so. Alfrid Swenson sent for a wife to care for the two of you children. Isn't that right?"

  Numbly, Danny nodded. "We didn't talk about the others coming. I just thought—"

  "You've been thinking too much." His tone softened. "Apologize now to your ma, and we'll hear no more about it."

  "I'm sorry," Danny whispered.

  This wasn't the only apology he had to make, but he hurt so much already that he knew now was the time to take care of the other one. Danny asked Katherine for the loan of paper and pen, and he wrote a letter to Mrs. Pratka explaining all about the so-called shopping list and why he had written it. Then, with a clear conscience but an aching heart, he went to bed.

  In the morning Danny asked Katherine to give him a job in her store. "I can only work until school starts again,"

  he said, "and I won't expect to be paid. It's something that—well, it's just something Fd like to do."

  Katherine smiled and said, "Most boys would welcome the holiday. You could share the sled Fve given to Peg, and there are some young neighbors your age I'd like you to meet."

  "Fd rather work in your store," Danny said. He could hardly breathe as he waited for {Catherine's answer.

  "I suppose you want to stay busy. Well, that's a good way to handle a problem." She smiled and added, "Thank you, Danny. Ask your mother, and if she agrees, you can start work today."

  "Of course I agree," Mia said, when Danny told her. "It's a fine way you've thought of to pay Katherine back for her generosity."

  Danny knew he was wrong to conceal his reason for wanting to work in the store, but he didn't care. For the first time since Ma told him the awful news, he had something to hope for. Now that he would be working in the store, every time Alfrid came in, he'd be able to see him.

  Katherine's general store was a friendly place, filled with the warm fragrance of leather and cinnamon and dried apples and saddle wax. Danny kept busy carrying sacks of salt or flour to the wagons, helping customers find the right nails or boots or bolts of cloth. But all the time he worked he kept glancing at the front door of the store. Each time it opened, he hoped it would be Alfrid who came in.

  In the late afternoon of the third day Alfrid did come to the store. Danny ran to greet him, so happy to see Alfrid that his heart was pounding. "It's Wednesday," Danny said. "I knew you'd be in town for the meeting tonight."

  "I was planning to come by Katherine's house to see you," Alfrid said. "I've been lonely for you."

  "Me too," Danny answered. He fought to keep back the tears that were burning his eyes.

  "What have you been doing?" Alfrid asked.

  "Doing? Oh, working here at the st
ore. Reading. Not much else." Suddenly he remembered the letter he had written. He fished a rumpled, folded piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to Alfrid. "This is for Mrs. Pratka," Danny said. "Would you give it to her, please?"

  Alfrid's eyes twinkled and a corner of his mouth twitched. "Could it be another shopping list?" he asked.

  Danny's face grew hot. "You know about the list?"

  "Mrs. Pratka heard you had left. She came over to visit, and in the course of our conversation she mentioned it. She knew you had written it and was hurt that you were trying to get rid of her."

  "I didn't mean to hurt her feelings," Danny said. "That's why I wrote—to apologize. I tried to explain why I did it. I know it was wrong, and I told her in my letter that I'm sorry." He paused and looked up at Alfrid. "I think she wants to marry you," Danny said.

  "I think she does, too," Alfrid agreed. "And maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea. We're used to each other. She's a pleasant woman, an earnest worker, and a good cook. As Melba said, it's hard for a man to work a farm alone."

  Alfrid tucked Danny's letter into his pocket. With a startled look, he pulled out another sheet of paper and unfolded it. "I almost forgot what I came for," he said. He walked to the painted board where people were accustomed to tacking messages.

  Danny stepped close to read Alfrid's notice. "You're advertising for a hired hand!" he said.

  "Yes," Alfrid told him. "As soon as the heavy snows are over, it will be time to begin to ready the ground for

  the spring planting." He studied the slip of paper. "Unfortunately, with so many of the young men ready to fight for either the Union or the Confederacy, it may be hard to find one who'd rather put his hand to the plow."

  "I know someone!" Danny shouted so loudly that a few of the customers turned to look at him. He ripped down the notice and waved it at Alfrid. "I'll do it!"

  Alfrid blinked. "But you're young. You still must go to school."

  "I can do the work, too, and school is closed during planting and harvest time."

  Alfrid hesitated. "Please," Danny begged. "You said I was as good as any farmhand, and I promise to work hard. I can live on the farm with you and Mrs.—uh— your new wife, and I can see Ma and Peg when I come into town."

  "You would really like that, Danny?" Alfrid asked.

  "Yes!" Danny said. "I lost one father. Then you became my father. I told you I would never, never lose you, too!"

  "And I don't want to lose my son," Alfrid said. "The job is yours." His eyes clouded as he added, "That is, if your mother will give her permission. She was concerned about your safety. She may not agree."

  Danny wasn't worried. "Ma was frightened out of her wits Sunday night, but now she'll be thinking more clearly. We'll explain to her that I'm even safer on your farm than I am in the city." He grinned. "I know John Murphy will be more than glad to help talk Ma into agreeing, once he finds that I want to live with you instead of with them."

  For the first time Danny saw Alfrid smile. "Which one do you think we should approach first? John Murphy or your mother?"

  Danny laughed. "Mr. Murphy," he said quickly. "The three of us will make a plan."

  Hi

  As he left the store with Alfrid, Danny was light-headed with joy. He and Mrs. Pratka would get along well enough—once she'd accepted his apology—and he'd soon come to good terms with Mr. Murphy. He'd have Ma, and he'd have Alfrid, and he'd soon be seeing his brothers and sisters. Danny hadn't known it was possible to be so happy.

  In late March, as the early dogwood was budding, the Kelly children, with their foster families, arrived in St. Joseph for their mother's wedding. The first to fly through Katherine's open front door was Megan, who tried to hug Ma and Danny and Peg all at once.

  "Oh, Ma, you're here!" she cried. "And Danny and Peg! Fve missed you all so much!"

  Danny clung to Megan. "You're blubbering like a baby!" he teased, suddenly aware that his face was wet, too.

  "Baby!" Megan pulled back, her tear-streaked face shining. "Oh! Wait till you see our baby!" She jumped to her feet, tugging at her foster mother, beaming at the chubby-cheeked baby in her arms. "Mama, come and meet my Ma. See, Ma! This is Benjamin John. Isn't he wonderful?"

  The pain that twisted Ma's face passed so quickly that Danny wondered if he had really seen it. "He's a

  141

  beautiful child," Ma said, and smiled at Mrs. Browder. 'There is no way to thank you enough for all you have done for Megan." Ma smoothed a strand of Megan's hair back from her forehead and let her hand linger as if it were hard to let go.

  "No thanks are needed," Mrs. Browder said. "We love Megan." She paused, then added softly, "As you do."

  "Thank you," Ma whispered. Then Mr. Browder stepped up to be introduced, and Danny couldn't wait until the newcomers met Alfrid and his wife, Ennie.

  In all the hubbub Mike and his foster mother arrived. She was young and pretty and very shy, but she smiled at everyone—especially at Mike, whose shouts and laughter seemed to bounce off the walls of the room. Mike flung himself at Ma, nearly knocking her off her feet.

  "How you've grown!" Ma gasped, after she had caught her breath. "You're at least two inches taller!"

  "Taller than Danny at last!" Mike said, grinning at his brother.

  "Mike!" was all Danny could say. There was so much he wanted to tell Mike, but he choked up and cried against his brother's shoulder, feeling as though he'd never stop.

  "Don't take it so hard, lad," Mike teased, but Danny could hear a sob in Mike's laugh, and Mike held tightly to Danny even when Megan and Peg squeezed in for a hug.

  "Is your husband with you?" Ma asked Mrs. Taylor. "Mike has written so much about Captain Taylor."

  "He wanted to come, but he couldn't," Mrs. Taylor said.

  Mike let go of Danny, standing tall, and his face shone with pride. "With the situation between the Union and the Confederacy being so perilous, the Captain's badly needed at the fort," he said.

  Mrs. Taylor said to Ma, "We're so proud of Mike. He's a wonderful boy."

  "Indeed he is!" Ma said, and Mike looked ready to burst the buttons on his shirt.

  Soon Frances and Petey and the Cummingses arrived, and the tears and laughter were so loud and joyful that John Murphy mischievously poked Danny with his elbow and shouted above the uproar. "I do believe you were telling the truth about your noisy brothers and sisters, after all!"

  Ma held Frances by the shoulders, searching her face. "You're becoming a beautiful young woman, love," Ma murmured, and tears brimmed from her eyes. "My first child—but you're no longer a child."

  Mrs. Cummings stepped forward. "You can be very proud of Frances," she told Ma.

  "I've always been proud of Frances Mary," Ma said, and wrapped Frances in her arms. Danny, trying to hug Frances too, heard Ma whisper, "You wrote that now you understand. I didn't know what else to do, love. Do you forgive me? Really forgive me?"

  "Oh, Ma," Frances said, burying her face in her mother's shoulder, "there's nothing to forgive! I just love you all the more!"

  It wasn't until the next afternoon that the four eldest Kellys were able to be alone together and talk.

  Frances Mary came straight out with it. "Danny, do you like Mr. Murphy? Is he a good man? Will he make Ma happy?"

  "Yes," Danny said without hesitation. "He's a lot like Da in many ways. He's an outdoors kind of man. He's strong, he's got a good disposition, he likes to laugh, and he can make Ma laugh."

  "Are you telling us the all of it?" Frances looked at him closely. "If everything about Mr. Murphy is to the good, then why don't you want to live with him?"

  "Because he isn't Alfhd," Danny said.

  Mike nodded. "I know what he means. I can't imagine living anywhere but with Captain Taylor and his wife. I've met no better man than Captain Taylor. As a matter of fact, I'm thinking of an army career myself."

  Danny hooted and poked Mike in the ribs. "Army career! You're not old enough."

  Mike didn't laug
h and push him back, as Danny had expected. Instead, Mike answered seriously, 'The army will be needing drummer boys to go into battle with the troops."

  "Mike!" Megan gasped and clutched his arm. "You wouldn't! You could get killed! Surely the captain wouldn't let you!"

  Mike shrugged. "You're right. He doesn't think much of the idea." Quickly, he changed the subject, asking, "Megan, do you like living out on the prairie so far from everyone?"

  Megan smiled and began to tell them all how much she loved the prairie and her foster family, but Danny's mind was still on Mike. He'd seen that guarded look in his eyes.

  "It's hard to believe. We each have two families to belong to now," Frances said.

  "Would you want to live with Ma again?" Megan asked her.

  Frances thought a long minute, the others studying her face, before she spoke. "I love Ma with all my heart," she said. "Not long ago I didn't know how I could get through each day without her. But now—well, it's as though I can see more clearly. I can love Ma just as much as I ever did, but I can love my foster parents, too. Do you understand?"

  Megan nodded. "The more people you love, the more love you have to give."

  "It's not like having to make a choice," Mike added. "It's like having all of the best."

  "It's strange to think of Ma getting married, though," Frances said. "I had to get used to the idea I wasn't sure I liked it."

  "Ma's no different from us," Danny told her. "Megan said it. Now Ma's got more people to love, too."

  "Murphy seems like a good egg," Mike said.

  Danny nodded. "Don't wony. Til keep an eye on him."

  Frances and Megan laughed, and Mike said, "That's enough talk about Ma's wedding. I've got some good stories I heard at the fort. There's a one-eyed soldier there who told me how he knocked two charging renegade Indians off their horses with only one shot." Mike leaned forward and lowered his voice. "It was in the dark of night, with only the campfires for lights ..."

  The next morning—a morning as clear and sunny as though it had been ordered—Noreen Kelly, wearing a new dress of the palest blue, married John Murphy. All her children and their foster families were in attendance. Mike, who had accepted Murphy immediately with the words "It's a good thing the man is Irish," escorted his mother up the aisle of the small church to stand before the priest