In Place of Never

by Julie Anne Lindsey

  “Sure.” The extended pause that followed stretched my nerves. “I guess I’m not sure what to say. What do you want to know?”

  I chewed my lips. “I know she left the festival and went to the Lovells’ bonfire. I know she was with Anton Lovell and they were drinking. He passed out before she left. Do you know anything else?”

  Sara sighed. “Yeah. She and Brady had a really complicated breakup. She was completely torn up over it. Your mom called her all the time. Your dad lectured her for everything. I remember she didn’t want to go to college half the time and the other half of the time she couldn’t wait to leave town. She was emotionally maxed, so I wasn’t surprised she came to the party. She needed to blow off some steam. She had some wine. That was unusual. She always said no. Faith was our designated driver before that weekend.”

  “Did you talk to her when she got to the bonfire?”

  “For a minute. She introduced me to an enormous guy, one of the Gypsies.”

  I cringed. “Anton.” Gypsy sounded mean on her tongue. The Lovells were weird, but they were torn between preserving an old, creepy culture and embracing the modern world around them.

  “I don’t remember his name. She said they were friends and he’d brought her there after Brady made a scene at the festival. It was a shame. I felt bad for him.”

  “Anton?”

  “Who? No. Brady. He didn’t want to break up, but she wouldn’t listen. She was done with him and there was no room for discussion.”

  I scoffed and fiddled with the beads on Faith’s bracelet. “Well, could you blame her?”

  Sara snapped her gum. “Well, yeah. Brady Dobbs is brilliant. He’s smart, funny, and a fantastic ball player. I’m surprised I never see him on television playing professionally. He probably went off and became a plastic surgeon or a rocket scientist or something. He was like that. Brady can probably do anything. He was worlds outside everyone’s league in high school. He could’ve had any girl he wanted, and he worshipped Faith.”

  What would Sara think if she saw him now? Gag. “He worshipped her. Yeah, right. That’s why he pressured her for sex? Because he cared so much?”

  “What?” Sara laughed. “What are you talking about?”

  “Never mind.” That was Faith’s business. If she’d wanted Sara to know about it, she’d have told her. I huffed into the phone. “Did you see Faith leave the party?”

  “No. She was still dancing when I let the fire-eater show me what else he could do with that hot mouth.”

  I guffawed. “Collin?” I’d barely looked at Collin. He was quiet and never spoke to me.

  She giggled. “I never got his name.”

  Great. “Thanks for your help.”

  “Sure thing.”

  We disconnected and I tossed the phone onto the bed. Collin and Sara? How old was Collin? Did the Lovell men pick up women in every town? Gross. Whoever had thought Sara would be useful was w-r-o-n-g.

  Dad’s voice boomed up the steps. “Pru? Mercy?”

  My phone buzzed. Pru’s face filled the screen.

  “Dad!”

  I rolled off the bed and scooped clothes off my floor. My hair hung in a sloppy ponytail.

  The stairs creaked under his weight. “Pru?”

  “Hi, Dad!” Her voice was wild, breathless.

  He stopped climbing stairs. “You sound tired. What were you doing?”

  “Practicing. You know, color-guard stuff.”

  I wrestled free of my outfit. Both feet caught in the legs of her skinny jeans and I tumbled against the wall.

  Dad’s voice echoed up the stairs. “Mercy? Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. Hang on. I’m coming down.” My cotton Capri sweats and hoodie overheated my flushed skin. I thumped down the steps to Pru’s room.

  She looked perfect. Her new outfit was better suited to jogging than bar hopping, but she looked like a magazine cover anyway. I’d believe she was practicing her routines if I didn’t know better. She pointed down the hall behind me and mouthed the words. “His room.”

  My tummy knotted. This was bad. I checked the time on my phone. Almost nine. We wanted to be at Red’s by ten.

  I shuffled into Dad’s room. “Dad? What’s going on?”

  He whipped his tie away from the collar of his striped dress shirt. “Nothing. You feeling okay? Your cheeks are flushed.”

  I crossed my arms and pulled my henna-covered palm inside the sleeve. “I’m fine. Are you in for the night or heading back out?” I crossed my fingers. In for the night with some brandy or headed out to meet with the town oldies? Either option was great as long as he did one of them soon.

  He grabbed a stack of paperwork off the bed and motioned to the door. “Are you hungry? I’m ordering pizza. I had a great idea for community outreach in the schools this fall. I’d love your input. You haven’t been out of school so long you’ve forgotten what’s cool, have you?”

  I blew out a breath. “I’m not sure I ever knew what was cool.” I staggered toward the steps after him, sick with the knowledge I wouldn’t see Cross perform. “You’re working now? It’s after nine. You worked all day.”

  He slowed his pace. “And?”

  Shoot. My brain stuttered. He was on to me. “You’re always telling us to take better care of ourselves. When you come home from work planning to do more work, I worry.”

  Dad smiled. “Ah, well, these last couple weeks have motivated me. I’m not as old as I thought I was, if you know what I mean. Time to put on the coffee and pull an old-fashioned all-nighter.”

  Pru groaned in her room as we passed.

  I followed Dad to the kitchen where he rolled out an enormous sheet of butcher paper on the table and drew twelve squares. “If I set a goal every month, the schools could help thousands of families in West Virginia.” He tapped a pen against his forehead. “We need specific outreach goals, venues, and activities before we divide them up to the schools. Winter coat drives. Food collection. School supplies. Cash for smoke detectors.”

  Pru dragged into the kitchen and flopped into her chair. “What happened to running the Lovells out of town?”

  I kicked her foot.

  Dad turned his attention on us. “I’m working with Mayor Jesep on a few ideas. Revised permit regulations are a good start. If the town requires anyone requesting a Permit to Perform to make a personal appearance for signing and notarizing forms, we might cut down on travelers. Local folks can come by and sign the papers easy enough. Gypsies would likely pick another town to corrupt if stopping in to file forms caused a ripple in their schemes. Everyone’s happy.”

  Pru shrugged. “Why not work on that?”

  Dad narrowed his eyes. “Did you have a run-in with one of them you need to tell me about? I can call Sheriff Dobbs and file a report.”

  I started. “No.”

  Dad honed his attention on me. “Did you have a problem with one of them?”

  I turned my chin left and right. “No, but I wish you weren’t pursuing this. Focus on things that matter. Don’t worry about the Lovells. They’ll be gone in two weeks.” I braced a palm on the table to steady my nerve.

  He looked from me to Pru. “That’s two weeks too long, but you’re right. We’re stuck with them for now legally, anyhow. There’s nothing we can do to make them leave. Even after the fire. I can’t figure out what they want here bad enough to stay where they’re unwelcome.” He snorted. “Maybe they’re accustomed to being unwanted. They probably haven’t noticed.”

  I straightened. “Someone set a fire to their belongings. I think they noticed.”

  “Well, then I wish they’d take a hint.”

  “Dad!”

  Pru elbowed me and shoved away from the table. “Ten o’clock.”

  My heart sank. There was no way to sneak out with Dad jacked on coffee and plans for betterment. I followed Pru upstairs. “Good night, Dad.”

  “Sweet dreams, ladies.”

  * * *
*

  Dad stayed up and worked until after one when my phone rang.

  Pru grabbed it and tossed it over the bed to me. “It’s Cross.”

  I smiled. I could only think of one reason he’d call instead of text. “Hello?”

  “I’m in.” His low voice edged out the chaos behind him. Hooting pierced the background music. “Anton’s pretty excited.”

  I covered the speaker with my hand and relayed the news to Pru. “I am too.”

  Pru darted to my side. “Tell him to come over on his way home.”

  “What?”

  She snatched the phone away and turned her back to me. “Oh, my goodness, I’m so mega happy right now. You just won five thousand dollars! You have to come over on your way home. Dad’s home, though, so be quiet.” She squeaked and returned the phone to me. “Your boyfriend’s going to be a rock star.”

  I snickered into the phone. He wasn’t my boyfriend, but I didn’t care. Joy filled my veins. “So, I guess you’re coming over?”

  “Only if you want me.”

  Boy. Did I. “Text me when you get here. I’ll be up.”

  I set the phone on my dresser. “He won again.”

  Pru bounced on her toes. “He’s got an amazing voice. The whole bar swooned over his song last week. Heck. I think the bartender, Kent, wanted his number.”

  I slid my window open and propped it with a book. Someone walked along the other side of the street. I leaned out the opening, hoping for a recognizable glimpse of the walker through the trees.

  Pru grabbed the back of my shirt. “What the hell are you doing? Trying to meet him halfway?”

  There was no way to get down the tree in time to know who was out there. “Someone across the street started walking when I opened the window.”

  “So?” She knelt beside me, looking into the night. “They left, right?”

  “Yeah, but this isn’t the first time I’ve seen someone, or thought I saw someone out there.”

  I turned my back to the wall and slid into a seated position.

  Pru rested on her haunches, frowning into my face. “Who would it be?”

  The tree shook outside and I gasped.

  Cross’s throaty whisper carried across the roof. “It’s only me.”

  I turned back on my knees for a good look at him. “Did you see anyone on the street when you got here?”

  “No. I cut down the street behind yours and across the backyard so no one would see me.”

  Pru grabbed his hand and tugged him inside. “Smart, but Mercy thinks she saw someone across the street. They walked away when she opened the window.”

  Cross raised his gaze to mine. “Do you want me to go check it out?”

  “No. I’m sure it was nothing.”

  He kissed my forehead. Subdued scents of cologne and night clung to his clothes. “Hi.”

  “Hey.”

  Pru jumped to her feet. “I can’t believe you won again. I mean, I can believe it, but this is big. What are you going to do with all that money?”

  My palms dampened. Cross was in my room. After midnight. My eyes scanned the semi-mess. I prayed there were no discarded panties or bras in sight. He was the first boy to come inside. Ever. Dad was two floors away. I rubbed sweaty hands on my hips.

  Cross moved to the vanity and ran a finger over the amulet Nadya had given me. His dark jeans clung to his lean frame. A navy V-neck emphasized his athletic build. He shot me a curious glance.

  I couldn’t make myself wear the necklace in case Gypsy curses were real, and I couldn’t put it out of sight in case I needed it for protection. How crazy was I?

  Cross answered Pru but caught my eye in the mirror’s reflection. “I’m going to get an apartment with the money. Somewhere in Memphis or maybe Nashville.”

  I exhaled. “Really?”

  “Yeah.” He lifted the amulet in his fingers. “Anton and Rose think you should wear this. They’re worried about you.”

  Pru shivered. The night I’d told her about Nadya reading my palm, Pru had a nightmare.

  I inched forward. “I’m not sure if I started seeing lurkers and shadows before or after Nadya said Death followed me. She shook me up a little, and now I’m paranoid. Ignore me.”

  Concern changed his expression. “I won’t ignore you. If you think someone’s following or watching you, you’re probably right. How often do people think something like that? You wouldn’t think it without reason.” Cross extended a palm in my direction. “How’s your hand?”

  Pru rounded the corner of my bed and headed for the door. “The henna’s gorgeous. Tell Rose I’m jealous. I’ll go watch for Dad. Have a nice visit.” She pulled my door shut behind her.

  Cross’s wide thumb swept across my palm. The markings had darkened from rusty gold to dark brown. As pretty as the henna was, it felt strange on my skin. It wasn’t me. Not even a little. Cross twisted his palm into mine, locking our fingers. Whatever he thought of the henna, he kept to himself.

  I slipped my free arm around his back and pulled our joined hands to my chest. “Congratulations on your win.”

  He released me and walked in a little circle, running fingers through his hair. “I won again.” His eyes widened with excitement. “Shit. This is real.”

  I sat on my bed and grabbed a pillow. “Yep. Sorry I wasn’t there.”

  He sat beside me. “I missed you, but it’s okay. Maybe you’ll help me with my lyrics for next week? Nadya has kept me busy with stupidity and errands since you left Wednesday. This week we can brainstorm.”

  “You’re writing something new? Why not use the strongest song in your toolbox?”

  He lifted an eyebrow. “My toolbox?”

  “Arsenal?”

  He chuckled. “Better, but my arsenal is weak. I need a power ballad, something that meets everyone where they live.”

  Power ballad? “You mean a love song?”

  He nodded. “Everyone loves someone. People latch onto those songs because they relate.”

  I whispered the revelation. “Because those songs make them feel.”

  “Exactly. Can I see the blog you told me about?”

  I tapped the address of Faith’s blog into his phone and passed it back to him.

  Cross scrolled down the page with his thumb. “Your sister was talented. Do you know the inspiration behind her poetry?”

  “No.”

  He touched the screen. “In Place of Never. Wow. That’s real, kick-in-the-chest stuff.”

  “Faith was amazing. I’m thinking of donating her unopened art supplies to the high school art department. She got all new stuff for college.” I inhaled. “Someone should use it.”

  Cross scooted across the comforter. “I bet Faith would love that.” He settled into the mountain of pillows and pulled me into his arms.

  I nuzzled against his chest, comforted by his strength and terrified Dad would burst through the door. My mind tap-danced between competing emotions. Something Cross said smacked me in the brain. “You’re definitely moving to Tennessee? Have you told the Lovells?”

  He stroked my hair and tucked me closer. “No, but they know what this competition means. They know I have cash now, plus everything I’ve saved on the road with them. I’m planning to make them dinner after the performance next week. Win or lose, I’m ready to let them go. My time on the road is done. I need to stop worrying if I’m good enough to be part of their show and start wondering if I’m the man I want to be. I don’t want to take people’s money and pretend to read their minds. I want to write songs. Inspire someone.”

  “Aren’t you afraid to get your own place in a town where you don’t know anyone or how to get anywhere?”

  He flipped hair off my shoulders. “Isn’t that what you’re doing?”

  Huh. “College is different.”

  “Not as much as you think.”

  Cross dropped his arm across my hip and pulled me onto my side. His hand trailed ove
r my bottom, along the back of my thigh and into the crease behind my knee. His eyes trained on mine as he pulled my knee over his legs. My body wrapped neatly around his and we lay in silence while my heart pounded against his rib cage.

  “Will you look for your mom?” I asked.

  “Yeah. I’m going to get her help. If I get a two-bedroom place, maybe she’ll agree to come stay with me for a while. I can look after her, try to get her sober.”

  Pride expanded my chest, though I had no claim on him. The idea of him helping a woman whose selfishness sent him through hell opened my heart to his. Hers was the life he wanted to improve.

  He caressed my leg, tracing a line from my hip to my knee across his waist. “What are your plans after college? What’s a girl do with a degree in theology?”

  I propped my chin on his chest, aiming for a look in his eyes. He gripped my hips and moved me on top of him. My palms pressed the solid muscles of his abdomen. Breathlessness overcame me.

  Worry creased his brow. “Mercy?”

  “Kiss me.” I tipped back and positioned my legs on either side of his as he slid into an upright position on the bed and lowered his mouth on mine. The sweet taste of strawberries washed over my tongue as his breath mixed with mine. Fear of being caught on top of my forbidden boyfriend slipped away as his body acknowledged mine. Beneath my shirt, his warm hands explored the skin of my back. The ripples of his torso tightened under my touch. Our new position became infinitely more intimate when he angled my ankles behind him.

  His kisses drowned out reason and tension fell away in his arms. When I pulled back for air, lost in the rush of adrenaline and something utterly wonderful, Cross cradled my head in his hand and lavished my neck with hot kisses.

  A moment later, he collapsed into the pillows, dragging me down with him. I laughed against his chest. “What was that?”

  Cross turned us onto our sides, chest to chest. “You looked panicked,” he panted. “I distracted you.”

  I traced the planes of his chest with my fingers. “Yes, you did. What was your question?”

  He pressed his hand over mine. “What will you do with your theology degree?”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe social work or a position as a youth minister. I could be a missionary somewhere or start a small church. Anything.”