by L. B. Dunbar
Take 19
Under the Moonlight
I left Karyn’s home in the mid-afternoon and drove a silent Zoe to the airport. When we exited the car, and I walked her inside, we stood awkwardly in front of each other. The day had been torture. I couldn’t wait for Zoe to get on the plane, but I also felt sorry that things had come to this. I regretted that it hadn’t happened earlier.
“My daddy won’t be pleased with this, Gavin.”
“I’ll have to take my chances, Zoe. If he can’t keep a professional relationship with me, I’ll move on.” I wasn’t as confident as I sounded in my answer, but there were other financial backers I could approach, even if Zeke Steinmann burned a few bridges for me in his wrath.
“What will I do without you, Gavie?”
“Oh, Zoe, I think you’ll find plenty to do.” I tried to smile. She’d already done so much when she was with me; I had faith that a free Zoe would find all kinds of trouble. I thought I should have felt guilty after all these years, but I just didn’t. I had nothing to be guilty about. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead before placing her bags at her feet.
“I’ll see you in a week to straighten everything out with the house in Malibu?” Zoe questioned.
“A week,” I confirmed. I only had a little over a week left in Michigan.
I wasn’t due to check out of my hotel until Saturday morning, then I’d be moving on to my parents’ home in Elk Rapids, north of Traverse City, and more remote than this small town. I was certain I would be faced with tons of questions after Zoe’s continued blunders throughout the remainder of the day. She tried to flirt with my father who was completely not impressed. She made a mess of a conversation with my mum about breast implants and nipple tattoos. She wanted nothing to do with holding baby Jack and almost dropped him like a squirming rodent. Karyn just ignored Zoe, and Ethan and Ella never returned with the boat, causing Tom to have to give us a ride into town for my rental.
I sat on the balcony of my hotel room wondering how to approach Britton. I was more determined than ever to see her tonight at the movie in the park. She wouldn’t refuse to go because her son wanted to see the children’s film, and I was certain she wouldn’t make a scene in front of a crowd of people. I knew I was playing dirty, but I was counting on her son to be the cement that would prevent her from running.
It took a long time for darkness to arrive after a perfectly sunny day, and the movie wasn’t planned to start until the sky was completely black. By nine o’clock, I couldn’t take another minute alone in my hotel and I drove the short distance to the public park, which was packed with people. Lawn chairs, golf carts, and extensive blankets covered the grass with anxious children awaiting the start of the movie on an inflatable screen.
The makeshift concession stand was still on a folding table, but now there were three more with community groups selling candy, popcorn, water, and soda. Moviegoers had coolers and baskets of food with them, turning the final night of the film festival into a full family celebration. I was pleased to be a part of this closing film showing, but I had a hard time focusing on the festival atmosphere as I scanned the crowd for Britton and Gee. I knew that as the night grew darker it would be harder to find them in the mass of people.
Standing back by a small tree, I finally saw them walking into the mash pit carrying popcorn and sodas. My palms were sweaty and I felt slightly shaky at the need to get to her and explain myself, hoping she wouldn’t turn me away. I followed their trail with my eyes and then moved in that direction as bright light was projected on the screen. A small cheer went up from the crowd as the opening short film played.
I kept my focus on Britton. As if she knew I was watching her, she turned in my direction as I made my way through the crowd. She immediately returned to face the screen and said something to Gee. He shook his head adamantly and I noticed her shoulders slump slightly as I stood behind them. I continued forward. I needed her to hear my side of the story.
“Hi Gee.” I tried to sound cheerful.
“Hey.” He hardly moved his eyes from the screen ahead.
“Mind if I sit with you?” I said to both of them and to neither of them directly.
Gee didn’t respond, but Britton inched over slightly, nudging Gee with her shoulder to scoot to the left. I sat and was painfully aware of how physically close we were. I braced my arm behind her to support myself, stretching my legs forward and crossing them at the ankles on the blanket. An inch separated our thighs, but I was hyperaware of her closeness and I could sense her hair blowing in the slight breeze.
“What are you doing here?” she whispered in a hiss at me.
“I had to see you.”
“Why?”
“I need to explain.”
“I told you last night, Gavin. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Last night? I want to explain today. This morning.”
“And I told you yesterday. I don’t want to hear about you and her, Gavin. I mean it. I can’t…I can’t handle it.” Her voice was shaky.
“What? Why?”
“I just can’t.”
She took in a deep breath and I noticed her blink rapidly in the glow of the movie. I moved my hand to touch her back but she flinched and arched forward. She had never resisted my touch and I felt another pang in my chest at her response.
“We broke up.”
Britton glared at me. It was a warning look, so I turned toward the movie and spoke quietly out the side of my mouth.
“It’s been a long time coming. She’s lied; she’s cheated. And I was just as much at fault because I let it happen. To her. To me.”
“Gavin,” she warned quietly.
“I need you to know that I did not plan for her to be here. All week she’s played it off. Forgetting when the premiere was. Asking me to come home early. She had no sense of how important this was to me.”
Britton remained silent.
“She just showed up last night. Something about a delayed flight, blah, blah, blah, and she missed the whole thing, but was in my hotel room when I got back.”
“That’s enough, Gavin,” Britton shuddered.
“Nothing happened with her. I swear. I know you might not believe me. Why should you believe me? But I swear it.”
Britton looked down at her crossed legs. She still didn’t respond.
Our whole conversation had been in whispers. Britton looked up at the screen as if she were watching the film, but I knew there was no way she could be concentrating on the cute cartoon characters and the quirky storyline.
I had time to reflect as we sat in our personal silence while the movie played on with its adult innuendos and childlike gags. I had done just what Karyn said I always did. I had just talked about myself and hadn’t asked her how she felt, or what she thought. I was afraid, I admitted. Afraid of her answer to my questions. I was afraid she would tell me to go away forever.
“Tell me what you’re thinking?” I pleaded.
She looked at me finally. Her bright blue eyes twinkled in the reflection of the film.
“I don’t know what to think, Gavin.”
“Tell me what you’re feeling?”
“I know even less how to feel at this moment.”
“Tell me that you believe me.”
“I want to believe you.”
I decided that was a start.
“Tell me that you’ll forgive me.”
“What do I need to forgive you for, Gavin? If nothing happened, nothing happened. And if something did happen, she’s your girlfriend, and it’s not my business.”
“She’s not my girlfriend anymore. And is it really that easy to dismiss? Because if I thought you had a boyfriend, and I thought you were with him last night after that kiss, that amazing kiss, I’d be upset. I’d be more than upset, I’d be livid. Irate. Jealous. In a rage. Ready to fight someone.”
She smiled slightly.
“You would never fight for me, Gavin,” she laughed falsely, and I wondered
if she might have recalled that night at the bonfire when I did almost fight someone for just looking at her. The night I her go.
Scene: The Day After
She was eighteen; I was twenty.
The night after the bonfire, I woke with a pounding headache, but quickly realized the pounding was coming from the door of Caleb Walker’s run-down home. I had crashed there the night before. After I didn’t listen to Britton. After I made-out with another girl. After I started to hate myself.
Someone answered the door and I found my phone on the floor. I had ten missed calls from Britton, and a missed call from Karyn.
Karyn answered on the first ring.
“Where the hell are you?”
“In Traverse City. What’s up?”
“That girl of yours was here yesterday looking for you and Dad is pissed off. You need to come home. Now, Gavin.”
I knew I couldn’t go home yet. I needed to see Britton. Things had been awkward between us since I came home and last night only made it worse. It was weird, but the roles were reversed now. Instead of her being the one to come north each summer and leave at the end, it was me who had come east for the summer. Maybe the strangeness was her going away to college or me being away for the year. Whatever it was, I needed to find her.
I drove to the bookstore first, only to find out she had called in sick. I drove to her uncle’s house next, but she wasn’t home.
“What happened to you?” Uncle Leo said in a firm tone I’d never heard him use before. I looked down at my wrinkled shorts and crumpled shirt that still held the smell of bonfire and pot.
“Nothing. Is Britton home?” I asked a little more forcefully than I intended.
“She left.” Leo suspiciously narrowed his eyes at me.
I looked down at my feet. “Do you know when she’ll be back?”
“Next summer.”
I looked up, startled.
“What?” I had to have heard him incorrectly.
“Next summer. She went back home.”
“It’s only July.” I paused a second. “When did she leave?”
“This morning. About an hour ago.”
“Dammit,” I muttered.
“That’s what I’d say too, boy.” He twitched his lips and stared at me.
I tried to call Britton, but she never returned my calls. The phone number was disconnected after a week and she didn’t respond to the one email I sent. I didn’t pursue her after that. And I’d never heard from her again.
* * *
The movie ended and I could hardly recall a thing that happened in the film. We’d sat in awkward silence for a good portion of the remainder of the show, and Gee had slipped onto his side with his head in his mother’s lap. I watched her stroke his soft, wavy hair, and Gee’s eyes finally gave up the fight and closed. I was slightly jealous of the kid. I would have loved to fall asleep with Britton touching my hair.
Britton tried to wake Gee, but he was practically drugged with sleep.
“Let me have him,” I said, reaching my hands under his small body.
Britton gave me that same unnerved look again, but in the next instant blinked, removing it. I lifted Gee up into my arms with his head resting on my shoulder.
“Where’s your car?”
“Umm…I didn’t drive. We walked.”
“From your house?” I gasped. I remembered how far the walk could be from the public beach to the homes on the bay.
“It’s not that far. I’m sure Ben’s here somewhere and can carry Gee home for me.”
“I’ll drive you.”
“No, it’s okay. We can walk.”
“Come on, the rental’s in the lot.”
“I’d prefer to walk,” Britton said quietly as Ben walked up.
“Hey, Britton. Did he fall asleep?” Ben reached for Gee, but I twisted slightly to prevent him from grabbing the child.
“I’ve got him.”
Ben looked at Britton. “I can carry him home.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “We’ll walk.”
Britton looked at me for a moment before she bent to pick up the blanket and throw it over her arm.
“Um, Mr. Scott…” Ben began.
“Gavin, please. Mr. Scott is my father.”
“Well, umm…did Madison happen to come with you tonight?” Ben looked around my shoulders.
“No.” I laughed for a moment. Then it clicked with me. Ben wanted to see her.
“I mean, no. I’m sorry, she isn’t with me tonight.”
“Oh, okay.”
Britton looked at me again before she took a step and I followed, falling in line as an awkward threesome walking around the bay. When Ben saw Josh Hutchinson ahead, he asked Britton if he could run up to him and meet her at home. Britton replied yes, but she wanted Ben to go directly home.
“Wow,” I said after Ben moved out of hearing distance, “it’s like having two children.”
“He’s a really good kid, despite all the drama my stepbrother has put him through. I try to be lenient because he’s a huge help for a teenager, but sometimes I have to remember he’s only fifteen and I don’t want him getting into trouble. I have to remind myself how fun that age can be.”
“It was fun, wasn’t it? Being a teenager? Summers? Us?” Britton looked ahead as we walked.
“It was,” she said softly and I could hear her smile in her voice.
“We had a good time together,” I said, and I purposely bumped into her with my elbow. She stumbled only slightly and laughed.
“Yes. We had a good time together.”
“What do you remember most?”
“Kissing,” she blurted, then covered her mouth as if she could trap the words back in.
“That wasn’t what I meant, but if that’s what you remember best, I won’t complain.”
“Well, what do you remember best?” She asked embarrassed.
“Being friends. Really being able to talk to you about things. About life. About dreams.”
Britton was silent for a moment.
“Well, it was a long time ago. Most of your dreams have come true, probably.”
I looked up at the sky, filled with stars but no moon.
“I suppose most of them have, yes. Most.”
Britton was thoughtfully silent.
“What about you?” I asked.
“What about me?”
“What about your dreams? Your plans?”
“They…” she stopped herself and glanced ahead again. She closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them, she finished.
“They simply changed.”
“Why? Why didn’t you become the teacher you wanted to be?”
“I didn’t go to college, Gavin.”
I had no idea. I just assumed she had, but I had never asked her. I thought of Karyn’s words again. I hadn’t asked.
“I just assumed. I didn’t know. What happened?”
“I had a baby.”
I was thoughtful now. Of course, she wouldn’t have been able to do them both at the same time – go to school and take care of an infant - but surely afterward.
“Why didn’t you go after he was born?”
“It was a long time ago, Gavin. It doesn’t matter now.”
“I want to know.”
“My mom disowned me in a sense. She said I was a disappointment. When I told her I planned to have the baby, without the father, she told me I would never make it on my own. My stepfather refused to pay for any support, like college, and I left. I came back up here to Leo, who was more helpful than I deserved.”
I remained silent for a moment.
“What happened to the father?”
“It was a long time ago, Gavin.” She was trying to dismiss the conversation again.
“Does he know he has a child?”
“He didn’t want to know,” she said dryly.
“What does Gee think of not having a father? Where does he think the man is?”
“I couldn’t
lie and say he was dead, but I couldn’t share the truth either. Gee thinks his father is an important man with a big dream, and when he fulfills his dream he will come to meet Gee. Until that time, Gee and I have discussed that he needs to be patient and not worry about his father. He will meet him someday, just not now. Not yet.” Britton was looking at her flip-flops as we walked, and her voice was low.
“That sounds like a lie in itself.”
“Well, it’s the best I could come up with at the time.” She was defensive and I decided to drop the conversation.
We reached her home and Ben was standing in the front yard still talking to his friend. They fist-bumped when Ben noticed Britton, and Josh walked off toward his home a few houses down the street. Ben approached me and reached for Gee again.
“I’ll carry him all the way inside. If you don’t mind?” I asked, facing Britton.
She unlocked the door and led the way, turning on a light as we passed through the small living room to a doorway immediately to the left. I followed her the short distance to what had once been Uncle Leo’s room. It was now painted in a soothing light denim-blue with glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, an aquarium motif on the walls, and two twin beds covered in plaid, navy blue blankets.
“Ben sleeps in here too during the summer,” Britton whispered as she walked to one bed and pulled down the covers. I lay Gee down. I didn’t know what came over me, but I kissed his sweaty little head. He smelled like popcorn and summer heat, and something sweet. Britton had already removed his shoes while I carried him, and she stepped around to remove his t-shirt and shorts. Gee didn’t help her as she undressed him like a rag doll. He fell back onto the pillow without being disturbed.
“Wow, he’s really out, isn’t he?”
“It’s late and he plays hard, so he should be.” She smiled a loving smile at her beautiful creation and pushed his hair back to kiss his forehead several times.
“I love you,” she whispered to him.
I felt another small pang in my chest at her actions.