Touch Screen: a small town romance

by L. B. Dunbar

  Take 32

  Under the Moonlight

  I ate in stunned silence while Ethan commented occasionally about the food as if his new study of the food profession made him a critic. We returned to the family farm and I sat in the old living room, staring at the blank television. I had things to do and yet I was numb. The shock of the phone call with Steinmann and the tension of the morning with Britton had drained me. I wanted nothing more than a nap or a run. I chose the run and headed straight to the barn.

  I found Emily there waiting for Jess. The place was awaiting its transformation. Tables were dropped off, but not set up, and the white chairs were still stacked to the side. The day called for rain and Emily was trying not to panic about the dirt that would get in the barn. This was her new focus as the idea of the sunset wedding became unreasonable.

  The six o’clock timing was too early for the sun to set. There had been several suggestions of postponing the ceremony, which Jess refused, or serving dinner and having the ceremony afterward, which Emily refused. I suggested a screen, and I could project a sunset behind them, but they both agreed the idea might look too filmy. They wanted the background to be natural. Either way, the ceremony would overlook the view from the large open door with the lake shimmering behind. The fall colors hadn’t taken over completely and the cherry trees were still primarily green in the foreground. It would still be a spectacular scene.

  Pam Carter had connections at Persephone’s Garden Shop, which allowed for the borrowing of a mass of fall flowers for the ceremonial altar area. The rest of the wedding was done in creamy white. White, gauzy fabric needed to be hung from the old barn walls to soften the rough look, and streams of small white bulbs had to be criss-crossed for dim lighting under the high ceiling. It was going to be traditional and classic meets rustic and worn, but it was what Emily had envisioned.

  The bar was built and generators had been positioned outside, and out of sight, for the electrical needs. I heard this had worked well for the big Halloween bash I missed last October thrown by Karyn and Tom. Even arrangements for fancy portable bathrooms were made. But there was still a ton of work to be done and I was glad for the distraction.

  I approached Emily, who stared out the door as a slow drizzle began. I reached to close the large panel, but Emily stopped me when I had it halfway closed.

  “It will get too hot in here,” she said, continuing to stare out at the rain.

  “You okay today? Getting cold feet?”

  “Not me,” she sighed.

  “What happened?” I was suddenly concerned.

  “Jess and I had a fight. I know it’s nothing. He’s just panicking that I want this wedding to be a certain way. He thinks he can’t provide it and that I’ll be disappointed. I don’t really care about the wedding when I think about it, though. I just want to be married to him. Make it legal that I’m his wife, and he’s my husband, and Katie belongs to us both.”

  I remained silent.

  “I don’t think he’s insecure. It’s just that I did come from a certain upbringing that is different from his, and I lived in a big city that offered much more than living here. He thinks I won’t stay happy here and I’ll run off like her, when I can’t imagine being anywhere without him. Wherever he is, is my home. Small town or not.”

  Her arms were crossed, holding herself together, and I noticed a tear slip from her eye. I felt awkward and thought I should probably hug her, or do something to comfort her. I didn’t know if it would be right to touch her.

  “I’m just a big cry baby, and it’s just nerves. Forgive me, Gavin.” She wiped her own face and tried to giggle at herself, but it was false.

  “Always so polite,” came a voice behind us. Emily and I both turned at the same time to see Jess standing behind us.

  Emily stared at Jess for a moment, frozen in her spot by the door, but when Jess tipped his head in a way that signaled her to come to him, she did. He opened his arms as she approached and she surrendered to his embrace. I knew I was intruding on a private moment and walked to a round table to busy myself with the work at hand. I didn’t want to think about the concept of home, or the place I wanted to call home. Or the person. Persons; plural.

  The work was as mind-numbing as I had hoped, and the day was filled with chaotic help from Tom and Karyn, Emily and Jess, and Tricia and Trent. As the youngest Carter, Tricia had given up a year of her life to live with Jess in Detroit as he finished his master’s degree at U of M after Debbie left Katie and him. Tricia was almost twenty-five, roughly the same age as Emily and Britton. She was a teacher at the local school and had been dating the same guy, Trent Walker, for two years.

  I didn’t know much about Trent, but he seemed like an alright kind of guy; just a little small town with his camouflage t-shirt and hunter’s cap. He didn’t stay long to help and there was a definite tension between Tricia and him. I normally didn’t pry into other’s relationships, but Tom offered the information when I asked why Trent wasn’t part of the wedding party. Ella had been dating Ethan for less than a year and she was part of the party as a non-family member.

  “Tricia said if they aren’t getting married, she didn’t want him in the party. It would ruin the pictures if she had to look back years from now and see him in them.”

  I didn’t understand women sometimes. If Tricia and Trent were there together, why wasn’t that enough? But then again, who was I to judge a relationship? I had one that failed after I was cheated on three times, and another one that failed because…Why? I didn’t know what had happened between Britton and me. Did we just grow up? Did we grow apart? Another memory came to my mind. It wasn’t necessarily a happy one, but it was one I couldn’t continue to ignore.

  Scene: The bedroom

  She was eighteen; I was twenty.

  I hadn’t planned on coming home from college once I’d left. I immediately loved California and realized that despite my home-grown good looks and my small town charm, I was made for the big city of Los Angeles. So I was resentful when my father said if I didn’t come home for at least a month I would be cut off from financial college support.

  When I first arrived home, I slept for three days. Was I depressed? I doubted it; just bored. I refused to help on the farm and I fought constantly with my dad. I hadn’t planned to contact Britton. I’d pushed her from my mind to make me feel better about not contacting her. I figured that she would be going off to college in the fall and probably had things to do back at her home down state to prepare; probably a lie to further ease my guilt. I tried to act surprised when I ran into her in Traverse City one afternoon after her shift at the bookstore.

  She was obviously excited to see me and ran up to me, jumping into my arms like she always had, hugging me in that way that I was all too familiar with. I wasn’t as excited and I didn’t know why. It might have been the simple fact that she was a reminder of home and all that I currently resented. I didn’t return the hug as strongly, and when she pulled back, I used my newly acquired Californian fake-smile to respond to her questions: When did I get home? How long was I back for? Could we get together?

  I told her I didn’t know my schedule since I was only home for a month, but I would call her. When I walked away, I could feel a piece of me had chipped away and I felt her eyes on me as I crossed the street, not looking back.

  It was a few days later when she showed up at my parent’s home. My mother must have let Britton in as she was going out for the afternoon, because when Britton entered my room, I knew the house was empty. I remembered I was already standing when she walked in and closed the door behind her.

  “Hey,” she smiled weakly, leaning against the hard wood.

  “Hey.”

  We stared at each other for a moment.

  “You haven’t called,” she said softly.

  I wiped a hand through my hair, stopping to hold the back of my neck, something I did when I was stressed.

  “I’ve been busy,” I said, which was a total lie. I was bor
ed out of my mind.

  She nodded once.

  “I’ve missed you,” she whispered.

  I didn’t know what came over me. I didn’t want her to miss me. I didn’t want her to love me. I didn’t want her to suck me into this town again, but I went for her anyway.

  I rushed forward and kissed her hard. She kissed me back just as desperately. The next thing I knew we were tearing at each other, trying to get our clothes off. We weren’t gentle. I squeezed her breast and she yelped in my mouth at the pleasurable pain. She yanked down my sports shorts and boxers in one move, tugging on me as I sprang into her hands. Our hands and mouths were everywhere. I was finally inside her, pressing her up against the bedroom door, which vibrated noisily as I pumped into her.

  Her legs were wrapped around me and I pressed my hips against hers to hold her firmly against the door, working at her quickly. We didn’t speak, only grunted and groaned. I had a powerful release rush out of me as I supported her in the air and flushed her insides. She hadn’t come yet and I held her on me as I walked to the bed.

  I was ready again immediately, and without pulling out of her, I started over. She was scratching my back with her nails and pushing at my ass to force me deeper inside her. I felt like we couldn’t get close enough. I couldn’t get deep enough inside her. I couldn’t get buried enough in her scent. I came again and screamed into the pillow next to her head as I washed her warm insides.

  I slumped onto her, regardless that my full weight was too much for her. Finally, I rolled to my back, pulling out of her forcefully. We lay there looking up at the ceiling, panting and breathing in deep breaths of air. I felt a release of tension I hadn’t felt since I’d arrived back home. I was exhausted, but selfishly satisfied. I looked at Britton who was staring at me.

  “I love you,” she whispered. I didn’t reply. After a few minutes, she stood to gather her clothing and dressed. I slipped my shorts on and felt a momentary loss of years of loving this girl. I pulled her to me when she was dressed and kissed her softly. It was a slow, desperate kiss on my part; an attempt to regain something already lost. I felt her tears cross my lips as I kissed her for the last time.

  * * *

  I had no description for my mood. I hated to think of that afternoon with Britton. I’d hurt her emotionally, if not physically, and after making love to her last night, I wanted to make up for that one time for the rest of my life if I could.

  I had heard that weddings were exciting, but depressing for single women, and I felt like an idiot that I was down. I looked around me during the dress rehearsal and saw all my friends and family in love with new people. My jealousy was overwhelming. It wasn’t a hateful jealousy. It was a longing jealousy, for what others had. It gave new meaning to thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife. It wasn’t that I wanted someone else in the room. I just wanted what I knew Tom had with Karyn, and the freshness of what Jess had with Emily. I wanted the youthfulness of Ethan and Ella, or even the mystery of Pam and Jacob. I sensed the love all around me between these couples. I glanced at Tricia Carter, knowing she might be the only other person in the room who felt the way I did.

  The actual rehearsal of the ceremony went as planned and was rather casual in the barn. The minister was friendly and young, and seemed to banter easily with Mary Carter since she was the one who went to church. Emily’s sister, Rosie, was chaotic with her crew as flower girls, and Katie was shy and raced down the aisle too quickly. Emily decided to let the bridesmaids walk alone down the aisle while the men stood at attention next to Jess, so for the most part I simply had to stand upfront for a bit.

  The actual dinner was held at SeaStrings, a restaurant on Elk Lake with a private dining room. It wasn’t exactly secluded, but the space was closed off from the main dining area. The party was allowed to stand and mingle with one another. At one point I found myself next to Tricia, who I hadn’t seen often during my stay in town.

  “How’s it feel to be back?” she asked as she sipped her wine.

  “It’s good,” I gave as my standard answer.

  “Really? That’s it?” she smiled.

  “Not a good enough answer?” I smiled back.

  “Pathetic. How about some truth?”

  “Or dare,” I laughed, recalling the childish high school game.

  “I dare you to tell the truth. What’s it like to come back here after being gone for so long?”

  “Well, you know. You went away for a while. It’s hard at first. It is home, but it doesn’t feel like home. I’ve seen lots of people and places I haven’t seen in years and parts of it have been surreal, and other parts have been…amazing.” I smiled to myself.

  “Wow. Who is she?” Tricia asked in a scandalized voice.

  “Britton McKay,” I replied without thinking.

  “Do tell,” Tricia kept the exaggerated voice going. “Wait, is this the old love who’s a new love that I heard about?”

  “What?” I laughed.

  “You know, you had a relationship with her a long time ago, right? And now you’ve been reunited and the sparks are flying.”

  How did she know?

  “You loved her then, and you realize you love her now.”

  What?

  “But you can’t decide what to do because so much time has passed, and she has a kid, right? So you want to stay, but you’ll leave Elk Rapids behind again, and resent the decision for the rest of your life.”

  “Whoa, killer. You might be reading too many romance novels.”

  “Nope. I watch a lot of movies,” she said as she winked at me.

  I had to laugh deeply.

  “Don’t you know, it always ends happily ever after in the movies?” I smiled at her.

  “Not in this one.”

  “Which one is that?”

  “Life,” she said bitterly, then took a deep sip of her wine.

  I reached for her wine glass, removing it from her mouth.

  “Okay, sister, you might have had enough.”

  “No, Gavin, that’s my problem. I haven’t had enough. I keep taking it and taking it and I just don’t know how I feel anymore. The love of my life is out there, probably, and I’ve let him go.”

  “Who is the love of your life?” She might be tipsier than I first imagined.

  “I don’t know, but he can’t find me if I only sit here and wait for him. And let me tell you, Gavin, waiting gets old.”

  I had no idea what she was talking about, and I let her take another sip of wine.

  “All I’m saying is it would be nice to be found. To call someone my home, instead of some place my home.”

  And there it was again. The idea of home being a person.

  It was still early when I left the dinner party, but I wasn’t ready to go to my parent’s house. I couldn’t take another minute of the small talk, so I drove past the turn off for the farm without realizing where I was going. I was a few miles south on US31 when I saw the towering resorts, and knew I was headed to Britton’s.

  It was late enough that Britton would be home from work, but I hoped not too late to visit. I knocked softly on the front door, but there was no answer. The only light I saw glowed from her bedroom door into the yard facing the lake. I didn’t want to scare her, but I needed to see her. I tried to text her again, but she didn’t answer. I crept past Gee’s room, which I knew was locked up tightly, and knocked softly on Britton’s screen. The door was still open and a dim light flooded through the doorway.

  “Gavin,” she yelped when she saw me. “Jesus, you scared me,” she said, standing at the door in shorts and a thin-strapped camisole. She slid the door open all the way and let me inside.

  “What’s wrong?” she said immediately, looking at my face.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” her voice did not hide her surprise.

  “For the last time we were together.”

  “Last night?” Her expression fell and I could tell she was hurt.

  “No. Last night…la
st night was amazing. I mean before that, the last time we were together, when I was twenty and I came home from college.”

  Britton froze. She looked like she wasn’t even taking a breath.

  “You don’t need to apologize, Gavin. It was a long time ago.”

  “I wasn’t fair to you. And I didn’t hear you out when you came to see me.”

  Britton looked like her energy had suddenly been sucked out of her. She backed up to sit on the edge of her bed.

  “Gavin, we were young. You were angry you had to come home. I just wanted us to be together like it had always been. But you were a college guy and I was just a high school graduate. Our timing was off.”

  I felt the air slip out of me suddenly as she used the word ‘timing,’ like I had used with Zeke Steinmann earlier today. Was that only this morning? I was suddenly drained by how the day had been without her.

  “I quit my job today,” I blurted out of nowhere.

  “What happened?” she asked as she climbed farther onto the bed to prop her feet on the foot frame.

  “Zeke Steinmann called me this morning, demanding I come back to California. He only wants me to fix his daughter. I was the stable one, if you can believe that. She cheated on me, three times, and he was upset that I broke up with her. It was such a long time coming, but I just kept going with the flow. Thinking of my movie, my career. And then I came here. And I’ve been so overwhelmed with the truth of my life with her and Steinmann Financial. When he was making his demands this morning, I just quit.” I was rubbing my temple and slid my fingers through my wavy hair, stopping my hand to hold the back of my neck. I could feel a headache coming on.

  I was still standing in the middle of her room, and I took in the turned down blankets and the book on the bed.

  “What have you been doing tonight?”

  “Reading.”

  “It’s early.”

  “It’s after ten, Gavin. I don’t have a wild social life. I go to bed early.” She smiled shyly at me, biting her bottom lip. Her hair was pulled up in a loose twist and I noticed the glasses on her face.