She took her phone out and changed her password in front of me. “Happy?” That lamp shone out of her eyes again. It was the same way I pictured an addict looking—enthralled.
I held up my hands. “It’s your phone. It would have bothered me to have a guy do that to my phone.” The Annika I’d known before Johnny would have been bothered by it too.
She shifted the car into gear, and we drove toward the exit. When I looked over my shoulder, Johnny stood inside the main doors, watching us leave.
“Have you heard from Sebastian? It’s been a couple days. He must be going through withdrawals.” Annika signaled out of the parking lot.
“Funny you should say that. I got a text from him at four in the morning saying pretty much that.”
“Are you coming to the football party tomorrow?”
I shook my head. “Nope. I ran into Clay today and he said he was going and it would be good to ‘catch up,’ so I can’t go now.”
“God, Clay. Always ruining everything.”
“That’s a bit of an exaggeration.” I opened my phone to read Sebastian’s text again.
“Did you text him back?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Texting him is an admission of something, sort of. He thinks about me when I’m not around. He notices when I’m not around. But today on the way to class, this tall blonde girl was clinging to him as though he was the second coming of Christ.” I sighed. “I can’t sleep with him. Maybe the first night I could have. But I like him too much now, and liking him this much won’t go anywhere. He’s never been in a monogamous relationship.”
“Never?”
“He says never. So, all he must want from me is sex, right?” I shrugged. “I’m not sure I can do just sex. Not with him. But, God. He’s so freaking hot.” My hands covered my face before I brushed my hair off my cheeks in frustration. I missed ponytails.
“Maybe he does want more? I mean, look at me and Johnny.” Annika turned into our parking lot. “You never know.”
“Even if he did want more—and I don’t think he does—but if he did, I’m not sure I could handle it. That girl was draped over him today. We’re not dating and seeing it deflated me. How would I feel if I had a reason to be upset? Ten times worse. Maybe a hundred times, depending on what the girl was trying to do to him.”
“Well, the last few weeks with Johnny have been the best of my life. Maybe Sebastian would be worth the heartbreak too?” She faced me with her hand poised on the car door handle.
“I’ll think about it.”
The truth was, lately, he dominated my thoughts without me having a say.
Chapter Twelve
My Spidey sense kicked into overdrive whenever Sebastian was within one hundred yards. In the crowded room, I could pinpoint where he was. My ears were tuned to the deep timbre of his voice, the pitch of his laugh, even over the din of other voices, other laughs, and louder conversations.
I wasn’t going to glance at him, though. There would be no looking in his direction for the duration of the football party.
I threw my head back and laughed, probably louder than Troy’s girlfriend, Gabriella’s, joke warranted. He hadn’t spoken to me since I arrived. I wouldn’t break first and seek him out. Every bone in my body ached with awareness, with the desire to move toward the sound of his voice, to breathe in the familiar scent of beer mixed with the right amount of tangy cologne. I was dying a slow death, in equal parts from his absence and his presence. How was that possible? No idea. Didn’t make it less true.
“You’re winning.” Gabriella put a hand on her curvy hip.
“Winning?”
“Sebastian can’t keep his eyes off you. He’s tracking you the same as he tracks a football on the field. I heard you two were hanging out, but I noticed neither of you has said one word to the other tonight. What’s up with that?” Gabriella drank from her red cup and grimaced. “They need to buy better beer.”
When I’d shown up an hour ago, the party had been in full swing. As soon as I’d walked in the door to the enormous living room of the frat house, my gaze had zeroed in on Sebastian like the last drop of water in a desert. He’d taken me in from head to toe, grinned, and turned back to the girl he was talking to.
“There’s nothing going on between us,” I said to Gabriella. “Annika and Johnny are attached at the hip lately, so I’ve been spending time with lots of the football players.” I sipped my beer. “I even accused your boyfriend of checking out my ass at a party.”
Gabriella chuckled good-naturedly. “He’s an ass man—or just an ass—I’m never completely sure which.” Her lips twitched in amusement. Her olive skin and hazel eyes were expertly made up. Her long dark hair could have been in a shampoo commercial. Pretty, funny, and with an ass that looked amazing in the jeans she was wearing tonight, she was fun company.
I’d met Gabriella a handful of times, and she and Troy were solid. Apart from checking out a few girls’ asses, they appeared happy together.
“You never worry about Troy?” I tried to keep my voice light, even if my question was serious.
She mulled over my question. “I wouldn’t say I never worry, or I don’t get jealous, or I don’t sometimes wonder, ‘why me’, but for the most part, no.” She tipped her head from side to side as she seemed to consider her words. “We have a ‘hands off’ policy we agreed on one time after we got into a huge fight over basically nothing. Neither of us lets anyone touch us. We can flirt, we can check out other people, but it’s ‘hands off’ otherwise.” She nodded to where Troy was towering over a gaggle of petite girls.
“It works for you?”
Gabriella shrugged. “We work at it. Sometimes we work hard at it. But if he decides we’re not worth that anymore, there’s not much I can do.” She gave me a half smile. “But I’ll tell you what. What we’ve had so far? He’s worth the heartbreak. The highs pay for any lows in the future.”
Over the crowd, Johnny’s voice boomed, indignant, furious. “You changed your password?”
Across the room, he had Annika’s phone clenched in his hand. I’d come to the party alone because Johnny insisted Annika had to arrive before everyone else. He wanted “quality time.” I turned to Gabriella with an excuse to go to my friend ready on my lips.
“Johnny can be such a dick sometimes.” Gabriella frowned. “He’s probably my least favorite player from a basic human being standpoint.”
I needed to be beside Annika in case this got ugly, but I filed her comment away for a future drunken conversation. “I’m going to head over there in case he flies into a rage.”
While I weaved through the thick crowd, Johnny’s voice became louder, accusing Annika of hiding something or someone from him.
“What, are you screwing other guys behind my back?”
A small group encircled Annika and Johnny. With some effort, I bulldozed my way into the ring. Annika was close to Johnny with her arms crossed and her face flushed, not even attempting to retrieve her phone.
“You don’t need to have my password. It’s called trust. Like how I trust you’re not sleeping with every girl at this party behind my back.” The words came out through clenched teeth. “You want to exchange passcodes? We can do that. Otherwise, back off.”
Pride coursed through me at how well she was standing her ground. This was the Annika I knew—confident, smart, in control. She searched the crowd, and when she found me, her shoulders slumped.
“You can keep it for all I care. I’m leaving. No one, superstar quarterback or not, implies I’m a slut.” She turned on her heel.
Johnny snaked out a hand and grabbed her elbow. I stepped forward, remembering the bruise she had the last time he tried to steer her in the direction he wanted.
Before any words left my mouth, Sebastian called from the other side of the crowd, “Johnny, bruh, give her phone back. She’s not fucking around on you, man. Don’t be an ass.”
At his words, Johnny’s rage snap
ped, and he released Annika’s elbow as though she’d scorched him. He opened his palm, revealing her cracked device.
She plucked it out of his hand and then walked over to me. “I wanna leave.” Her voice was monotone.
“Anni,” Johnny called from behind her. “Don’t go. I’m sorry. Don’t go.”
She didn’t acknowledge him. Instead, she pushed through people to get us to the door. When I looked over my shoulder, it was Sebastian I sought. He held my gaze for a beat, but I couldn’t figure out what his expression revealed.
Annika and I walked home in silence. What could I say? Once we got to our place, she dropped her phone, keys, and purse on the table by the door, flipped off her shoes, and headed for her bedroom without a word.
“Did you want to talk about it?”
“No. I want to sleep.” She kept her back to me, but she didn’t go into her room. “I want to sleep and sleep and sleep. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll understand what the hell I’m supposed to do about what happened tonight. Right now? Just the thought is exhausting.”
There was a soft knock on the door, and I turned, uncertain. “What if it’s him?” I asked in a low voice.
“Tell him to leave. I’m going to bed.” Any trace of the giddy girl or the confident woman was gone.
I waited until she was out of sight before checking the peephole. I sighed. Clay was on the threshold. Reluctantly, I opened the door.
“Hey. Sorry. I followed you guys from the party. I saw what happened with Johnny. Is Annika okay?” He glanced around my shoulder into the house.
I stepped into the front path and drew the door closed behind me. He wasn’t getting an invitation. “She’s rattled, and I doubt she’ll want a reminder about the public spectacle.” I crossed my arms. A chilly breeze swept across the lawn, and I hadn’t worn a coat.
“I was hoping we could catch up,” Clay said when it was clear I wasn’t going to invite him in.
“Didn’t we do that the other day on the way to class?” I cocked my head.
“I was hoping we could grab a coffee or something. Chat?” He ignored my rudeness.
I was about to reply when the breeze kicked up a notch, and a faint whiff of a familiar scent floated to me. Over Clay’s shoulder, I searched him out, hungry for a glimpse. Unless I was going crazy, Sebastian was somewhere close by. Like the cavalry cresting the hill, Sebastian appeared at the bend in the path.
His confident stride faltered when he saw Clay, but the minute he registered who was standing with me, his face broke into a wide smile. Damn him and his contagious grin.
I shifted my attention back to Clay, trying not to give the wrong impression to either of them. “Sorry. I don’t think I should leave Annika alone tonight.”
“We can stay here—” He trailed off when Sebastian’s hand landed on his shoulder. He turned and flushed when their gazes connected.
Sebastian side-stepped him and looped an arm around my waist, drawing me close to kiss my temple. “Sorry, Nattie. I got held up saying goodbye to people. Annika okay?” His gaze bored into me as though we were the only ones on the path.
The adoring expression, the hand at my waist, my irregular heartbeat, and the heat rushing to new places made me unsteady on my feet. I wanted to sink into him, into this feeling.
He scanned me, and amusement entered his eyes. He turned to Clay and thrust out his free hand. “Have we met? I’m Sebastian.”
“Clay.” He was clearly at a loss for what to think, but he shook Sebastian’s hand then shot me a flustered look. “I didn’t realize you two were…”
“Together?” Sebastian finished for him, and then he leaned over and kissed my temple again. “How do you two know each other? Are you a friend of Annika’s? You look familiar.” Sebastian was playing this exchange for all it was worth.
Part of me was anxious about the expression on Clay’s face. He didn’t seem to know what to do with himself. Sweet of him to come check on Annika, if that had been his intention.
Trapped out here with the two men, I made a gut decision. I tugged Sebastian close and said, “You can go in, if you want. I’ll be a minute.”
He squeezed my waist and said to Clay, “It was nice meeting you.”
Once the door clicked closed behind me, I focused on Clay, expecting him to tuck his tail and go.
His cheeks were a ruddy red, and I didn’t think it was from the cold. “I know what this looks like, but I didn’t come here to get you back or whatever. I wanted to talk to you about Annika.” He shifted his feet and glanced at the door behind me. “Maybe about you too. I don’t know. I didn’t realize you and Sebastian were a thing. Heard he didn’t do repeats.”
Humiliation tinged with jealousy bloomed in my chest. I hated that his comment got to me. “What did you want to tell me?” I aimed for a patient voice when I wanted to scream. What would I scream? No idea.
“I was at a party a couple weekends ago and a couple of the girls were drunk,” Clay started to say.
I half-turned to go into the house. His drunken conquests were none of my business. Not even a twinge of jealousy stirred in my gut.
“No, wait—it’s—the girls. They said Johnny can get rough. That he’s rough with g-girls,” Clay stuttered. He took a deep breath. “I don’t know if it’s just Johnny or what. But be careful, okay? I always liked Annika, and what I saw tonight? Didn’t seem like a normal reaction to a changed phone password.”
“Who were the girls?”
Clay sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I didn’t get their names.”
I leaned against the door. “I’ve already tried to talk to Annika about him. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard he’s rough or intense or whatever label you want to put on it.”
Admitting this to Clay made me a traitor to Annika, but I dated Clay for a year, and I needed to talk to someone about this. My dad would drive here in a heartbeat if I even hinted Annika was in too deep with a bad guy, so I couldn’t count on someone objective there. Sebastian waited inside. I couldn’t talk to him either. Johnny was his ace boy, whatever that meant. A rumor was just a rumor.
“Have you talked to your dad?” Clay shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
“Yeah, no. My dad would move in here and start an intervention program. I’m hoping tonight was the end. Annika seemed to feel what you and I saw.”
Clay nodded and was quiet for a beat. “I probably shouldn’t say this, but if you ever need me—call. If anything happens and you need me, no matter what time it is or no matter what’s happened, please call.”
I gave him a soft smile. “Thanks, Clay. I hope I never need to.”
“Me too.” He tipped his chin toward the door. “I won’t hold you up anymore.”
“Sorry about Sebastian.” I placed my hand on the doorknob.
“I get it. Me being here probably looked bad.” Clay shrugged. “I hope it works out for you, if that’s what you want.”
I turned to look at him one last time before opening the door. “The jury’s still out. I’ll see you around.”
Chapter Thirteen
Sebastian glanced over the rear of the couch. He’d gotten us both a beer and was watching Annika’s old game tape from the DVR. “That took longer than I expected. Am I losing my touch?” His grin was playful.
An answering smile blossomed against my will. Worry burrowed deeper into my stomach. Tonight would be enough. Annika would let Johnny go.
“What are you even doing here?” I took a seat beside him on the couch.
“Truth?” Sebastian’s smile disappeared.
“Always.” My heart kicked up a notch.
“Johnny asked me to come check on Annika.” Seeing my confused expression, he continued, “I was going to come anyway, maybe not quite as quickly as I did.”
Johnny asked him to come check on Annika? Bile rose into my throat. “He was out of line.”
“He wouldn’t have hurt her.” He passed me my beer.
“How do you know that?” I mirrored him on the couch.
“How do you know he would have?” He fired in response. “Which of us has spent more time with him?” The challenge in his voice was clear.
The problem with his rationale was that once I was sure Johnny was a bad guy, Annika might already be hurt. Correction. She’d already been hurt.
“He had that reaction tonight over a changed phone password. Seemed a bit over the top to me. What happens next time? Or the next? Or the next? Reactions like his don’t deescalate.”
“Annika’s fine. Johnny’s sorry. He’s got a jealous streak a mile long. I told him they needed to slow things down if he was going to lose his mind over stupid things.” He eyed me. “Are you reading more into their fight because of your dad?”
I gave him a wry look. “Sure—always. But that doesn’t mean it’s not happening. If I sit back and Annika gets hurt again, I’m not sure I’ll be able to forgive myself. If the signs are there and I say nothing, I’m an accomplice. I let it happen.”
Sebastian took a drink. “You can’t put that on yourself.”
“But I do. That’s like telling someone not to be afraid of something or not to worry. Just because you say I can’t feel that way doesn’t mean I don’t.”
When I glanced at Sebastian, he’d settled into the couch, a pensive expression on his face. He toyed with his beer bottle and then drained it in silence.
“You want another?” He checked my almost full beer.
“No, I’m okay,” I said as he rose and disappeared into the kitchen. When he returned, he had a glass of water. “Are you okay?”
He nodded and then looked at me. “The whole ‘you can’t tell people how to feel’ thing hit me a little hard.”
“How so?” I prodded.
He stared at his hands clutching the cup. “How come you never texted me back?”
“You mean your four a.m. text?” I frowned.
“Yeah.”
“I figured it was a drunk text. I didn’t realize it needed a response.” Not entirely truthful. I didn’t understand why I hadn’t texted him, but responding was dangerous, slippery. As though I’d be admitting something too.
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