We said nothing for a few minutes, examining each other. I’d done something wrong because the flirtatious vibe between us was gone. Was his mood about the text or was it my mistrust of Johnny?
“Do you think Annika’s okay?” Sebastian asked, breaking the silence.
“She’s rattled.” Rehashing the same argument seemed fruitless. He didn’t believe Johnny would ever hurt Annika, and the opposite was becoming more plausible.
“Are you coming to our next home game?” He leaned into the couch and watched me.
“I guess that depends on what happens with Annika and Johnny. If they cool off, probably not. I’m not into football, you know that.” Was that the question he wanted to ask?
“What if I wanted you to come?” He peered into his half-full glass.
I smiled, trying to work out his meaning. “You want me to come watch your game, even if Annika doesn’t come?”
“Yeah.” He scooted closer on the couch. “I like knowing you’re in the stands, even if you have no idea what’s going on.”
I chuckled, but the seriousness of his face dried up the sound. “No promises. Annika is one of my best friends and going to the game if Johnny is out of the picture doesn’t feel right.”
Sebastian grabbed my hand, lacing our fingers together. “So, if they are done, this is done too?” He didn’t quite meet my gaze.
My heart dropped into my toes. A coherent response eluded me. There was no this, was there? We hung out sometimes. Texted each other. “I don’t understand what this is—our friendship?”
“I don’t wanna be your friend, Nattie.” He glanced at me under his lashes.
Heat surged through my body, and a tingling erupted deep in my stomach. The temptation to tug him closer, to give in to whatever had been swirling around us for weeks, now rose to the surface. I wouldn’t be able to handle the fallout from grabbing what I wanted in this moment. Every time I saw him with other girls, I’d wonder if he was sleeping with them. Every time he didn’t text me right away, I’d wonder who he was with. No, I couldn’t go there.
“I can’t give you what you want, Sebastian. I’m not built that way,” I said. “We can be friends—hang out, chat about whatever as long as it’s not football.”
“You don’t feel it?” He sank deeper into the couch and observed me out of the corner of his eye.
“If Annika and Johnny are done, we’ll hardly see each other anymore anyway,” I reminded him. “You’ll forget about me under the crush of other girls.”
His expression was serious when he sat forward again. “Nattie—”
Annika’s door down the hall opened, and I scooted away from Sebastian, aware of how close we were to each other. After what happened tonight, was it a betrayal to be sitting here flirting with Sebastian?
She wandered into the living room and stopped short when her gaze landed on Sebastian. “Oh, sorry. I’m having trouble sleeping. I was going to watch some TV.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
Sebastian gave me one last loaded look before standing and draining his water. “I’ll get out of your way.” Once he was around the couch, he stood in front of Annika. “Johnny wanted me to tell you—”
She held up a hand. “Save it. Please. If Johnny isn’t man enough to apologize in person, then I don’t want to hear it. You can quote me on that when you scurry back to talk to him.”
Sebastian reeled as though she’d hit him. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, and his shoulders lifted. “I’ll tell him.” We made eye contact over the rear of the couch. He stepped past Annika and unlocked the door. Just before he disappeared, he said, “I’ll text you later, Nattie.”
Annika crossed to the door, flipped the lock, and then came around the couch to collapse beside me. “Sorry. I was rude to him.”
I shrugged. “He can take it. Johnny’s an ass for sending him.”
“Johnny knew I wouldn’t see him.” She reached over the couch to grab her phone off the little table by the door. Her home screen was littered with multiple missed calls and text messages.
“What are you going to do?”
She shook her head. “I realize what you want me to say, Nat. But the truth is, I don’t know. When it’s the two of us, he’s amazing. So amazing. We get along so well. There’s so much potential in us. We could go the distance. But then he does something like tonight, and I wonder what the hell I’m doing.”
I nodded, not saying anything else. “I guess we’ll see what tomorrow brings?” I handed her the TV remote.
She stared at her phone and then turned it off. She ran her finger over the crack in the screen.
“It wasn’t cracked before, was it?” I kept my voice quiet.
She shook her head. “He did it. With his hand.”
The amount of force needed to do that to her screen was terrifying. Discretely, I glanced at the bruise on her wrist, a faint yellow still visible.
“I’m worried about you, Annika.”
She smiled. “You saw how quickly he let me go. He wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. I know he wouldn’t. He doesn’t have it in him.”
“He has a temper.” I tried to keep my voice even and without accusation.
“Who doesn’t?” She turned off the DVR game and switched to an old episode of The Big Bang Theory. “He wouldn’t have hurt me.” She sank deeper into the couch with her damaged phone still clutched to her chest.
“Clay stopped by.”
Annika rolled her eyes. “I used to feel sorry for him, but lately he’s annoying.”
“He came to check on you.”
She laughed. “Sure he did. Come on, Nat!”
I smiled. “Okay, maybe he didn’t come just to check on you. That’s what he said, anyway. He also said he’d been at a party where girls were talking about Johnny.”
She tensed beside me. “Girls talk about Johnny all the time. He’s hot. He’s an amazing football player. One day he’ll be rich and famous.”
In that moment, I realized she’d heard something too. She knew what was coming. “He heard Johnny can get rough with girls.”
Annika shook her head. “I know you’re a ‘believe a girl when she cries wolf’ person, but I’m not. People are always looking for a way to get a piece of the pie.”
“How would accusing him of being rough give them that?” Her attitude about other women drove me nuts. Why did we leap to a man’s defense?
“Everyone loves gossip. A piece of gossip about the star quarterback? The golden nugget of gossip currency. Why not spread it?” Annika glanced at me. “Who were these girls? Any names?”
She was challenging me for evidence I didn’t have. She wouldn’t listen to me if I couldn’t provide proof. “I don’t have any,” I admitted.
“What did Sebastian say when he was here? Did he think Johnny would hurt me? You two looked pretty cozy.” Her temper flared.
I hesitated. Sebastian’s comment justified her beliefs about Johnny. He’d known Johnny a few months in a very specific setting. Did he know him that well? Even though I wanted her to see Johnny from another angle, I couldn’t lie.
“He didn’t think Johnny would have hurt you.”
“See?” Annika threw up her hands. “Johnny and Sebastian spend a lot of time together. If he doesn’t think Johnny has it in him and I don’t think he does either, you need to let it go.”
I slumped into the couch. Was I overreacting? Despite his closeness with Annika, I had only spent a few minutes here and there talking to him. He’d always been cool to me, sometimes outright cold. Maybe we rubbed each other the wrong way? Doubt seeped in. Without proof, neither of us could be sure who was right.
Chapter Fourteen
When the doorbell rang at an ungodly hour, there was only one person it could be. Johnny. I pried open an eye and checked my bedside clock. They had early morning practice today.
I groaned. Their schedule now lived in my brain, taking up vital space. What was happening to me?
I stum
bled around my room, throwing on a bathrobe and trudging to the door, but Annika was already there. In the hall, out of sight, I froze.
Johnny’s charm was turned to full blast. His dimples popped, and he stared at Annika as though she was a piece of candy he’d love to swallow whole. In one hand, he held a large bouquet of red roses, and in the other, a card or envelope.
Annika was framed in the doorway, still in her pajamas, arms crossed, not meeting his gaze. Reluctantly, she took the flowers.
“I wrote you this last night.” Johnny thrust the envelope toward her. “I’m not good at saying the right words, but everything’s in this letter. I poured my heart out. I mean it, Anni. Every word is true.” With his hands empty, he shoved them into his pockets and gave her a hopeful look. “I want to see you at practice later.”
Annika kept her gaze averted, but she’d accepted both of his peace offerings. “Is that all?” Her voice remained cool.
“I hope not.” Johnny backed up. “I want to see you later tonight.”
When Annika closed the door and flipped the lock, I tiptoed to my room, letting out my breath.
On the nightstand, my phone was lit up with notifications. Sebastian had sent me another text after he left. Did he return to the party? Did he find someone else to amuse him? Those questions were exactly why I couldn’t let him get any closer.
Remembering the slivers of hurt in his hazel eyes the night before, I fired off a quick reply. Deliberately hurting his feelings wasn’t in me. As soon as the text said delivered, it was read, and three dots appeared.
Breakfast, sleepyhead?
I grinned. Your early morning practices are insanity. I don’t understand how you survive on so little sleep.
Is that a yes to food?
I cradled my phone. No need to overthink it. Breakfast was a meal. That was it. Taking a deep breath, I replied. Ready in 30.
I tossed my phone onto my unmade bed, and I headed for the shower. Annika’s door was open, and I peeked in. She wasn’t there. I checked the living room and then the kitchen. On the table, strewn across it, was Johnny’s letter.
I stared at the pages from a distance.
Whatever Johnny had decided to tell Annika, it was long. I moved closer, keeping my hands gripped together to avoid picking up the papers. If Annika left them here, she must have known I’d see them.
It was wrong to read them. Maybe skimming them would make me understand his raging temper.
I leaned over the table, speed-reading. Comments Annika had made the night before jumped out at me—go the distance, so much potential, never felt this way before. Everything Annika had been dying to hear was mirrored in the letter. His sentiment should be a comfort, a positive sign. The words mine and no one will ever love you like I do also sprung off the page.
I considered gathering the pages into a neat stack and putting them in her room. But then she’d realize I saw them, read them.
Turning on my heel, I went to the bathroom to shower. Reading her letter was wrong, and I used more soap than normal trying to scrub the icky off. Even if I suspected Johnny wasn’t good for her, I shouldn’t have so much as peeked at her personal note.
In the mirror, my brown eyes were tired in my pale face, but at least my jeans and sweatshirt were clean. Grabbing mascara and lip gloss out of my makeup bag, I tried to conceal my fatigue. Would Sebastian even notice?
At the knock on the door, I grabbed my keys and purse from the hall table. Sebastian was dressed in jeans and a hoodie. The weather was getting increasingly cooler, and the leaves on the trees outside our townhouse were beginning to turn color.
“Where are we going?” I asked, stepping out.
“Diner down the street.” He threw a thumb over his shoulder. “My treat.”
“I can pay my own way.”
“Sure, but I asked you. When you ask me, you can pay.” He smirked as though he assumed an invitation from me would never happen.
“Sounds like a challenge.”
“However you want to take that, that’s up to you.” He grinned.
“I don’t normally do mornings. You’re lucky I’m awake, so I doubt I’ll ever invite you to breakfast.” I tugged my sleeves over my hands to combat the chill, and a leaf twirled to the ground in front of me onto the sidewalk.
“You disappoint me, Nattie. I thought you’d rise to the challenge.”
“There are lots of things I’ll rise for. Breakfast, out of the house, isn’t generally one of them.” I gave him a sideways glance.
“Johnny came over? That’s why you’re gracing me with your presence? I saw him hot footing it after practice. Figured he was headed to your place.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “They in there making up?”
“Not at my house. You and Annika must have been two ships passing in the early morning light.”
“A long, leisurely breakfast it is, then. I would hate to interrupt them at our house. Never much privacy there.” He held open the door to the ’50s-inspired diner.
“What made you decide to live there when you transferred?” I asked while the waitress got our table ready.
Sebastian shrugged. “All the guys there are on the team. Frat house. Parties. Win-win-win?”
We followed the waitress to our booth near the window. The napkin holder was in the shape of an old jukebox. The atmosphere was rundown and vintage. The vinyl seats had rips patched with duct tape. Like always, it was busy, though. Decent, cheap food was a college staple. There was a nice buzz circling us as people sobered up or fueled up for the day ahead.
“What about you? Why Annika out of the others on your floor?” He perused the menu.
The waitress reappeared, and we ordered while I mulled over his question. “Annika and I get each other, accept each other for who we are. We don’t share a love of football, but we enjoy and appreciate each other. We’re both passionate, opinionated people. I thought we saw the world the same way, for the most part.” I stirred cream into my coffee.
“But you don’t anymore?” He sipped his black coffee.
I froze, realizing what I’d said. He was the same as Annika and didn’t see the potential menace in her relationship with Johnny. “Forget I said that. It’s probably not what I meant.”
He gave me a wry grin, “You mean, Johnny, right?”
I sighed. “Yeah, I do. I don’t want to talk about him anymore. You and Annika think he walks on water, I suspect he’s standing at the gates of hell. The conversation will go in circles until either something happens or it doesn’t, you know?”
“The gates of hell are a little overboard.” Sebastian frowned.
A slow smile spread across my face. “So is the walking on water part, but you didn’t dispute that.”
He chuckled. “You’re quick, Natalie Chapman. You’ll make a hell of a lawyer one day. You going to climb onto your soapbox as a public defender?” The tension eased out his shoulders, and we were on playful banter ground.
“I’m not sure. My dad doesn’t want me to go that route. No money in it.” I stacked the creamers into a tower. “I can’t imagine being a criminal lawyer defending the assholes my dad has uncovered over the years. Wouldn’t be right. Corporate law would bore me.”
“Sounds as though your dad brought his work home with him. What was that like?”
“Hard. Annoying. Eye-opening. Everything you’d expect it to be. He was pretty strict when I was growing up, set in his ways. He still is, but now that I’m a bit older, he at least listens to my opinion from time to time.”
“My parents were liberal when I was a kid. They could have been hippies in a commune.” He shrugged. “Very civil about the divorce. Neither believed monogamy was best for them in the end. No hard feelings.”
“Either of them ever remarry? Do you have any siblings?”
“No, neither remarried. Surprise, surprise.” He smiled. “I have an older sister.”
“Are you two close?” My heart squeezed in my chest at the tenderness on his face wh
ile he talked about his family. Their situation might be unusual, but it was clear they were much loved.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “She chose to stay in Bermy with my dad when my parents split. So, I don’t see her as often. She flies in for big games with my dad, which is nice.” He eyed me for a minute and then tipped his chin. “What about you? Siblings? Your mother? I haven’t heard you say anything about her yet.”
My stomach dropped out in that familiar way it always did whenever the subject of my mother was raised. I carefully crafted my words to leave her out, which had been the hardest piece to get used to when she died. An erasure. Years later, her death still felt wrong, not final, as though she’d turn up knocking on my door.
“She died a few years ago. Cancer,” I said. “I have a younger sister.”
“I’m sorry to hear about your mom,” he said. “I can’t even imagine. I’m tight with my mom. It would crush me if anything happened to her.”
Tears pricked at my eyes, and I willed them to stay in. Crushed was the perfect word. I wasn’t going to cry about my mother in a ’50s diner with a guy I barely knew. “Yeah,” I agreed. “Impossible for anyone to imagine until it happens. Even then, sometimes it doesn’t feel real, and other times it’s breathtakingly permanent.” My voice caught on the last word, thickening with tears. “It’s not a club you want to be part of.”
He reached across the table and intertwined his fingers with mine. When I looked up, he drew my hand to his lips and kissed my palm. He sandwiched my palm between his and stared at me. The air grew thick and heavy, and the things we weren’t saying to each other stretched, another layer laid over top.
The waitress appeared with our food, and Sebastian eased his grip out of mine. We spent a few minutes in a deep companionable silence, adding ketchup, salt, and pepper to our breakfast plates.
“Have you been here before?” Sebastian took his first bite.
“Truth?”
“Always.” His lips twitched. “What, did you bring a one-night-stand here? Is this place your unnamed walk of shame?”
Saving Us: A novel of love and friendship (Northern University Book 1) Page 8