Saving Us: A novel of love and friendship (Northern University Book 1)

by Wendy Million

  The memory of him with someone else haunted me. Every time I considered caving and trying to see him, one memory reminded me why Sebastian was the wrong choice. There would always be other girls, waiting in the wings, sweeping in. A single misstep from me and, boom, he was gone. Did he take the girl home? Did he sleep with her? The truth might break us forever. He never hid who he was, what he was after.

  “Do you have a new roommate yet?” Sebastian asked.

  “I’m interviewing people tonight after my class.” I shouldn’t have left my half-finished coffee on the table. The coffee maker at my house wasn’t working.

  He took a long sip from his hot drink. He must have noticed my envious glance because once he’d taken a sip, he passed me the cup. “Peace offering?” he suggested.

  I accepted the coffee and gave him a half smile. “I guess we have to start somewhere, right?”

  He looped his arm around my shoulders and kissed my temple. “I’ll walk you to class and then go to my you’re-a-shitty-player-this-week meeting.”

  I looked over at him. “Why weren’t you playing well?”

  His gaze was thoughtful and tender. “Doesn’t matter anymore.” He kissed my temple again.

  I leaned into him and let him walk me to class, content for the first time in weeks.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I took my nail polish colors out of my box and set them on the coffee table in front of the couch. Annika riffled through them.

  “So, did you talk to him?” I plucked out a pale purple.

  “I did.” She smiled. “You were right. I should have asked him earlier. He said he’d been organizing a surprise party at our new place and didn’t want me to know about it.” She shook her head. “I felt like an idiot when he explained it to me.”

  Weird. I hadn’t gotten an invitation to any party. “Oh yeah? When was he planning to have the party?” I hoped Annika would notice I hadn’t been told.

  “No date yet. He was feeling friends out for weekends and so forth that could work. He didn’t want me to catch wind of it. But now it’s completely ruined. He was kind of angry,” Annika said. “At least I feel better. My gut feeling was nothing.” She examined a bottle labeled tangerine and set it down. “So if any of the people you interviewed for the room are good, you can pull the trigger.”

  She settled on a deep red and shook the container while I mulled over Johnny’s explanation for his behavior. I wasn’t going to dig, even though I was positive I’d hit on something. His cover was thin at best.

  “The potential roommates were duds,” I admitted. “I don’t want just anyone.”

  She gave me a sideways look. “Sebastian said you two worked out your misunderstanding.”

  I sighed and applied the first coat to my nails. “Sure, yeah. Except every time I think about him, I picture that girl perched on his lap, mauling him. Or him standing between her legs with a fuck me vibe vibrating off them.”

  Annika winced. “Ouch.”

  “Tell me about it.” I groaned. “I want to pretend what happened doesn’t matter. Nothing has happened between me and Sebastian. Nothing. Not a kiss, a fumble, a drunken tumble. Nothing. And yet, seeing him with that girl was worse than anything I could imagine. Being with him and having him cheat on me? I wouldn’t survive.”

  “You don’t know he would cheat,” Annika admonished me.

  “I also don’t know if he even wants a relationship with me. Sex? Yes. A relationship? Not so much.” I held my nails out, admiring them. “Besides, you’re the person who said professional athletes cheat, right? Wasn’t that you?” I eyed her warily. “You can’t retract that statement now because you don’t want it to be true anymore.”

  She laughed, but it didn’t have its usual fullness. “Maybe I was melodramatic. I’m sure there are athletes who have normal, healthy relationships.”

  I swallowed my comment. “Right,” I said. “Some people get lucky.”

  “Or they work hard at it. I mean, Gabriella and Troy seem to be able to manage it, right?” She fixed a nail with a Q-tip.

  They were a good example, but Troy wasn’t a professional. From what I’d heard while hanging around the team, he wasn’t likely to get drafted either.

  “What would you do if you found out that Johnny was sleeping with other girls?” I asked.

  She paused her application and sat back. “Not sure anymore.”

  I stayed silent and continued to apply my color.

  “I love him. Crazy about him. The thought of him with anyone else? I can’t.” Annika admired her nails. “But the thought of not having him? I think that might actually be worse.”

  Anger boiled in me under the surface. She was worth so much more than his scraps of affection, and her shortchanging herself made me want to neuter Johnny.

  My phone beeped, and I checked my nails before picking it up.

  Johnny’s been trying to get Annika. Is she there?

  I sighed at Sebastian’s message. His go-between status sucked.

  “Where’s your phone, Annika? Apparently, Johnny has been trying to get you?”

  She hopped up and reached over the couch. She waggled the blank screen at me. “It’s dead. You have a charger?”

  “In my room.” I waved her away down the hall. “I’ll text Sebastian back?”

  “No, don’t bother,” she said from my bedroom. “When my phone is charged, I’ll text him or call him myself. He probably wants to find out if I’m going there tonight.”

  “Okay.” I stared at my screen. Sebastian would notice I’d read it. I turned it off, hoping to avoid any other texts or calls while I enjoyed my time with Annika.

  A couple hours later, we’d devoured a pizza, painted our fingers and toes, and had a gossip about everyone we knew. We’d also split two bottles of wine. My bed was starting to whisper my name when the door shook. Someone was pounding on it hard enough to make the hinges rattle.

  Annika’s eyes went wide. “Oh, no. I didn’t text or call Johnny. My phone is in your room.” She jumped off the couch and headed down the hall to grab her phone.

  I checked the peephole. She was right. I swung open the door, a forced smile on my face. “Johnny, what are you doing here?”

  “Where’s Anni? Is she here? She’s not answering her goddamned phone.” He shouldered his way past me, fire in his eyes.

  “Ah, yeah, she’s here. Her phone was dead.” I closed the door behind him.

  “For hours?” he asked. “What were you two doing tonight?” He searched the townhouse.

  “Just girl stuff.”

  She came up the hall, and Johnny pounced. “What the hell, Anni? I’ve been calling and texting. I had Sebastian text Natalie. She read it and didn’t even bother to respond.” He glanced at me, his expression brimming with anger. “How hard was it to tell me what was going on?”

  “I’m sorry.” She held up her cracked phone. “We got talking and lost track of time.”

  “Well, grab your shit. Let’s go.” He ushered her toward the exit with his arm.

  “I was going to stay here tonight.” Annika hesitated.

  “What? Why?” Anger tinged his voice. “Come with me. We can chat about why you have this device if you can’t be bothered to answer it.”

  “Whoa.” I held up my hands. He was going too far with the verbal attack. She made a mistake. What the hell was his problem?

  “Stay out of this, Natalie,” Johnny said. “This is between me and Annika.”

  “You’re being harsh with her.” I moved so that I was blocking her from leaving. Now that I was closer, I caught a whiff of alcohol. “I hope you walked here.”

  “It’s none of your business.” He kept his attention focused on Annika. “Are you coming home with me or not?”

  “I’ll grab my stuff.” She rushed around the room.

  “Annika,” I said. “You can stay.”

  “No, no.” She tucked her long hair behind her ears. “It’s not worth a fight. I’ll go. I should probably go
anyway. Johnny’s right. I should have called or texted. Of course, he was worried.” She rambled as she threw things into her purse. Giving me a quick squeeze, she slipped out the door.

  Johnny grabbed her elbow, and she flinched, but he didn’t let go. He practically dragged her along the path from our townhouse, close talking in her averted face. The urge to run out and separate them welled up in me. If I did, I’d ruin my friendship with her. She didn’t see him the same way I did.

  At the end of the path, Sebastian rounded the corner at the same time Johnny and Annika reached the junction. Johnny released her elbow and slid his arm to her waist, as though he hadn’t been irate, full of rage. The transformation was so swift and absolute I started to understand why Sebastian had faith in Johnny when I had almost none. His acting was impeccable.

  They stood chatting at the end of the path for a moment, Annika massaging her elbow, before Sebastian sidestepped them and came up the walkway with his hands tucked in his jacket pockets. With each step, my heart pitter-pattered and stutter-stopped. The quicksand was dragging me under.

  He stopped in front of me, scanning my face. I’m not sure what he saw, but he wasn’t smiling. He reached out and rubbed my arm, covered in goosebumps from the cold. I’d been so consumed with watching Johnny and Annika, I’d forgotten a sweater.

  “You okay?” he asked. “It’s cold out here.”

  I weighed my options. He wouldn’t believe me. Johnny was playing him and maybe all the football guys. But what I’d seen between him and Annika would only get worse.

  “Fine.” I moved aside to let him in the open door. What was this sensation coursing through me? Lust for Sebastian or rage at Johnny? They were both powerful.

  Sebastian stepped past me. “Sorry to show up so late. Johnny was pretty wound up, so I thought I should come check.” He took off his coat and hung it up. “But he seemed fine just now.”

  My heart thumped. “You were worried about Johnny or Annika?” I collapsed into the couch. What I had seen was anything but fine.

  “Beer?” He headed for the fridge.

  “Why not? I’ve already had two bottles of wine.” I threw a blanket over my legs and plucked at the material. Might as well add a hangover.

  He passed me a beer, hesitated at the edge of the couch, and plopped next to me. He picked up the remote. “I was worried about you, not Johnny or Annika.”

  “Me?” I was focused on how he hadn’t sat close enough to touch me. So much space between us when there was usually none.

  “I know what he’s like when he’s mad.” He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “And you don’t back down easily.”

  “I kinda resent that. When we weren’t talking, I was the first to speak to you.” I gulped my beer.

  He relaxed into the couch and nodded. “It’s different when you’re defending a friend. Sometimes you say or do things you wouldn’t do for yourself.”

  That was certainly true.

  Here I was, sitting next to Sebastian, drinking beer, wishing I could figure out a way to be close to him and far away at the same time. If Annika was doing this push-pull with a guy, I’d tell her to knock it off.

  “Is Johnny seeing other girls?” Annika’s suspicion was fresh in my mind.

  Sebastian avoided eye contact. “I don’t want to get in the middle.”

  “You’re already in the middle if you’re texting me to get Annika to text Johnny. You let yourself be put there.” His non-answer was answer enough.

  “I’m not giving anyone dirt on anyone else. I’m not blowing up relationships or saying things that might not be one hundred percent true.” Sebastian drank his beer, jaw rigid. “That’s the middle I’m talking about.”

  At some point, the middle might be the least of Sebastian’s concerns. He’d have to pick an actual side if Johnny’s behavior got any worse. I’d be standing with Annika once the dust settled. I was afraid I knew where he’d be too.

  “You want to talk about something else?” I plucked the remote from his hand and flipped to a music only station.

  He chuckled, the tension leaving. “Yes.”

  “Do you want to hear how terrible my roommate interviews have been going?” I tucked the blanket around my legs.

  Sebastian tugged at the blanket, stretching it over his legs too. He took a long drink of his beer. “Sure, Nattie. Give me your horror stories.”

  “One of the girls asked about my policy on drugs. She did a little light dealing of cocaine and heroin and wanted to be sure I’d be okay with that. I’m glad she mentioned it, but also—who says that?”

  Sebastian shook his head. “A dealer?”

  “She wasn’t even the worst. Another person was a smoker.”

  “Oh, no—not a smoker.” Sebastian feigned shock.

  “Smoking is a disgusting habit and makes everything smell terrible.” I held up a finger to stop his laugh.

  “Yes, ’cause smoking is worse than drug dealing.” Sebastian’s lips twitched. “That can’t be the end of it.”

  “One of the guys I interviewed had a snake collection. Real snakes,” I said. “The last guy today gave me the creeps. He asked if I had an issue with physical contact between roommates because I was mighty fine. He was gross.”

  Sebastian went still beside me. He took another drink of his beer and then set it on the table. “Is someone aware you have these guys coming here to check out the place? Should you be interviewing them by yourself?”

  I shrugged. “All the interviews are arranged by email, so there’s a trail if something happened.”

  “Why am I more concerned than you are?” Sebastian frowned.

  “My dad’s a cop. I was taking self-defense classes as soon as I emerged into the world. It’s second nature to me.” I gave him a steady look. “I can take care of myself.”

  “Nattie, you’re tall, and you do that kickboxing thing, but if a guy is big, and he’s determined, he can do a lot of damage.”

  He was referring to the football field, but his point was clear. I’d watched them run into each other full tilt, and if that was what he was picturing, I could see how he’d have a hard time believing I could look after myself.

  “If you’re going to interview a guy for the room, can I be here, please?”

  “Why?” With each sip of my beer, I was getting farther from tipsy and closer to drunk. I pushed the blanket off me, prepared to get another drink.

  “’Cause if anything ever happened to you, I’d hunt the guy down and kill him.” He didn’t make eye contact, but my heart thump-thumped in my chest. “It would completely ruin my football career.” He gave me a wry smile.

  “I’d hate to instigate murder. It might make me want to be a criminal lawyer.”

  “I know a damn good lawyer in Bermuda.” Sebastian’s lips tilted into a not-quite smile. “Murder could be avoided if you agree to let me be here.”

  I shrugged. “If it’s that important to you, I’ll book the interviews around your schedule.” I rose to go to the kitchen. “Beer?”

  “Nah, I’m good.” He settled into the couch.

  When I walked away, my phone buzzed. Who would text me at this time of night? Annika? I grabbed the beer, but when I came back, he was putting on his coat.

  “You’re leaving?” My shoulders slumped in disappointment.

  His hazel eyes were hard to read. Was that regret in his depths? “Yeah, practice in the morning.” He let out a frustrated sigh and rubbed his head. “Look—Nattie—if you don’t want me hanging around, tell me, okay?”

  “What?” My drunken brain stalled on this sudden shift. “I agreed to let you come here next week for my roommate interviews. And if I don’t pick someone next week, I’m gonna be screwed for rent in January.” I rambled, but I was rattled. “Where is this coming from?”

  “I gotta go. Text me the times if you want me to come.” He opened my front door. The cold breeze swept in, making me shiver. “Just be sure.” He shut the door, leaving a chill behind.


  For a moment, I stood there, stunned. Then my phone buzzed again, and I hustled to the table, hoping it was Sebastian giving me an explanation for his abrupt exit.

  We on for our date this weekend? Looking forward to it.

  I stared at my phone in disbelief. Oh shit. I'd agreed to the second date with Theo before Sebastian walked into the coffee shop the other day. He saw my text message.

  Chapter Twenty

  The numbers on the clock ticked over to three a.m., and I couldn’t sleep. Sebastian hadn’t responded to any of my text messages. Alcohol still coursed through my veins, and I didn’t have a class until later in the day tomorrow. He had practice in the morning, but worry was eating holes in my stomach.

  I threw off the covers and put on my warm clothes. I grabbed my phone and keys. At the threshold of my front door, I zipped my coat up to the top and secured my scarf. Then, I started the cold walk to the frat house.

  Sebastian wasn’t answering, so I wasn’t sure how I’d get someone to let me in. But it bothered me too much to leave things on such a negative note. We wouldn’t go another two weeks without talking over a stupid misunderstanding.

  I climbed the stairs to the frat’s main entrance and hesitated. Music, quiet, but there, snuck out the cracks. Maybe I’d get lucky? I knocked.

  Footsteps approached the door, and it swung back to reveal Gabriella, Troy’s girlfriend, dressed in her bartending outfit.

  “Oh, hey,” I said. I’d expected a player.

  She grinned. “You the reason Sebastian was in such a foul mood when he got home?”

  “Maybe? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m here and I need to talk to him.”

  She moved from the door to let me step inside. “Top of the stairs, third door on your right.”

  I removed my boots and headed up the stairs. At the third door, I bit my lip. This could be a bad idea. I knocked.

  “Go away. I have practice in the morning.” Sebastian's voice was muffled.