Saving Us: A novel of love and friendship (Northern University Book 1)

by Wendy Million

  He chuckled. “Annika would never press charges. She’d never jeopardize my football career.” He shook his head. “Besides, what authority does your dad have here? None, Natalie. Don’t go throwing weight you don’t have.” He patted me on the shoulder and stepped around me.

  Steam had to be shooting out of the top of my head.

  “Anni!” Johnny’s voice floated over. She must have left the house.

  “I can’t talk to you, Johnny,” she said.

  I turned, surprised. Slung over her shoulder was the bag I'd started packing. Sebastian trailed behind her with a grimace.

  She strode toward me, avoiding eye contact with Johnny.

  “Annika!” Johnny called, sauntering behind her. “What’s in the bag?”

  “I think you know! We’re”—she choked on the word—“done.”

  “Come in the house. We can talk it out. We can work this out.”

  She whirled on him in a burst of confidence. “We cannot work out you being a cheating liar. That reality doesn’t work for me—any way you present it.” She opened the rear door and tossed her bag onto the seat.

  Behind her, Johnny and Sebastian stood. Johnny was tense with anger. With slumped shoulders, Sebastian wasn’t watching them; his gaze was glued to me. My heart dove and dipped.

  “Johnny, bruh. In the house,” Sebastian called when Johnny strode toward us with purpose.

  I slid into the passenger seat, and Annika started the car. Johnny banged on Annika’s window when she refused to acknowledge him.

  “Anni!” he yelled, and his face was red with rage.

  Sebastian grabbed his arm from behind, breaking his focus.

  “We’re not done, Annika!” He pointed at her window. “We’re not done until I say we’re done.”

  She turned cool eyes to him. “It’s a good thing that’s what you said last night, isn’t it?” Her foot punched the accelerator, and we tore away from the curb.

  We sat in silence while she drove until I broke it by saying, “What changed your mind? I thought you were going to take him back.” My heart rate was settling in my chest.

  “Johnny wasn’t the one who picked up my stuff from the lawn.” Her voice was hard. “Sebastian did.”

  Houses and trees rushed by unseen. Sebastian would clean up Johnny’s messes on and off the field. Yet another reason I needed to steer clear of him.

  “He told you that?”

  “Yeah. He said Johnny didn’t understand he was being an ass. Sebastian said he’s assholeish sometimes.” She rolled her eyes.

  I burst into laughter despite myself. That was my word from months ago. “Thank God you’re not okay with that behavior. I was getting really worried.”

  She glanced at me. “I was worrying myself,” she said. “Practice and then the mall?”

  “Yes. After that, a movie and a lot of ice cream.”

  She nodded, wiping away a stray tear.

  “Oh, Annika.” I rubbed her arm, wishing I could hug her.

  “I was so close to having exactly what I always wanted. So close. He had to go and blow it all to hell.”

  “You might still get what you’ve always wanted. It just won’t be with him.” I tried to sound upbeat.

  In the parking lot of the practice field for her league team, she reached behind her and pulled out her clipboard and a pen.

  “You wanna help me?” She raised an eyebrow.

  “Me?”

  “Yeah, set up and take down mostly for the drills.”

  “Sure.” The drugs had gone to work on my headache, and a distraction sounded good.

  With a deep breath, she opened her car door.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “Nattie!” Sebastian called while he jogged behind me as soon as I exited my classroom building.

  I peered over my shoulder, acknowledging his voice but not stopping. The sight of him kicked my heart into gear.

  “Are you gonna ignore me forever?” He fell into step beside me.

  Forever? That had been the plan. His texts were unanswered. Calls declined. I’d taken different routes to and from my classes. Annika and Johnny were done, so I had no need to be around the football players anymore.

  Now, his familiar face made my chest ache with longing. When I thought about him for too long, I hated the flame that flickered to life inside me.

  “What do we have to say to each other?” I hitched my satchel higher onto my shoulder.

  He placed his hand on my arm, stilling my hasty pace. “Get coffee with me. One hot beverage.”

  “I have somewhere to be.”

  “Oh yeah? Where’s that?” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat.

  I sighed. Nowhere, and he knew it. “Fine.” I shifted direction toward the school cafeteria.

  “No, we’re not having this conversation on campus.” Sebastian gestured to the parking lot closest to us. “I have my vehicle. We’ll go somewhere else.”

  “You never bring it on campus.” There I went showing how much attention I paid to his habits.

  “I needed a getaway car. Thought I might have to kidnap you to get you to talk to me.” His voice wasn’t tinged with his usual humor.

  I stole a glance at him out of the corner of my eye but said nothing.

  Sebastian sighed. “Football season is almost over. Holidays are coming. I want to be square with you before I go to Bermuda.”

  “What does that mean?” I asked as we approached his vehicle.

  “Get in, Nattie. Okay? Give me this one thing without fighting me on it.”

  I climbed into his SUV and put my bag on my knee like a shield, but I didn’t argue with him.

  We drove in silence for a minute before Sebastian said, “What do you remember about the other night?”

  Heat climbed into my cheeks, and I focused on the scenery outside instead of meeting his gaze.

  “Okay,” he said. “So, you remember at least some of it.” There was a smile in his voice.

  “Yeah, I remember bits and pieces.”

  “I thought you ran out on me. When I woke up the next morning and I couldn’t find you. I thought you were upset with me,” Sebastian said quietly.

  “What?” I sought his gaze across the distance. “I was in Annika’s room. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Is that why you left that note? The ‘I’m sorry’ crap?”

  “Yeah, I wanted us to be okay,” he said. “I wanted to avoid this.” He gestured to the interior.

  “Awkwardness?”

  “No, this avoidance bullshit. It’s bullshit. I told you I wanted to be with you and then you toss me aside like I’m nothin’.” His expression was a mixture of frustration and disbelief. “I’ve been going over it and over it. What’d I do? I did the honorable thing. The right thing. And you’re punishing me.”

  “I’m not punishing you,” I grumbled, crossing my arms.

  I was punishing myself for daring to believe I could ever have something with a womanizing football player. It hadn’t occurred to me Sebastian would care enough to feel my absence too. The activity on his phone made it clear he had no trouble filling his time or finding someone to take my place.

  “Then what the hell, Nattie? If we should pretend I didn’t say it, fine.” He seemed to flounder before continuing, “But I want you to stop avoiding me.”

  The scenery was a blur as I went over what he’d said. He wanted to be with me? His phone, the texts, the messages, the buffet of other women—there was no way.

  “I can’t be with you,” I said.

  He sighed. “I shouldn’t have talked to you when you were drunk. I knew it, and I did it. So stupid.” He shook his head. “Just so you know, drunk Natalie was on board.”

  “Drunk Natalie is kind of slutty and makes poor decisions. Not an accomplishment to get her on board.” A hint of a smile threatened.

  “I was impressed any part of you was on board.”

  Unbidden, the image of him hovering over me, scooping up my lips, pressing his bod
y against mine, surfaced. Parts of me were still very much willing, even sober. My idiotic brain couldn’t figure out how to make us work without my heart ending up in tatters.

  “You only want me because I keep saying no.”

  “That’s not true. There wasn’t a lot of ‘no’ going on the other night.” Sebastian gave me a cocky grin.

  I took a deep breath and decided to give him the truth. “I’m not sure I’d ever trust you.”

  Sebastian flexed his hands on the steering wheel, and a muscle in his jaw ticked. “You don’t think I’d keep my word?”

  I gave him a helpless look. “You have girls all over you all the time. All the time. Every time I see you, someone is hanging off you. I had your phone the other day, and it was man-whore central. Bing. Bing. Bing. What’s that? Oh, look. Another flirty notification.”

  “Have a little faith, Nattie.” When he glanced at me, his eyes were earnest. “When I commit to something, I’m all or nothing. I’ve been that way with football, with friends, with family, with school. When I want something, I work hard at it.”

  “You persevere the hell out of it?” I raised my eyebrows.

  He smiled, but it wasn’t tinged with his usual cockiness. “You know it.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Very. I mean it.” He turned onto my street. “I want to do this with you.” He signaled into my parking lot.

  “Aren’t we were getting coffee?”

  “Your place has coffee.” He shrugged. “I want to figure this out with you. If we can be something, I want to be it. And if we can’t, if you don’t want more, then I want to determine how we can hang out instead of avoiding each other. What we have is important to me. I don’t want to lose you. I’ll take you in my life any way I have to.”

  My heart thudded at the sincerity in his voice. My fingers rested on the door handle, and I shifted my bag, willing myself to keep my emotions under control. “Annika might be home, and the coffeemaker is broken again.”

  “I won’t say anything about Johnny, and I’ll fix the coffeemaker.” Sebastian climbed out of the car and waited behind me while I unlocked my townhouse.

  In the kitchen, I gathered everything to make a pot of coffee while he worked his magic on the machine. Some piece of it always ended up getting clogged, but I’d been worried about spending the money to replace it. When he was done, he took up his usual stance of leaning against the counter.

  “You gonna talk to me?” he asked.

  “I’m thinking.” I flicked the coffeemaker on, amazed he understood how to fix everything, always.

  He watched me in silence, waiting me out. He was good at knowing when to speak and when to stay quiet around me. It was annoying.

  “I can’t. I don’t.” With a deep breath, I said, “How would we even work? You’re—we’re…” I trailed off, not sure what I was trying to say.

  “Do you want to be with me? ’Cause if the answer is no, then the conversation we’re having should be focused on how we stay friends.” He used his hands to gesture the division between the two options. “If the answer is yes, then the conversation is about what you need from me for you to be comfortable—happy.” His gaze bored into me.

  “What’s the ‘I don’t know’ option, again?” I stared at the coffee streaming into the pot.

  He grabbed my hand that had been smoothing out invisible creases in the counter. “Was drunk Natalie a liar?”

  Briefly, I met his eyes and half smiled. “Drunk Natalie is many things, but she isn’t a liar. I do like you, Sebastian.” I sighed. “But you’ve never been in an exclusive relationship with someone. Ever. If nothing else, that’s a steep learning curve.”

  He laced his fingers with mine. “I’m willing to learn anything you want to teach me.”

  “See? You made that sound dirty. If you said that to another girl, I’d lose my mind. My head would explode.” I held up our linked hands. “This—you being touchy-feely with another girl? Volcanic eruption.” I stared at him. “It’s not whether I like you, of course I like you. It’s whether I want to do this to myself.”

  “I’m making a list. So far, no flirting, no touching.” He held up two fingers. “What else is on your list?”

  “No random girls texting you for booty calls.”

  “New phone number, check.” He put up a third finger.

  “How many fingers do I get?” I cocked my head. He wasn’t balking at anything.

  “As many as you need—I’ll start listing your rules on my toes if I have to.” He wiggled his toes through his socks.

  My smile faded around the edges when I dropped the last parameter. “I’m not sleeping with you until I’m sure we can do this.”

  He gave me a long look and added another finger. “No sex until you’re sure about me. Got it.”

  “Really? All of this is okay? I’m already the jealous, possessive girlfriend.”

  “All of this is okay if it’ll make you more confident about us.” He tugged me closer. “You can have the passwords to every social media account. Hire a private investigator to trail me on campus. Get your dad to come stalk me. I’ll agree to everything.”

  I laughed. “That last option would be horrible for everyone.” I hugged him around the middle. “You’re that sure?” I rested my chin on his chest, staring up.

  “I’m a hundred and ten percent sure.” His voice held a smile. “I’m going to do everything I can not to let you down.”

  “What about Johnny and Annika?” That would be all kinds of awkward.

  “We’ll figure it out.” He ran his palm down my back and gripped my waist. “At some point, it’ll blow over and they’ll either get back together or see other people.”

  He was right, of course. But the idea of them reconciling sent a chill through me.

  “Johnny seemed pretty determined to win her back.” Sebastian’s breath ruffled the top of my hair.

  “It’s radio silence here. If he’s hoping to win her back, he’s doing a shitty job so far.”

  Sebastian laughed. “Nah, Nattie. You don’t know him. This is the calm before the storm.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Tonight was the night of the final game of the regular season. If they won, they’d make the playoffs, and Sebastian would have to cut his time in Bermuda short. He hadn’t been upset, but he was always giving up something for the sake of the game.

  Everything on campus was winding down for the holidays, but Annika was wound up.

  “Should I go or not?” She paced around her room.

  I’d avoided giving a direct answer for more than an hour while she’d gotten ready as if she was going and then changed her mind. Over and over.

  “It’s up to you,” I said. “I don’t care where we sit, but I promised Sebastian I’d be there.”

  She released her breath in a big gust. “I’m going.” Determination was in her voice. “Screw it. I want to see the game. If we sit away from our regular spot, he won’t realize where we are.”

  I’d told Sebastian I’d text him my seat number, so he could look for me. There was a chance Johnny would find out, but I didn’t want to tell her that. I didn’t want to consider the possibility. He’d stayed away so far, and I hoped he’d stay gone.

  Sebastian, on the other hand, was turning out to be an impressive boyfriend. Scrolling privileges on his phone were now a thing. Since he had a new phone, there wasn’t much on it. For the last two weeks, he hadn’t given me a single reason to worry.

  “We can sit wherever you want.” Another text from Sebastian rolled in.

  “What are you two doing after the game?” Annika applied a third coat of mascara.

  “Sebastian wants to come here.” The rest of the players were going to Gabby’s bar, but we’d been avoiding public places. Our relationship was still so new, and I wasn’t ready to test it quite so publicly.

  “Oh.” She paused in her makeup application. “Should I go somewhere else? I’m always around when you two are han
ging out—the worst third wheel.”

  “No.” I perched on her bed. “You know it’s not like that.”

  She laughed. “You’re right. But I still can’t believe you talked him into no sex before marriage.”

  I grabbed a throw pillow and chucked it at her. “Oh, my God. That is not our agreement! I just…” I pursed my lips. “I need to be sure that he’s sure about this relationship thing.”

  “Well, your level of certainty could change at any moment with the way he’s been acting. Any moment he’ll do or say something super sweet and, BAM, I’m listening to you two get it on.”

  “You’re ridiculous.” But I couldn’t help grinning. She wasn’t wrong. Being a third wheel wasn’t fun, though. “You’re always welcome here. I don’t ever want you to feel as though you can’t be in your own house because of some guy.”

  “Some guy?” She raised her eyebrows.

  “I like him. But he’s not more important than our friendship. He just isn’t.”

  She dragged me off the bed into a hug. “How was I ever mad at you? You’re the best.”

  I laughed and squeezed her. “You should remember that. I’m probably always going to give unsolicited advice and opinions. I was raised by a cop.”

  “Are you looking forward to seeing your dad over the holidays?” Annika leaned against her dresser. She was smart, funny, and freaking gorgeous. Johnny was a fool.

  “Ah,” I said. “Yes?”

  “You haven’t told him about Sebastian, have you?”

  “I haven’t actually told him Clay and I broke up.” I covered my face with my hands. “He liked Clay.”

  “What?” Annika exclaimed, bugging her eyes out. “Nat!”

  “I know, I know. But for the longest time, a part of me wondered if Clay and I would get back together.” I didn’t meet her gaze. “I wasn’t exactly expecting Sebastian.”

  “You never told me that.” Annika frowned. “I thought you broke up with him because you couldn’t see yourself marrying him, not that you wanted a break from him.”

  “He was too much too soon. I hoped he might cool off. At some point maybe we’d be in the same headspace.”