by Lucy Clark
‘Add to that fact that his sister is director of the hospital so people will want to jump when he asks them to. They’d do it for no other reason than to make sure their jobs are secure in case he reports back to you on their conduct.’
Megan was about to contradict him, to let him know it wasn’t like that, when she noticed that tell-tale twinkle in his eyes that indicated he was teasing. Was this his way of helping her not to feel so self-conscious about what had transpired between them at the blow hole?
She’d been quietly embarrassed when she’d finally changed into warm clothes and begun feeling more like herself. She remembered all too clearly the way Loughlin had held her, the way he’d protected her, the way she’d begged him to stay with her. Poor man. He must think she was completely desperate. She lifted her chin, determined to get rid of those thoughts and regain control over her wayward emotions, especially where Loughlin McCloud was concerned.
‘Well, if that’s what you think, then you’d better make sure you do as you’re told to ensure you impress the director adequately enough to secure your own job.’
She’d meant her words to be delivered in the same teasing manner as Loughlin’s but all she succeeded in doing was to make matters more intense. Loughlin shifted from his perch, leaning forward a little more, bringing his face dangerously close to her own. Immediately, her breathing increased, her senses became heightened and her lips parted as their eyes met and held.
‘If that’s the case, Dr Edwards…’ He drawled her name as though it were the softest of caresses. His voice as smooth as silk. ‘You had better tell me how I may impress you.’
They were close, so close their breaths began to mingle as the tension continued to heighten. Megan was sure that between them they’d be able to generate so much power they could light up the whole of Kiama. The more time she spent with him, the greater the effect, especially as she’d already realised she was in real danger of falling in love with him.
But she’d talked herself out of being in love with one man in the past and she could do it again. Fantasising about Loughlin was going to bring her nothing but heartache and she’d had enough of that already.
‘I don’t…’ she breathed out, trying not to be affected by him ‘…think this is a good idea.’
‘I disagree.’
‘You didn’t think it was a good idea last time we were this close.’
‘You’re wrong. I thought it was too good an idea.’
‘But that would imply that…you liked…er…’ She faltered, unable to concentrate clearly because of his nearness.
‘Kissing you? Och, aye, Megsy. I liked it far too much.’
‘But we can’t.’
‘I ken that but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to.’
‘This is crazy,’ she whispered, her heart pounding wildly.
‘Aye.’
‘Lochie.’ She breathed his name, wanting him to kiss her, knowing that would provide far more warmth to her cold body than the tea he’d made her drink.
‘I like it when you call me that,’ he murmured, his deep words only continuing to intensify the atmosphere between them. ‘I like the way my name sounds coming from your sweet lips.’
‘Lochie,’ she repeated, pleased she could affect him as powerfully as he affected her. ‘Kiss me.’
‘I want to. I really do.’ He was close, so close that if Megan simply leaned forward and upwards, their mouths would come into contact, and although they were both acknowledging it was what they wanted, there was still the smallest hint of rational thought between them.
‘I’ve thought of you so much, wanted to kiss you so much. A man shouldn’t be denied the most glorious pair of lips, the most intense sensations, the most powerful reaction when he’s once savoured it. It’s not right to deny ourselves. Is it?’
Was that really how he saw her? Megan had been under the impression that he hadn’t been affected by her at all, that she was just another woman, there for him to flirt with, to charm, to kiss. He’d said their last kiss had been a mistake and she wondered at the burning need within her to have him repeat that mistake again and again and again. She’d deal with the consequences later. Right now all she could think about was the way he made her feel at this moment.
‘Lochie.’ His name was barely a whisper coming from unmoving lips. She couldn’t disagree with what he’d said and where she’d always been such a logical thinker throughout her entire life, this was one time she didn’t want logic to have any part in what was between them.
‘Why? Tell me why I shouldn’t be kissing you every chance I get?’ His words were thick, laced with a deep, abiding need.
‘Because I lose control. When you kiss me, I forget everything and that scares me. I’m always in control and when you…’ She breathed out, trying to control her reaction to him so she could at least get these words out. ‘When you’re near, when you touch me, when you kiss me, the world slips away and I am floating on air. On feathers. On pillows. On feathers on pillows on air.’ Her words were becoming more urgent as she tried to convince a man who desperately wanted to kiss her—to actually do it. ‘I feel so wonderful.’
‘I keep dreaming about you,’ he whispered, and a new flood of tingles buzzed through her body at his words. ‘Wondering. Wanting. Waiting.’
‘So you…you find me attractive, then?’ As soon as the words were out of her mouth she closed her eyes, not wanting to hear the answer but at the same time desperate to know the truth.
‘Find you attractive? Megsy, you put my body into an uproar just by being in the same room as me. Och, aye, lassie. I find ye very attractive.’
She opened her eyes, looking intently into his. ‘You do?’ It was what she needed to hear and to now know that she was so desirable to him, that he dreamt of her, that he wanted her so badly that it was forcing him to break one of his own rules, made Megan feel incredibly special. When she’d been left at the altar, she’d thought that Calvin had broken her heart for ever but now she knew that wasn’t the case. Now she knew she could love Loughlin—strange but true—yet that didn’t mean her heart wasn’t in danger.
‘Lochie. I am not a patient woman and whilst I’m loving what you’re saying, astonished at hearing your words, to know that you dr-dream about me, it’s enough to set me on fire.’ She looked deeply into his eyes as she spoke. ‘I know there’s turmoil. I know we both want to ignore this thing between us but not now. Not here. We can’t ignore it any more. I need you.’
And he realised she did…but for how long? He’d been cast aside too many times before. He’d fallen for his ex-wife’s lies time and time again until he’d finally learned his lesson—the hard way. Women, especially women such as Megan, who were so intelligent yet so closed off to the world around them, intrigued him so intensely it was no wonder he was falling for her. If he gave in to the desire to kiss her lips, lips which would connect with his with the slightest forward movement from either of them, would he only be setting himself up for a greater heartache? Setting both of them up for heartache?
‘Nay. I cannae…’
Her heart began to plummet at his words. No! she wanted to scream. He was so close. So close, so near, so necessary. Her emotions were as taut as a drum and she was sure they were about to snap at any second.
Loughlin’s breathing increased, as did his need for her. ‘I cannae not kiss you.’
With that, he leaned forward. The instant she heard his words, felt his movement, she leaned up, lacing her hands around his neck, her fingers plunging into his rich, spiky hair.
Their mouths came together with such a fierce intensity that it startled them both. It was as though abstaining from kissing for the past two and a half weeks had only made the attraction which existed between them far more powerful than either one realised.
She was entering uncharted territory and she didn’t care. Not now. She didn’t care about anything except this one moment in time. Impulsiveness was not something she ever gave in to but here she
was, doing what she wanted to do when she wanted to do it. Her breath caught in the back of her throat as his lips stilled momentarily over hers, as though he wanted to prolong the sensation, commit it to memory.
It was strange yet sensually delightful to have their mouths fused together without any movement at all, as though being still, simply enjoying this rapturous moment, gave their other senses time to catch up.
‘Megsy. Are you ready to—?’ Jasper burst into her office, causing Loughlin and Megan to wrench themselves from their sensual bubble. ‘Oh. I’m so sorry.’ Jasper immediately turned and walked out, closing the door firmly behind him.
Megan looked from her closed door to Loughlin. He’d taken quite a few steps away from her and she could tell by the set of his jaw that they weren’t about to pick up where they’d left off.
‘Family,’ he tried to joke, but even to his own ears, his word sounded hollow. He took another step backwards, his eyes intent on hers, his heart pounding wildly. That had been the most amazing kiss of his life. So gentle. So alluring. So completely sensual. He knew it wasn’t just the act of pressing his lips to Megan’s luscious ones that had made him tremble. It was the realisation he’d come to.
He might have fallen in love with his boss!
CHAPTER NINE
WHAT was he supposed to do?
Loughlin stood looking out of the living-room window into the dark of night. It was one week since he’d kissed Megan and he’d been asking himself the same question ever since. What had he done? He couldn’t possibly be in love with the woman. He hardly knew her.
He ran a hand through his hair and wasn’t surprised to find it not so steady. Thoughts of Megan often made him react in ways he wasn’t used to. She was quite a woman, he could at least admit that much. She was so highly intelligent he sometimes felt like going back to university to study some more just so he could keep up with her.
He liked it when she talked about their work, about operating techniques and new equipment coming out on the market. Usually it was after ward round or in the tearoom and usually there were other people around, taking the opportunity to ask her questions. He wondered why she hadn’t gone into a different speciality.
Then he realised it was no doubt because she didn’t have the arrogance required. He smiled to himself, recalling a conversation they’d had previously. He remembered the day he’d stopped to help her with her car. It hadn’t been that long ago yet it seemed like for ever.
She’d looked so beautiful that day, so haughty, so determined to fix the car herself, so eager to keep him at a distance. She’d looked beautiful every day since and he’d been surprised at her uncertainty the other day. Had she honestly thought that he’d stopped kissing her that first time because he thought she was unattractive? It appeared so and it also told him a lot about her previous relationship.
No. He’d stopped kissing her because she was addictive and he didn’t need to be addicted to anything, especially not another career-woman. Granted, even though she was dedicated to her career, she was completely different from Bonnie.
For the past week things had been…interesting between them. They’d both been polite, happy. Sometimes overly happy as though they were trying to cover up the indecision that appeared to be their confused relationship. Neither of them seemed to know what to do next and whilst Loughlin was bothered by it, he could see it was driving Megan almost crazy. He smiled at the thought. She was certainly a woman who liked to be in control but he admired her for trying to take a step into the unknown.
At least a thousand times each day he’d had to resist the temptation to kiss her. To do that would get them nowhere…except to perhaps lead them both down a path they might not mentally be ready to tackle. Physically…well, that was definitely another issue. There was no denying that in the chemistry department the pheromones were working overtime and that was why it was difficult to keep his distance.
If they found themselves alone in a room, they would talk about Heather or their work or even sometimes just discuss different books they’d read. In short, the more time he spent with her, the more he liked her, and although he’d kept reminding himself to keep looking for flaws, something that would help break this hold she appeared to have over him, he was having trouble coming up with any.
Sure, she was highly strung and a few times he’d caught her controlling her breathing, making him a little concerned that something might be wrong but he had no idea what. Tension? Stress? Anxiety? She wouldn’t be the first medic to suffer from the pressures of the job and, being such a perfectionist, he knew most of the pressure would come from no one else but herself. She wanted to do her job well and he couldn’t fault that.
In short, Megan was everything he was looking for in a woman and yet there were huge barriers between them, hurdles that needed to be jumped. The main problem was, the hurdles were so big he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get over them. It was the fact that Megan was everything he was looking for that made him so tentative and confused.
The phone rang and he rushed to pick it up in case it woke Heather. Perhaps it was Megan? Perhaps she needed him for an emergency? His heartbeat increased at the thought of seeing her. He so desperately wanted to yet at the same time he wanted to put as much distance between them as possible. ‘Lochie,’ he said into the receiver.
‘Wee one.’ Georgie’s sweet voice came down the line.
‘Hey, there.’ His heartbeat slowed to a more normal rhythm. It was just his sister, calling him the nickname he’d been given as a young boy. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Och, not much. We’ve just returned from having dinner with Megan’s brother and his family. My goodness, those girls are a handful. Completely gorgeous but a handful.’
‘No doubt. So how are they?’
‘Good. We discussed you.’
‘Oh?’ Loughlin wasn’t at all sure how he felt about that. Was that a good thing? Should they be discussing him? Was there anything to discuss?
‘Aye. Jasper seems to think there will be wedding bells soon.’
Loughlin closed his eyes, knowing exactly why Jasper was thinking that way. ‘And?’
‘And I think so, too. I like Megan. She’s lovely. Perfect for you.’
He opened his eyes and frowned into the phone. ‘You hardly spent any time with her, Georgie. You saw her briefly the day after the blow-hole incident in the grocery store.’
‘And we had a lovely chat. Did ye ken her eyes light up when she says your name?’
‘They do?’
Georgie laughed. ‘She’s a good person, Lochie. Sometimes it can only take a moment to realise that and I think things are going to work out.’
‘Why? Because her eyes light up when she says my name?’ There was a hint of disbelief in his tone but part of him was desperate for some of his sister’s optimism.
‘That’s part of it. I think she’s nothing like Bonnie and I hope you’re not comparing them.’ His sister, who had always been his confidante, paused. ‘I know ye like her, Lochie. It was evident just watching the two of you interact the other day. And she likes you. So what’s the problem?’
Loughlin began to pace the floor, not really looking where he was going and not really caring. ‘Too many to mention. We’ve both been hurt before.’
‘I know. Jasper mentioned Megsy’s aborted wedding. That cannae have been easy for her.’
‘It wasn’t.’
‘And we all know how many times you’ve been stabbed by Bonnie’s stilettos. The point is, for both of ye, those things are in the past. They’re over. They’re done with. You need to move on, move forward. Get on with your life.’
‘I am which is why I uprooted Heather and moved to Australia.’
‘And met Megan.’
‘You think this is…meant to be?’
‘I do, but we both know I’m a hopeless romantic at heart.’
‘Aye. Look, there’s no denying that I like Megsy. Heck, I even might love her but that doesn’t mean th
ings are going to work out. It’s not as though a fairy godmother is going to fly down, wave her magic wand and, poof, everything is perfect. My heart has been torn, twisted and tortured enough. I’m not going to risk it again.’
‘Why not?’
‘What if she hurts me? What if I declare my feelings for her and she rejects me? I can’t go through that again. Besides, I have Heather to think about. Heather must come first.’
‘Don’t go using that girl as an excuse.’ Georgie’s tone was stern and he realised she sounded like his mother. ‘Ye deserve happiness, Lochie, and if that’s with Megan, you need to grab it with both hands and hold on and never let go. Plus, although Heather is a well-adjusted preteen, there are going to be a lot of times in the coming years when she’s going to need another woman to talk to. Now, ye ken we’re always here for ye both but we’re also going to be half a world away. Although, I must say, the little I’ve already seen of this country I love. Wouldn’t mind moving here myself.’
‘Glad to hear it.’ Loughlin was still pondering his sister’s earlier words. He knew she wasn’t telling him to get married just so Heather could have a mother figure around. He knew she wasn’t telling him to rush into anything without thinking things through. He knew she was telling him to be careful not to lock himself up too tightly.
‘It may be time.’ Georgie’s words were soft. ‘Ye need to take a step out of the darkness into the light.’
‘What if she does reject me? What if she doesn’t want what I want? She’s a career-woman, Georgie. She’s talking about not even staying in Kiama when her contract expires. She doesn’t want to stay in one place. She wants to move, to do new things, to…Oh, I don’t know what she wants but it isn’t to stay in town, to put down roots, to get married, to have a family. She’s a surgeon first and foremost and I cannae see her changing any of that.’ He stopped walking and stared out into the night yet again. Why weren’t the answers to his many questions just floating around out there, waiting for him to claim them?