by Erica Hobbs
“You were with her on Saturday?” I asked.
Matt nodded.
“Well, that explains a lot.” It explained everything. Oh, boy. Tanya was going to have a fit.
“Does she know you’re telling me about this?” I asked.
“We thought it would be better this way. She’s scared you’ll be upset.”
I took a deep breath. It’s not exactly cool to hear from someone else that my best friend has been dating my cousin. And not hearing it from her? Although, I understood it. With everything that had been going on in my life, it wasn’t really easy for her to speak to me about things like these. I got that. What would I have done in the same situation?
“So… are you mad?” Matt asked. I looked up at him. He was concerned, unsure. I shook my head and forced a smile.
“I’m not.”
He frowned. “Really?”
I shook my head again. “I’m happy you’re happy. I’m not happy that you guys thought you needed to keep it a secret and that she didn’t think she could tell me herself. But I’m happy you’re happy.”
Matt studied my face for a moment, gauging if I was being serious. When he realized I meant it, his face split into a huge grin.
“I’m so glad,” he said. “I was nervous to tell you. She’s so awesome, Ali. She’s everything I’ve always wanted in a girl.”
I nodded. I had to have a chat with Grace.
“If you hurt her, I’ll kill you. You know that, right?”
“Even if we’re blood?” he asked.
I punched him on his arm. He rolled away from me, laughing.
“I was just kidding. I know. I’ll take care of her.”
“Good,” I said.
Chapter 36
Jake
Rebecca had her moments where she was just a silly teenager. She still had to grow up and figure out her way. At her age, I was thrown into the deep end with our parents dying. It was a relief she didn’t have all of that to deal with. Still, she had a long road ahead of her.
And then, out of nowhere, she came out with little bits of wisdom that left me reeling. She’d been so blunt about everything that had been happening with Amanda and Alyssa. And she’d been right. About all of it.
If I really was serious about Alyssa as I kept saying – and I was, maybe even more – then I had to go out and fight for her. Sitting at home feeling sorry for myself, letting it take over my whole life, was the coward’s way out. This wasn’t who I was. If I could pick myself up before, I could do it now. I’d never had something this serious that I wanted to fight for – not even football. It had been an escape, and I’d had natural talent. Alyssa was a whole different story. She wasn’t an escape for me to use to run away from my life. She was someone I wanted to run to.
And that was worth it all. She was worth it all.
At first, when we had just met, she’d been secretive about where she lived. I’d understood it. I didn’t want anyone knowing where I lived either. Our reason might not have been exactly the same, but privacy was something I understood and respected.
The night of the masquerade ball she had given me her address so I could send her the dress. It had been like a little gift, trust that I felt I’d earned. Later, I’d dropped her off at her house which was another tiny step in the right direction. She’d slowly been opening up to me.
I hadn’t ever been invited to her house, even though I knew where it was. We hadn’t been dating that long, after all. I had fallen for her a lot harder and a lot quicker than I’d expected and I had the idea she’d felt the same, but we had still been taking it slow.
We’d been doing it right.
I still knew where she lived, though. And this time, I wasn’t going to respect her wish for privacy and stay away. This time, I was going there and fight to get my woman back.
Rebecca had made it clear that my priorities were in the wrong place, and thinking about it, she was right. I’d been focusing on the problem – Amanda – instead of focusing on the solution. Alyssa. And whatever you focus on and put your attention into is the one that will rule, right?
I didn’t want to give Amanda that much attention, energy or credit for ruining my life anymore. I could do something about it.
I chose my outfit carefully. I wanted to look like the person she’d fallen in love with. I wanted to feel invincible. I wanted something that would make her melt when she looked at me the way she used to. I changed into designer jeans and a t-shirt that clung to my muscles. I shaved and styled my hair. I put on the same cologne I’d worn at the masquerade ball. All of this was for her.
My stomach was in knots. What if she didn’t even want to see me? What if she wanted nothing to do with me?
I shook off the thoughts. I had to stay positive. I needed to be the confident man she knew. Hell, I needed to be the confident man I knew.
When I felt like I couldn’t be any more ready, I got in my car and drove to her house. I remembered it from the night I’d dropped her off, but in the daylight, it looked completely different. It was a nice neighborhood, with cozy houses in nice gardens. Trees bowed over the road creating a ceiling of green. This was the kind of neighborhood I would like to raise kids in one day. Everything about the area suited Alyssa – she was wholesome and beautiful and pleasant to be around, just like this place.
I pulled to a stop a few houses away from Alyssa’s house and took a deep breath. I tasted my heart in my throat, and my body was numb.
“Come on,” I told myself. “It’s another play. Push until you make the goal.”
It was stupid relating it to football, but it made me feel better, confident. The adrenaline pumped through my system. I got out of the car, and my feet carried me down the road.
Voices traveled to me through the air – angry voices. They didn’t fit in with the general atmosphere of the road I was walking on. I frowned. Someone was fighting.
Alyssa’s home came into view. The lawn stretched all the way up to the front door with shrubs and trees peppered all around to give the place a homey scattered feel. The driveway led to a double garage, and two people stood arguing close to the house.
One was Alyssa.
My heart skipped a beat when I saw her. She looked upset.
I turned my attention to the man she was arguing with, on high alert straight away. Alyssa and I weren’t on the right terms, but she was still my woman, and a carnal part of me wanted to protect her right away.
The man was one of those pretty boys you see in magazines; his hair, features, and clothing perfect, but his face was twisted in a mask of anger.
“Come on, Liss—“
“Don’t call me that!”
“Why won’t you just give me a chance?”
“Because you shattered me. Why would I let you do that again?”
“I’ve changed. How can I show you if you won’t even try?”
She had her arms wrapped around her chest as if she was trying to keep herself from falling apart. He leaned toward her, hostile, hands balled into fists. She was in full defense mode, and he was the attacker.
I saw a flash of white. No one spoke to Alyssa that way.
“Is everything alright here?” I asked, walking toward them.
Alyssa looked up at me, and her eyes stretched, mouth opening slightly. She paled.
“Jake?” she asked, her voice thin. The man turned to me.
“Who are you?” he asked, looking me up and down like I was just someone in the way. When he looked back at my face, recognition flickered across his features, and he frowned.
“Are you…?” He looked at Alyssa. “You know this guy?”
Alyssa closed her eyes. “I can’t do this,” she said softly.
“Is he bothering you?” I asked.
“Jake, please.” She sounded exasperated. “You can’t be here. I told you, we’re over.”
The other guy looked me up and down, this time judging. “You were with this guy? And you don’t want anything to do with me? H
ave you seen his track record?”
Anger settled in my chest like a flame, setting my blood on fire. I opened my mouth to speak, but Alyssa spoke first.
“James, please. This changes nothing. Just because he’s an asshole doesn’t mean you weren’t one. I regret being with you.” She looked at me. “Both of you.”
Her words cut me. The air sucked out of my lungs, but something about what she’d said caught my attention. She’d been with this man. Which meant only one thing.
“This is the guy?” I asked her. I was suddenly so angry that my vision blurred. I felt as if the rage would tear me apart. This was the man who had made the love of my life feel like she was worth nothing.
“Jake, don’t,” Alyssa said, seeing something in my eyes. I didn’t care. I had gone past the point of no return. I couldn’t stand in front of the man who had broken Alyssa and do nothing. Without thinking about what I was doing, I went for him. Something inside me snapped the way it had on the field over the weekend, and I let my body take over. I hit him straight in the eye, and he went down like a rock. I crawled onto him and slugged him in the face again. He wasn’t much of a fighter.
“Jake, don’t!” Alyssa was trying to pull me off him, my shirt bunched in her hands. I ignored her. She was nothing compared to the anger I felt. In a stroke of luck, James managed to slap on my ear, and it messed up my balance. I toppled to the side, and the tables were turned. James kneed me in the stomach before he managed to get on top of me. I had a lot of years of fitness and muscle on my side, though, and it wasn’t hard to get out from underneath him. I grabbed him by the collar and yanked him up, so we were both on our feet. The guy deserved a fighting chance before I beat him up completely.
He swung for me and managed to catch my jaw. With a quick punch, he hit me on the nose, and warm liquid ran over my mouth and chin. I didn’t care. I punched him in the face again, and he staggered back. I went in, grabbing him by the neck with my arm, wrestling him down. Somewhere in the background, Alyssa was screaming, but I was on autopilot.
Strong hands grabbed me and yanked me off James. I fell backward onto the concrete. James fell to the floor, coughing, and heaving, clutching his eye.
“That’s enough!” A deep voice shouted behind me, and I looked up. A man who had the same features as Alyssa stood between James and me, wearing only boxer shorts. He was pissed off, and I couldn’t blame him.
“Thanks, dad,” Alyssa said. She was crying. I snapped back to reality. What had I done? My shirt was stained red with blood. I tried to wipe my face with it, but I probably just made a bigger mess of things. When James finally pushed himself up and removed his hand, his eye was swollen. I stood up, too.
“Are you okay?” her dad asked Alyssa. She nodded.
“I know this is a bad way to start the day, sir,” James started.
“James,” Alyssa cut him off, her voice strong even though she looked like she was falling apart. “Leave. I don’t want to see you or hear from you again.”
James tried to say more, but Alyssa shook her head, holding up her hand. “I don’t want to try again with you. I don’t have feelings for you. I don’t care where you go or what you do. We’re done.”
He glared at me like this was somehow my fault before he nodded and stormed away.
“Alyssa,” I started. “I just need to talk to you.”
“You’ve done enough,” she said tightly. It was the same tone she’d used with James, and it hurt.
“Just let me explain.”
Alyssa shook her head. “I have nothing to say to you.”
She turned around and walked toward the house.
“Don’t go,” I called after her. Her dad stepped in front of me, blocking my view of her.
“I don’t know what you are to Alyssa – I can guess – but I don’t think this is the right path for you, son,” he said. “Your fighting on the field is one thing, but I don’t appreciate you bringing it to my home.”
He didn’t have to say anything more. His expression did all the talking. I nodded and walked back to my car.
He was right, of course. I’d really fucked it up now. As if the tabloids, the girls and the fight in the game weren’t enough, I’d marched in there uninvited and attacked Alyssa’s ex. Her dad had to pull us apart. If this wasn’t the way to drive a woman away for good, I didn’t know what was.
Chapter 37
Jake
I drove back to my aunt’s place. I was so glad I was staying there for a while. Going back to my own place, alone, sounded like a horror. I didn’t want to go back to the world I had created for myself. Not yet. The further I drove, and the longer I thought about it, the more I saw it in perspective.
When I’d gone there, I had planned on sitting Alyssa down and telling her what the facts were, letting her see things from my side so that she could decide if breaking up with me was still what she wanted. I’d gone there with the best of intentions. I’d gone to show her I wasn’t a bad man.
When I’d realized that James was the one who had broken her heart and caused her to be so careful, I had lost it. I hated the thought of him since the moment she’d told me about him. I couldn’t believe someone would have it in them to do something like that to a woman. I had had many women in my life, and my intentions had never been to commit in any way, but I hadn’t had them at the same time, ever. No one deserves to feel like they’re not worth all your time. Every girl I’d taken to bed with me understood what I wanted and what I didn’t want, and for the short while they got with me, I had gone out of my way to make them feel like it was just them who existed in my world.
If women were happy with a noncommittal, sex-only relationship, that was their business – I was a recipient – but I would never make them feel like just a piece of meat, one that wasn’t good enough to satisfy my appetite.
I looked at my hands on the steering wheel. My knuckles were swollen, the skin split in one spot and there was blood on my skin. It was hard to believe this was the same hand that had held Alyssa’s, that my fingers had intertwined through hers.
I had lost my shit when I’d realized who James was. He hadn’t even had to instigate anything for me to attack him. Not that it would have been necessary if he was any other stranger on the street – he had one of those faces I just wanted to rearrange. Maybe I was biased, though.
But I’d attacked him. I’d taken out all my anger on him; I’d taken out my frustration and pain on him. It had been more than just a fight to avenge Alyssa’s honor.
When I parked in the driveway in front of Aunt Maureen’s house, I rubbed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger.
There wasn’t one thing that I’d done right when I was at Alyssa’s place. She would hate me now; there was no doubt about that.
God, what would her parents think of me? Her dad had apparently seen the game on Saturday – his comment had been very clear. He also had no idea what I was to Alyssa. Hadn’t she spoken to them? Hadn’t she told them? It confused me. I thought we’d been serious.
Then again, if that James character was the last person she’d gotten serious with before me and he was such a nuisance maybe she had a reason not to want to bring anyone home to meet the family. I hadn’t exactly changed her mind on that now, either. In fact, I wouldn’t think it would be weird if she never brought a man home again after that.
My shirt was a bloody mess. I had almost forgotten how terribly I had to look. I pulled down the sun visor and checked the little mirror. I had blood staining my chin and upper lip. I looked like a hooligan. I pulled off the shirt and tried to get the blood off my face with it. It didn’t work very well. I would have to make a run for the bathroom and shoot in there before Aunt Maurine or Rebecca could see me.
I sighed and got out of my car.
I walked up the steps and into the house, listening. It was quiet. I walked quickly, scared that Rebecca would come out of her room, scared Maurine would come from the kitchen, scared that either of them would see me. I made
it to the bathroom safely and locked myself in. I washed my face, scrubbing until the skin was red. Blood was damn hard to get off.
Finally, when I was cleaned up enough to make an appearance, I unlocked the door and slipped into my room. I pulled on a fresh shirt and shoved the bloodied one into my duffel bag. I would throw it away somewhere else.
“Hello?” I called, checking the house room for room for my family. They were nowhere to be found. I had run to the bathroom in a panic for nothing. Aunt Maurine and Rebecca were probably out. Thank God! I didn’t want to have to explain to Rebecca what had happened and I was almost sure she would ask.