by Erica Hobbs
I looked at my cellphone, hoping for a missed call or a text from her. There was nothing. I should have known she would want nothing to do with me. I thought for a moment to try and call her, but she wouldn’t even answer. She had no reason to. Why would she want a barbaric asshole in her life? She was already struggling just to get rid of the first one. Maybe it was best to let it go.
I couldn’t believe I was actually considering it. Alyssa was the only person I’d ever wanted. I was the one who had fucked up, though. I had to let it go for her sake. The only thing worse than knowing that that idiot from her past was still giving her trouble, was being the next idiot from her past that was doing the same thing. I didn’t want to be the guy she told off on her own lawn.
Oh, wait. Been there, done that.
Fuck.
I made a sandwich in the kitchen and walked to my room with the plate. When I finished the sandwich, I lay on my bed, closing my eyes. I was lucky I didn’t have a black eye the way James d. I didn’t want to have to explain what had happened. I couldn’t chalk it up to a training accident on my off day.
When I opened my eyes again, the room was dark, inky clouds covering the sky through my window. I sat up. I must have dozed off. A light shone from the passage only slightly lighting up my room.
I walked into the kitchen where Aunt Maurine was cooking supper.
“Hey,” I said, sitting down on a chair at the kitchen table.
“Oh, you’re up,” she said.
I nodded.
“Are you feeling ill?”
Physically? No. I shook my head. “It’s just been a long week.”
She nodded. “I used to have those, too, with you in the house.”
She smiled at me. God, I loved her. She was as close to a mother as I could get.
“Where’s Beck?” I asked.
“Staying over at a friend. I dropped her off earlier.”
That was where they were.
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” she asked.
I looked up at her in alarm. “What do you mean?”
“I may be getting old, Jake, but I’m not stupid. Everything about you is off. You moved back in here, you’ve been fighting,” my blood ran cold, “and you’ve been more than distracted.”
I swallowed.
“Fighting?” I asked.
“Do you think I don’t watch your games?”
Oh. The game. Right. I took a deep breath.
“It’s just been a rough time,” I said.
“With a girl?”
How did she know that? “Have you been reading the tabloids?”
Maurine laughed and took two clean plates out of the cupboard to dish up for us.
“I don’t read that nonsense. They’re all lies, anyway. But I know when a man is in a twist because of a woman, and you’ve got it bad.”
I sighed. “Well, that much is true. A twist.” I chuckled without emotion.
“Tell me about her.”
I shrugged. “There’s no use. I’ve lost her now. I’ve been a real idiot.”
Maurine shrugged. “Men tend to do that.”
She smiled at me. She was mocking me. And she was doing it gently.
“It can’t be that bad.”
“It’s worse,” I said, and I started telling her. I told her everything, from when I met Alyssa in the tunnel under the stadium to my pursuit at Lemon and our first date the Masquerade ball, all the way through to seeing James at her house.
“Just wanted to talk to her,” I said. “But then he was there, causing trouble, and I was already angry.”
“You fought with him,” she said. I nodded, feeling embarrassed to admit to it.
“I hoped you wouldn’t know.”
“Your knuckles don’t look like that from the treadmill,” she said. I put my hands on my lap under the table. I hadn’t thought about hiding them. Maurine shook her head.
“I don’t know why you can’t just be with the person you love and get it over with. Your father was such a mess when he lost your mother, too.”
I frowned. “What? He lost her?” This was news to me.
“Oh, yes. And they’d been together a lot longer than you’ve been with this one. She was his first, his only, too. It runs in your blood.” She smiled at me, and I felt warm inside. Being compared to my dad made me feel like there was something I was doing right. He had always been my hero.
“What happened?”
Aunt Maurine started dishing up – broccoli and cauliflower, rice, minced beef, salad. It was a meal fit for a king when I was just a lowly bottom feeder.
“They fought. She thought he’d been after someone else. He was the kind of person who would help everyone. His kind nature was often abused. Your mother hadn’t trusted that it was just friendship – the woman wanted more. So they broke up.”
“How could something like that break them if they’d been together for so long?” I asked.
Maurine shrugged and sat down at the table, putting my plate in front of me.
“You’ll be surprised what misunderstandings can do. The biggest part of any relationship is communication.”
“What did he do? To get her back? It obviously worked because they got married.”
Maurine smiled and speared the broccoli with her fork.
“He borrowed my car – an old piece of junk I drove around then – and he set out after her. He told her that he didn’t want anyone else. She challenged him and asked him to prove it. He pulled a ring out of his pocket and proposed right there.”
I looked down at my own food, picking out the cauliflower and eating it first. It was the worst.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull off something drastic like that with Alyssa. She’s my first love, but I’m not her first, and the guy who came before me hurt her.”
“All the more reason to prove to her you’re not like him,” Maurine said. “If you’re really serious about her, you need to take that risk.”
I shook my head. It all sounded very romantic when my dad had done it, but what if it didn’t work out for me that way? What if Alyssa didn’t want to hear it, or heard it from me and still decided I wasn’t good enough for her anymore? After everything else I’d done, it wasn’t just the misunderstanding I had to deal with, but my own bad choices, too.
“The first step is to try,” Maurine said. “If you don’t try, you’ll never know. You don’t want to go there and ask her to give you another shot. You’re scared she says no, and that’s normal. But what if she says yes?”
Hot For Sports – Book 5
Chapter 38
Alyssa
Men are assholes. There are exceptions to the rule, I guess. Isn’t that they always what say? That just isn’t true in my life.
Granted I didn’t have the best track record. I didn’t really date in school. College gave me James; he was an asshole, and he used me as a starter when he already had a main course all lined up. Of course, I didn’t know about it. It took me forever to put myself back together after him.
After that, it was Jake; the asshole who didn’t have the courtesy to tell me off before he moved along to his next dish – I was more like an hors d'oeuvre and he was trying them all.
Every girl likes the idea of men fighting over her. There’s a thrill about being wanted in that way, by more than one person. All the raging hormones and primal aggression and possessiveness are supposed to be hot. However, they really aren’t all that great when it comes down to it. In fact, it’s scary. It’s messy. It hurts even when you’re not the one in the fight.
James had come to my house again even though I’d told him that it wasn’t going to happen between us. This was the reason why I didn’t want to give Jake my address at first – James was making a nuisance of himself, and I wasn’t even considering getting back together with him. That ship had sailed.
He’d woken me up again, and he’d been on the grass looking pathetic.
“I just want to talk to you aga
in, spend some time together, show you that I’ve changed.”
Of course, people like James didn’t change. His smooth charm and the way he could get anyone to like him, the way he was able to say anything and make it sound like the truth, was what made me fall for him in the first place. And it was exactly that fact that told me he could do it all over again and I wouldn’t even know. I would never be able to trust him.
Who could build a relationship when that was where you started?
I’d just about handled James when Jake appeared out of nowhere. Again, this was why I wasn’t going to tell any guy where I lived. Ever again. Jake walked up toward us like an apparition. One thing I could say was that the dark smoldering thing he had going was still there. My stomach twisted when I saw him and not just because I had decided I was better off without him. He was drop dead gorgeous, and he exuded manliness. The way he walked up to us, all dominant; it was enough to make a girl melt.
Until he got himself involved with James. And not just that, he was the one who had started fighting him. Fighting. Jake knew I’d been hurt before. His protection would have been the most gallant thing if he hadn’t been an asshole himself; one who had also hurt me. When men start fighting over you, but you don’t trust either of them, it’s just not that romantic anymore.
It was embarrassing that my dad had to be the one to pull them apart. I hadn’t wanted the hell in my life to spill over into my parents’ life again. And it was the worst way to meet someone, too. That was the first they’d seen of Jake. In person, at least. By the time my dad had broken up the fight, I felt like I was coming undone at the seams, falling apart all over again. It was better for both of them to get out of my life for good.
My mom knocked on my door about an hour later. She walked into the room and sat down on my bed. She took a deep breath.
“Well, there’s one thing I can say about all of this,” she said. “It’s never a dull moment.”
I chuckled without emotion.
“Yeah, what an adventure,” I said dully.
My mom reached for me, and I took her hand. She squeezed it tightly before letting go again.
“I’m not sure what happened with that boy, but he’s serious about you.”
Or not. Jake was just serious enough about me to make me stay. He wasn’t serious enough to keep it exclusive. My chest felt tight, and it made breathing harder. I wasn’t going to tell her what had happened between us. I didn’t care if she hated Jake, but I didn’t want to look like the woman who couldn’t be good enough for a man. Again.
“Just remember, Ali,” she said. “You’re worth a lot more than you think and you know what’s best. I raised you, teaching you how to deal with life and now it’s time for me to sit back and trust that what I taught you will be enough to guide you through the rest of it.”
I frowned. I hadn’t done a great job at this.
“Why are you telling me this?” I asked.
“Because you need to know you’re able to create your own happiness. You don’t need a man to do it. And if you decide you do want a man, you’re able to decide if he’s good enough to deserve you. It’s not the other way around.”
I nodded. I wanted to cry. I wasn’t quite sure why I wanted to break down – I wasn’t upset enough about the guys fighting or losing either. It hurt, obviously, but I could deal with it. But this? My mom was being nice in a way I wasn’t sure I understood.
She got up and walked out of the room. I fell back onto my pillows. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, holding it in for three counts before blowing it out again.
…able to decide if he’s good enough to deserve you. Not the other way around.
How many times had I felt that I wasn’t the one who was good enough? How many times had I wondered what was wrong with me? Good enough to deserve me. Not the other way around. They were the assholes. I wasn’t the one who was wrong. Why had it taken me so long to realize that?
I opened my eyes again and sat up. I could lie on my bed for the rest of my life, feeling sorry for myself, thinking I was the problem, or I could get up and live my life, waiting for the right guy to come along.
They had to prove to me that they were good enough to be in my life, right? Not the other way around.
I grabbed my phone from the nightstand where I’d left it when I’d gone outside to talk to James earlier. I dialed Grace’s number.
“Can I come over?” I asked when she answered. “To talk.”
“Now?”
“Now, if that’s okay. I know it’s early.”
I could hear her swallowing. “No, it’s okay. Better sooner than later, right?”
“Be there in half an hour,” I said and hung up.
I got dressed, throwing on jeans, a tank top, ballerina flats and I pulled my hair into a ponytail. I didn’t bother with makeup or jewelry. I was just going to talk to a friend, a sister.
Grace stayed in an apartment in town. Her parents had gotten it for her when she’d started studying so that she could have a bit of independence. She was the only one of the three of us who didn’t still stay with our parents, even though we all had jobs.
“Hey,” I said when she opened the door. I hugged her. She smiled at me, nervously, and let me into the apartment.
“Do you want something to drink? Coffee?”
“Please. I need the caffeine.” I sat down on the couch. Grace stood in the open plan kitchen, preparing two cups of instant coffee. She glanced up at me now and then. She fidgeted with the sugar container, and she made an effort to wash two teaspoons even though there were probably more in the drawer. She was nervous.
Matt had told me about their relationship. They’d been keeping it a secret for a while. We’d all noticed Grace was distracted and Matt was MIA, but so much had been happening and no one would have thought that the two of them could be together.
Finally, Grace took the two cups of coffee and walked toward me. She handed me mine and put hers down on the coffee table.
“I’m sorry,” she started.
“For what?” I asked.
“About Matt. That we’re together.”
I shook my head.
“Don’t,” I said. “I’m not here to fight with you. I’m not mad about Matt.”
Grace frowned, tucking her feet underneath her on the couch. “You’re not?”
I shook my head. “I can’t be. I can’t tell you what or who you need to be happy. It was a shock, sure, but I’m not mad if that’s what you want. I’m just upset you thought you couldn’t tell me.”
Grace looked down at her hand. “It’s your cousin,” she said. “I thought I would be stepping on your toes.”
I shrugged. “You know what? It is weird. I’m not going to lie about it. But it’s not wrong. And if you don’t sacrifice our friendship for a relationship, and nothing gets weird between us if it goes bad, I’m okay with that.”
Grace blinked at me.
“Why are you being so nice about this? I thought you would be furious.”
I shrugged. “I love you, Grace. You’re one of my best friends. I want you to be happy. You deserve love as much as the next person. I just want you to feel like you can talk to me, not send Matt to do that for you.”
She sighed. “I know. I should have talked to you myself. I was scared.”
I nodded. I could understand that.
“It’s fine, okay? Just, you know, talk to me. I don’t bite.”
I blew on the top of my coffee and sipped it. Grace nodded, finally reaching for hers.
“So, tell me the details. But not too much. I honestly don’t want to know what happens behind closed doors.”
I shuddered. Grace giggled. Giggled. I don’t think I’d ever seen her this happy.
“Shouldn’t we call Tanya?” she asked.
“Does she know?”
Grace shook her head. “Not that it’s Matt, just that I met someone.”
I reached for my phone.
“Yeah, let’s get h
er over here. I have so much gossip, too.”
Tanya arrived less than twenty minutes later. She was barely through the door when I dropped it.
“It’s Matt,” I said.