by Massey, Beth
Fitzwilliam Darcy had slept very poorly. If he was in Derbyshire, he could go for a gallop and exhaust himself. Dreams reminiscent of his encounter yesterday had disturbed his slumber. It was his house, and thus he was responsible for the well being of the guests. She was still a child, and he fretted that Anne had not told him the whole story. The fear he saw in his wife’s eyes told him she knew something more about the incident. However, to continue pursuing the truth would only create unpleasantness.
How sad such an intelligent and witty young woman should be so unstable. Her aunt and uncle had allowed her to come to his house without a chaperone. He wondered whether her parents were as careless with her. Anne had hinted Miss Elizabeth had become enamoured with his cousin and implied the realization he was too much above her in consequence had caused her to become disheartened. The question that bothered him was who had told her there could be nothing between them. Anne had insisted Edmund was not home yesterday.
If he could not gallop, he could at least walk. He found himself tracing the path of their journey to Cheapside. His intention was not to visit her, but he was drawn to the vicinity. If only he could feel assured she was well.
He saw a small park on a residential street called Gracechurch. It was lined with pleasant houses… not grand like those around Grosvenor Square, but well maintained and quite large. The day was pleasant, though still a little breezy, and he sat on a bench to rest before walking home. About ten minutes later, he saw a young woman enter the park with two children… a boy and a girl. They were entering from the opposite side and did not notice him. It was Miss Elizabeth. She was without a bonnet, and only had a shawl over her frock… no red cloak today. They had a kite. She showed the boy how to run to let the wind catch the sail and then let out the string as it began to soar. He smiled when he saw they had made the kite look like Puss n Boots. The little girl clung to Miss Elizabeth’s skirt and watched with fascination. Once the boy had the kite flying, he offered to let the little girl fly it for a while. She clapped her hands with excitement before taking the string and doing a very credible job for one so small.
Miss Elizabeth seemed somewhat subdued. Still, she seemed determined the children in her care would enjoy themselves. It was obvious to Darcy the little boy and girl loved her. He was momentarily overcome with a desire to have his own children… to make and fly kites with them. Sadness came over him as he watched the trio.
On the way back to Grosvenor Square, he decided to stop in at White’s. Maybe he would meet up with some acquaintances. He suddenly felt the need to be distracted.
Anne Darcy had been unwell most of the night and sleep had eluded her. She decided to prolong her stay in her room in the hopes she might succumb to slumber. It also meant she could avoid being questioned by Fitzwilliam. The uncomfortable truth was that she believed Edmund had hurt Elizabeth. She had seen the truth in his eyes when she had confronted him last evening. It was not guilt she saw, but some kind of smug satisfaction that she did not apprehend. Still, she knew enough to realize something had occurred to please Edmund and cause Elizabeth to become distraught.
Her maid brought her a cup of Lizzy’s sister’s camomile tea. Was it only yesterday they had given each other permission to use their first names? The thought of having to give up her acquaintance with Elizabeth brought on tears. She had never had a young woman for a friend… and she had found one who was such a sweet, supportive person. Anne knew it would be hard to find anyone like her among the ton. She had mentioned corresponding…now that would never happen… it seemed so unfair.
Her mind drifted back to Fitzwilliam. The dread that he would learn she had left Miss Elizabeth alone in Edmund’s sitting room threatened to overwhelm her. The honourable thing to do was to confess her guilt and tell her husband what she suspected their cousin had done…but she was not exactly certain what he had done. He was a viscount, and a respected member of the best society. Surely, he would not tempt a fifteen year-old girl to succumb to his charms. Anne took another sip of tea to calm herself before she continued with her speculation. Even if Edmund had teased her with hopes of marriage, and she had submitted; it would be her own behaviour that was improper—not anything Anne had done.
She had been pleased when Lord Wolfbridge’s explanation of the events of yesterday had concurred with what she had told Fitzwilliam. Edmund had simply told Miss Elizabeth how much he admired her. But as he was talking, she misunderstood and became overly excited and embraced him. He had pushed her away and told her there could be no future between them. Another sip of tea and she was prepared to recall the end of his story. Miss Elizabeth had collapsed. He had given her some water and tried to console her. When she appeared to have herself under control, he suggested she leave.
Anne had asked for clarification on why the young woman walked home, “Cousin, did you order a carriage for her?”
Edmund had smirked at the question and answered, “I did not think it necessary. I assumed she had come in one of her own.”
Anne could not believe how ungentlemanly Lord Wolfbridge could sometimes be. At that moment, she had wanted to be out of his presence. After returning to her room, she had attempted to make sense of what had happened in case she was questioned again. Edmund had said Lizzy had embraced him…that would explain the smell of smoke about her. More than anything else, she feared Fitzwilliam would push her to explain that odour. It was the most telling proof that Miss Elizabeth had been in Lord Wolfbridge’s presence. During her confrontation of Edmund, the scent of tobacco had been strong…and the port on his breath had been quite noticeable. His smile and flattery had always dazzled her before, but now she was struck by the unpleasantness of those odours.
Anne turned her thoughts, once again, to the loss of Elizabeth’s friendship. Their time together had been giving her confidence, and she had looked forward to their trip to the modiste the coming week. Now they would never shop for gowns together. Elizabeth would go home and have her sisters and her friends. Anne, on the other hand, would be left with an indifferent husband, a sister who was still a little girl and a disreputable cousin who reeked of tobacco smoke and port. Anne put down her cup and attempted to find relief for her disappointment by snuggling into her pillow. Sleep was what she needed more than anything.
Anne thought about Elizabeth’s cousins. Mrs Gardiner had let her hold the baby. Even though she was petrified of giving birth, she had to admit it was pleasant cuddling baby Susan. She had looked up at her with big blue eyes, broken into a smile and gurgled. Perhaps it was time to become serious about producing an heir. She would not be like her mother. Her child would know he was cherished. She felt certain her baby would be a boy, and he would love her in a way that no other person ever had. His love for her would be as Fitzwilliam had loved Lady Anne. She wanted to spend the rest of her life loving him and encouraging him to learn and have all kinds of experiences. Yes, she would protect him, but she would not smother him. Her son would grow to be a great man who controlled two estates.
If Anne encouraged Fitzwilliam to come to her more often, maybe he would forget about trying to find out what happened to Miss Elizabeth. With this thought in mind, she finally drifted off to sleep.
8 DON’T THEY KNOW IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD?
Mrs Gardiner had so little evidence of something happening that day at Darcy House that she procrastinated in telling her husband. Distaste for forcing a confrontation with the Darcys or Lord Wolfbridge was uppermost in her mind. Elizabeth was definitely not herself, but it seemed the most prudent course of action was to wait and observe. In those first weeks, she had asked numerous times if anything was wrong, and each time the answer was the same. Elizabeth assured her aunt she was fine and seemed to be evading the truth by saying perhaps she was just a bit homesick.
Elizabeth played with the children as usual, but Mrs Gardiner was certain she was simply going through the motions. Even Marianne noticed and asked her mother what was wrong with Cousin Lizzy. She told her mother that
when she told them a story, she did not use any voices.
About three weeks after the day Lizzy went to Darcy House alone, while eating breakfast she had to excuse herself. When her aunt went to her, she found her lying on her bed with a cold compress on her head.
“Aunt Gardiner, I feel quite sick this morning as well as being fatigued. Would you mind if I stayed in my room for a while?”
“Do not worry, Lizzy, Molly and I can manage the children. Have a good rest.”
During the next three weeks, Mrs Gardiner observed that Lizzy was both ill in the morning and excessively tired on an almost daily basis.
Elizabeth assumed her discomfort was part of the sadness and guilt she felt at allowing herself to be violated. She chastised herself for submitting. Honourable women fight when they are about to be compromised. That is what they did in all the novels she had read.
Mrs Gardiner asked Mrs Jones to inquire of Molly when was the last time Miss Elizabeth had her courses. Mrs Jones was to tell Molly she needed to ensure she had the proper supplies on hand. Luckily the young maid did not seem to find the question unusual and readily answered that it was shortly after she had arrived in London. Mrs Gardiner knew the situation had reached a point where she had to inform her husband and confess her fears of what had happened to their beloved niece.
That evening after dinner, she told him in the privacy of his office. At first he refused to give credence to her assumption and asked numerous questions about the circumstances—which of course Mrs Gardiner had no knowledge of, other than the stains on her clothing, the despair she exhibited and the very recent physical symptoms. When Mr Gardiner was finally persuaded to accept his wife’s premise, he was devastated. Within a few minutes though, he began ranting at the nameless person who had hurt his niece. After his rage calmed, he despaired over telling his sister and brother. Mr and Mrs Gardiner felt certain Lizzy had been violated, but both instinctually knew she had not been to blame.
Mr Gardiner quickly began thinking of next steps. He knew the Darcy and Fitzwilliam families were formidable opponents. To prepare for a probable confrontation, he decided to have an acquaintance make some discreet inquiries to see if a young woman was being gossiped about by the servants at Darcy House or in any of the clubs about town. They agreed they would wait for the results of the queries and perhaps more definitive evidence of a baby before talking with Lizzy.
Another two weeks and the first results of the inquiries had been favourable for avoiding a scandal. There was no gossip at Darcy House, but the physical evidence definitely kept building to support her being with child.
Despite her distress, Elizabeth continued to entertain her cousins. She could not deny them the pleasure of the park. April showers had given way to the beauty that was May. Marianne had become proficient enough to fly the Puss n Boots kite by herself. Lizzy and David launched the second kite they had made… a spectacular red dragon, spewing fire from his mouth and possessing a magnificent tail with a spike on the end. They had affixed scales all over the dragon that flapped in the breeze. They named the Dragon, Llewellyn, after their Grandfather Davies. Davy and Marianne told her he was a very kindly man, but looked quite frightening with eyebrows that grew in every direction and silver hair as bushy as a lion’s mane. He did not spew fire, but his voice boomed.
While keeping her cousins occupied with kite flying, Lizzy was allowed to rest on a bench. Several times in the distance, she thought she saw a tall man across the park. The thought of being watched by someone who could be Lord Wolfbridge made her heart race, and her breathing become laboured. Whenever she would look again, the man would be gone.
Two and a half months after Elizabeth’s visit to Darcy House, Mr And Mrs Gardiner asked Elizabeth to join them in Mr Gardiner’s study. Elizabeth was hoping they would talk about her returning to Longbourn. For some reason, it had been delayed several times in the past six weeks. Being wrapped in her sister’s arms would surely ease her pain.
“Elizabeth, what happened to you the last time you visited Mrs Darcy?” Mrs Gardiner tried to keep from looking accusatory.
Elizabeth had become adept at keeping a placid countenance over the last two and a half months. She said, “I do not know what you mean. Nothing happened except the quarrel I told you about.”
“You are not telling the truth. I know something happened to you.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I fear you are with child.”
Lizzy looked uncomprehendingly. “That is impossible. I am not married.”
“Elizabeth, you do not have to be married to have a child.”
“Aunt, cannot we talk about this alone? I do not want to talk about this with my uncle here.”
Mr Gardiner gave her a stern look. “Elizabeth, I need to be here so we can find a solution for your dilemma.”
Elizabeth looked nervously at her uncle. “But I do not have a dilemma, and I am uncomfortable talking about such things with you present. I think it is improper. I have never talked about these things with anyone but Aunt Gardiner and Jane… and a very little bit with Mama.”
Mr Gardiner continued to look at his niece with an unyielding gaze. “I am not leaving, Lizzy. Your aunt and I both need to know what has happened.”
The standoff between the two lasted several minutes, and finally Lizzy spoke in a tremulous voice. “How is it possible to have a baby if you are not married? I thought first you become a woman when you get your courses, and then you are ready the way Mama said. Then when you are married and come together in the marriage bed, you are able to make a baby.”
Mr and Mrs Gardiner looked at each other in the stark realization of the naivety of their favourite niece. Mrs Gardiner said, “People who are not married can do the same things married couples do.”
“Yes, but God would not bless it and give them a child.”
“Unfortunately, making a child does not require God’s blessing.”
Elizabeth looked stunned for a few seconds, and the Gardiners watched as her certainty disintegrated. She collapsed on the floor sobbing. They watched in horror as she began rocking back and forth and pounding her head against her uncle’s desk. Mr Gardiner got on the floor and pulled her to him in an embrace. In desperation she struggled to push him away—pounding her fists against his back, and shouting “let me go.” Determined to keep her from hurting herself, her uncle steadfastly refused to remove his arms. She continued to fight him, but in the end he was stronger; and Lizzy finally settled into sobbing quietly.
After about ten minutes, she pulled back from her uncle and stood up. She spoke quietly as she paced—more to herself than her aunt and uncle. “How could God abandon me and my family? I have been good. I have always honoured my parents… I have not stolen nor murdered. I did have private thoughts that Lord Wolfbridge and Mr Darcy were handsome, but I do not think I lusted. I know… it is because I was proud… oh so very, very proud, and I should have fought… God must have wanted me to fight. If I had fought, God would have protected me. I was just a prideful girl and had no faith in him. My only thoughts were how to hide my humiliation.” Lizzy started another chorus of keening and rocking. When she calmed a second time, her next words were punctuated by hiccups and sniffling. “I have ruined my family. How will Mama and my sisters survive when Papa dies? No one will want to marry any of them now that I am a disgrace.”
“Elizabeth, I know you are distraught, but you must tell us what happened.” Her uncle guided her to a chair. “Would you like some water?” She nodded, and he poured her a glass from the carafe. “Niece, did Mr Darcy do this to you?” Mr Gardiner asked. She looked uncomprehendingly at him with big round eyes still laden with tears.
His wife was annoyed with his assumption. “Edward, why do you assume it was Mr Darcy? Why do you not question Lord Wolfbridge’s honour?”
“Because Lord Wolfbridge will one day be a peer, and he will play a role in shaping the policies of our nation. More importantly, it was Mr Darcy who pai
d a great deal of attention to Elizabeth that night at the theatre.”
“Yes, but Mr Darcy has not been seen by either Elizabeth or myself since that night and Lord Wolfbridge has. I am also not as certain as you that his rank makes him honourable.”
Elizabeth drank the water while her aunt and uncle sparred. When she had finished, she put down the glass and began her narrative. She told the story beginning with Mrs Darcy coming to pick her up, and finished the story by telling of her walk from Grosvenor Square to Cheapside with Mr Darcy following her.
Her aunt and uncle were momentarily speechless. Her aunt spoke first. “Mrs Darcy left you alone so you were accessible to Lord Wolfbridge? How despicable.”
Lizzy whispered, “Aunt, Uncle, I need to lie down. I must think about what this means. After I rest, we will talk again.
After hours considering her dilemma, Lizzy finally slept. She awoke the next morning with a tear soaked pillow and a resolution for her future. She hoped she could persuade her aunt and uncle to accept her plan.
9 I’D RATHER BE A HAMMER THAN A NAIL… IF I ONLY COULD
“Aunt, Uncle, please do not force me to marry Lord Wolfbridge. The very idea is repulsive.” Elizabeth knew just how difficult her mission was. Her planned proposal was far-fetched; and she feared her uncle, in particular, would object. What little she knew or had read about violations always seemed to result in either marriage or the woman being banished—In Les Liaisons Dangereuses poor Cécile had returned to the convent. Then there was that ridiculous notion that men still occasionally took into their mind of fighting a duel to defend a woman’s honour—she had no idea how that could help her or this baby. Her aunt and uncle’s goodness and love, especially for children, had been in her mind as she had devised her request. She must persuade them to protect the baby’s future. One hand came to rest on her middle as she continued her oft-practised speech. “Since you revealed to me your suspicions about what was happening to me, my every waking moment has been spent thinking of what is best for our family—but most importantly, I have worried about this child’s future.” Elizabeth decided her aunt was the more receptive. She captured her eyes, patted her stomach and pleaded, “This babe needs a chance for happiness, regardless of the foolishness of its mother or the cruelty of its father.”