Jessie's Child

by Lois Faye Dyer

  “Can we see them?” Rowdy asked eagerly.

  “Sure. But first, you and your mom should come say hello to your Aunt Rachel and Uncle Luke.” Zach looked at Jessie, his gaze assessing.

  She managed to smile despite the butterflies dancing in her stomach. Evidently, her effort to appear calm didn’t fool Zach because he settled a protective arm around her middle and turned her gently toward the porch and the three people standing there, waiting. Taking Rowdy’s hand in his, he walked between them through the gate and up the walk to the porch. The warmth of his hand against her waist steadied her.

  “Hi, Rowdy.” Rachel’s cheerful greeting carried a faint tremor.

  “Hi, Aunt Rachel. Hi, Uncle Luke.” Rowdy pulled free of Zach’s light hold and ran up the steps. He halted in front of Rachel and Luke, beaming up at them. “Where’s Uncle Chase?”

  “He’s working with Grandpa John today, branding cattle.”

  “Oh. Uncle Zach and me are gonna go see the puppies. You can come with us if you want.”

  “I’d love to.” Rachel smiled down at him.

  Zach and Jessie joined them on the porch and he gave Jessie’s waist a quick, reassuring squeeze. “Mom, I don’t think you’ve met Jessie. Jessie, this is my mother, Judith.”

  “Hello, Mrs. Kerrigan.” Jessie felt measured and assessed as the petite, older woman stared at her. Then Judith smiled. Faint and reserved though it was, nevertheless, it held no hostility. Jessie felt a weight lift from her shoulders.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Jessie.” Judith held out her hand. “Rachel has told me a lot about you.”

  Their handshake was brief. “She’s mentioned you often, as well, Mrs. Kerrigan.”

  “And this is Rowdy, Mom,” Zach interrupted. He cupped his hands over the little boy’s small shoulders and turned him toward Judith. “This is my mother. Her name is Judith.”

  “Hello, there,” Judith Kerrigan said softly. Her voice wasn’t entirely steady.

  “Hi.” Rowdy stared up at her. “Do you like puppies?”

  “Yes, I do, very much.”

  “You can come see the puppies with us. But we have to be quiet so we don’t scare the mommy and we can’t hold them unless Uncle Zach says it’s okay.” He twisted to look up at his father. “Can she hold a puppy?”

  “Sure.”

  “Okay.” Rowdy nodded, the matter clearly settled in his opinion. “Can we go now?”

  Zach nodded gravely. “I think now would be good. Are you coming with us, Jessie? Rachel?”

  Jessie glanced at her silent brother. His face was impassive. She met Rachel’s gaze and read the turmoil in her sister-in-law’s eyes. “Why don’t you three go ahead, Zach. I’ll stay here with Rachel and Luke for a few minutes.”

  Zach hesitated, looking from his sister to Jessie. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded. “I’m sure. We’ll be along in a few minutes to visit the puppies with you, Rowdy.”

  Luke leaned against the porch post and Rachel stood next to Jessie. All three were silent, their eyes trained on Rowdy as he skipped down the sidewalk ahead of Zach and Judith.

  “How could you have kept him from us?” Rachel said softly, careful lest her voice carry to the trio making their way across the dusty ranch yard toward the barn.

  “I didn’t feel I had a choice. Until you married Luke, I was convinced keeping silent was the right thing—the only thing—to do,” Jessie said. Zach slid open the big door and followed Rowdy and Judith inside the barn, ending any possibility of their conversation being overheard. “There’s a legacy of hate between our families—I couldn’t see any way for the McClouds and the Kerrigans to share a grandchild. I studied domestic case law—I know what a nightmare a child’s life can become when families hate each other. Given the history between ours, it seemed an impossible situation.”

  “But you didn’t even let Zach know he was a father. And my mother… If you only knew how much she’s looked forward to having grandchildren.” Rachel’s eyes were dark with pain and accusation.

  “I couldn’t have told your mother and you without Harlan and Lonnie finding out. I’m more sorry than I can say that you’ve been hurt, Rachel, but if I had it to do all over again…well, I don’t know. Maybe I would have told Zach. Maybe he would have come home. Maybe he would have kept Harlan and Lonnie in line.” Jessie lifted her hands helplessly, then let them fall to her side once again. “But maybe it wouldn’t have worked out that way.”

  “Zach and Luke would never have allowed my uncle or cousin to harm you or Rowdy!” Rachel protested.

  “You thought I wouldn’t have protected you from Lonnie?” Luke’s voice was incredulous, laced with anger.

  “I’m sure you would have protected us, as would Chase and Dad,” Jessie agreed. “But at what cost? You know Lonnie. What’s the likelihood he wouldn’t have taken every opportunity to tell people that Rowdy’s illegitimate? Or have used worse language about both Rowdy and me? And if he had, you guys would have gone ballistic.” Jessie sighed, combing her hair off her temples with her fingers. “How many times would one of you have gone to jail for assaulting Lonnie, or maybe even Harlan? In another two years, Rowdy will start school. I don’t want him struggling with fallout from the feud that nearly destroyed our family once before. And I never, under any circumstances, want to watch a brother of mine be taken to jail again.”

  Luke and Rachel were silent.

  “You know I’m right,” Jessie said at last. “Your marriage created a truce between our family and you, Rachel. That acceptance includes your mother, but not Harlan and Lonnie. And there’s no guarantee it will extend to Zach.”

  “Of course it will,” Rachel said promptly. “He’s nothing like my uncle and cousin. And he’s tied to your family through Rowdy, just as I’m tied to the McClouds through my marriage to Luke.”

  Luke and Jessie exchanged a swift significant look.

  Rachel noticed and frowned. “What?” she demanded. “Don’t you agree Zach is outside the feud, just like Mom and me?”

  Luke slung his arm around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her temple. “You’re a woman, Rachel.”

  “What does that have to do with anything?” Bewildered, she met Jessie’s gaze. When Jessie remained silent, Rachel turned to Luke. “Tell me.”

  “At least two people lied about what happened the night Mike Harper died. Those two were Harlan and Lonnie. But we’ve always thought Marcus knew, too. That makes three out of four Kerrigan men who were directly responsible for Chase spending time in jail.”

  “But Zach didn’t have anything to do with any of that,” Rachel protested. “He was only fifteen when Mike was killed and he and Lonnie hated each other. Besides, Zach was rarely home during those years we lived at my grandfather’s house—he spent most of his time working with Charlie Ankrum in the barns, and so did I.”

  “Nevertheless, because of your uncle and cousin, Chase paid a terrible price for a crime he didn’t commit. He’s not likely to trust anyone named Kerrigan.”

  “Are you saying he doesn’t like me? That he’s faking when he comes to visit?” Rachel looked horrified.

  “No! No, honey, Chase doesn’t fake anything. If he didn’t genuinely like you, you’d know it.”

  “You’re an exception, Rachel,” Jessie tried to explain. “But it’s not likely Chase will ever accept Zach the way he has you. And because of that, I still don’t know how I’m going to make the situation with Zach, Rowdy and myself work. I’m sure we will,” she hastened to add when Rachel’s face fell. “I just don’t know how we can do it with any degree of comfort.”

  “I don’t know, either,” Luke said. “But there’s no quick fix and nothing we can do, Rachel, so please don’t worry.”

  Rachel smiled ruefully. “Me? Not worry? You’ve got to be kidding.”

  Luke chuckled. “Why don’t we join your mom and Rowdy in the barn.”

  He slipped his hand into Rachel’s, waved Jessie ahead of them, and the three left th
e house to find the puppies and Rowdy.

  Jessie drove home two hours later. Rowdy seemed to be catching a summer cold and drooped in his car seat, sniffing and complaining from the backseat. Rowdy meeting his grandmother for the first time had seemed to go well, she thought. If only everything else about this situation could follow suit.

  Zach had a series of emergencies over the next two days. Cattle broke out of the North Pasture, drifting down the county road before he knew they’d escaped. He and Charlie spent a long, frustrating day rounding them up and herding them to safety before replacing half a dozen fence posts. It was long after dark on the second day by the time he finished stringing new wire and catching up on the work that had been put on hold. Having returned to the house just after 10:00 p.m., he stacked ham and cheese between thick slices of his mother’s homemade bread and carried it upstairs with him. A half hour later, he pulled on clean jeans over cotton briefs and walked downstairs, rubbing a towel over his still-damp hair.

  Was it too late to call Jessie? The urge to check on her, to find out if she’d been reassured by meeting his mother or if she was still worried, had nagged him since her SUV had disappeared down the highway two days earlier.

  He looked at the wall clock above the bookcase. The hands pointed to 10:35 p.m.

  “What the hell,” he muttered. He slung the damp towel over his bare shoulder and picked up the phone. If she was sleeping, he’d apologize and hang up. If she was awake…

  “Hello?”

  “Jessie?” Zach heard a child crying fretfully in the background. “Is that Rowdy?”

  “Yes. I can’t talk right now, Zach. We’re on our way out the door.” She sounded hurried, worried and exhausted.

  “What’s wrong?” Zach demanded.

  “Rowdy’s running a fever—his temperature is 103. I’ve tried everything and can’t get it down. I’m taking him to the emergency room at Wolf Creek General.”

  “I’ll meet you there. Are you sure you’re okay to drive?”

  “Of course I can drive—you don’t have to come to the hospital, Zach, I’m sure Rowdy will be fine—”

  “I’ll be there,” he interrupted her. “Drive carefully.”

  He hung up and raced upstairs. He yanked a T-shirt over his head and pulled on socks and boots before grabbing his wallet and truck keys from the dressertop. He snatched a long-sleeved shirt from a hanger in the closet and shrugged into it on his way down the stairs, closing the snaps up the front as he left the porch and jogged to his truck.

  He broke speed limits on his way into town and reached the nearly empty parking lot of the hospital in record time. Jessie’s SUV was parked just outside the emergency room door. He slotted his truck into the space next to it and strode quickly through the double doors. The waiting room was empty and silent. There was no sign of Jessie and no nurse sat behind the counter.

  Zach had had his share of childhood visits to this room for broken bones. He didn’t stop to ring the bell at the nurse’s counter. Instead, he strode through another set of double doors into the treatment room beyond. The hospital was small but well equipped and the emergency area held six stations. All but one had curtains drawn back to reveal empty gurneys. At the far end of the room a doctor, nurse and Jessie stood around a bed. The slight, still figure beneath the blanket was surely Rowdy and Zach’s heart clenched with sheer terror. He wasn’t…?

  His boots thumped against the tiled floor. Jessie looked over her shoulder.

  “Zach!” Relief erased worry from her pale features.

  She didn’t protest when he reached her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. The band around his chest eased as he realized Rowdy was asleep, his round cheeks flushed with fever, his breathing faint rasps of sound in the quiet room.

  “How is he?”

  “His cold progressed to ear infections, in both ears.” Jessie sounded exhausted. “No wonder he hasn’t been able to sleep.”

  “The cough medicine I prescribed will ease the coughing and allow him to rest,” the doctor put in. “And the antibiotics we’ve started him on will take care of the infection. I can admit him and we can keep him here in the hospital overnight for observation, or you can take him home. It’s your decision.” The doctor paused, his keen gaze assessing Jessie. “He’s liable to be wakeful during the night until the antibiotic has a chance to work. That means someone will be getting up with him, and you look as tired as Rowdy. You might want to let him stay in hospital, and get some rest yourself.”

  “I’ll stay with them.”

  Jessie had been leaning heavily against Zach, giving him the impression she was nearly asleep on her feet, so tired and possibly grateful for his support that she’d forgotten he bore her weight. At his words, she stiffened, easing away to arm’s length although she swayed with the effort.

  “You don’t need to, Zach, I—”

  “I know you could do this on your own if you had to,” he interrupted. “The point is, you don’t have to. I’ll be glad to help.” He held her gaze with his. “I want to help, Jessie.”

  She nodded slowly.

  “Excellent,” the doctor said briskly. “In that case, Rowdy can recuperate at home.” He tucked three plastic medicine vials into a bag and handed it to Jessie. “Call me if you have any questions or if his fever starts to rise again. Otherwise, I’ll see him in my office for a checkup in two days.”

  He was interrupted by loud voices in the outer room.

  “Where the hell is the doctor?”

  Someone pounded repeatedly on the bell at the desk. A crash was followed by raucous laughter and accompanied by a string of curse words.

  “Sounds like we’ve got another emergency. Good luck, you two.” He nodded at the nurse and she preceded him out of the room.

  “I’ll carry Rowdy out to your car,” Zach said quietly.

  Jessie agreed and turned to pick up her purse and light sweater from the chair by the bed. Zach pulled back the hospital sheet and bent to slip his arms under Rowdy, picking him up. The little boy murmured in protest but didn’t wake, laying his head trustingly on Zach’s shoulder and going back to sleep. His little body felt boneless, his arm limp where it circled Zach’s neck. For one brief moment, Zach was swamped with emotion. This was his son.

  He looked at Jessie and felt the same fierce, possessive surge. Mine. The urge to claim and keep swept away the remnants of his anger at Jessie. He’d missed three years of Rowdy’s life. He refused to waste any more time without him. Without them.

  She thought he wanted only Rowdy in his life. She was wrong.

  Zach shouldered open the door to the outer waiting room, holding it for Jessie to walk through.

  “Well, well.” Lonnie Kerrigan stood at the reception desk, swaying on his feet while blood dripped onto the tile floor from a gash in his arm. He leered at Jessie. “What are you doing with my cousin? And who’s the kid?”

  “None of your business, Lonnie,” Zach said curtly, stepping between him and Jessie.

  “Here’s your insurance card, Mr. Kerrigan,” the nurse interjected. She bustled around the desk and took his injured arm. “You’re bleeding all over my clean floor.” She wrapped a white towel around Lonnie’s forearm. The doctor joined her and took his other arm, turning him forcefully toward the inner door.

  “Hey, don’t push me,” he objected, gesturing at Zach and Jessie. “This is my cousin. Do you know my cousin? I don’t know who the kid is, but the three of them look like a cozy little family, don’t they?”

  The nurse grimaced and leaned away from him. The doctor caught him when he staggered and lurched sideways. “You’re drunk, Mr. Kerrigan. I suggest we get your arm stitched up before you fall down and do more damage to your body.”

  Despite Lonnie’s lack of cooperation, they walked him to the doors leading to the patient care area. Lonnie continued to ogle Jessie over his shoulder with blatant sexual appraisal. “Too bad you’re a McCloud, honey. We could have fun, you and me.”

  Z
ach held on to his temper by a thread. He didn’t want to upset Jessie or Rowdy any further after the night they’d had, but he badly wanted to stop Lonnie’s mouth with his fist.

  “Lonnie Kerrigan is a pig.”

  Jessie’s calm, matter-of-fact statement carried no heat and was spoken with such conviction that Zach laughed out loud.

  “You’re right. Although calling him a pig is probably an insult to pigs everywhere. Let’s get out of here.”

  Minutes later, Zach had Rowdy tucked into his car seat, his beloved, tattered blanket draped over him while he clutched one corner, his eyes closed, asleep.

  Zach shut the door on Rowdy with a quiet thunk.

  “I’ll drive,” he told Jessie. “You’re nearly asleep on your feet.”

  “What about your truck?”

  “I’ll pick it up in the morning.” He took the SUV keys from her unresisting fingers, pulled open the front passenger door, and urged her inside. It was a testament to how difficult the last few nights with Rowdy must have been when she didn’t protest.

  “Thank you for being here, Zach,” she said drowsily. “Even though I told you not to come.”

  He glanced at her. Her head tilted sideways against the headrest and she was instantly asleep. Independent and difficult to the end, he thought wryly.

  Chapter Eight

  “We’re home, Jessie.” When she didn’t respond, Zach gently shook her shoulder. “Wake up, Jess.”

  She stirred, her lashes lifting to reveal drowsy, heavy-lidded eyes.

  “I’ll carry Rowdy. Can you make it inside on your own?”

  “Yes.” She blinked, her eyes more focused and aware, and unlatched her seat belt.

  Zach managed to extricate Rowdy from his car seat without waking him and carried his slight weight, following Jessie up the sidewalk and across the porch. Inside, the house was quiet and dark, with only one lamp lit. The small pool of pale gold light in the corner threw shadows over the rest of the living room and lightened the dimness of the hallway beyond.

  Jessie led the way down the hall to Rowdy’s bedroom where a night-light glowed softly, barely illuminating the white-painted dresser and toy chest. She turned down the sheet on the narrow child’s bed and Zach carefully eased Rowdy from his shoulder and onto the mattress. The little boy murmured incoherently and curled against the pillow, still clutching the bunched-up corner of his blanket in one fist. Since he’d worn his pajamas to the hospital and his feet were bare, there was no need to strip daytime clothing from him; Zach pulled the sheet up and tucked it around his waist. Jessie bent and kissed his cheek, her eyes closing briefly before she stood erect and walked to the door, where she leaned wearily against the jamb.