A Well-Trained Lady (Seasons of Change Book 4)

by Jess Heileman

  My courage waned, but I pressed one last time. “Tell me who killed them.”

  “No.” Mother released a heavy breath. “Despite what you believe, I do care to protect you.”

  A light knock sounded at the door, and we both stilled.

  Mother’s eyes narrowed. “Are you not going to answer it?” Though her voice was soft, her tone was foreboding. “I am most curious to see who would be visiting at this late hour, as you’ve not yet rung for your maid.”

  I offered a silent prayer that Augustus would not be so foolish as to visit my bedchamber and opened the door, just enough to see out.

  The sight of Ruth standing there, her candlelight dancing in the darkness, could not have been more welcome. “Ruth. What is it?”

  “Oh, Bella, I fear I cannot sleep.”

  I held out my own candle to more fully illuminate her, noting that she still wore her gown. “Have you tried?”

  She shook her head. “No. But I’m just so certain I won’t be able to. My room is so big and dark, and I was shaking just standing alone searching for the bell pull to call for my maid. The mere thought of trying to sleep in such a state …” She bit at her lip. “May I come in with you?”

  I glanced over my shoulder at Mother. The absence of the candlelight shadowed her, leaving me uncertain what I should say. I could not risk Ruth becoming a target of Mother’s vexation.

  Mother took hold of the door and pulled it from my reluctant grip, revealing herself to Ruth.

  “Oh, forgive me.” Ruth lifted a hand to her mouth and glanced between us. “I hadn’t realized you were here, Lady Godwin. I can come back later … or perhaps just wait out here until you are through speaking.”

  Mother forced a tight smile to her lips. “I believe we have discussed quite enough for one night.” She took hold of my candle and stepped out the door, pausing next to Ruth. “What a delight it is to have you here.” The false sincerity in Mother’s voice nearly fooled me.

  “And I’m so grateful to be here.” Ruth returned her smile without reservation. “And thank you again for your kindness today. I hope acting as my chaperone will not be too much of a burden on you.”

  “Not in the least. I’m certain the arrangement will actually prove most advantageous.” Mother glanced back at me. “Do you not agree, Arabella?”

  I did not answer.

  Mother turned from us. “Sleep well,” she said over her shoulder as the darkness dispersed from her retreating figure.

  I drew in a shaky breath and gestured Ruth inside. “Do come in. Leah can help you ready for bed also.” I stopped to pull the ornamental bell lever to inform Leah she was needed.

  “Is that what that is?” Ruth held her candle up to the bronze circle, a small handle protruding from one side. “Silly me. I was looking for a bell pull in my room, not a lever.”

  Retrieving another candle, I brought it to hers and waited for the wick to take light. My hand still shook, but the flickering light thankfully concealed it. “Did you enjoy your evening?” I asked, desperate to take my mind off my encounter with Mother.

  “I suppose so. At least once my nerves settled a bit.”

  “And what did you think of Mr. Green? He seemed to pay you a particular interest after your introduction.”

  “Do you think?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Ruth gave a hesitant smile. “He is very handsome.”

  “And he is the son of a baron. A second son, mind you, but he likely has many advantageous connections.”

  “You would consider him a suitable match, then?”

  I smiled, too aware of what a marriage to Mr. Green could do for Ruth’s reputation. The shelter it could provide her. Besides, Mr. Green was Lord Thorton’s oldest friend, so if an arrangement could be made between Ruth and him, she would surely remain a constant in my life. “It would do you no harm to determine for yourself if he was.”

  Ruth tilted her head thoughtfully, her nose wrinkling. “But what of Mr. Treynor?”

  “He is a good man. But he has not spoken for you, nor mentioned his intentions of doing so. Or am I mistaken?”

  Ruth shook her head.

  “Then why not allow Mr. Green a chance to win your approval? And by doing so, if you determine Mr. Treynor the superior choice, then you will be more certain in where to place your encouragements.”

  Ruth bit at her lip absently. “I suppose you are right. I’m not even certain what Mr. Treynor’s feelings are toward me, though I had hoped they were similar to my own.”

  I moved to the vanity and began removing my jewelry, withholding my assurance that a few more interactions with Mr. Treynor, and Ruth would very likely have an offer from him. Even still, if she could secure it, Mr. Green was the better match. For both of us. Then Ruth and I could always be together. “It is easier to discover if a man is left wanting when you compare him to another of high standing.”

  Ruth followed me, her eyes on my darkened reflection. “Is that why you decided against Augustus when Lord Thorton arrived? Was Augi left wanting?”

  “Of course not.” I faced her. “In truth, I’ve never met a man Augustus was inferior to.”

  “But then why—”

  “I am the daughter of a viscount.” I stated the fact as though it was the definitive reason. I couldn’t tell Ruth that I would have given it all up if I had not been shown my own inferiority. It was Augustus who was superior in every way. “I have a responsibility to my family.”

  Ruth gave a small huff. “I know. It’s just you don’t look at Lord Thorton the way you look at Augustus.”

  Another light knock sounded, and Leah stepped in, her eyes moving to Ruth.

  “Ruth is going to sleep with me tonight.”

  “Very well, miss.” Leah skimmed Ruth’s dress. “Should I fetch her nightclothes?”

  I gave a vacant nod. “Yes.”

  “Here. I shall go with you.” Ruth stepped to Leah’s side. “I know right where everything is, so I’ll make quick work of it. I simply did not wish to go alone.” Ruth stopped, and turned toward me, a folded missive in her outstretched hand. “Oh, and Augustus wished for me to give you this once we were alone. It arrived for you not long after you left for Branbury.”

  It was not from Augustus, then. My brief excitement had faded before I had been able to reprimand myself for it. I took hold of the letter. “Thank you, Ruth.”

  She smiled happily and linked her arm through Leah’s in an endearing, though utterly inappropriate, manner. The two figures disappeared through the threshold, Ruth’s hushed voice drifting through the open door. I drew near the candle, holding the sealed letter to the light. It only took me a moment to recognize the familiar seal, and I broke it open.

  Arabella,

  Change of plans. Remove to Branbury without delay.

  Papa

  How strange that those two lines could have prevented so much heartache had they been read in time. But they hadn’t. And now all that was left for me was an inescapable sorrow. Crumpling up the letter, I threw it into the darkness then wrapped my arms tightly about myself, refusing to let my thoughts focus on anything but the emptiness around me.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Have I been keeping you awake at nights?”

  I glanced at Ruth, her pleased expression taking in the garden around us. “Not at all.” In truth, Ruth’s even breaths and the warmth of her next to me had proven just the thing to lull me to sleep the past several nights, somehow staving off the nightmares I’d had since leaving Fairhaven.

  “I’m glad to hear it. But you must tell me if it gets burdensome, and I’ll …” She paused. “I was going to say I’ll sleep in my own room, but I believe I would prefer the chaise lounge near your hearth to being alone.”

  I smiled at her ridiculousness, the thought of having her with me bringing me more comfort than I cared to admit. “There will be no need for that. You are always welcome with me.”

  Ruth tilted her head, appraising me. “I’v
e hardly seen you smile since we arrived. At least not a real authentic smile like that.” She flicked her chin toward me. “What has been on your mind?”

  “Why did Augustus agree to come to Branbury?” I blurted the question before I had time to consider the possible implications.

  Ruth shrugged. “We received Lord Thorton’s invitation a few days after you left. Augustus was set on declining at first, but with a little persuasion from Aunt Marina, Sarah, and me, he changed his mind.”

  “But why?”

  Ruth studied me without answering, then she dropped her gaze to her hands. “Are you unhappy we came?”

  “No. Of course not.” I touched her arm, and she lifted her head. “I could not be more thrilled that you are here.” I paused, dropping my hand to my side. “It just seems odd that Augustus would come. Especially considering he has avoided me since our first conversation days ago. I know we hardly see the gentlemen during the days, but when we come together in the evenings, after dinner, he makes no point to seek me out.”

  “Do you wish him to?”

  “No, of course not. In truth, I don’t know what I wish.” A sigh slipped from my lips. “Forgive me. I should not have mentioned it.”

  “Bella, I hope I do not upset you by asking, but why did you tell Lady Beatrice the evening of my arrival that Augustus would soon offer for Miss Whitmore? I have thought of it countless times these past few days, but I cannot figure out why you …”

  “Why I lied?”

  Ruth bit at her lip, offering a timid nod.

  “It’s complicated.” The moment the excuse slipped from me, I realized I had given Ruth the very excuse Mother always gave me. It would not do. “I lied because I was trying to protect Augustus from the cunning designs of Lady Beatrice. An upcoming engagement was the first thing that came to my mind, and I said it.”

  “But Lady Beatrice does not seem cunning. Erroneous at times, but not full of guile.”

  “She allows you to see what she wants you to see. She is a spiteful creature, and I will not have her play with your cousin’s emotions, even if I must lie to keep her from doing so.”

  Ruth gave a small huff. “I suppose I can see why you felt inclined to say such a thing.”

  We continued on, the buzzing of insects and the calls of birds filling the silence.

  “There is to be a ball next Friday,” I said, desperate to counter the melancholy I’d caused.

  Ruth cheered. “Truly?”

  I pulled a vibrant green leaf off a bush we were passing, twirling the stem between my thumb and index finger. “Yes.”

  Suddenly Ruth stopped, a look of panic on her face. “But you never taught me to dance.”

  I paused, facing her. “You said you knew some dances.”

  “Simple country dances. Surely those are not what will be performed at this ball.”

  I took in the worry tainting her lovely face, then lifted on to my toes, scanning the top of the hedges to ensure no one else sought refuge in the garden. “Come.” I took hold of her hand and led her to a decent-sized alcove off the garden path.

  “What are we doing?” Ruth asked.

  I untied my bonnet and tossed it to the side. “I am teaching you the waltz.”

  Ruth’s eyes widened. “But how shall that work? We are both ladies.”

  “How difficult can the gentleman’s part be?”

  Ruth gave a shrug and removed her own bonnet.

  “Stand here next to me on my right and face the same direction as me.” Without a word of complaint, Ruth stepped to my side, and I placed my right hand on her waist. “Put your hand over mine, and now extend your left hand so that I may take hold of it.” I inspected the stance. “Very good. This is the starting position. Now we will walk forward, both of us stepping with our outside foot first. But step slowly.” We stepped. “Now the other foot. Slow step. Good. And two more times.”

  “That isn’t so hard.”

  I smiled. “Now face me, lifting your left hand while it is still in mine, bringing it to the center just above us. Good. Your right hand will move to my waist, and my right will remain on yours.”

  Ruth giggled. “I can see why some people believe the waltz to be improper. We are so very close. I’m certain when it is a gentleman I’m partnered with, I shall have a constant blush the entire set.”

  “The dimly lit ballroom will allay the effect.” I thought through the next movements, attempting to recall the stepping order of the gentleman. “This is where it gets a touch more difficult. We are going to circle one another, you starting with your right, and me, I believe, with my left.” The gravel shifted beneath us, making the movement a touch clumsy. “Now step with your left and rotate on it.”

  Ruth leaned too far to the side at the same moment that I mis-stepped. The laughter that erupted from us both did little to help us to right our error, and we nearly toppled. Ruth caught hold of my arm, balancing me. How good it felt to laugh again.

  “What are the two of you up to?” I stilled at finding Augustus standing in the alcove’s opening, the corners of his mouth twitching as though refusing us his smile.

  I straightened my posture. “I was just teaching Ruth the waltz.”

  He quirked a brow. “And how was that going?”

  Ruth covered her mouth, and I gave a small shrug. “Well enough.” I paused, waiting for him to fill the silence, but he didn’t. “Aren’t you supposed to be out fishing with the gentlemen?”

  “I’ve had my fill and decided to return early.”

  I glanced toward Branbury. “Did you come to the gardens by way of the house?”

  Augustus shook his head. “I walked from the pond, so I came the back way into the gardens.”

  My relief was instantaneous, knowing Mother could not be aware of his being here. I took in his solemn expression, and I longed to say something to bring a smile to his lips, but instead I looked at Ruth. “Now that your cousin is here, he can assist you.”

  Ruth’s eyes lit with excitement, the dark chocolate color radiant in the daylight. “In truth, I believe it would be most helpful to see the two of you waltz.”

  I shook my head. “That is hardly neces—”

  Ruth placed her hands on her hips, sending me a pointed look. “You always say lessons are easier to recall if you can visualize them.”

  Augustus’s expression was as hesitant as my own.

  “Come you two.” Ruth urged me forward. “I simply must see it done.”

  After a moment, Augustus gave a slow nod, acknowledging his willingness.

  I drew in a breath, attempting to calm my racing heart that was plotting an uprising within me. “Very well.” I stepped to Augustus’s side, keeping my gaze forward. It was only a dance. Nothing more.

  His hand moved to my waist, and though his touch was gentle, the penetrating warmth stirred memories within me, stealing my breath. Only a dance. I inhaled, placing my hand over his, before extending my other out. He took hold of it and effortlessly led me forward. When we had taken four steps, we rotated into one another, our hands lifted high between us. The warmth of his breath touched my cheek, making my heart stutter. I placed my hand on his waist and we began turning, each movement bringing our bodies closer together.

  His intent gaze held traces of sadness that I could hardly endure, yet I could not look away. We transitioned into the stepping movement again, his touch lightening so it was hardly perceivable on my waist and hand. It made him feel disconnected from me, and I longed for things to be the way they had been when I had first arrived at Fairhaven. But there was too much unsaid between us, too many things to seek his forgiveness for, and I could neither find the words nor the courage.

  “Bella.” His voice was quiet as we faced one another a second time. He drew in close. “I must know if this is what you truly want.”

  My heart beat wildly, uncertain what he was referring to.

  “All of this,” he said, his eyes flicking to Branbury.

  “Oh.” I swallowed
my disappointment, too aware of the lie that must be said. “It is what I want.”

  As we turned, his grip suddenly tightened on my waist in a way that made my body tremble with desire. “Then I am happy for you.”

  I nearly missed a step. “You are happy for me?”

  “Well, I am determined to be.” He released me to resume the forward position again. “I thought I was coming to Branbury to convince you to change your mind, to show you that I could provide you the greatest happiness.” We stepped forward, my legs threatening to give out under me with each movement. “But if you believe it is Lord Thorton that can provide it, then I will accept that. I only want your happiness. It is all I have ever wanted.”

  My thoughts whirled as we faced one another again. I scanned his expression, so full of heartbreak. I could not take it. “I must go.”

  We stopped, dropping our arms, but neither of us stepped away.

  Augustus’s hand lifted to my face, and it was only then I realized that a tear had escaped onto my cheek.

  He gave a small smile, his hand lingering on my neck. “Tell me what you want of me. Tell me, and I’ll do it.” His eyes moved between mine with such intensity I thought he might discover the answer on his own.

  Attempting to find any bit of strength I could hold onto, my focus landed on Ruth just behind him. Her hopeful expression was precisely what I needed. If I could not lie for my own sake, I would lie for hers. I lifted my hand to cover his. “I want you to find happiness also.” I drew in a steadying breath. “But you deserve someone worthy of your love. Someone like Miss Whitmore.” His brow pulled low, but I stepped away, holding on to his hand until the last possible moment. “Forgive me.”

  Without a glance behind, I lifted my skirts and hastened toward the house, tears now streaming down my face.

  Mr. Green and Ruth stood observing a hand of cards being played at a nearby card table. He leaned in and whispered something to Ruth, and she lifted a hand to her mouth, laughing.