Hate Me or Love Me

by Ella Miles

  “It doesn’t matter if you believe me, it’s true.”

  Cole studies me closely. “Are you saying she’s off limits then?”

  “No, I don’t care. Fuck her. I got what I wanted from her.”

  He shakes his head, muttering under his breath.

  “But I do want to pay you back,” I say.

  “There is nothing you can do to pay me back.”

  “I could sell you my company.”

  He sighs. “I don’t have enough money to buy your company even if I wanted to, which I don’t. How is that paying me back?”

  I down the rest of my drink. Not because I need encouragement to say my next words, but because I need the alcohol just to breathe.

  “The favor is I’m selling it to you for twenty dollars.”

  Cole laughs hysterically. Like it’s the most absurd, ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. It probably is.

  “You’re not serious.”

  “I am.”

  “I don’t want your boring company. I’m into much more risky endeavors.”

  “Liar.”

  Cole takes his feet off my desk for the second time since I’ve entered the office. He looks at me like I’m insane and he’s considering having me admitted. He studies me, but I don’t give anything away. I don’t have any emotions to feel.

  Cole curses under his breath. He knows me too well. He knows what I’m doing.

  “I’m not helping you hide your money from Abri.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing.”

  “You fucking asshole. It’s exactly what you are doing. You’d rather sell your company and get nothing, then let her have a penny of it.”

  I shrug. He’s not wrong. My bitch of an ex-wife doesn’t deserve any of my money. Well, almost ex-wife.

  “Abri would take both of our asses to court if I bought your company for so little and cut her out.”

  “She won’t.”

  “She will. And it will be deserved. She deserves to have half of the company. Or half of the money when you sell it.”

  “Fine, I’ll give her ten bucks when I sell it to you.”

  Cole shakes his head. “What happened to you, man? You were so in love. Abri was your partner in crime. She gave up everything for your company. For you.”

  I don’t answer.

  “Fine, I get it. You were way too young when you got married. You grew apart. Love didn’t last. Just sign the divorce papers and give her half of everything she helped you build, then go your separate ways. Move on.”

  I’ve tried moving on. But he has no idea what I’ve been through. No idea how badly I need to cut her out of my life permanently. Giving her half of my money won’t stop her. Giving her all of my money won’t slow her down.

  If I told him the truth, he wouldn’t believe me. If he did, he’d try to talk me out of my plan. It’s my burden to bare.

  Cole studies me. He’s my best friend. He’s been with me through everything. My highest and lowest. He’s like a brother. He would do anything for me. And the look in his eyes tells me as much.

  He stands up and walks to me until he’s inches in front of me.

  “I’ll buy your company for twenty dollars. If that’s what you really want. I’ll help you make sure Abri doesn’t get anything from you.”

  I sigh in relief.

  “But you have to do something first.”

  I narrow my eyes, not liking the tone of his voice. I don’t like making deals.

  “Prove to me you’ve moved on. Prove to me you will get past Abri. That you will date again. Prove to me that selling your company isn’t just about Abri, that it’s about starting over.”

  Mila pops into my head. Beautiful, sexy, flawless Mila. Her voice so sultry I could listen to her ramble about nothing for hours. Such a stark contrast to her sweet, innocent personality.

  Damn her lips. Her red, fuckable lips. All I’ve thought about since she spoke when she got out of her car is her lips. How it would feel to have her wet, plump lips wrapped around my cock. Her innocent eyes, big with desire. I expected innocence when she spoke when she couldn’t even swear. She wouldn’t let herself curse. But then, she spoke, and I was captivated. She was all I thought about as I ran up the mountain. The last image I had as the headlights came crashing toward us and there was nothing I could do to stop the impact.

  The car crash almost killed us. It should have been the single worst moment in my life. For most people, it would be.

  Not mine.

  Abri changed my life. For better and worse.

  But Mila, she’s like a comet headed straight for me. We’ve been on a collision course for years now. It would be easy for me to step aside. Avoid the impact, but I can’t force my legs to move. Even though I know how this ends.

  I know we won’t ever be together.

  I know if we were, we’d end up like Abri and me, devastated and alone. I won’t put another person through what Abri and I have been through.

  But Mila is the solution to getting free.

  “Do we have a deal?” Cole asks, extending his hand.

  Mila can help me convince Cole I’ve moved on. She can help me get rid of Abri once and for all. Then we can both start a new life, alone.

  But that damn kiss. I can’t get the kiss out of my head. Just thinking about it makes my cock ache. A feeling I haven’t had in years.

  Mila is going to hate me for that one. I got her fired. I ended her college career. Never has one kiss been so destructive. But it was necessary. Or at least I thought it was. It didn’t end in exactly the way I thought it would.

  Mila will come around though. She doesn’t have a choice now that’s she broke, and possibly homeless.

  I brush passed Cole’s hand and take a seat at my desk.

  “Deal.”

  4

  Mila

  Sweat is disgusting. It’s sticky and wet, and there is no hiding it. I don’t care how much deodorant I wear; I can still smell the sweat dripping off my forehead, armpits, and ass. Why does my ass sweat so much?

  Because my life is on the line right now, that’s why. The sweat gives me a gross distraction. The smell infiltrates my nostrils, and every time I move, I feel the slimy liquid. My clothes cling to my skin like they are attached with glue.

  Focus. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks reading everything I could about how I can continue with school. How to convince people you are innocent and deserving. Be confident, but not too confident. That means don’t let them know you’re sweating. Look them in the eyes when you talk. Smile, but not too brightly. Be firm in your words, don’t use um, or like, or uh. But don’t get defensive when you speak. Dress professionally, but show enough skin that you don’t look like a young teenager instead of an adult. Admit your faults, but highlight your strengths.

  I got this.

  “Miss Burns, we have heard Felicity’s account of what happened. We have a written statement from the patient in question. Can you tell us in your own words what happened?” Mr. Warren, the dean of the college, says, staring at me with serious eyes.

  This is it. This is my chance to finally explain.

  I open my mouth, and the dryness prevents me from speaking. It’s like a desert in my mouth. Dry, and no words form.

  “Miss Burns?”

  “I’m sorry, um…” Shit, don’t use um. “It was a misunderstanding. The patient, Mr. Knight, I had met previously on a hike. He helped me with a minor leg injury. When I went to take care of him, he thought I wanted more. He was on a lot of pain medication and was delirious. He kissed me before I could tell him it wasn’t appropriate.”

  “Did you report to your supervisor that you knew the patient and it would be inappropriate for you to take care of him?”

  “Well…um…no, but as I said, I didn’t know him. I met him for like five minutes on a hike.” And he carried you down on his glistening back. But unlike the sweat pooling in the armpits of my white, I’m-so-innocent blouse, his sweat was sexy. I wanted to lick
it off his pristine body.

  “Mr. Knight kissed you?”

  I nod.

  “I’ve kissed many people, Miss Burns. They were always aware when I was about to kiss them. They gave me permission before I kissed them. They could stop the kiss at any time and could prevent it from happening in the first place. Why did you let Mr. Knight kiss you? Was it because you wanted it to happen?”

  “What? No! I didn’t want him to kiss me. I wasn’t expecting it. We were arguing before he decided to kiss me. I had no idea what he was about to do.” I sound defensive.

  “What were you arguing about?”

  “Um…” Why did I say we were arguing? “Just about how he treated me when he helped me on the hike.”

  Silence. The ten people in the room all stare at me, waiting for me to continue. I stare down at my hands which I have carefully folded on the wood table in front of me. It’s supposed to show how confident I am. Confidence equals innocent.

  “Mr. Knight called me some words I would rather not repeat here.”

  “Is that all that happened?”

  I suck in a breathe. No, but I’m not going to tell you. But the words spill out of me. For some reason, the look on his face prevents me from holding anything back. “And I might have accidentally hit his motorcycle when I was backing my car out of the parking lot.”

  “I see.” He writes something down on his notepad.

  I scan the room, and everyone is either writing notes or scowling at me like a five-year-old who spilled milk on her mother’s favorite shoes.

  This is hopeless.

  “Thank you for meeting with us, Miss Burns. We will discuss your case and have a ruling for you by the end of the day. But I think I can safely say I don’t think you are fit to be a nurse. I think you should seriously consider a new career. One where you aren’t dealing with vulnerable patients.”

  He looks at me like he thinks I might rape a patient in their sleep.

  “Yes, sir,” I say because there’s nothing left to say. I stand, listening to the high pitched scrape of my chair against the fake wood floors.

  I wince and then scurry out of the room. My legs can’t move me fast enough. I find the bathroom down the hall, vomit in the nearest stall, and then wash my face. I can’t believe that just happened. I can’t believe I’m a semester away from graduating, and I’m going to let it all slip away.

  I walk back out of the bathroom.

  “Miss Burns,” I hear the dean’s voice.

  I turn and stare at him with big eyes.

  “I wanted to let you know our ruling. You’ll get a formal letter with our decision in the mail, but we decided to suspend you.”

  “Suspend? What does that mean?”

  “It means you will not be allowed on campus for any reason for the semester. You will not be allowed to take any classes or live in the dorms. Your scholarship will be revoked. And in the spring you can reapply. We will reconsider your case then, although as I said, I might recommend you finish your degree in business or something more cutthroat. It would match your personality better.”

  Tears sting my eyes. “I can reapply in the spring?”

  He nods. “Know the only reason we didn’t expel you completely without a chance to reconsider is because of Mr. Knight’s testimony.”

  I frown. This wasn’t a murder case. Testimony? I know he wrote a statement, but did he do more than that? Whatever Mr. Knight said I’m sure it didn’t help my case. He’s the reason I’m in this mess in the first place.

  “Thank you, Mr. Warren. I’ll consider reapplying in the spring.”

  I walk away before the tears fall. I’ve been embarrassed enough. I head back to the dorm room I share with Lana. I don’t look anyone in the eye. I know the other students see my tears, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t look around at the campus. At the tall buildings I love. I don’t think about any of it. I focus on my goal. Getting to my dorm room.

  Lana is lying on her bed with a textbook resting on her lap while she paints her nails.

  “How’d it go?” she asks.

  I crouch down and reach under my bed until I find the bottle of contraband. This alone could have gotten me kicked out of the dorm rooms. I unscrew the bottle of tequila and take a long swig.

  “That bad, huh?”

  I don’t respond. I don’t even feel the burn as it sets my throat on fire. I just keep gulping.

  Lana gets up and slowly takes the bottle from me, before she wraps her arms around me.

  I sob into her bony shoulder.

  “Shh, it’s going to be okay.”

  “No, it’s not. I have to move out. I have nowhere to go. No money. I think I have a twenty dollar bill in my pocket. I can’t even afford a tank of gas, let alone food or a place to stay.”

  “Stay here. How will they know?”

  A knock on the door. Ugh.

  I walk to the door and throw it open as the RA stands there frowning at me. “I’m here to ensure you move out today. I will need your keys.”

  I glance back at Lana in an I-told-you-so sort of way.

  “Thanks, Aurora, for being so sensitive in Mila’s time of need.”

  “It’s not my fault she kissed a patient and got expelled.”

  “Suspended. I can come back in the spring. It’s just for a semester.”

  “Well, you can’t be here now.”

  “I know. I’m going to need some time to pack.”

  She folds her arms across her chest like she’s going to stand in my doorway and watch me pack the entire time.

  “Leave,” Lana says walking to the door.

  “I’m supposed to collect her key.”

  Lana rolls her eyes. “I’ll make sure she drops it off by noon. In the meantime, this is still my dorm room, and I can still kick you out whenever I want.”

  Aurora sighs, but leaves.

  “Bitch,” we both mutter after she leaves.

  Lana smiles. “Swearing again, are we?”

  I nod. “Only when people deserve it.”

  She hugs me again. “It’s good to see the old you back.”

  I frown. I hate the old me. The old me is what gets me into trouble. Although, the new me also seems to get me in trouble. But the old me has to come back if I’m going to survive.

  “Are you going to go live with your sister?”

  “No.”

  “Where are you going to go then?”

  I shrug. “I’ll live in my car until I find a job and figure something out. It will be fine. I’ll wait tables, bartend, babysit Ren’s kids some. I’ll make enough to survive, and then I’ll come back next semester. It’s not a big deal.”

  Lana knows I’m lying. It is a big deal. And I’m not even sure if I can come back yet. But she doesn’t call me out on the lie.

  She digs into her pocket and pulls about a ten and a five dollar bill. “It’s not much, but take it.”

  I shake my head. “I can’t.”

  “I’m not asking.”

  “No, I’ll be fine. I’m not taking your money, Lana.” She’s broke, same as me. She doesn’t have family helping her. And she deserves the money more than I do. She isn’t the one with a constant stream of fuck-ups.

  Damn, the cuss words just keep coming back. I haven’t even thought a curse word in years. Now they are staining my every thought and spilling out of me far too fast.

  She sighs and puts the money back in her pocket.

  “You can help me pack though.”

  “I’d rather just give you the money,” she moans.

  I chuckle and toss her my backpack to start filling up. I have a backpack and a duffel bag with a broken zipper. That’s all I have to pack my possessions in. Good thing I don’t have many possessions because there is no way I can even afford boxes right now to pack.

  It takes us all of ten minutes to pack up everything I own. Some of my textbooks don’t fit so I’ll have to carry them, but otherwise, everything fits in the two bags.

  Lana hugs me one las
t time. “Call me every day.”

  I nod. “I’ll keep in touch. You can’t get rid of me this easily.”

  “I’ll make sure our bitchy face RA gets your key.”

  “Thanks,” I say putting my backpack on, draping my duffel bag over my shoulder, and picking up the textbooks I plan on selling. I won’t get much, but twenty dollars might mean the difference between eating or starving.

  I glance one more time at the dorm room that had become my sanctuary. I had a full scholarship that covered everything. My classes, books, dorm room. All I had to cover was food. Something an occasional bartending job could cover. I took extra classes so I could graduate early. Now it’s all gone.

  I will not cry. Not again, I repeat to myself as I walk out of the dorm and into the sun. The sun always shines in Colorado. Over three hundred days of sunshine a year. I usually love that about Colorado, but not today.

  “Can’t I get some rain? Some clouds? Anything but your cheeriness?” I mumble under my breath, but of course, the sun still shines, making me feel like I’m the only person in the world dealing with a shitty day.

  My arms grow tired as I walk across campus to my car. At least I only have to make one trip. That’s a positive. Although, I have no idea what I’m going to do when I get to my car. Start applying to jobs I guess.

  No, I need a new plan, that’s all. When I have a plan, my life is good.

  I will apply to the bar on the 16th street mall that just opened. It’s in a touristy part of town, and I would make great tips. I will sleep in my car until I get my first paycheck. Or I’ll ask for an advance. Then, I’ll find a roommate who has a cheap room to rent out. A closet-sized room is about all I’ll be able to afford. I heard there are some cheap apartments near north Denver. I’ll—

  “Umf,” I grunt as I run into a brick wall.

  My books tumble to the ground, and my duffle bag falls off my shoulder, clothes tumbling out of the bag.

  “Shit,” I say when a scarf gets caught in the wind and starts blowing away.

  “I got it,” a man says.