Hate Me or Love Me

by Ella Miles

  We step out into the night and walk into his building holding hands. We enter the elevator our fingers still intertwined. I expect him to kiss me. I expect fire and his hands to grab my hips and push me against the wall. I expect to be panting and begging to come within seconds of entering the lift.

  Instead, nothing happens. Sure, the electricity continues to pass back and forth between us where our hands touch. And yes, I have butterflies swarming in my stomach. And my panties are wet from the dirty looks he keeps giving me. But other than holding my hand, Knight doesn’t touch me.

  The doors open and he pulls me into his apartment.

  “Of course you have an apartment on the top floor. Can you be any more predictable?” I tease.

  He shrugs. “Would you prefer I have a loft on the second floor?”

  He opens the door, holding it open for me as I step inside. No, I want him to have this apartment and let me have my own room here. Because damn.

  “That’s what I thought,” he smugly whispers behind me.

  I don’t even care. I’m afraid to step further inside for fear I will break something, and I know I can’t afford to fix a lamp let alone replace any of the furniture if I accidentally spilled a drop of wine.

  He places his hand on my lower back and leads me around. To the living room, dining room, kitchen, piano room, five bathrooms, and four bedrooms. He has room for a fucking piano! That’s crazy!

  “Do you play?” I ask, suddenly wanting to hear him play me something.

  “No.”

  “Then, why do you have it?”

  He shrugs. “Doesn’t every fancy apartment have a room just for a piano? What else would I put in here?”

  “A bar, a pool table, a man cave, I don’t know. Normal guy stuff that you would actually use.”

  He blinks but doesn’t say anything.

  “Oh…sorry.” I realize my mistake when I see the pink throw pillows on the couch next to the piano. This is the place him and Abri shared. I suddenly like it a lot less.

  “Why haven’t you re-decorated, if you hate her so much?”

  He shrugs.

  I’m getting tired of his shrugs.

  “Knight?” I press again.

  “I don’t know. It doesn’t bother me. I’m used to it the way it is. I’ll change it when the divorce is final.”

  I frown. Does he think there is a chance that they will work things out and she’ll come back?

  I don’t want to know the answer to that question.

  “So that’s it,” he says leading me back to the kitchen where he starts pouring us drinks. Except he hasn’t shown me the whole apartment. He never showed me his bedroom. I consider asking him to show me, but maybe he thinks we’ll end up there in a few minutes anyway.

  Knight pours himself a whiskey and me a vodka with a splash of lime.

  “Let’s go out on the patio.”

  I nod and follow him outside onto the patio. He takes a seat in the single chair while I sit on the couch. He hands me my drink, and I make sure to let our fingers brush together as I take the glass from him.

  Knight frowns, seemingly displeased with the touch. Maybe because he wants more? But why would he sit by himself instead of the couch if that is what he wanted?

  He pulls out the joint he bought before coming home and lights it. He takes a hit and passes it to me.

  I take it from him looking at it curiously. Trying my best to seem like this is my first time smoking a joint. I try to fumble with it and cough as I take the hit, but it’s like home in my mouth.

  He eyes me suspiciously. “You’ve smoked before.”

  “What? No, I uh—”

  “You’ve smoked a joint before.”

  I blush. “Yes, how did you know?”

  “I didn’t, you just confirmed. After watching you with the chopsticks, I can tell when you are trying something new and when you aren’t.”

  I avert my eyes, trying to think of what to say. I don’t want to tell him about my past. That’s not what tonight is about.

  He doesn’t ask though. Instead, he takes another puff before passing it back to me. We continue like this, alternating between smoking and drinking.

  I spent my high school years smoking, drinking, and fucking, his words play in my head. We’ve done two of the three. Now it’s time for the last one.

  Knight doesn’t realize everything he is doing is turning me on more and more. I may know a good guy in a suit with a fancy job is better for me, but deep down I only like fucking bad boys like him. And I’m growing impatient and more attracted to him by the second.

  I set my drink down on the glass table slowly, careful not to break the table or the glass.

  Knight chuckles.

  “What?”

  He shakes his head, still smiling at me.

  I don’t know what he’s laughing at. I’m not too drunk; I’m just being careful. Then I spot the joint. Oh yea, the weed. I’m being paranoid.

  I stand up and remove my jacket revealing my lace bra again. I should have worn a shirt underneath the jacket, but I didn’t have a nice shirt to wear, and I couldn’t afford to buy anything. It makes the outfit sexier, I remind myself.

  I step between Knight’s legs, pushing them apart to fit my slim frame.

  He eyes me, still holding his glass in his hand as he stares. He doesn’t have to say anything. I know from his low growl, from his intense eyes, from his thinned lips that he wants me.

  I grab the hem of his shirt again, pulling it off carefully so as not to spill his drink. Revealing the abs, scars, and tattoos again. I haven’t had time to study the ones on his chest, so I take my time doing that now. I kneel in front of him and begin kissing his stomach.

  His eyes burn into me, but still, no words leave his mouth. I kiss the first ripple, then the next, then the next. I make it to his chest and kiss the Chinese words, the dragon, the bottle of whiskey, the swirling lines, and then I stop.

  The letters A-B-R-I are across his heart.

  My eyes swell looking up at him. He loved her. He still loves her. What the hell am I doing?

  He grabs my wrist and pulls me up.

  “Stop.”

  I bite my lip. I don’t have to ask what he means. Stop thinking that he still loves her.

  He puts his drink down and pulls me to his lap until I’m straddling him. Our breaths come hard and fast, and our eyes lock together in a dance, trying to decide who is going to make the first move.

  We both kiss at the same time. I moan as he nibbles on my bottom lip. Then he sweeps his tongue into my mouth. I open, letting him in. I might never let him into my heart, but I will let him into my body anytime.

  This kiss is hard, full of a passion and desperation that wasn’t there the first time we kissed. This kiss is rough, primal, exactly what I would expect from a bad boy who knows his way around a bedroom.

  I grasp at his chest as he grabs my waist, not letting the kiss end. One kiss rolls into the next, then the next, then the next. Our moans bounce off each other in one endless sound. Our tongues find the innermost part of each of our mouths.

  I’ve never been kissed like this. Not like I’m wanted. Not like I’m the only person in his universe.

  “Just one taste,” he mumbles under his breath.

  “Wha—” I gasp as he pushes my bra aside freeing one of my breasts so he can take my nipple in his mouth. He nips at it gently before lapping his tongue over it. Teasing and taunting the hardened point.

  “Yes, Knight.”

  He doesn’t stop. He gives me more than a taste of what his tongue is capable of. Yes, yes, yes. It’s been forever since I’ve had a man that knows what he’s doing with a woman’s body.

  He grabs my legs and lifts me up as he attacks my other breast. My head falls back as he carries me inside.

  I attack his mouth, his rough stubble brushing against my cheek with each kiss. More, more, more.

  I grab his thick hair, keeping his mouth on me even as we ascend stairs.
/>
  Wait…stairs? I don’t remember climbing stairs on our previous tour of the house.

  He smirks against my lips. “I have my own, private staircase to my bedroom.”

  “Oh.”

  He pulls on my bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth and nipping roughly.

  I growl, it only makes him suck more forcefully.

  Knight pushes the door open, and I want to scan the room. I want to know everything about him. What makes him tick. What secret he’s hiding. Maybe there is some clue in his most personal of spaces.

  But I can’t let go of him. I can’t stop kissing him. I can’t stop staring into his deep eyes or smelling his manly cologne long enough to care what his room looks like. It could be covered in dirty clothes, the sheets unwashed, with an odor of a pig and I wouldn’t care. I want Knight too much to let anything stop this from happening.

  Knight’s eyes leave mine long enough to spot his bed behind me. Yes, bed!

  He tosses me onto the warm sheets that have clearly been washed; the fresh linen smell trickling up to my nose. I hold onto his neck as he tumbles on top of me.

  “Umpf,” he moans.

  I laugh. “Not expecting that, huh?” I like it rough when I’m not in a relationship and whatever Knight and I are doing is not a relationship.

  How can we have a relationship when all we’ve done is lie and hide things from each other? We can’t. But we can have hot sex while we ‘work’ together. That is something we should do a lot of from the way his thick length is pushing into my stomach. I can already tell how impressive he is and he hasn’t even undressed yet.

  Knight grabs my wrists and pushes them to the bed over my head. He wants rough too. There won’t be anything sweet about this.

  His eyes scan mine, searching to see if I want this. I purr and let my eyes turn to red-hot slits, begging to be fucked.

  “I want this,” I whisper.

  He closes my eyes with a hand, and I can’t help but get the feeling that he’s shutting me out.

  “Go to sleep, Mila.” He used my name. He only does that when he’s being serious and not teasing.

  “What?” I try to sit up, but he continues to hold me down, his body pressing over mine.

  “You heard me. Sleep, Mila. I’m not going to fuck you tonight.”

  My eyes are wide open now.

  “We have work in the morning. You need to be well rested.” He slowly lets me go and stands up.

  My fingers automatically go to my lips, where seconds before he was kissing, gnawing and tearing his way into me with promises of what he was going to do to my body. Now, he’s telling me to sleep. How can I sleep with him in the bed next to me?

  But he’s not walking to climb in the bed. He’s walking toward the door. He won’t even be sleeping in the bed with me.

  “It’s because you still love Abri?”

  Knight’s eyes darken, and his body stiffens. “No. This has nothing to do with Abri.”

  “Then, why? Why won’t you fuck me? Why won’t you even sleep in the bed next to me? Your bed, by the way.”

  “I only fuck sober women who want me and aren’t using me to deal with their own problems.”

  I feel like he slapped me. He was the one who started us down this path, not me. I hate him. I won’t ever fuck him.

  Knight walks to the door, lingering in the doorway. “Sleep Mila, or tomorrow you’ll hate me even more.”

  9

  Mila

  Buzz, buzz, buzz—

  What the hell?

  My eyes shoot open as the most annoying sound in the world hits my head. It feels like someone is repeatedly pounding on my head.

  I roll over, find the obnoxious alarm clock and hit it off. Sleep, I need sleep.

  I roll over, closing my eyes only for the alarm to sound again.

  I slam it off again, and that’s when I notice the note lying on the nightstand.

  * * *

  Be ready to leave at seven. Your day will usually start earlier, but I let you sleep in today because I’m nice. I’ll meet you at the office. My driver will be downstairs waiting.

  —Knight

  * * *

  Seven is sleeping in? What kind of crazy man thinks that? I sit up before I realize the room is spinning. And my stomach…

  I run to the bathroom as the contents of my stomach come up. I spend the next five minutes heaving over Knight’s toilet.

  What would he think if I called in sick on my first day? I don’t even have his number to call in sick though. I’m sure his driver would though.

  I wash my face in his sink surrounded by granite counter tops and a mirror five people could easily use to get ready at the same time. And then I walk to the bedroom and find my phone to read the time. Five ’til seven.

  Shit.

  I race through the room, searching for any clothes I can change into. I find nothing but men’s suits. He kept the pictures of Abri but got rid of her clothes, terrific.

  I pull open a drawer and smile when I see women’s jeans, but when I pull them out I know I would never fit into them. They are tiny. And I don’t even know what I’m supposed to wear to this job. All I know is Knight owns a strip club, and I’ll be his assistant. I assume it doesn’t matter what I wear.

  But I don’t have time to stop by my car I parked just off campus to change my clothes, and there is nothing here for me to wear other than my clothes from last night. I pull on the jacket and skirt and stare at the wrinkles in the mirror. I look like I was just fucked. And I was, only not in the way I wanted.

  I run my fingers through my hair and then tie my hair up in a high ponytail before slipping my heels on and racing downstairs.

  I walk out into the crisp morning air. “Hello, Miss Burns.”

  I stare up at a man in a suit standing outside of a blacked out Audi sedan.

  Knight really meant driver, not Uber.

  “I picked up a coffee and a bagel for you. It’s in the back, but if you’d prefer tea or—”

  “Coffee is great. Thank you…”

  “Gallagher.”

  “Thank you, Gallagher.”

  I climb into the back seat of the luxurious car and spot the coffee and bagel. I sip the coffee, and although I’m going to have to suffer through my massive headache all day, the coffee helps.

  Gallagher begins driving in the front seat, singing along quietly to the music.

  “Where are we headed? Are we going to the strip club again?”

  Gallagher chuckles, raising an eyebrow.

  “Oh sorry, I meant gentleman’s club.”

  He shakes his head. “Why would we go there?”

  “Because Knight owns it. He said I would be his assistant for the next couple of months. Does he have separate offices away from the club?”

  Gallagher smiles gently. “Something like that.”

  That’s rather vague.

  “Tell me about Knight. Is he a good boss?”

  He nods. “He compensates me very well.”

  Vague again.

  “Did you ever drive him and Abri?”

  Gallagher stills, but nods.

  Does he still love her? Is that what he’s hiding from me? I don’t ask my questions though. It’s clear Gallagher won’t answer me anyway.

  I eat my bagel, trying to anticipate what is going to happen when I arrive, but I have no idea what to expect. If I weren’t desperate for the money, I would have quit after last night. I need to talk to him about a payment schedule or getting an advance so I can find a place to live instead of sleeping in his bedroom or in my car. I need to formulate a plan like I always do for the rest of my life.

  Gallagher stops the car in front of a high rise. Before I can open the door, he has it opened for me. No one has ever opened a door for me. Not even past boyfriends.

  “Thank you.”

  He smiles and holds out his hand to help me out. I grip his hand as I stumble out, still clutching my coffee in my other hand. I’m going to need more when I get
inside.

  “Here’s your security badge, Miss Burns. Mr. Knight’s offices are on the top floor. He’s waiting for you.”

  I nod and take a step forward, feeling like Bambi learning to walk for the first time.

  “Would you like me to accompany you up, Miss Burns?”

  I smile and take a deep breath to compose myself. “No, I got it. Thank you though.”

  “Of course, Miss Burns.”

  “Gallagher, will you be driving me every morning?”

  He nods. “Most likely. I usually drive Mr. Knight, but he has made you my assignment for the foreseeable future.”

  “Then please call me Mila.”

  “Mila, I would suggest you hurry inside. Knight isn’t a patient man.”

  He drops the mister from in front of Knight’s name as well, and I start to think the ‘mister and miss’ was just an act Knight requested him to do, and not how he usually behaves.

  I know I should hurry inside, but after what Knight pulled last night I don’t care. He’s an ass. I don’t care how much money he is paying me. He can wait.

  I walk inside, flashing my card to the security guard. I wait at the elevators with a dozen other people all sipping their coffees in their expensive suits and heels.

  I glance down at my wrinkled mess of clothes. I thought I looked okay for going to a strip club, where I expected it to be mostly empty. This place isn’t empty. It’s full of sharp looking business people.

  I swallow hard and stare at the doors, begging them to open so I can get this hell of a day over with. The doors open, and we all cram inside. I can’t even see the buttons to tell if my floor is pressed or not. It takes forever to climb the more than twenty stories as the elevators stop on almost every level to let people on and off. But finally, it’s just a woman left and me.

  “First day?” she asks.

  I nod.

  The doors open, and she smiles knowingly. “Good luck, working for Knight is a tough job. You’re going to need a tough skin to survive here.”

  I blink, not understanding. How did she know I was working for Knight?

  “Good morning, Mila,” Cole says when I step off.