Hate Me or Love Me

by Ella Miles

  No.

  Stop.

  No!

  “Mila, shh, it’s okay. I got you. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you,” Knight’s voice says.

  Knight?

  He’s not here. He’s not the one hurting me.

  “Mila, no one is hurting you.”

  No one is hurting me, I repeat the words in my head.

  I feel his arms wrap around me, but it takes me a while to convince myself to open my eyes. I’m not where I thought I was. I’m safe in Knight’s bedroom. In his arms.

  Knight strokes my hair with worry in his dark eyes. The same concern he had, holding me in his arms, after rescuing me from falling to my death.

  “It was a nightmare. That’s all. I won’t let Abri or anyone else hurt you.”

  I nod. I know he won’t let Abri hurt me.

  “Do you trust me?”

  “Yes,” I whisper. I trust him, but he shouldn’t trust me. I’m not even sure I can trust myself, because Abri wasn’t who I was dreaming about.

  “Do you need anything? Water, food, more covers?”

  I stare out at the darkness. No one is here. It’s just Knight and me. I’m safe.

  “No, I’m okay.”

  He pulls the covers back over me, and I think he’s going to leave me again. My body shakes at the thought of being alone again. My heart beats rapidly, but I try to keep from moving, so Knight won’t realize how badly I need him.

  “Thank you for coming. I’ll be fine now. It was just a nightmare.”

  He lifts my chin to stare at him. I can’t hide, not when he stares at me like this. “It wasn’t just anything. Hearing your scream like that was one of the scariest moments of my life. I thought…”

  He thought someone was hurting me now. Does he believe Abri would break into his house and do that?

  I stroke his cheek and kiss him very lightly on the lips. “I’m okay. I promise. I used to get nightmares all the time. Today must have triggered one again. I’ll watch TV or something for a little bit, and then I’ll fall fast asleep again. You wore me out. I won’t have a choice but to sleep. Go back to bed.”

  “You think I’m going to leave you again?”

  I freeze. I don’t know how to respond. I did think he was leaving.

  “I’m never leaving you again.”

  He wraps his body around mine to make his point. Then he reaches over me to grab the remote on the nightstand. He flicks the enormous TV on and then hands the remote to me. I pick a station with puppies playing on the screen. I can’t go wrong with puppies. And then I lay my head against Knight’s arm. He tightens his grip around me. He’s not wearing anything but his boxer briefs. His bare chest is pressed against the thin T-shirt of his I’m wearing. I need to be closer though.

  As if he has the same thought, he moves the T-shirt up my body, and I pull it over my head. It’s not sexual. It’s the intimacy we seek. Our skin presses together. And Knight kisses my shoulder.

  “Mine,” he whispers.

  I let his words float through me. I would give anything to be his beyond tonight. My nightmare granted us a few more moments of being together, but it won’t last. When we wake up, we won’t be anything but employer and employee. We will do our best to let the hate back in and guard our hearts. It’s the only way either of us will remain safe.

  “Good morning,” Knight says still holding me.

  “Morning,” I say, smiling and blushing at how naked I am. He stares down at my breasts that are no longer covered by his silk sheets. I know what he wants. To taste them. I feel his cock at my ass, begging for entrance.

  I can think of no better way to start the day then a good morning fuck.

  “How did you sleep?” he asks.

  “No more nightmares.” Because of you.

  He nods solemnly and presses his cock further against my ass. Yes! Fuck me.

  An alarm blares, and Knight rolls off of me toward the alarm he must have set on his phone. I glance at it. Five in the morning. Ugh, why does Knight have to get up so early?

  He gets up, and I know our moment together is over. Stupid alarm.

  I move to get out of bed too, but Knight stops me. “You don’t have to be into work until seven. Sleep for another hour. I set another alarm to wake you then.”

  “Sleep with me,” I say, not keeping the double meaning out. Fuck me and then snuggle some more. Or just fuck me until the next alarm goes off.

  “I can’t. I have an early morning meeting.”

  He kisses me dismissively on the forehead and then goes to the bathroom. I consider just getting up and showering, but I know Knight will protest. He wants me to sleep. So I do my best to sleep.

  I get into work at a quarter after seven, sore and unsatisfied after not getting morning sex.

  “Work starts at seven,” Knight’s voice booms as I set my purse down.

  I haven’t seen him since he left my bed almost entirely naked. Now he’s dressed in a dark suit, with a burgundy tie that matches the dress I’m wearing.

  “I understand. Starbucks was slow with your coffee this morning.” I hold up the coffee to him.

  He stares down at it blankly. “I already got my coffee. You should have left earlier.”

  “What? You set my alarm! I left when you thought I should leave.”

  But he looks at me, and I know for sure our time is over. He’s back to playing the jerk of a boss, and I’m left feeling confused and lonely. It’s for the best.

  “I’m sorry. I won’t be late again.”

  “There is a list of things on your desk I need you to do. They are of the utmost importance. Don’t bother with your usual tasks until after they are complete.”

  I frown and snatch the list off my desk. Try out ten different restaurants and report back which food is the best for the luncheon next week. Then stop by six different dessert places to find the best cake. Interview new laundromats, he’s not happy with his current one. He wants a new bed for his guest bedroom. Pick one out for him. And he needs new patio heaters before it gets cold.

  It’s obvious what he’s doing. Trying to keep me out of the office as much as possible. Away from Abri, and him. He’s not even looking at me now. He’s inspecting the floor like he’s reading a story off it or something.

  “If I eat at all these places today I’m going to be sick or fat,” I tease.

  His eyes go to my body that is far too thin. I need to eat more. He doesn’t know I’ve been skipping lunches because I can’t afford them without my paycheck or him paying for them.

  I sigh. “Anything else?”

  “Report to me when you are finished, I’ll have a new list for you.”

  He disappears, and I’m left with a fake list of tasks that don’t even matter. Last time he talked about the luncheon, he just wanted me to pick any restaurant that could hold the fifty people invited. He didn’t care. Now I have to taste the food and select a separate dessert place.

  A knock rattles me before it’s opened.

  “Wow,” Cole says staring at me.

  “What?” I snap, not able to deal with his crap.

  “Whoa, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to intrude. I promise I won’t kiss you. I know you aren’t in the mood.”

  “I’m not in the mood because Knight’s psycho ex-wife almost killed me yesterday.” It’s only partially the truth.

  “And now I have to do these stupid errands for Knight. He’s trying to keep me out of the office so I won’t kill him.” I hold up the list.

  Cole frowns. “I’ll do some of the tasks with you, and then you and I can talk and get to know each other better. I’m hungry and could use twenty lunches today.”

  I laugh. “I don’t think that’s the best idea.”

  “I will not kiss you again. Well, unless you ask, but I’m pretty sure you’ve been kissed plenty since the last time I saw you.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because Abri has been sulking all day, Knight is more pissy than usual, and you a
re glowing in an outfit that matches Knight’s.”

  I frown.

  “Don’t worry; you two look adorable in your matching outfits.”

  “I don’t know how that happened. We didn’t plan it, and he was awake before I left.”

  Cole grins. “So you were together last night then?”

  “Ugh, I’m not talking to you about my love life or lack of one.”

  “Fine, don’t talk, but I promise I’m only looking out for you and Knight.”

  I roll my eyes. “Yep, I’m sure that kiss was just a way to bring Knight and me together.”

  “It worked, didn’t it?”

  I huff. “What are you doing here anyway, Cole? Don’t you have a strip club to run?”

  “The strip club runs itself. And I’m going to be the owner of Perfect Match soon, so I need to spend more time here.”

  “What did you just say?”

  “Um…nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

  Is Cole planning a coup? Should I tell Knight about it? Is Cole trying to take over now that he sees Knight is weakened?

  My phone buzzes and I answer it automatically.

  “Yes,” I snap because I know it’s Knight.

  “You haven’t called your driver yet, don’t worry, I did your job for you. He’s downstairs waiting to take you to the first restaurant.”

  I end the call without a goodbye. I snatch the coffee meant for Knight along with my own nearly empty cup. I’m going to need both to get through this day.

  Knight hasn’t spoken to me all day. He’s texted me a few more work things to do, but otherwise nothing. There was dinner waiting for me on the counter when I got back to his place, but otherwise no sign of Knight. The food smells delicious. Some homemade pasta dish Knight must have fixed before he disappeared again, but I’m too stuffed to eat anything after the day I had.

  So instead of eating, I slink upstairs and into the bed. I don’t even have the energy to shower or undress. I flick the TV on, ready to get lost in some drama to put me to sleep. I only make it twenty minutes into a rerun of Scandal, before the door opens.

  My eyes shoot open as Knight steps into the bedroom.

  “If you think I’ll fuck you after how you treated me today, you’re wrong.”

  He takes a step inside, closing the door behind him.

  “I hate you,” I spat.

  He keeps walking.

  Dammit, if he touches me, kisses me, or even speaks a word I will jump him.

  He does none of those things though. He slowly removes a T-shirt and sweatpants he must have changed into after work and then climbs into the bed next to me.

  “No,” I say because I won’t fuck him. I can’t.

  “I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to help you sleep.” He doesn’t say the words, but he means help him sleep too, to know I’m safe.

  “Okay,” I whisper. His hands go around me, and within moments he’s snoring.

  That’s how the next two weeks go by. Knight yells at me during the day, giving me ridiculous tasks that all involve being away from the office. I dog walked for his neighbor. A neighbor he doesn’t even know or care about. I did Cole’s dry cleaning at a separate dry cleaner’s than Knights. I got Knight’s motorcycle and cars washed, even though they didn’t need it, twice.

  Every day I showed up, somehow in a damn matching outfit to what Knight was wearing, and he’d bark orders at me. It was our only interaction during the day, but somehow those moments meant to drive us apart brought us closer together. The words we spoke to each other were fake, the heat between us the only truth.

  But the days weren’t as bad as the nights. Every night we developed the same routine. Knight would cook dinner, and we’d eat together in silence. Then we would go our separate ways for a couple of hours before Knight would find his way to my bedroom to hold me all night and keep the nightmares away.

  Somehow we exchanged truth for hatred and sex for keeping the nightmares away at night. I’m not sure we made a fair trade.

  And in two weeks, everything could change. That’s when my first paycheck is due. Two weeks. In two weeks, I will have enough money to move out and get my own apartment. But I’m not sure that’s what I want anymore. But I have to. It’s the only way to keep my sanity.

  I sit down at my desk to enjoy a sandwich on my lunch break, one of the rare times I’ve been in the office the last two weeks. But instead of eating, my door gets thrown open.

  I growl. I need to get a lock installed on the door ASAP.

  “Hey bestie,” Abri says. “I wanted to see if you were available to have lunch with me.”

  Despite Knight’s attempts to keep me away from Abri, she has still found me. She pretends nothing has happened between us, that we are best friends now. She’s delusional.

  “I’m already eating my lunch, but thanks.”

  “Oh, well good thing I brought my lunch today.” She sits down across from me and pulls her own sandwich out of her purse.

  I sigh.

  “I’d rather eat alone, Abri. It’s been a long week.”

  “We are eating alone. That’s why we aren’t in the cafeteria silly.”

  I eat my sandwich, pretending she isn’t here as she speaks nonsense.

  “Did you see the new secretary Knight hired? He’ll be fucking her by the end of the week.”

  “Did you see the way Knight looked at me yesterday? He was pining bad.”

  “Did you hear him talking to Jessica? I think he’s been fucking her.”

  Ignore her, I repeat. Her conversations don’t even make sense. How could Knight be attracted to so many people at the same time and be fucking them all?

  I smirk to myself. Abri doesn’t know I’m the one sleeping in Knight’s bed every night. Even if it’s just sleeping, it doesn’t matter. I’m still the only one that gets him. At least for two more weeks.

  My phone buzzes, and I grab it to turn it off. Knight knows I won’t answer on my lunch break. It’s not Knight though. It’s Ren, my sister.

  “Hello?”

  “What the fuck, Mila? You didn’t tell me that you got expelled! What the fuck are you going to do?!”

  “Suspended, not expelled. It wasn’t my fault. And I’m enrolled for next semester, so it’s really fine. I found a job in the meantime. I’m good.”

  “You are coming to Aspen this weekend! We need to have a long talk.”

  “Ren, I’m fine. Really. I work most weekends, so it will be tough for me to get off.”

  “Mila Kay Burns, you get your butt to my house this weekend!”

  “I’ll talk to my boss, Ren. But no promises.”

  I end the call. Shit. I’m sure Knight will let me go, it means I’m away from Abri for the weekend. But I don’t want to spend the weekend with my sister.

  “How is Ren?” Abri asks smirking at me.

  “My sister is fine,” I say hesitantly.

  “Good, I’ve meant to call her again. It’s been a while since we spoke. How are the kids? What are their names again? Oh yes, Bailey and Camden.”

  I freeze. “Wait…you know my sister?”

  Abri blinks in confusion. “Of course, I do, silly. I remember you too, although it took me a while to remember you. You’ve changed so much. You used to have red and blue and green hair.”

  “Purple and blue.”

  “Oh right, purple and blue. You used to follow your older sister everywhere. It was very annoying.”

  And just like that, one truth comes flooding back. Abri and Ren were close friends in high school. I was going through a rebellious stage and didn’t see my family or sister much, but who could forget Abri. The few conversations we had she would tell me how awful my hair was, and that I had horrible split ends and needed to wear a hat or wig instead of dying my hair.

  Was Knight there?

  I search my brain trying to bring up a memory of Knight. I find none. No, I couldn’t have known Knight back then. I only knew Abri for a year at most before she graduated wi
th my sister. And my parents would have never let them bring boys over.

  I never hung out with Abri or Ren outside of the house. I was in middle school still when they were in high school. There was no way I knew Knight.

  But we were so close. We could have met back then. Before life damaged us both. Could we have been together then if our pasts hadn’t ruined us?

  And how could I have forgotten, even a moment of my past?

  14

  Knight

  I need to talk to Abri, but for once, she’s been avoiding me. I need to threaten her with her life if she so much as talks to Mila again. I’ve had Mila run ridiculous errands to keep her away from this building. Away from Abri, and if I’m honest, me.

  I don’t know who’s more of a danger to Mila, Abri or me. But being gone keeps Mila safe.

  But more than threatening Abri, I need to find out what she told Mila. I need to know how much Mila knows. So then I can figure out how to share my secret.

  A loud knock pounds on my door, and I know it’s Mila. There is nothing soft about her. She’s fierce, independent and even though she has no business experience, if I spent a week teaching her how my company runs, I have no doubt she would take over with full energy and bring our profits up to an all-time high. Even the stupid tasks I’ve given her she’s tackled full on with all of her strength.

  She found the best restaurant in all of Denver to host our luncheon at. My motorcycle and cars have never been cleaner. My schedule has never made better use of my time. And she saved me money while finding a better dry cleaner. Not to mention the countless clients she has persuaded to use our app with a simple email or phone call. She’s like a machine that doesn’t stop until she’s shut off.

  Mila has a fire I can’t find a way to extinguish. Maybe she’s strong enough to survive the storm headed her way.

  I don’t answer. I know Mila’s routine at this point, and she knows mine. She waits for exactly three-seconds for a response to her knock. One that I never give her. And then she walks in, not caring who is in my office. She’s walked in on countless meetings. The women I’m meeting with, look up at her with jealousy. The men with lust.