Crave

by Jennifer Dawson

  Ashley, however, has different ideas and goes crazy anytime he comes within a mile radius. The two of them have been hooking up for far too many years to count. This wouldn’t be a bad thing; except Ashley deludes herself into believing he’ll change for her. That someday he’ll realize what a catch she is and put a ring on her finger. The chances of this happening are less than zero, and someday Ashley will understand that Tyler is doing her a favor. Guys like him are never faithful.

  As her friend, I’m duty-bound to at least object to the mistake she’s about to make, even though she’ll never listen. I tap Ashley’s hand on the table and shake my head. “Don’t do it.”

  “She’s right, Ash,” Ruby says, backing me up. “You know what happens.”

  But Ashley is ignoring us, her gaze on the man of her dreams.

  Ruby sighs. “Do you see why I need you?”

  Ashley pulls down the hem of her baby-doll tee, making sure to reveal maximum cleavage. “He’s coming over.”

  Of course he is, she’s a sure thing. I want to say this, but hold my tongue. I’m not telling her anything she doesn’t already know. Besides, who am I to judge? Every sane, rational brain cell I have tells me to run from Michael as fast as I can, but I haven’t been able to resist him.

  Chemistry, real or perceived, isn’t good for thinking straight.

  Tyler, and three of his buddies, make their way over to stand at our table. As they crowd in, they take up all the available space, blocking out some of the light and making me feel enclosed. All four of them look like a bunch of college frat boys with slick smiles that don’t reach their eyes.

  I can’t help it—my mind flashes back to that alley and the men crowded around John and me. I tense, experiencing that momentary sense of adrenaline racing through my blood.

  I need to remain calm. These guys are not a threat, and I’m not alone. Nothing is going to happen to me. I take a deep, shaky breath and will my pulse to slow.

  Ruby nudges me. “Are you okay?”

  I nod and gulp for air, steeling my spine while forcing my body to relax.

  Tyler bends his head in greeting to Ruby before shifting his attention to me. “I haven’t seen you in a while, Layla.”

  “Hey,” I say, not inviting conversation.

  He points to his friends and rattles off their names but I’m not paying attention. I’m concentrating on air and taking slow breaths.

  Ruby nudges me again. “Do you need some fresh air?”

  This time I don’t resist her offer to help. If I step out into the cold night, I’ll be able to compose myself and continue my night out as a normal girl. “Yeah.”

  She grabs my elbow and yells across the table. “We’ll be right back, are you okay on your own?”

  Ashley waves us away, her hungry eyes never wavering from Tyler smiling down at her. He’s already cupping the back of her neck and leaning in close.

  One of his friend’s, a boyishly cute GQ type I’ve never seen before winks, flashing me a smile filled with perfect white teeth. I push my way past him but before I can slip away he slides an arm around my waist. “Where are you off to?”

  His touch makes me recoil, not because there’s anything wrong with him, but because there are too many people, it’s too loud, and the air is thick and hot. The bar smells like sweat and beer and the last thing I need is some guy groping me.

  I jerk away and force a smile on my lips. “We’re just getting some fresh air.”

  His gaze drops to my mouth. “Hurry back.”

  I remind myself this is what guys do in bars, especially in places like this, swarming with too much testosterone left over from whatever game they’ve been playing.

  Ruby grips my arm as I push my way past the hordes of people while trying not to think about the bodies pressing too close into mine. Strangers. I’m normally okay in a crowd but this place has to be over capacity and I feel like I’m suffocating.

  Not a great feeling on the verge of a panic attack I want to control.

  I press my lips together, and regulate my breath in an effort to remain calm, as I focus on the front door. Off to the left something familiar catches the corner of my vision. I turn my head and come to a dead stop so quickly Ruby runs smack into me.

  “What?” she asks from behind me, but I barely hear her.

  I blink. It’s Michael, standing not ten feet away from me.

  He’s with a girl.

  Nausea rolls through my stomach in a cruel wave and I break out into a cold sweat. For a moment, I think I’m going to throw up the beer I’ve drunk, but I manage to push it back down.

  He’s standing close to an extremely cute, tall brunette with long wavy hair wearing a black sleeveless top, tight jeans and knee-high black boots. Michael puts a hand on her elbow, laughing at something she says, and she grins up at him.

  They look like a couple.

  I’m definitely going to be sick.

  How could I have been so stupid? How could I have gotten sucked in? He made me believe, even if only for a fraction of a second, and I hate him so much I want to claw his eyes out. My hands curl into fists as my nails bite into the skin on my palms.

  Ruby pokes me in the ribs, prodding me forward.

  But I can’t move, I can only stare in horror.

  “Layla,” she yells over the crowd.

  The sound of Ruby calling my name must have carried through the short distance because his head jerks up and his gaze locks instantly on mine.

  In that one moment all the noise—the crowd, the bar, the beginning stages of my panic attack—disappears. I’m left with one thought—he gave me hope.

  Hope I wanted no part of. And I will never forgive him.

  Some drunken guy jostles me, propelling me into action. I begin walking as fast as I can away from him. Away from this godforsaken bar. And most certainly away from the tiny glimmer of life growing ever larger each day.

  “Layla,” Michael calls.

  But I’m already leaving, practically running as fast as I can in my high-heeled boots.

  He calls again, but I shut him out.

  I’ll never let him in again.

  I can’t believe it. I care. I’m fucking jealous.

  I hate him.

  Never, ever again.

  “Layla.” It’s Ruby’s voice this time but I don’t even slow, just push my way past the people like I’m a bulldozer until I finally reach the front door.

  I break free and race outside. The cold air hits my too hot cheeks and I suck in great gulps of air.

  I squeeze my lids shut tight. This is my fault.

  This is why my rules are so important. They were designed to keep me safe, and now I’ve gone and blown them all to hell.

  How did this even happen? I’ve only known him a week. A week! He owes me nothing, least of all loyalty. But logic doesn’t matter.

  In my heart, buried so deep I didn’t recognize it, I’d believed I was special somehow. That he was charged with the same violent rush of emotions as me.

  But it was just a game. A challenge.

  And I fell for it. How could I be so stupid? How could I betray John? For something so inconsequential.

  Ruby comes rushing out, spots me, and puts a hand over her heart. “Jesus, Layla, what the hell happened back there?”

  “Nothing.” Nothing, I’d made into something.

  “Who was that guy?” She point in the direction of the bar, as if I need some sort of reminder of whom she’s referring to.

  “No one.” I lean one shoulder against the side of the building, trying to collect myself. My voice is dead calm, conveying nothing of the turmoil rioting inside me. “I’m sorry, Ruby, I don’t think I can go back in there. It’s too crowded.”

  “All right, I understand. I’ll go back in and grab our stuff then we can go hang out at The Whisky and talk. Okay?”

  I betrayed John.

  I nod and close my eyes. I’m going to have to think of something to tell her, because this time there w
ill be no letting me off the hook. Ruby will want answers.

  A big hand grips me by the elbow. I’m hauled off the wall and swung around.

  Michael.

  I try and pull away but his grasp is firm. Not hurting me, but forceful enough to let me know I’m not going anywhere until he’s ready.

  “Hey!” Ruby yells. “Don’t touch her.”

  Next to him is the girl, arms curled around herself to protect against the cold, her brow furrowed. She’s even prettier than I’d thought in the bar.

  “Let me go.” My words are filled with venom. How could he bring her out here?

  “Layla,” Michael says, his tone filled with that hard command custom designed to make me stand up and take notice.

  My traitorous body responds with an answering shudder.

  “Let her go, asshole.” Ruby steps toward us, ready to take him on.

  He ignores her and issues the girl forward. Of course, she obeys. Like me, she probably doesn’t have a choice. “Layla, I’d like you to meet my sister, Jillian.”

  Every tense muscle in my body uncoils and I blink at the girl.

  His sister? She’s tall for a woman, maybe five-nine and her hair is the same dark brown as Michael’s.

  She smiles and steps toward me. Her face illuminates in the glow of the street lamp and I see she shares the same unusual striking hazel eyes as her brother. “Hi, you must be Layla. I know this because I heard Michael yell your name about five hundred times.”

  I glance at him, and he nods. His fingers relax fractionally on my arm. Not enough to set me free, but enough to know he no longer considers me a flight risk.

  She turns and gestures behind her and for the first time I see there’s another man there. A cute, Italian-looking guy with black hair and dark eyes. “This is my boyfriend, Leo.”

  Leo grins and it transforms his face from cute to devilishly handsome. He swings his arm around Jillian. “I work with Michael. I can vouch that she’s definitely his sister.”

  Michael’s gaze narrows and a muscle jumps in his jaw.

  I’m still not able to speak. Now that the mad rush of emotions is over, I can’t help but see how crazy I acted. Embarrassment washes over me like a hot wave. What have I done? I’ve given away my true feelings. Revealed how much he means to me.

  In front of everyone, including Ruby.

  Michael releases his hold on my elbow and grips my chin, forcing me to look up and meet his gaze. I resist, closing my eyes, not wanting him to witness what I’ve given away. I’ve only known him a week. I’ve stayed protected for so long, built my walls so completely, how did he get past them so quickly?

  I can no longer deny he’s gotten through all of my toughest defenses.

  His fingers slip down the curve of my jaw to wrap gently around my neck. His thumb presses into the pulse beating far too fast and my lashes flutter open in response to the subtle pressure. I shiver involuntarily.

  His hazel eyes flash with something that looks a lot like satisfaction. “My sister, Layla.” He strokes over my skin then his hand falls away.

  I press my lips together and nod. I cross my arms, hugging myself tight against the crisp nighttime air. It’s one thing to agree to go out with him. On a date, I could still maintain indifference.

  But he knows now. I can’t hide or pretend otherwise. He has power over me.

  I search his expression, looking for the arrogance that has to be lurking there, but he only looks concerned, with a frown on his lips, and narrowed eyes that study me far too closely. Dangerous, cop eyes.

  “What is going on?” Ruby’s voice shakes me from the spell Michael has me under.

  I glance around to see Jillian and Leo grinning at me, expressions filled with avid interest. I can feel a hot flush spread over my cheeks.

  “I’m Michael.” He holds out one strong hand and Ruby reaches out, her face filled with questions. As her palm slips into his grasp, I watch my regular and secret life collide.

  I can do nothing but stand there and watch it happen.

  She nods at Michael. “I’m Ruby.”

  The second he drops her hand she turns to me. “Is everything okay?”

  No, everything is not okay. I’ve been caught having a jealous fit over some guy I barely know, that Ruby’s certainly never heard of, when I’m supposed to be in deep mourning over the love of my life. Of course, I can’t say that, so, I do what comes natural and avoid. I toss a furtive glance at Michael. “Ruby’s my best friend.”

  Michael flashes her a killer smile filled with charm that actually makes me go weak in the knees. “Do you think you could give us a couple minutes here?”

  Ruby crosses her arms. “Layla, who is this guy?”

  “Um…” I lick my lips and everyone watches me expectantly. “Um…he’s…just someone I know.”

  Leo laughs and Jillian nudges him in the ribs with her elbow.

  One brow rises up Ruby’s forehead. “Yeah, I can see that.” Her tone is acid and I can tell she’s hurt.

  I don’t blame her; I’m already breaking the promises I made the night before. I grit my teeth and decide I’m going to tell her at least some version of the truth. I owe her that. But first I need to deal with this disaster I’ve created.

  I put my hand on her arm. “It’s fine, I promise.”

  She scowls, not at all convinced. “But—”

  Michael cuts her off and reaches into the pocket of his jeans, pulls out his badge and hands it over to Ruby. “I’m a cop. Nothing is going to happen to her while she’s with me.”

  I bite my lower lip. One part of me recognizes him as the most dangerous thing out there, while another is wrapped up in a blanket of security I haven’t experienced since before the attack when I believed nothing bad could happen to me.

  She studies the badge then slowly hands it back to Michael.

  I turn to her, needing some way to make it up to her. “I’ll explain everything as soon as I get back inside.”

  “All right,” she says, looking at me like I’m a stranger. “I’ll be at the table.”

  I nod, and she turns to walk away.

  Leo and Jillian, however, stay firmly in place, watching us.

  Michael juts his chin. “Go.”

  Jillian flashes a grin. “I can’t wait to tell Mom.”

  Leo slides his hand into hers. “Hell, I can’t wait to tell everyone.”

  Clearly disgusted, Michael shakes his head, grips my elbow and starts tugging me down the street in the opposite direction of the bar and the crowded sidewalk in front of the door where people stand to smoke. “Jesus Christ, they’re pains in the asses.”

  I’d smile at his brotherly disgust if only it wasn’t a harsh reminder of how wrong I was and how much I’d given away. My thoughts of embarrassment fade into the background, when ahead, I catch the first glimpse of the alley waiting for me. Tendrils of darkness seem to creep onto the street, encroaching into the glow cast from the streetlights above.

  I stiffen.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks immediately, missing nothing.

  My pace picks up as my throat seizes. “No alleys.”

  He says nothing but his expression hardens and he quickly sidesteps around me, placing himself between me, and the long dark corridor that fills my nightmares. “Better?”

  “Yes.” It’s a small gesture—and maybe any guy would do it—but with Michael my tension abates and the warmth envelops me.

  When he takes my hand, the part of me that wants to remain protected and insulated from feeling anything but my loss, resists, but I curl my fingers around him anyway. I try not to pay too much attention to how strong and solid his grip is, or how much I crave his arms around me.

  I’m in way over my head. If I’m not careful, I’m going to start needing him. And that can’t happen, I may have given up the fight to stay away, but this is still temporary.

  We walk a half a block before he pulls me into a deserted vestibule of a closed dry cleaners. He maneuvers me into
the corner, standing in front of me so he blocks most of the autumn wind.

  With any other man this position would terrify me, but with Michael, I can’t deny I feel safe.

  He rubs my arms. Since my coat is inside with Ashley and Ruby, I can feel the warmth of his palms through the thin jersey of my red top. I want to protest, but find I don’t have the energy. Or, maybe, I miss the sensation of being safe and protected too much to refuse.

  “Are we okay, sugar?” he asks. With the shimmer of the streetlights behind him, I can see him searching my expression in that slow assessing way he has. Looking for clues, like the detective he is.

  I lower my gaze and stare at his broad chest. The navy cotton of his long-sleeved shirt stretches over muscles obviously honed to perfection. He’s built so different than John, who was lean, almost slight. I wonder what it would be like to lay my head against Michael’s chest and listen to the steady, sure beat of his heart. My fingers itch to touch him, and if it was just for sex, I’d be okay, but it’s not. I lust for the comfort he gives me as much as his body.

  He’s impossible for me to objectify. To use. He’ll make me forget John and I can’t have that. I gather what’s left of the last shreds of my defenses and steel my spine. “There is no ‘we’ and I’m fine.”

  His gaze narrows and his jaw hardens. “It’s not going to work, Layla. So don’t even bother trying.”

  My chin tilts with a defiance I don’t even come close to feeling. “I’m stating a fact.”

  “You’re stating what you’d like to be true.” His hand moves up my arm to stroke over the exposed skin of my neck. “There’s a big difference, isn’t there?”

  I can’t stop the shiver that races along my skin like lightening. “Why are you doing this? Can’t you see I don’t want this?”

  “No, I don’t see that at all. I think you want it far more than you can admit.”

  My throat closes over, and I want to look away, but can’t.

  “When I first met you, I thought about it,” he says, and the admission spikes hot panic through me. “But, I’m sorry, I can’t let you run.”