By Candlelight

by Janelle Taylor

  When the kiss finally ended, he dragged her close. His heart thumped against hers. She kissed his chin andjawline without being asked, and his groan of need was like a flame to her already overheated senses.

  “What are you doing to me?” he asked, bending his head down to capture her lips again.

  “What are you doing to me?” she countered.

  “I don’t know…I don’t know…”

  “Do it some more,” she whispered.

  “God, Katie. I want to!”

  She knew it was dangerous. She was asking for something she shouldn’t be. But she couldn’t help herself, and when he tugged her hand, urging her down to the grass beside him, she simply melted like wax.

  He kissed her and kissed her, and when his hand dragged her knit shirt from the waistband of her pants, she didn’t stop him. Neither did she when it stole upward, beneath her top, to cup one aching breast in his palm.

  “Katie…,” he murmured. “Katie…”

  Lisa’s words floated through her mind, those clucking, mother hen comments about the Talbots. But Lisa had meant Phillip, her desire-drugged mind protested. This was Jake. Jake, Jake, Jake! The man she loved. She refused to listen.

  Besides, it was too pleasurable for words. Her conscience shut down, and she breathed a sigh of pure pleasure. Her hands began an exploration of their own, running down his back and tugging his shirt free as well. Her fingers slid upward against the smooth muscle of his back to his broad shoulders.

  His fingers unclipped the front closure on her bra, spilling her breasts into his warm palms. Gently he massaged her flesh, his breath hot against her mouth, his lips achingly demanding.

  They were lying on the ground with Jake’s chest halfatop hers. In the heat of the moment he rolled onto her, his legs tangling with hers. In that brief, hot instant, she felt his male hardness, and her splintered brain reconnected. My God, what was she doing? Remembering her father’s admonitions, she felt shocked and embarrassed. Good Lord, she was asking for it! No, begging!

  In response she simply shut down. Her hands stopped moving. Her body froze. Her parted lips slackened in shock, unable to return his urgent kisses. Her whole consciousness narrowed to the feel of his arousal against her, and the knowledge that it would take so little—so very little—to make love to him.

  But her good intentions vanished moments later. His mouth slid down her neck to her bared skin, leaving a moist trail against her skin as it traveled to her breast. His tongue circled one nipple, and ripples of awareness moved beneath her flesh.

  Her fingers clutched his hair. She wanted to drag his hot, seeking mouth away. No! She wanted to cradle him close. As his lips clung to her nipple, sucking hard, her nails raked his scalp. Her back arched in hot response, and she silently begged for some nameless fulfillment.

  Were those mewling sounds issuing from her lips? Katie was too dazed to know. “Jake…”

  Urgently he drew her hand down to him, and Katie felt the thick bulge of his manhood through the confines of his jeans. Her fingers probed carefully, but a tingle of fear remained. This was wrong. She knew it instinctively; but curiosity held her in its grip, and when her fingers encountered the zipper, his groan of submission spurred her on.

  “Katie…,” he murmured brokenly, making her feel inordinately powerful. She was doing this to him.

  Then suddenly his fingers were at her waistband, popping the button, sliding down the zipper, slipping inside to slide over the thin protection of her panties.

  Alarm bells went off inside her head. “I can’t!”

  His groan was a denial, his fingers anxious and searching. She felt her own slickness and was appalled, then was relieved when he seemed to come to himself, for he abandoned his exploration.

  She just wanted to kiss him and kiss him. Fervently she let her lips caress his face and neck. Jake’s expression was tense and hard, and she really didn’t understand what was wrong until he climbed full atop her.

  “You’re driving me crazy,” he admitted thickly, his body trembling.

  Good, she thought, and when he thrust against her through her clothes, she clung to him, distantly aware that her body was responding to his hard rubbing in a thoroughly enticing way. She wanted to strip them both of their remaining clothes and drag his hot body to hers. She wanted him.

  But Lisa’s warning held her in its grip, and she balled her hands into fists, fighting her own urges.

  Jake suddenly rolled off her, his breathing harsh and ragged. His eyes were closed, his mouth a thin line. Katie swallowed, afraid she had done something seriously wrong. Oh, God! Did he think she was a slut? She had only wanted to love him a little.

  “Jake?” she whispered, afraid, her heart still raging ahead in a wild beat.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, sounding stunned by his own behavior.

  Relief swept through her. “Oh, no. It’s okay. I thought you were mad at me.”

  “Mad at you?” He opened his eyes to stare at her.

  “I didn’t mean to—I don’t know—” Heat flooded her face, and she gulped against a hot throat.

  “Oh, Katie.” He leaned toward her, his breath hard, his nose nearly touching hers. “I’ve never come on to a girl like that before. I know you won’t believe me, but it’s true.”

  “I do believe you!” She knew his reputation as well as anyone, and Jake Talbot had been indifferent to the girls at Lakehaven High. She was just thrilled he wasn’t indifferent to her!

  But it was scary how quickly passion could claim one’s senses. She hadn’t believed it was possible. She had never suspected that she could behave blindly and recklessly. She had felt so sure that a boy would never be able to talk her into sex. No way. But now she knew that at least with Jake Talbot, very little persuasion would be necessary…

  Almost without volition her hand reached out to stroke his cheek. She wanted to wipe away the anxiety she saw in his shadowed gaze. “I’m not sorry,” she whispered. “But I think I’d better go home.”

  To her amazement and delight, he covered her hand with his own, then turned it over to press a kiss into her palm. Then he leapt to his feet and hauled her up beside him, his smile a flash of white in the darkness. His mood was infectious, and Katie smiled right back. Those three little words trembled on her lips, but she held them in. She couldn’t tell him, yet. It was too soon. But would she ever be able to? She was just so afraid something would happen to keep them apart, and she couldn’t bear the thought.

  Their evening ended without further incident, with Katie successfully sneaking in after curfew. Later in bed, she relived every moment, every feeling. Lying on her back she stared at the ceiling; then she flipped over and buried her face in her pillow, grinning like an idiot, full of excitement about the future.

  Over the next several weeks their relationship became the news of the school. One moment she and Jake were secretly smiling at each other; the next they were the rage of the rumor mill. Andrea grabbed Katie in the hall and propelled her to the girls’ bathroom.

  “You’re with Jake! I knew it! Why didn’t you tell me?” She sounded hurt. “I asked you at Trey’s.”

  “We weren’t together then. We’re just—dating.”

  “Nobody’s dated Jake Talbot. Not really. Oh, sure, Debbie Hawes was with him that one time, but that hardly counts. She forced herself on him and he took advantage.”

  Katie had forgotten the Debbie Hawes rumor. Now it came back sounding ugly and sordid. “He took advantage?” she repeated.

  “According to Debbie, it was the best night of her life. But he never cared about her.” Andrea shrugged it off, unaware of Katie’s growing uneasiness. “So, tell me, what’s going on?”

  “We—um—went to dinner,” she answered distractedly, disturbed by sudden images of Jake in the arms of the notoriously buxom Debbie, writhing together. “And then we went canoeing.”

  “Canoeing! At his place? Then what?”

  Her avid interest penetrated Katie’s fogged b
rain. “I went home,” she finished, leaving Andrea looking disappointed and unsure whether Katie was really playing square with the facts.

  For her part, Katie just wanted to run somewhere and hide. As luck would have it the first person she saw was Debbie Hawes herself, and even though the girl was hanging on another guy’s arm, her face turned up adoringly, all Katie saw was her silvery blond hair and the way her breasts thrust against her gray, deep V-necked sweater, offering an expanse of cleavage that Debbie was inordinately proud of.

  She felt sick. The rest of that week, she berated herself for her ridiculousness. So what? Jake was his own person. Everyone had skeletons in the closet. So he hadn’t mentioned Debbie. Big deal. Though it might look as if he had lied about never having any sexual gropings, he could have simply forgotten.

  Yeah, right.

  Nevertheless, she cheered for him at Friday night’s game, her heart swelling with pride every time he got his hands on the football. She was going to have to pay more attention, she determined. If this was what he did, she would become an expert on football!

  The season waxed on, and though she and Jake kept up a consistent dating pattern, apart from a few pecks on the cheek, there was no more amorous kissing. Katie couldn’t help worrying about what that meant. One moment she was scared of him thinking she was too easy; the next she feared he wasn’t attracted to her! It was a painful autumn, and as they moved into winter, she decided to work up the courage to talk to him about it.

  Now people accepted that they were a couple, yet it was no more true than it had been in September, at least from Katie’s point of view. What were she and Jake doing? Was this going to go on indefinitely?

  Though she hadn’t confided in Lisa again after that first time Katie didn’t feel comfortable talking to her classmates about Jake. Screwing up her courage, she approached Lisa one Friday night while they were both arriving for their shift at the restaurant.

  “You know I’m kind of dating Jake Talbot,” Katie said by way of broaching the subject.

  “Oh, yeah? Haven’t slept with him yet, have you?”

  “No!”

  “Keep it that way.”

  “I am so tired of everyone reducing everything to sex!” Katie declared.

  “Yeah, well, that’s the way it was with me and Phillip, okay?” Lisa grabbed her Shoreline apron and tied it on as she stalked away.

  That wasn’t what Katie had wanted to hear. Grabbing her own apron, she dogged Lisa’s heels until they were standing on the back deck of the restaurant which in late November was empty of customers and whose tables were stacked against the railing in a forlorn, forgotten row.

  A stiff, chilly wind grabbed at them. “I didn’t mean to bring up a bad subject,” Katie apologized.

  Lisa turned around. She wasn’t that much older than Katie, but her face already reflected a weariness of life that spoke volumes about her experience. “People like the Talbots don’t look at people like us. You’re just setting yourself up for a major fall. He’ll hurt you. He’ll use you first; then he’ll hurt you. And don’t believe anything he says, ‘cause he’ll lie, too.”

  “Jake isn’t like that,” she couldn’t help defending, again.

  This time Lisa didn’t argue with her. She just eyed her in that way adults do when they encounter the folly of youth. Katie didn’t like the feeling at all; but she had brought up the subject herself, and unless she wanted to back down now, she needed to make her own point.

  “Nothing’s happened like that,” she told Lisa. “In fact, apart from one time when we kind of made out, he’s left me alone.”

  “Kind of made out?” she repeated sardonically.

  “That’s all it was. But he apologized anyway, and now I don’t know, I think he’s afraid to make a move.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  “I don’t know!” Katie declared, throwing up her hands. “I just want something to happen!”

  Their manager tapped on the french doors leading to the deck, frowning at them standing in the frigid night air. Lisa gave him the high sign, then turned back to Katie for a last piece of parting advice. “If you’re smart, you’ll stop seeing him right now. Believe me.” To Katie’s mutinous face, she added on a heavy sigh, “All right, fine. You’re not going to. I can see that. Then, you just need to communicate your feelings. Tell him. The worst thing he can do is break your heart. But we can all get over that, right? Right.”

  Well, she had asked for that, she supposed. And though she had ignored Lisa’s earlier warnings, she did heed her suggestion now. The very next time she was alone with Jake, she broke right in with, “We need to talk about our relationship, if there is one. I mean, I need to know.”

  She could have maybe picked a better time and setting, but she had jumped in before her nerve broke. They were in his Corvette, driving to yet another party at Trey’s. This had become a familiar pattern, and though Katie enjoyed being Jake’s date and pool partner, it didn’t offer a lot of private time, something Jake seemed to be scrupulously avoiding. So, when Jake said slowly, “What do you need to know?” Katie closed her eyes and drew a long breath, prepared to lay her cards on the table.

  “I’ve been thinking about that night we went canoeing,” she told him. “And…and what happened afterward.”

  His hands clenched the steering wheel, but he remained silent, waiting. When it came for the turnoff to Trey’s, he shot right by, and while Katie watched in amazement, the last landmarks of Lakehaven disappeared behind them as they headed west, toward the coast.

  Of course, he might turn off at any time. The Pacific Ocean was still about a two-hour drive. But he seemed rather intent. And where was there to stop between here and the coast, anyway? The road to Seaside was mainly two lanes, and one had to pass through the Coast Range before reaching the nearest beach town. Still, there wasn’t a lot in between apart from a few forlorn roadside restaurants and gas stations, and though Katie recognized Jake had veered away from Trey’s to give her his full attention, she had the distinct feeling they were on their way to the Pacific.

  “Are we going to the beach?” she asked.

  “Do you want to?”

  “I have to be home by midnight,” she said. She had gotten away with coming in late that first night. Her mother wasn’t particularly vigilant where it came to her daughter. But Katie had chosen to keep some semblance of curfew in effect, though Jake hadn’t exactly shown any interest in pushing the envelope, either.

  Until tonight.

  “We can make it to the beach, walk around for an hour, and still be home by midnight,” he said.

  “Okay.”

  “What were you getting at?” he asked, when she subsided into silence.

  “I don’t know. I just wanted to clear the air, I guess. Since that time, we haven’t really—kissed—or anything.” Her throat was parched with fear, her last words almost a squeak.

  “Well, I didn’t want to—I didn’t want you to think that I was—you know—”

  “Forcing yourself on me? It was hardly like that!”

  “God, Katie, you just looked so scared,” he expelled, as if he had been carrying around a ten ton weight.

  “Scared! I was shocked. I couldn’t believe I could feel that way. Well, I guess I was scared,” she amended, “but I was scared of myself, not you! I’ve been worried you weren’t really attracted to me.”

  “What?” He threw her a look of pure disbelief.

  Laughter bubbled up into Katie’s throat. “You never kissed me again like that except for a little brotherly peck! What was I supposed to think?”

  “You had a pretty clear idea how I felt that night!” Jake pointed out, sounding as relieved as Katie.

  “Did I?”

  “You can’t be that naive. You have to know that I wanted to just go for it! Generally speaking, I have more control.”

  “Really.” She looked at him through the corners of her eyes.

  “Really.” He was emphatic.


  “What about—Debbie Hawes?” she asked, knowing she was treading on thin ice, but desperate to hear the truth. Besides, they might as well examine every issue between them once and for all.

  “Debbie Hawes!” Jake muttered something beneath his breath, then stated flatly, “I never touched that girl. It was all in her head. She just made it up to say something, and I’m sick and tired of having it follow me around!”

  Katie felt like a heel. “Sorry.”

  “No, don’t worry about it. It’s all over. You just wonder sometimes, what people are thinking.”

  “You know something?” Katie admitted. “Lately, every time I looked at her, I just felt sick. I didn’t want you to want her and not me.”

  “God, Katie,” he muttered, his jaw set. “I want you. Believe me.”

  “I want you to,” she whispered.

  Jake’s hand reached across and covered hers, and they sped through the blustery night to the beach.

  An hour wasn’t enough time to do anything, but Seaside, in November at nine o’clock, even on a Saturday night, wasn’t exactly a hubbub of activity. Shops were closed, and the promenade, which ran north and south along the beach, was drenched and slippery. After a few moments of standing in the slapping wet wind, they climbed back into the comparative warmth of the Corvette and cuddled as best they could, given their dropped-back, bucket seats.

  His mouth was in her hair, and her ear lay over his heart. They kissed and caressed like two people starving for each other. Katie’s bliss was pure and complete, and when Jake’s deep voice whispered, “I love you,” she shot back, “I love you more,” so swiftly that they both collapsed into near hysteria.