For Love or Duty

by Beth Rhodes

  Turning, he studied her with his head tilted and ignored her question. “Honey, are you in love with him?”

  The quiet, tender way he asked the question broke the wall she’d built around her emotions. Tears, long unshed, fell from her eyes, and she wiped at them angrily. “We never made any promises.”

  “But does he know?”

  When the words wouldn’t come, she shook her head. Her father took a step toward her, and it was all the invitation she needed to go to him and allow him to comfort her like he had when she was a child. It had been a long time since she’d been wrapped in her father’s arms. The woody smell of his flannel brought peace; the tangy smell of his cigars made her smile.

  “I know I’m acting like an idiot,” she admitted, wiping at the tears. “We were supposed to visit his mother last week.”

  He cleared his throat and patted her on the shoulder, which made her blush.

  “It was only friendly, Dad. Then he had to go. I thought I was being grown up. I didn’t even make a fuss. Remember the fuss mom used to make every time you’d leave?”

  “Oh, Valerie. That wasn’t about me leaving.”

  She quickly waved away any explanation. She did not want to know about the intimacies of her parents’ marriage. “It hardly matters now. I intended to keep my distance from her type of dramatics. I did a good job, too.”

  With a shrug, she pulled herself together and restated with determination, “I need to talk to him.”

  “You’re going to have trust me, Valerie. He’s fine. There was an incident, but he’s going to live.” He waved off her protest. “A lot longer. And you have to trust that he’ll call you when he’s ready.”

  “When he’s ready?” She choked on a spurt of anger. Valerie heard what he wasn’t saying, that maybe Kevin didn’t want to call her.

  Though her knees went weak with relief, she felt like crying over the realization that he was breathing, alive for her to love another day or to cause irritation at her whim.

  As far as she was concerned, he didn’t have a choice anymore.

  Kevin better get ready.

  She gave her father another hug, the wheels in her head turning. “Thanks, Dad. I shouldn’t have bothered you this late at night.”

  “You know you can bother me anytime, honey.” He kissed her on her forehead. Her eyes closed to the tender gesture and she sighed, allowing the memories of a lifetime ago flood her mind. She hadn’t been alone, even when he’d left her for his duty.

  “Sometimes I forget.”

  Before she could leave, he took her in another hug. “Give him time. You’re a beautiful, smart woman, intimidating and scary to a man who’s been on his own as long as Captain Morgan.”

  “You think?” she asked hopefully.

  “Sure I do.” If his answer seemed too easy, she didn’t let it faze her.

  She had one person in her crosshairs.

  He wasn’t going to find it easy to evade her anymore.

  Chapter Eleven

  Kevin peeled a bandage from the back of his neck. The stiffness caused by the healing wounds made him want to rip the stitches out and soak in a long, hot shower.

  Two weeks in this place. This ward.

  He wanted to go home. He was pissed that his team was training without him. He didn’t like the food. The pain pills made him woozy.

  Funny how none of that showed when he looked into the mirror over the small sink in the bathroom at Walter Reed. A stranger stared back, one who had nothing more to lose.

  Resting his hands against the porcelain, he let his head fall forward and squeezed his eyes closed against the truth.

  He was lucky to be alive, if lucky meant giving up something you’ve discovered means more to you than your own life.

  The sound of a quiet knock came muffled through the bathroom door. With a quick wash and rinse of his face, he patted dry and returned to his torment.

  “Captain Morgan.”

  Kevin stopped short at the sight of his boss holding court in the corner of his injury-induced prison cell. He saluted. “General Standish, sir.”

  “At ease, son. I’m having a quick word with your doctor about being discharged. He seems to think you’re ready to return home.”

  Hope billowed in his chest, and he blew out a breath to calm his jumping nerves. Maybe he wouldn’t have to leave against doctor’s orders after all. “Sir, though I have some stiffness in my shoulder, my back is healing nicely and doesn’t hurt at all. I will gladly return to base and begin working with my men.”

  The doctor frowned.

  Standish sent a glance to the doctor then rolled his eyes with a disappointed look back at Kevin. “Now, Kevin. I finally convinced this nice doctor here that you’d take it easy for a few weeks. Put your feet up, maybe take that leave you’re due.”

  Weak both from the good news and his venture out of bed, Kevin’s legs shook as he took the few timid steps to his hospital bed and sat. It seemed he’d only become more useless since being here, no matter what the doctors said about his recovery being swift… and miraculous.

  He would promise anything to get out.

  “Definitely. My mother’s been expecting a visit.” He forced the words passed an unexpected lump in his throat.

  Standish nodded as the doctor studied both of them.

  “I’m getting your discharge orders together, Captain Morgan…”

  Kevin opened his mouth but was cut off by the wave of the doctor’s hand.

  “If you mess up all the work I’ve done, I’m going to charge you with reckless endangerment.” The doctor’s stern warning contradicted the understanding in his eyes.

  “Yes, sir. Rest. Relaxation. Baby steps to a full recovery. Scouts honor.”

  The relief hit him like fatigue, and he wasn’t too proud to sit back and put his legs up on the bed as Standish watched. The doctor left, yet the atmosphere in the room remained tense.

  “There’s a great rehab center at Bragg,” Standish admitted, breaking the silence.

  Kevin knew that, though. He had sent a number of soldiers in that direction over the years and had visited his buddies doing time there. “And I’ll be using it regularly until I can move this shoulder freely.”

  “I saw Valerie last night.”

  For a fraction of a second, Kevin stilled. Shrugging, he looked his CO in the eye. “How is your daughter, sir?”

  “A mite pissed off with me, if you must know.”

  Kevin winced.

  “And understandably worried about you.”

  “I’m fine.” Guilt left a sour taste in his mouth.

  “Of course you’re fine. All the more reason to have given her a call.”

  She didn’t need a call from him. This was exactly the reason she’d avoided making a commitment to a man in the military. “You’re wrong, sir. This is the part Valerie doesn’t want anything to do with, and if you don’t mind, I have a favor to ask.”

  The father of the woman Kevin loved looked at him warily. “What is it?”

  “Could you make sure my orders include leave right away? I’m thinking I’d like to fly straight to Kentucky tomorrow instead of traveling back to base.”

  “So, that’s it? You’re going to run.”

  Confused, Kevin quit fiddling with the Styrofoam cup on the tray hovering above his bed. Anger rushed through his veins. “Run, sir? I don’t run from anything.”

  “You’re running from Valerie.”

  Like a balloon, the anger popped and showered temper all over his calm mood. “It’s not running. I know where she stands, and I won’t hurt her like this. I won’t force her to profess love when it’ll leave her dissatisfied and unhappy. I’m not going to leave her behind like everyone else in her family did before me.”

  Kevin shocked himself silent, his heart beating fast. “I didn’t mean—”

  “Forget it.”

  “I mean no disrespect, sir.”

  Standish stood next to the bed and leaned over.


  Kevin had no choice but pay very close attention.

  “This is what I think is going to happen, son. You’re going to give my daughter the respect she deserves and you’re going to call her. You’re going to shoot your load of bullshit her way. Then we’ll see what stinks. You go that?”

  “Yes, sir.” His stomach tightened at the thought of talking to her. Could he listen to her thank him for the good time in her polite way and then watch her walk away? Kevin touched at the wounds on the back of his neck, the itch of a thousand cuts on his back as they healed, leaving their scars to remind him of why she would walk away.

  “She deserves that, soldier.”

  He let out a sigh of resignation. She did. She deserved more than that. He swallowed the bitter taste of truth. “You’re right. I’ve been hiding, but I’ll do what’s right by her. I swear it.”

  Standish straightened and turned to the door. “See that you do.”

  He’d been an ass. Kevin knew it but hated to admit it. A classic jack who leaves a woman without the decency of a call. Hell, forget the call. He could have gotten a message to her through her dad or even Cheryl. “Damn it.” He picked up the phone on his nightstand and cursed again when his hand shook as he dialed.

  “I can’t take your call right now. Leave a message and I’ll call you back.”

  A nurse came through the door at the sound of Valerie’s phone beeping in his ear. He hung up, too embarrassed to leave such a personal and, possibly incriminating, message while his vitals were being taken.

  ~*~*~

  Valerie hurried through her front door as the answering machine clicked off. Darn.

  Another night of work had her wondering when she would finally give in and give up this job. In the past weeks, she’d grown tired of her self-sentenced punishment for all those years of being an inconsiderate, spoiled brat. Kevin had something to do with that, whether he knew it or not.

  Her world looked a lot different than it had before she’d fallen in love with the big blue-eyed jerk.

  She showered and threw on a comfy pair of jeans and sweatshirt before heading back to the kitchen, where the answering machine sounded a steady beep. One message. God, she hoped it was him.

  Instead a whispered voice came through the speaker. Valerie turned up the volume and smiled. Cheryl.

  “Hi Val. I’m not supposed to tell you,” the voice filled with drama, getting even quieter, “but Kevin’s in DC. He’s been at Walter Reed for two weeks. He’s fine. No, I take that back. He’s ornery as a bear. I…thought you might like to know. Men can be such jerks. Anyway, it’s been rough for him too. I’m sorry I missed you. Call me when you get in.”

  “Jeez,” Valerie responded as a gazillion emotions rocked through her. Like irritation with Kevin for hiding from her. But mostly, worry. Her legs fell out beneath her and she found herself sitting at the edge of table.

  Go.

  Now.

  She didn’t question the command.

  Within twenty minutes, she’d changed into a pink calf-length skirt and white cotton top with a wide silver belt across her abdomen. At the last minute she grabbed her oversized blue army sweatshirt, filled her travel mug with coffee and headed out the door.

  Destination: Washington D.C.

  After an hour on the road, she dialed her dad’s office phone and left a message he would get the next morning. She called Cheryl, too. They spoke for a few short minutes, and though Cheryl had been her friend for a long time, Valerie wasn’t surprised by the farewell comment.

  Be careful with him, okay? Cheryl had her loyalties, too.

  Had she been so cold?

  Cautious. She’d been cautious, and now she had to convince Kevin that nothing else mattered.

  Shoot. That she was strong enough for him, resilient enough for his lifestyle.

  He was it for her.

  ~*~*~

  With no choice but to stop outside of Richmond for a needed break, the six-hour trip ended up being seven and a half hours long. Eight in the morning approached as she parked her car in the visitor’s lot, and sat.

  Valerie took a deep breath, squeezed the steering wheel, and muttered a prayer. “Let him still want me, please.”

  Her cell phone went into her back pocket and her ID into the front one with the few dollars cash she had left. She checked her face in the rearview mirror. “You’re stalling.”

  Sticking her tongue out at the somewhat haggard image, she took off the sweatshirt and struck out for the hospital.

  Though quiet in the main lobby, it was unexpectedly far from deserted—families visiting soldiers, nurses and doctors silently making their ways from one hallway to another. Nerves settled in her stomach when the older woman behind the desk smiled at her. “May I help you?”

  “Uh, yes, please. I am looking for Captain Kevin Morgan. He’s a patient here. He’s not expecting me,” she added, like a dodo brain. Her hands shook, and she sent a quick glance around the lobby one more time to see if she recognized anyone. Nerves rocked her calm, and she harnessed that energy and admitted, “I feel like an idiot. Please, I really need to see him. Could you tell me his room number?”

  “I’m sorry miss, but—”

  “Valerie?” His voice rumbled through the tiled hall. Rough, as if he hadn’t used it in some time, it bounced from wall to wall.

  She turned slowly.

  Tears threatened her composure. He stood not five feet from her. His hair had grown out and his cheeks were hollowed. There was an edge to him that cut through his happy-go-lucky demeanor. The laidback man who would have joked with her had disappeared—for the moment, she hoped.

  She blinked back the tears, stiffened her spine, and let her gaze fall from his head to his toes. “Hi.”

  He looked…

  Good enough to eat, and as ornery as Cheryl had indicated. “You should have told me.”

  “I tried calling. You weren’t home.”

  “Oh.”

  “Well, I called yesterday,” he admitted.

  She bit her lip and took a hesitant step towards him. She’d give anything to be in his arms right now.

  “I thought you didn’t want me—”

  “I didn’t think you would want me to—”

  Like many times before, they spoke together.

  Valerie laughed, but the laughter broke her control and the tears she’d held in all night began to fall. It was bad enough that she was exhausted. Now she was making a fool of herself. She wiped angrily at the tears. “I’m sorry.”

  “God.” The horror in his voice hit her first. His body closely followed, and she was finally in his arms. He wrapped her completely. “Don’t cry, babe, please. I was afraid you would hate me for ruining it all. I shouldn’t have let things go on this long, knowing how you felt about being involved with the military.”

  Valerie took hold of his arms, holding tight enough to stop his speech. “I want everything about you, Kevin Morgan. I’ve never given you any reason to think I’m strong enough, but I am.”

  Kevin ran a hand through her hair and swiped at another escaped tear. Then, looking around, he pulled her from the flow of traffic and into an alcove.

  She touched his face and the small wounds on his neck, a few deep enough to leave scars that disappeared beneath his collar, and ran her hands down the front of his uniform, where his name and rank were proudly displayed.

  Tracing her fingers over the stitching, she made a promise to herself: to never forget that he’d willingly sacrifice his own happiness for her. She placed a kiss over his heart and rested her cheek on the steady rhythm pounding against his chest bone. Kevin held her quietly, his heartbeat slowing as he kissed the top of her head.

  “I want to be the first person you call when you’re happy, sad, angry…or hurt.” Valerie looked up into his face. “Please. I know I made you believe it didn’t matter—”

  “Valerie, don’t beg,” he pleaded. “Jeez. Don’t beg, babe. I want you so badly. I need you every day of my life. Wa
it. Wait.” Kevin dug into his pockets with shaky hands and pulled out a small shiny object.

  Her own hands began to shake. Her gaze flew to his.

  A ring.

  Steady now, with eyes as unguarded as the Mayberry jail, he grinned. “I can’t promise a life without ups and downs. I can’t assure you I’ll be there every time you need me. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  “Oh, my God.” Squeezing her eyes and pressing her fingers against them, everything fell into place, and she took the first worry-free breath since she’d listened to Cheryl’s message.

  “Will you marry me, Valerie Elizabeth Standish?” The warmth of his hands surrounded her fingers, and he slid the beautiful, old diamond ring onto her hand.

  He’d been carrying it? All this time? Her gaze flew to his. “Yes. Oh, my God, yes. I thought I was too late.” She threw her arms around him and melded her lips to his then broke from him on a breathless laugh. “Yes, Kevin. I will marry you.”

  Holding her, he didn’t give her a chance to say anymore but took her mouth in a tender kiss. Her heart felt complete for the first time in forever.

  They were together, after all these weeks.

  Together, finally, without any inhibitions.

  Kevin broke off the kiss with a grin, grabbed her hand, and pulled her toward the main door. “Let’s go.”

  With attention divided between the man she loved and the ring on her finger, Valerie laughed. “Where are we going?”

  “To get married!”

  About the Author

  Bethanne lives a life of marital intrigue as wife of a German-Italian accountant-turned-soldier and as mother of five smarty-pants. Never a day goes by when she isn't called upon to troubleshoot and mediate life-questioning crises. But by night, she dons her tortoise shell glasses and masquerades as a mild-mannered writer. Her stories encompass the world, bringing together romance, high adventure, and suspense. You can find her on her BLOG, FACEBOOK, and TWITTER.