Love You Anyways

by Mj Fields

  “Yeah, I forgot all about the shit in the box. Cool find huh?”

  The song changed to It’s Been Awhile by Staind. Son of a Bitch!

  “It’s been awhile,” Ava started to sing and I looked over at her.

  She was twirling Harper around and they were laughing. Sweet Jesus please let this not get any worse. I peeked out of the corner of my eye and Tessa was looking at me.

  I held up another drink, asking if she was ready. She smiled and held up both hands; one drink Ava had given her and the other I had just handed her. I was drowning here. Son of a Bitch!

  My Own Worst Enemy started and I couldn’t help it, this song was fucking awesome. I grabbed Ava, spun her around, and her and I sang. Even Logan joined in. I’m pretty sure his sister had snuck him a couple when I wasn’t looking. Logan didn’t loosen up like this normally. Damn it was good to see them happy.

  “I made Loggie his own copy.”

  “Good stuff Dad, for dinosaur rock.” Logan laughed.

  “Dinosaur rock?” I laughed. “You can say that when you can out lift me boy.” I messed up his hair, which was a no normally. He had that Bieber hair going.

  What’s My Age Again was next. “Blink 182. High school stuff.” I laughed.

  Both my kids looked at Tessa and she closed her eyes and shook her head in embarrassment.

  “That’s not what I meant.” Holy hell!

  Tessa’s kids laughed and so did she. She was getting drunk. Thank God because Whatever by Godsmack was next. She laughed out loud and so did I.

  “Well this one was during that time.” Tessa laughed.

  “To the good times, of long ago.” I raised my beer to her and she did the same to me.

  Fuck, I needed to get drunk. But no, Lucas was a grown up now, he couldn’t get drunk to get through an uncomfortable situation. Mother fucker.

  And if I wasn’t embarrassed enough Down with the Sickness blasted through the speakers.

  I looked at Tessa and she finished the drink in her left hand and giggled. “Angry money song Lucas?”

  “Love this song,” Baby, I wanted to call her that so damn bad right now, almost as bad as I wanted to watch her dance and sing.

  The last straw was Crazy Bitch started. I cleared the coolers running to turn the damn thing off. I couldn’t even look at her.

  “Dad!” Ava scolded when I came back over.

  “Kids Ava,” I pointed to Maddox’s sisters.

  Logan laughed.

  “Mr. Links…”

  “It’s Lucas, London.”

  “Okay fine, but just so you know my dad and brother are rock stars, I can assure you I’ve heard worse than Buckcherry’s Crazy Bitch.”

  Her parents gasped and I was sure I appeared shocked.

  “London, bitch is a bad word,” Lexington, Maddox’s other sister, corrected her.

  Everyone laughed except Maddox’s parents who scooted both girls away, I assume to correct them.

  “You just got two little girls in trouble Ava,” I scolded my little girl.

  I looked up at Logan who was trying not to laugh but was staring in the foul mouth little beauties direction. I looked towards London and she stuck her tongue out at Logan and he laughed as he lifted a beer to his mouth.

  I snatched it away. “Logan, enough.”

  “Sure Dad.” He smirked.

  I looked at my watch, “Time to head in.”

  We were finally going into the stadium. Ava, Emma, and Harper were extremely giggly. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, which made me happy. I saw Jose on the sidelines and shook my head.

  I looked next to me and Tessa stood there, “You miss it?”

  “Football?”

  “Yes, Football. What the hell did you think I was asking?” She laughed.

  “No. I wouldn’t give up all this for the game. Those two kids are everything I never knew I deserved.”

  “So was football never really what you wanted?”

  “I wanted it. Love the game.” She stood looking at the field. “Every part of my past brought me to where I am today. No regrets Tessa.”

  She smiled and nodded. “I miss field hockey.”

  “The game or beating the hell out of people during the game?”

  She laughed and so did I. “Love the game Lucas. Every part of my past brought me to where I am today.” She used my words and smiled. Then she swallowed hard and I nudged her with my hip. I didn’t want her to cry and I knew she was drowning in her own need to take care of everyone around her when she just needed to fall the fuck apart.

  “Right? That’s just what I was thinking.” I tried to joke and she forced a smile. “Without all that bullshit,” she looked at me. “The game Tessa. Without all you went through, all you’re still going through, look at those three kids and never doubt or question a damn thing. Collin…”

  “Please don’t,” she wasn’t angry she just couldn’t take it now.

  “Sorry Bab…Tessa.” She laughed. “I know things will be tough for a while and I know as strong as you are, your strength sometimes burdens you further. The road you are on is right where you have always been meant to be. Don’t look back. Just forward.”

  “Thanks.”

  I looked at her and she looked at me. Really looked at me. At my eyes. Damn it had been forever since anyone’s eyes had reached as far inside of me as hers did. She closed her eyes as she looked down. My heart felt the same heaviness as hers did right now. I looked behind us and knew no one was paying attention. So I moved my hand next to hers and rubbed her thumb with my pinky.

  She looked up and scowled. “You’re gonna make me cry.”

  I didn’t say a damn thing.

  “I don’t want to cry Lucas.”

  “I don’t want you to either.”

  “That’s the way we do it!” Logan yelled and she smiled as I pulled my hand away. He came up, “Touchdown Tessa!”

  She held up her hand and Logan high fived her. I couldn’t hold back the laugh.

  “Lucas!” she scolded me.

  “What?” Logan asked.

  When we were younger, my SU days, when I made a touchdown I got a prize from Tessa Ross. And when I say prize I mean a blow job. I adjusted myself just like I did back then. That was my way of letting her know I was counting on it. She blushed and looked away.

  “I was just thinking how pissed Jose must be.” I answered Logan.

  “Think our boys are gonna win this Tessa?”

  “Let’s hope so. I hate the Giants.” She looked at me and raised her eyebrow. “Lucas at half time you should take him a hat. It’s cold out there.”

  “You can give him mine,” Logan pulled his Navy beanie out of his back pocket. “He’ll be wishing he was sporting these colors by the end of the game when the Cowboys smoke their asses.”

  I was ready to scold him when Tessa high fived Logan and laughed.

  He threw his arm around her and pointed at the field. I watched them laughing and talking.

  Logan looked at Maddox, “Come here man let me explain football to you. This is the real shit not what you Brits call football.”

  I noticed Harper and Ava had slowed down on the drinking and they were sitting now.

  “Dad check out the score. Do you see that?” Logan yelled.

  “I do. Jose is gonna be pissed at you for bringing his team bad luck.”

  Tessa giggled. “Well Logan and I are pissed at him for coaching the Giants. So we’ll be even.”

  Logan and she were doing a victory dance when the game ended. Ava and Harper were not.

  Their heads rested against each other’s and they were nearly asleep.

  “Sober up ladies. Twenty minutes until we go meet Jose.”

  “Locker room,” I heard Ava whisper to Harper.

  Tessa laughed, “Are you excited Ava?”

  “Yeah I am; we’re going to the locker room.”

  “Outside of the locker room Ava.” I gave her the look, the Dad look. The one that stopped wor
king on her at twelve.

  She whispered loudly. “I’m sneaking in.”

  I tried the look again and she laughed hysterically, she even snorted. My girl was a doll.

  “She does that on purpose you know?” Tessa laughed.

  “Uh huh. She better be joking.” I said loud enough for Ava to hear.

  “Maybe I’ll go with her.” Tessa joked, or at least it better be a joke.

  “Like hell you are.” I laughed and then stepped it up just in case she wasn’t. I’d had all I could take of her cuteness today. If she did that I may be forced to move quicker than I had planned. Tessa was worth the wait back then. I was a complete fucking idiot.

  Jose walked out and I gave him a big hug. He immediately recognized Tessa, how could he not? She hadn’t changed a bit. He picked her up and hugged her, twirling her in a circle and she laughed the most beautiful laugh. Lucky bastard.

  I introduced everyone and he chatted awhile before Ava and Harper started getting too much damn attention from the players leaving the locker room and Maddox looked like he had had enough of that shit. I completely understood.

  “Long day?” Jose asked looking at everyone.

  “Yeah actually it has been.”

  “Logan, you play ball?”

  “Hell yes I do.” He stuck his hand out and shook Jose’s.

  “College ball?”

  “No sir, high school.” Logan answered.

  “Why the hell are you shit faced then?”

  “Why the hell aren’t you?” Logan laughed. “After an ass beating by the Cowboys I would be if I were you.”

  Tessa threw her arm up on Logan’s shoulder. “Ass. Kicked.”

  “Logan I hope to see you play someday.” Jose looked at me. “You know your boy is drunk don’t you?”

  “Not sure how that happened.” I looked at Ava and she started laughing.

  “Grounded, both of you,” I pointed at them.

  Jose laughed, “Can I take you all out to dinner?”

  “Look at them; do you think they should be out in public?” I laughed when Tessa slugged me in the arm. “Stop by the hotel. After the drunks are all tucked in we can have a drink and something to eat there.”

  “Sounds good. Tess you in?” Jose asked.

  “Sure am.”

  “Give me an hour. I have some more ass to ream.”

  Chapter 9

  Old Friends

  Harper wasn’t looking good sitting in the backseat.

  “Harper that boy loves you and you love him so don’t fight.”

  “I told him not to go.” She sniffed and wiped her face.

  “I know you did. But I’m pretty sure he couldn’t help himself. If it makes you feel any better I told him to go home and he didn’t listen to me either.”

  “It doesn’t make me feel,” she hiccupped, “Any better.”

  “I bet sleep will. How much did you drink Harper?”

  “Four,” she pouted.

  I had to stop myself from laughing. Four drinks and she was spent. Poor kid.

  As soon as I pulled into the underground parking garage Harper unbuckled and rolled down the window. She stuck her head out the window and I pulled into an empty spot next to the elevator. Shit. She leaned out the window and hurled. Ava started laughing and so did Logan.

  “Alright there girl.” I opened the door and tried to avoid the puke as her head wobbled.

  “Sorry, I...”

  “Don’t worry about it. Let’s get you up to your room.”

  I caught her as she fell out the door.

  I picked her up. “Okay Harper, you need to throw up again you tell me okay?”

  I looked back to make sure my little drunks were following and then Harper threw up on me and her head flopped against my chest.

  Ava started laughing hysterically and so did Logan.

  “Shirt Logan.”

  “It’s cold Dad.”

  “I need something to clean her up. Ava pull my shirt over my head.”

  “I don’t wanna touch it.” She whined but she did as I asked.

  I heard feet racing from behind us when Ava pulled my shirt over my head.

  “I’ll take her.” Maddox went to grab her.

  “I’m already soiled pal.”

  “Oh my God,” Tessa gasped when she saw the barf on my shirt. She covered her mouth, “I’m so sorry.”

  “Your kid’s a lightweight Tessa. Must be genetic. She only had three or four drinks and she’s wasted.”

  Maddox took her and I pulled my shirt the rest of the way off and tossed it.

  “Mom?”

  “Right here Harper. Tell Ma. Ma. Maddox to let me down…” and she passed out again.

  “Alright looks like two of us need a shower before Jose gets here.”

  “I’m probably gonna help Harper. She’s kind of upset with Maddox.”

  “I understand. I’d do the same thing.”

  “Logan? You and I need to chat.” I pointed to the room and he walked in chuckling.

  “How much did you drink?” I asked as I shut the door behind me.

  “Five? Six? It’s no big deal Dad…”

  “It is a big deal Logan, you’re a minor.”

  “You always said you’d rather I experiment at home than at a party and get in a car and…”

  “Okay yeah I did. But Logan at a public event, come on that’s not cool.”

  He laid on the bed, “Fine you wanna drink now? I bet I can drink you under the table.”

  “I’m gonna shower. You stay put.”

  ~

  When I got out of the shower my son was passed out, snoring and all. I grabbed his phone and took a picture of him. I looked out in the hallway and Maddox’s dad Brody was there.

  “You meeting your friend?”

  “I’m supposed to but I’m not sure I want to leave the minor passed out and unaccompanied,” I laughed.

  “This floor is secure, he’ll be fine.”

  “How’s Harper?”

  “Well, she is now in Tessa’s room because she’s angry at Maddox. Maddox is sulking and probably going to…” Maddox stormed across the hall and his father Brody stopped talking. “In five, four, three, two.” He lifted up one finger and Maddox walked out carrying Harper across the hall as she cried.

  Tessa walked out and watched them. She didn’t see us standing there because she did a silent little temper tantrum. She stomped her feet, flailed her arms and then finally bit her fist to stop from screaming.

  She looked over at us and those baby blues grew. I didn’t smile. Even though I wanted to. Brody looked concerned. She let out a sigh and then my phone chimed alerting me to a text.

  I read it. “Jose is here Tessa. You wanna go down and say hello?”

  “Sure, let me get changed.” She walked back in her room.

  I looked at Brody. “Must be hard.”

  “Yeah.” He shook his head and then looked at me, “Collin was a good man. I promised if anything happened I would look after them.”

  “She looks to be having a hell of a time not doing that for her kids.”

  “I made a promise to a man.” His eyes narrowed.

  “Yeah? I made a promise too.”

  Our eyes were deadlocked. Each seeking control. I wasn’t about to give up and apparently neither was he.

  Tessa walked out of her room and shut the door behind her. “Brody I won’t be gone long. If she needs me…”

  “I’ll take care of it.”

  “You’ll call her right? If her daughter needs her you’ll call her.” You better say yes man.

  Tessa looked up at him, waiting for a reply. She didn’t see what was going on here and I’m glad. I didn’t want her to feel like she had lost more of her life than she already had.

  “Of course.” He answered.

  “Thirty minutes and then back up here.” I promised as I guided her to the elevator.

  We got in the elevator and she stood against the wall. She looked whipped.
<
br />   “You alright?”

  “Please don’t.”

  I nodded and leaned back against the wall.

  “Sorry. I’m sorry I just can’t talk about it.”

  “Understood.”

  She looked at her phone as if she was waiting for it to ring.

  “You don’t have to do this you know. Jose would understand…”

  “I can’t talk about it.”

  “I was going to say.” I turned and lifted her chin so she was looking at me. “He would understand if you were worried about Harper.”

  “No, she’s grown up now. Not a baby. She’ll be fine.”

  The door started to open and I pushed the button to close it and then the twelfth floor.

  She covered her face, hiding her pain, and her purse slipped down her arm. I grabbed it and opened it.

  “What are you…”

  I held up the candy bar she had shoved in her bag last night and opened it. “Sugar rush and a crash. Then sleep Tessa.”

  She shook her head and the corner of her mouth curled up. I handed her the Baby Ruth and she took a bite.

  “Thanks for…”

  “Don’t mention it.” The elevator opened and I walked her down the hall. “Which room?”

  She pointed to the one Harper and Maddox went into.

  She slidthe key through the lock and I opened the door for her and she walked in. She didn’t look at me. “Goodnight.”

  I closed the door and turned to see Brody standing there.

  I looked at him as I walked by and he said nothing.

  ~

  Jose and I had a great time talking about football. He talked about what he had seen on the news about Harper and how shocked he was to hear about Collin’s death. He told me he had four kids and the hottest wife in the world. We talked about Tessa’s sister, Kendall, who he dated briefly back in his college days and about her husband Ben. I avoided conversation about Ashley and he seemed to get the fact that I wasn’t going to talk about my marriage.

  We made plans to meet up again next season right here when the Giants played at home. I was looking forward to it. He also asked that I let him know where Logan was playing next fall. He wanted to see if he had any of his old man in him.

  ~

  I woke Logan up at six in the morning, “Let’s hit the gym before we head back.”