Love You Anyways

by Mj Fields

  On my drive home I called Ryan. I wanted to know how Logan was and after I knew he was alright I told him everything Ash had said. I heard a familiar laugh in the background and knew Tessa was there.

  “What’s Tessa doing?”

  “She and Jade are looking at old pictures, with Logan.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes sir. When will you be back?”

  “A couple hours.”

  “Great stop over for dinner,” he said and then whispered. “I’ll try to keep her here.”

  “Ryan don’t do that. Logan…”

  “Is fine, man.”

  ~

  When I pulled in an hour and a half later, Logan was walking out of the house.

  “Where you think you’re going?” I patted his back and smiled.

  “Dex and I are going to the mall.”

  “Then back here?”

  “Sure.”

  “Wait what does sure mean?”

  “Well he wanted me to come over but in light of recent events if you need me…”

  “I always need you Logan but your life doesn’t change because of this.”

  “That’s what I told Ava this morning. That it’s not like Mom’s been here much anyway.”

  “So Ava asked you to babysit your old man?” It made me laugh.

  “Yeah I guess.” He scratched his head and laughed too.

  “What do you want to do?”

  “Stay the night at his place. His brothers’ home from Afghanistan and I kind of wanted to hang out with them.”

  “Go. Don’t drink, don’t drive…”

  “Wear a condom. Maybe a helmet and sit in an adult size car seat?”

  “Exactly. Call me when you get there and if you leave.”

  “Got it.” He started walking away and then stopped. “You okay Dad?”

  “I am, Logan.” He looked at me like he wanted to ask another question but couldn’t. I knew exactly what it was. “Your mom is too buddy. She and I are dissolving our marriage but I promise to try to do everything in my power to make it alright okay?”

  “I know. Love ya Dad. Talk to you later.”

  ~

  I walked next door after showering and changing my clothes. Not to impress Tessa but because I had spent at least nine hours in a damn vehicle today and I was tired but really wanted to see her tonight.

  When I walked in she and Jade were sitting in the living room. “Ryan around?”

  “Out back at the grill. Did you see Logan?”

  “Yeah. Thanks for hanging out with him today.”

  “I don’t know how we got through it, he’s a dreadful boy,” Jade laughed and Tessa elbowed her. “He knows I’m joking. I love Loggie.”

  “How was Ava?”

  “Ava is perfect.” I grabbed my phone out of my pocket remembering I forgot to call her like I promised when I got home and sent her a text letting her know.

  My phone immediately rang and there she was on the screen at seven years old smiling a big toothless grin looking as cute as a button.

  “Hey Ava…Yes I saw her… Yep everything is alright,” I covered the receiver so she couldn’t hear me, “Excuse me a moment.” And I walked into the kitchen.

  I told Ava that we signed papers and she was so angry and wanted to know how this happened so soon and then a split second later asked when the divorce would take place. Then she told me she was happy that I could move on with my life and then she started to cry. I turned around to see Jade and Tessa standing there. I walked around them to go outside and have the, what I assumed would be a twenty minute conversation trying to calm her down.

  When she was calmed down, I told her I knew she could handle this and asked that she not tell Logan yet. I wanted to be the one to tell him.

  After the call ended, I walked out and looked at Tessa and Jade, who were both a bit tipsy and looking at me like I was a poor little puppy dog who was lost. I raised my eyebrow. “Still don’t like it when people look like they feel sorry for me.”

  “You’re separated?” Tessa gasped, “That was fast.”

  “Not really.” I was uncomfortable as hell having this conversation with her. “Beer?”

  “Fuck that,” Jade laughed, “It’s a champagne kind of night.”

  I laughed and excuse myself. I went home and grabbed four bottles from the case from my wedding that I planned on drinking when this day finally came. And drink we did. We laughed and talked about the old days. About football, field hockey, and epic fuck ups that weren’t funny but after all that champagne they seemed fucking hysterical.

  Somewhere around midnight I stumbled into the bathroom and found Tessa sitting on the ground next to the toilet.

  “You okay?”

  “Just waiting.”

  “For what Tessa.”

  “To puke. It’s gonna happen. Always does. First the room spins, then the stomach turns and then it’s all over but the crying.”

  “You been drinking a lot?”

  She started laughing, “No. But I’m no good at it.”

  I sat down next to her and laughed.

  “Jade and Ryan?”

  “Sleeping,” I answered.

  “I’m ...I gotta go home.”

  “I don’t think you’re in any shape to drive.”

  She closed one eye and looked at me.

  “You winking at me Tessa?”

  “No I’m trying…there are two of you.” I laughed and she did to. “Water, ibuprofen, bed, sleep, hangover, and no more drinking.”

  “I can get you the water, ibuprofen and tuck you in. I can’t do a damn thing about the hangover.”

  I pulled her up and steadied her. “I can do this.”

  “Okay! You pretend you can tough girl and I will pretend I’m not helping you.”

  I got her in the kitchen where she swayed as she held onto the counter. We each had a glass of water and two ibuprofen.

  “You sure this is ibuprofen?” She asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Wait, are you taking me to bed?” She stumbled when she turned around and looked up at me. She tried to put her hand on her hip and missed. She was fucked up.

  I covered my mouth trying to hide the grin threatening and nodded my head.

  She closed one eye again and looked sternly at me. “I’m not going to have sex with you.”

  I couldn’t help laugh out loud and she dove towards me and covered my mouth. “You’ll wake up Jade.”

  I pulled her hand from my mouth and picked her up. “Don’t move damn it or we’ll both fall down the stairs.” I said as I carried her to my old bedroom.

  I set her on the bed. “Lucas we can’t.”

  “I said I was going to tuck you in bed, not fuck…”

  She was staring at my lips and traced them with her finger. “You have pretty lips.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Uh huh.” She reached and grabbed the side of my head and pulled me down inches from her lips. “If I wanted to fuck, you would right?”

  “Tessa we’re both fucked-up,” I began.

  “So? You would right?”

  “Not like this.” I kissed her head and stood up. “You and I need to talk about this sober…”

  “You’re such a pussy,” she laughed and flopped back on the bed giggling.

  “You’re a damn tease still. Okay scoot up; let me get you tucked in so I can go home a jerk off.”

  She laughed, “Nope. I’m staying like this.”

  I scooped her up and pulled the covers down and set her on the bed. She sat up and tried to stand.

  “Baby please just lay down and go to sleep.” I was having a hard time not crawling in bed with her.

  “I don’t want to sleep. And if I did I couldn’t in these things anyway.” She undid her jeans and pushed them down, and tried to step out of them. “Uh oh, this is a pain in the butt.”

  She sat and fought with her pants until I couldn’t take it. “Listen pain in the ass. Sit still.”

  Sh
e laughed and did as she was asked. I pulled her pants off. “While you’re down there,” she giggled.

  “You need to get laid Tessa?”

  “That was a bit…crude.”

  “You’re teasing a man who the last time he had sex with anyone other than his hand was Christmas day when I banged my wife in the ass because she hid the phone she was talking to her lover on. I fucked her so he could hear. Now that Tessa,” I stopped and pulled my shirt off. “Is fucking crude. Now lift your arms.”

  She sat stunned but she lifted her arms. I pulled her shirt over her head. “You have the best tits I’ve ever seen. That’s crude.” I pulled my shirt over her head and reached around her and undid her bra. “Pull your arms out Tessa because if I so much as graze a finger across your tits I am going to have to taste them.”

  “Lucas…”

  “Now scoot back on the pillow and lay down.” I dropped my pants and stepped out of them and climbed in next to her.

  “Are we going to…”

  “No Baby, not tonight. Tomorrow we have a sober discussion about what we are going to do. Right now I am dying to hold you while you fall asleep.”

  “I don’t sleep.”

  “Why?”

  She looked at me and swallowed hard. “Bad dreams.”

  “Well I am an expert at these dreams. Remember high school Tessa? I got you through them then and I can do it again. But you’re going to let me kiss you now so that our first kiss in over twenty years is one of choice.”

  I didn’t wait for her to respond I just slowly moved down to her lips and let mine rest on hers. It felt so damn good. I rubbed my lips across hers and her breathe hitched. I wet my lips with my tongue.

  “This is for us. You and me.”

  I kissed her cheek and slowly moved to her mouth. There was no hesitation on her part. She met my kiss with the same soft pressure I was giving. I rubbed her lip with my tongue and she opened her mouth to me not just allowing but seeking more.

  She tastes of champagne and Tessa. The forbidden fruit that I had forced myself not to desire for so many years. Our tongues met and I slowly stroked mine against hers as she did the same to me. Softly, gently her tongue caressed mine.

  When I finally pulled away, needing a breath, she closed her eyes.

  I rubbed her cheek, “You okay?”

  She nodded yes.

  I kissed her again and she kissed me back. This time with more force. Her hand was on the back of my neck, pulling me closer and her tongue became hungrier. Almost a forced urgency.

  “Baby slow okay. This has got to go…”

  She sat up and leaned over. A very dominant move. She kissed me harder, pushing me back and climbed up on me as she continued to kiss me. Urgency, desire, and need was felt in each stroke of her tongue. I took her face in my hands and pulled her back gently. “Baby, this…”

  “Will you tell me no Lucas?” She lifted her shirt and her breasts were lit up by the moonlight peeking through the window. “If I ask you to bite them will you tell me no?”

  “I really think it is best we talk through some things…”

  She leaned over pushing her breasts against my face.

  “I have no desire to talk right now. This is what I want. Don’t tell me no.”

  I have no idea where the fucking strength comes from when it comes to her but this wasn’t right. “I want this to be right baby.” I held her breasts in my hands and pushed her up.

  “Does it feel wrong?”

  “You tell me Tessa. Tell me that this isn’t gonna be a one night thing, because you and I both know that when, either of us is hurting, it’s this comfort we seek.”

  “Then we give it to each other.” She reached down and stroked me over my boxer briefs.

  “And no one else. I want this time to be forever, I want…”

  She kissed me as she pulled my erection free. Her tongue- tasting me, her hand stroking me against her wet panties, was more than I could take.

  “Stop.” I lifted her off me. “Look at me.”

  She raised her chin in the air and covered herself.

  “Baby look at me.”

  She turned and scowled at me and tried not to show the hurt.

  “I don’t want this to be a rebound Tessa. I want it to be what it was supposed to be from day fucking one. You and I do this and it’s forever.”

  “So you think it should have been like this from day one?” She hissed. “You’re wrong. Collin was meant for me…”

  “Okay give it to me Tessa. Say what you need to but then you’ll listen.”

  “Fuck you Lucas.” She tried to stand and I pulled her back down.

  “Collin and you were meant to be. So where Ashley and I. There are five kids between us that were absolutely meant to be. As you said a lifetime ago, we were supposed to be friends back then. That things happen for a reason. Everything Tessa. So yes, I believe without a doubt that it was written in the stars that you married a man who loved you and you gave him a love he never expected. A family he never knew he could have. He cherished you the way you deserved to be cherished. Same with me. Had I not lost you I never would have my kids. I never would have been a faithful man. But you and I were meant to be together at some point and if you can tell me I’m wrong you’ll be lying to yourself.”

  “I don’t want to lie to anyone. I want to get laid. I want to escape once in a while. But if you’re not the man…”

  “I’m the only fucking man for the job Sweetheart.” Okay so now I was getting pissed.

  “Then shut up and fuck me Lucas. Take me away for a while. Let me get lost in you and you in me…”

  “You promise me that after your done getting lost, you will look at me and know that’s also where you’ll find yourself and I am up for any fucking thing you want.”

  “Lucas…”

  “No damn it! You promise me because I love you so damn much, Tessa that I will not fuck this up.”

  She took in a deep breath and her shoulders shook as she tried not to cry. “Don’t say that to me.”

  “I can’t help myself. Because our time is now. Accept it or not. I have loved you through every part of my life.”

  “I can’t say that back to you Lucas.”

  “You will when you’re ready. Come back and lay down. Let me help you sleep. Tomorrow we talk about this.”

  “I can’t when I’m sober.” She laid down and yawned.

  “This isn’t wrong Tessa. Don’t hide behind the 'I was drunk' excuse. When you’re ready I will be there, hard as fuck and ready to fuck you through whatever it is you need me to.”

  ~

  She woke after I had been awake for almost an hour. Her body was draped across mine.

  “Oh God…”

  “No Lucas. Good morning Baby.”

  “Lucas this, this was a bad…”

  “Nope.” I kissed her and she pulled back.

  “I can’t do this Lucas.”

  “Tell me why?”

  “I’m not ready. My kids, your kids…”

  “This is about you and me.”

  She closed her eyes and tears fell.

  “Please don’t cry…”

  “They’re going to be so disappointed in me.”

  “Tell me what to do to make it easier.”

  “Pretend it didn’t happen.”

  “Baby, the only thing that happened was a lot of kissing, some arguing, and I told you I loved you and that we could take this as slow…” She rolled off of me and sat up. “Hold up.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.” I grabbed her chin and turned her to me. “What I’m hearing is you’re afraid of what your kids will think…”

  “And yours Lucas. Plus I’m not ready for anyone telling me they love me. That’s just…”

  “The truth. What you’ve always gotten from me. Listen TT…”

  “Oh nice Lucas…”

  “Tell me how this is gonna go but don’t walk away.”

  “What?”


  “You and I. What do you need from me…”

  “I needed to get laid last night but apparently you weren’t up for the job.”

  I chuckled and she looked at me in the pissy Tessa way that honest to God, turned me on even more. “You know I was up for it. You had my cock in your hand and…”

  “Shut up Lucas, God.” She covered her face and I wasn’t sure if she was laughing or crying.

  I pulled my hand away and her face was bright red. “Whenever you need to get laid I’m all in. But just me. And let me tell you something. This can be between you and me for as long as you need but I will not share you and I will not hide forever. I love you Tessa.”

  “Stop saying that,” she whispered.

  “No,” I whispered back.

  A shy little smile played on her lips. I grabbed her, pulled her on her back, and held my body over hers.

  I kissed her hard, holding her hands above her head as she squirmed beneath me. “Lucas Links reporting for duty.” I said against her mouth and she laughed.

  I kissed her and rolled off and held her hand.

  “You’re in charge here Tessa Ann.”

  She rolled to her side and looked up at me. “No one knows.”

  “Not until you’re ready.”

  “I call the shots.”

  “To some extent.”

  “Oh here we go,” she rolled her eyes.

  “We won’t talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable. I get to see you at least every other day. You can’t tell me not to say I love you. And you can’t…”

  “Damn Links, this sounded fun now you’re getting all needy,” she poked me and laughed. “Maybe I should find some other boy toy.”

  I tried to act like I was not irate over that comment but I was. “No fucking way.”

  I pulled her on top of me and pushed her up to a seated position.

  “This is the last dick you’ll be riding. Do you understand?”

  “I thought I was in control.”

  I grabbed her hips and pushed mine against her. “That’s yours and yours only. My heart is too, so don’t fuck with it Tessa.”

  She nodded and closed her eyes. I pulled her hips forward again and then back.

  “I cannot wait until I get my first booty call Baby.”