The Heart of Andros

by Jade Oliver

  I look around and take it all in. I am still overwhelmed, but somehow a feeling of peace and wholeness starts to seep through me. A house made of stone and a material that looks like a cross between concrete and stucco comes into view. It is large, but not overly so, and smoke barrels from the chimney.

  A short walk from the house, about halfway to the wood barn, there is a traditional Lucayan type hut just big enough for a room and a half. To the right of the barn is a large chicken coop with multiple hen houses. Next to the hut but in front of the coop sits a fire with metal stakes holding a roasting spit. There is nothing cooking, but several empty large cast iron pans and copper cauldrons are positioned to the side. Around the fire pit there are stumps placed close enough for the men to sit and enjoy the fire. Further to the left the woods line the entire side as far as my eyes can see, and the shape of the vegetable fields are just on the edge of my line of sight.

  The farm is beautiful, and I am excited to see the inside of the house where there is hopefully somewhere for me to have a moment of privacy. I turn to glance at the woods one last time, and an opening catches my eye.

  “What is that back there? Where does that opening lead? It seems it could have cut out some of our trip to take that route, unless I am turned around in my head,” I ask while hoping the accusation and anger doesn’t show in my voice.

  “Your questions will be answered in time, little bird,” Thad says to me. My face pulls in a pucker and my lips must look like I just tasted a sour candy.

  Little bird, what the hell? We have nicknames now? I thought he hated me. Ugh. Men. And cryptic much? I release what has to be my fiftieth sigh of the day.

  “I promise you will get answers, but the trip has been long and you need to be fed, have something to drink, and rest,” Jasper adds. “We shall figure out the rest soon.” With that they turn, and yet again we have no choice but to follow.

  Thirteen

  June 4th, 1785

  Evening…

  Thad

  I stand against the horse fence and enjoy the quiet. Because it is dark, the fire provides the only light in the surrounding area. I can almost forget I have unexpected guests. Contrary to my behavior, Adair caught my attention from the first moment I saw her. Her scent of lavender and vanilla mixed with the sweet aroma of woman underneath is still on my mind. I’m not sure I’ll ever forget it, but do I ever want to as agitation settles into me and everything becomes abruptly unclear.

  I disappeared for a few hours after asking Jasper to show Adair and Tobias the house, feed them, and make them comfortable. Work had to get done and having guests will not change that. I already had mixed feelings about the situation and working gave me time to process it, especially the unexpected feelings Adair arouses in me.

  Jasper and I have sought comfort and pleasure from each other, but we do not love each other beyond friendship. This has sustained me in my abstinence from women for a while now, in my heart and my bed, but suddenly it does not feel like enough. With Adair, I am feeling an attraction I have not felt since… No. I firmly slam shut those memories and consider what to do with Adair and Tobias.

  Despite avoiding the pair earlier, in just the little time I spent with them I knew they were different. Her lack of clothing was the first clue. Their mannerisms and familiarity with each other in public another. But the biggest clue was their language and accents. Tobias has an English accent, but it sounds different than from Britain or the colonies. Adair’s accent is nothing I have ever heard before.

  Vanessa and the townspeople might accept our explanation, but it is best Adair and Tobias avoid people and the town until they have a better understanding of life here. I already feel caged by Vanessa's interference and manipulation. The thought of Adair being harassed or hurt by her fills me with an anger I have not felt in years. My lack of ability to control my feelings and the unknown makes my head pound.

  Just the thought of it and I become irate again, so I take a couple of deep breaths to calm down. I left Jasper in charge of them today, even to answer the questions they sought, but I could not expect him to be in charge of figuring out the sleeping arrangements as well. Jasper usually sleeps alone in his hut and I in the house even after we seek pleasure from each other. In the house I have my bedroom, a small guest room, and the loft. I am tempted to ignore my vow and invite Adair into my bed, with or without me. I would need to have a conversation with them soon because the culture here is different than off the island and both of them would need to adjust quickly or we would all be in trouble.

  Soft, light - almost hesitant - footsteps sound from behind me. It can only be one person. Her.

  “Thad,” her voice, now sweet, says.

  I take a fortifying deep breath, turn around, and look her over. From the fire’s glow, I can see she is still wearing the same brazen clothing from earlier. Wherever she is from they must not clothe themselves, at least not like we do here. Even with the influence of the tribe the women here still do not wear such provocative clothing.

  “Yes, Adair?” I keep my voice even, trying to hide my turmoil.

  With a determined expression on her face, irritation replaces the earlier sweetness in her voice as she tells me, “Thad, we need to discuss the sleeping arrangements. Jasper told me to ask you about it.” She releases an annoyed sigh.

  I cannot help but admire her. She is such a fierce little thing. She could have sent Toby to speak with me, but she did not. This is another sign that she is different. Most women, except for island women, defer to a male figure in their life for most things. Adair does not and Toby does not demand it from her. Nor does she use her feminine wiles to trick others, like Vanessa, among others I have known. Instead, I have seen an uncommon equality, respect, and trust between Adair and Tobias.

  “Well, little bird. You have seen the inside of the house. You know the bed situation, figure it out.” I have no idea why, but I like to goad her. Fire flashes in her eyes, and I realize that is why. Adair shows her emotions, and I feel safe in the knowledge that she will never lie to me, and if she does try, I will be able to tell.

  She gives me a narrowed-eyed look with a smirk. “Thaddeus, don’t be rude. You know what I mean. You already had Jasper show us your home, feed us, and try to make us feel comfortable after a long day. You could at least answer my question.”

  “Do you not listen? It is our home. Jasper just prefers to sleep in the hut he built. I explained that already.”

  “Not very clearly.” Adair’s face is scrunched up and her tone is a warning.

  “Well, I could not cater to new guests when there were chores to be done. I am not sure what happens where you come from, but we must work here.”

  Adair gasps. “Why are you being such an asshole? Why start this argument with me? I asked you a simple question, but you have to be a dick.”

  “When exactly did I start it?” My voice becomes louder with my growing exasperation.

  Adair takes a step toward me, but I stay firmly in place and look down at her from my height above her and scowl. I’m not sure what the purpose of this argument is or what the hell it is even about.

  Fuck. The woman has me off balance like a ship rocking on the waves during a storm.

  I am so focused on her that I do not hear Jasper behind me until he says my name with a sternness I usually don't hear from him.

  “Thad.”

  I focus on him and see his jaw is tight and his eyes hold a sheen I have not seen in quite some time.

  Shite.

  When I look back at a pissed off Adair, I know I am in the wrong and I can only hope to fix it. “Adair, please excuse my behavior. It seems that I have not spoken with a true lady in a long time and forgot my manners. The guest room has a small bed. I implore you to use mine or the loft, both are more fitting for guests.”

  Her shoulders slump, making her appear fragile. Damn. I am such an arsehole. She is tired and in a new place. I should have answered her question and sent her to bed. This conversa
tion serves to help me remember another reason I made the vow to have no relationships.

  Jasper nudges her to walk back into the house and she follows without complaint. I guess when I go to bed later I will find out where I will sleep.

  Right before she enters the house, she turns to me and simply says, “Goodnight Thad,” then walks in. Some of the wall around my heart slips, and I have a feeling I am in trouble when it comes to this woman.

  I am still outside leaning against the horse fence a few minutes later when Jasper walks out and stands next to me. We both stare straight ahead as if looking at each other will force us to acknowledge this new development and what it means for us.

  “Well?” I ask without even looking at him.

  “Well, you did not fuck up completely.” His voice is still harder than I am used too. I am beginning to wonder if Jasper might be drawn to Adair as well. It stirs something to think of them, maybe even all of us, together. That thought has me shifting to adjust myself in my breeches. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Jasper watching me.

  Abruptly, he asks, “You need time alone to think? Before you can touch me that way again? You aren’t going to touch me anymore are you?”

  His questions leave me stunned, and I question everything I have thought about tonight. Realization hits me; he is right. For the first time in a long time I am having a hard time fighting a connection with a woman, but I am not sure I can go through with it. My confusion is making my behavior unacceptable. One thing I do know is I want to fix what damage I did tonight.

  However, I must first answer him. I simply respond, “No.” But that answer is not right either, so I attempt to explain. “Not right now. I…” I cannot finish, afraid to voice it.

  “I know.” He nods as if expecting that answer, and I guess he was. Most people underestimate Jasper because he is quiet and a former slave, but he is one of the smartest people I know. By observing so many different people over the years he has learned a vast amount of useful skills, such as how to understand a person’s body language, and I have grown to trust his instincts.

  “Can I fix it?”

  “Yes.” From the corner of my eye I see him turn his head toward me, so I do the same. His gaze meets mine with determination. “But Thad, you must do more than apologize. She was overwrought and exhausted. In the morning, spend time with her and let her see the man I know. Show her the creek. It will be relaxing and easy with no work involved and perhaps give her a spot to escape to when one of us upset her.” Jasper always sees what others need even when they do not.

  Laying my hand on his shoulder, I give it a gentle squeeze. “Jasper, you are a good man. You were stronger than I was today.”

  Sliding out from under my hand, he backs up, but right before he turns away he proclaims, “Thad, you are a stronger man than you think. You must not let your demons destroy this.”

  I stare after him for a long while before I realize I still do not know where Adair or Tobias are sleeping. When I walk quietly into the house, Tobias is sitting in the chair by the low fire. Although it is summer, nights here become cool enough to allow a fire to keep water heated or food cooking. He does not acknowledge me, but I wait.

  “How did you piss her off?” Tobias keeps his tone quiet when he eventually speaks up.

  I consider not answering him, but he owns her heart. “I misspoke in anger and frustration.” There is no more explanation needed.

  He stands and walks over to me and looks me in the eyes. His stare is turbulent with pent up emotions, but he controls it well. I am slightly taller and pack a lot more bulk, but I am certain Tobias does not care in this moment. I upset Adair, and he has a right to be angry.

  “Don't do it again. She went to bed upset. Tired. I expect — No, I know she will be fine in the morning. Because that is how strong that woman is. But be careful Thad. She has had more than her share of disappointments and will cut you off quickly. Once she does you will have little chance to earn her trust again.” He stops to consider his next words to me carefully. “At times, your words to each other were harsh, but don’t for one second think I haven’t seen the way you look at her when you think no one is looking.”

  I just nod in acknowledgement. Tobias knows her well enough that I do not question his words. He also acknowledges, in these words, how I am drawn to her even though I am trying to fight it. A feeling that unnerves me more than I care for.

  His eyes stare directly into mine, as if searching for something, before he says, “She is sleeping in the loft. I will take the guest bedroom. She refused to sleep in your room. Today has been overwhelming, to say the least. I encouraged her to take some space tonight, from all of us, to think about and process things.” Even though it was his suggestion, Tobias still looks disappointed about their separation, and I cannot blame him.

  I decide he needs some reassurance from me. “I’ll fix it in the morning.”

  “You do that, mate.” He then turns and heads for bed.

  I can only hope that in the morning Jasper’s idea for me to take her to the creek works. Otherwise, I am unsure of how to fix the mess I am finding I do not want to be in.

  Fourteen

  June 5th, 1785

  Thad

  How do people cook food for more than one person? I thought it would be a hospitable gesture. Especially since Adair believed me rude last night. However, it’s proving to be more difficult than I thought. I usually only make breakfast for me. I am about to quit when Jasper walks in.

  Jasper looks at the mess I’ve made with the biscuit dough and laughs. “You planning to cook yourself as well?”

  “No,” I sneer. “Are you here to help or gib?”

  “Obviously you need help. How about both?” He laughs. Jasper has always been nicer than I am despite the harsh years he suffered.

  “What have you already done?” he asks as he strolls over.

  I start to explain the ingredients and amounts I added to each item. He just shakes his head. “How are you the learned one? Did they teach you nothing at those fancy schools?”

  I swat him on the ass. “Look, mister, you are about to get -”

  “Get what?” Adair’s laughing voice says behind me with a masculine laugh following.

  Shite. Shite. Shite. How did we not hear them?

  For someone that prides their self on their control, I have been unable to keep my hands, and inner thoughts, off Jasper. I even told him last night I wanted to put a hold on our physical relationship, but it’s harder to stop than I anticipated. Now Adair and Tobias have caught us.

  I try to keep my face neutral, but I must fail because Adair asks me, “Why do you look guilty? You can touch whoever you want.”

  I look to see Jasper’s reaction, which reflects the shock I feel. The island may live an alternative lifestyle but a man in a open relationship with another man outside of a woman’s harem is frowned upon.

  Adair lets out a frustrated sigh. “Sorry, Thad, Jasper. I forgot we were in the 18th century. In our time, people are mostly open and accepting of relationships when the partners are of the same sex. But you’ll always have those people that have issues. All you can do is live life and try to ignore the naysayers. Ironically, the idea of multiple partners or a matriarchal society is much more outrageous to most in modern times.”

  Jasper quietly asks, “So you aren’t opposed to it?”

  They both shake their head no. Jasper gives me an intense, serious look. A look that conveys maybe we can still be together once I do figure out this mess in my head, and I am in agreement.

  After a long, quiet moment Tobias speaks and startles us all. “Do I smell bacon?”

  When I see Adair’s face pale, I ask, “Why does Adair look sick at the mention of bacon?”

  He shrugs and gives Adair an apologetic look. “She’s a veggie.” Adair shoots him a look of annoyance and he quickly says, “I mean vegetarian. Better, my love?”

  I know my face must show confusion because Jasper’s does
too.

  “I don’t eat meat. I only eat fruits and vegetables,” Adair explains. I glance at the biscuits Jasper and I have been making, and Adair quickly reassures me, “I also eat biscuits and eggs. I just don’t eat meat itself. It’s okay. I don’t expect you to adjust to my diet.”

  Tobias lays his hand on Adair’s leg, murmuring, “Adair, I’m sure they don’t mind helping find food for you to eat. This is a secluded island but not deserted. The people here must have native foods they’ve been eating for years. Don’t forget the fields outside.”

  Jasper clears his throat. “Adair, I could show you the garden after breakfast and you can see what we have for you to eat. We have a variety of native vegetables and fruits and some from the colonies that we have acquired over the years. Not all are in season but…” He trials off looking a little nervous of her response.

  Adair’s eye light up and she gives him the sweetest smile. “Yes! Jasper, I would love to. That would be fantastic, and I can learn more about this place. Thank you for the offer.”

  Adair and Tobias leave while we finish so they can prepare themselves for the day. Jasper and I continue to make breakfast and by the time the biscuits and eggs are done everyone is settled at the table. We prepare our plates and begin to eat in a companionable silence. I am surprised to find I enjoy the company. I haven’t felt this calm since… well, a long time. Jasper asks Adair if she’s ready as we finish. After a brief, whispered conversation with Tobias, she leaves with Jasper.

  Once alone Tobias speaks, “That was nice of you and Jasper to make breakfast. Yesterday was a little mad. I think we all got off on the wrong foot. Have you thought of something besides breakfast to apologize to Adair for being such a jerk yesterday?”