by Jade Oliver
Like my body has a mind of its own, I walk towards him slowly. I still taste Jasper on my lips. Feel the sensation of rightness of being in Jasper’s arms. But I feel adrift, overcome with the need to concentrate on breathing. This is how I felt two months ago. When Brax ghosted me after I let him into my bubble. I can still remember the feelings of helplessness and despair, the anger at myself for allowing myself to be duped. I walk straight up to him and slap him across the face.
Oh hell. What did I just do? I’ve never hit anyone before, but I don’t regret my slap to Brax. However, if I think I’m surprised, both Brax and Thad wear looks of astonishment and I hear Jasper grunt behind me. Unable to see him, I’ll have to ask him later what that grunt meant.
Brax gives me a look of resignation, as if he wonders if I’ll hit him again and that he deserves any punishment I give him. I honestly consider slapping him again, but I turn to study Thad’s reaction. Thad looks at me in adoration and surprised wonder and like he wants to ravish me. I have half a mind to let him, in front of Brax, just to see Brax’s reaction.
I feel Jasper step into me from behind and slide his hands around my waist to hold me steady. Damn, the feel of his hands on me again, after that intense make out session, is almost too much. Deep breaths, Adair. Now is not the time.
I know both Thad and Jasper can tell how worked up I am because Thad smirks at me, that special smirk he gives me when he’s ready to fuck me until I can’t move, and Jasper steps even closer into me than before. Their presence calms me. I’m so happy to have these men. I turn my focus back to Brax.
My voice cracks when I speak. “Brax…” I trail off into a whisper. “What? How? What. The. Actual. Fuck.”
Brax’s face contorts at my reaction but before I can question him further, a voice demands, “What the hell is going on?” Although I can’t see him, I know it’s Toby, and I’ve never heard him so pissed. He walks around Thad to stand beside me and wraps his arm around my shoulders since Jasper still holds onto my waist. I see his eyes glance briefly to where Jasper’s hands hold me, but he doesn’t question it. Toby’s eyes glow with anger yet there is also concern, but I don’t think it’s over this current situation. Toby looks at Thad as if seeking his help and his next words confirm my suspicions.
“Thad, on the way back here I overheard Vanessa talking to her men. She’s angry at Adair for her interference and stealing you away from her. She also mentioned something about Adair and Jasper not showing her the respect she deserves. What do we do? And who the bloody hell is he?” Toby glares at Brax.
Shit, Toby might flip when he finds out it’s Brax, but we have a bigger problem to worry about right now — the sea witch.
Thad swears and directs us about what to do. I don’t take orders well, but I have learned to trust him, especially about Vanessa. She is conniving and will do whatever she needs to do to get her way. “Adair, sit in the chair. We will stand around you in a united front.” As Thad speaks, Toby moves to my right side and Thad to my left, while Jasper stays behind me. I place one hand on Toby’s leg and the other on Thad’s. In turn, they each place a hand on my shoulder.
Thad looks directly at Brax and tells him, “Brax, whatever you hear or however it makes you feel, keep your mouth shut.” He sees Brax about to argue and demands, “Now is not the time to argue your point. We’ll head back to my farm later and discuss everything. Explain things. But right now we have to deal with a threat to Adair, which means to us all by extension.” Brax shuts his mouth and stands beside Toby after he hears that.
Thad continues, “Now, everyone let me speak on behalf of all of us. Adair, you can speak for yourself but let me lead. Let me see what games she wants to play today before anyone responds. Okay, little bird?” I nod my head right as Vanessa slinks into our little nook followed by several of her minions.
She plants herself directly across from me, only the table between us, her men spread out around her. She gives Toby and Brax a brief once over before she hones in on Thad and me. With a smug smile, Vanessa addresses Thad first. “Hello, darling, I see you finally found your way back to your new pet.”
Thad doesn’t reveal the anger I know he feels when he replies. “What can I assist you with today, Vanessa?”
“Well Thaddeus, your little pet and servant didn’t show me the respect I deserve earlier. I’m here for restitution.” Toby and I tense. What the hell is Ursula talking about? Jasper mutters something but it’s so low I’ve no idea what he said, and Brax just stands there observing everything, especially Vanessa's men, as if preparing himself for battle. I make a mental note to ask him more later.
Thad doesn’t even seem phased, as if expecting it. “Explain why you think you deserve restitution.”
Vanessa grins like the cat who ate the canary and saunters over to Thad’s side. She reaches out to rub her hand across his arm, but he steps back and closer to me. I swear if the witch tries to touch him… But his action makes her smile fall into a frown and she snarks, “Thad, your pet and boy decided to blatantly disrespect me. They did so in front of the town. You know that is unacceptable. If anyone disrespects a council member, the next high leader at that, he or she must offer payment, by coin or by lashings. So tell me, are you going to pay for their disobedience or shall they with their flesh?”
“How did they disrespect you?” His voice remains steady, he doesn’t allow any emotion to show.
Vanessa snarls loudly as she spits, “She told me ‘Talk to the hand.’ I may not know what that means, but I know it was disrespectful. You should’ve heard how she said it.”
“Well, you said someone, in fact several someones, did hear it. Who saw or heard it? You must have a plethora of witnesses outside of your harem for verification with this level of indignation.” Thad appears to have ice in his veins. Like this interrogation and accusation doesn’t bother him at all. Even when he avoided me, he was never this unemotional. I assume this is how he acted in his role as a solicitor.
Vanessa’s face turns bright red. She looks like an angry tomato that is about to explode. It takes all of my restraint not to laugh at her. She hisses, “The people in the bar saw, they can confirm it.” But her expression turns doubtful. Thad looks pleased with himself.
“No, Vanessa. Per the law, intoxicated people are not allowed to bear witness.” Jasper chuckles and I know we all hear it when her men take a step towards us, but she waves them back with a flick of her wrist. She treats them like animals to be commanded, not people.
Vanessa finally steps back from Thad and turns her evil glare on me. “Well, aren’t you pleased with yourself. Getting away with your innocent act. I’m not fooled. You think you can control Thad and Jasper.” She flicks a look at Brax and Toby, then sneers, “And these two fine specimens. But I know better. You are just a little pet to be played with then discarded. You have no power. We shall all see who has the power at the welcoming party.” She looks entirely too pleased with herself, and I have a feeling we need to prepare ourselves for what’s to come.
She turns and starts to walk away, but I can’t let her have the last word. “Vanessa,” I call. She turns around to look at me. “Bless your heart,” I reply in the most saccharine tone I can muster. She gives me a quizzical look but turns back around and walks away. As soon as she leaves, both Toby and Brax burst into laughter while the other two men give all three of us funny looks.
“Adair, why would you bless her? She hates you, tried to have you arrested, and all but threatened you.” Jasper’s voice displays the same confusion on his face. Thad is a little harder to read, but he is staring from me to the other men trying to figure out the joke.
A giggle slips out as I explain, “It implies ‘fuck you’ using nice words.” Both Thad and Jasper stare at me a few moments then also start laughing. Now we’re all laughing loudly. Loud enough for the pub owner to check on us but that just makes us laugh harder. Thad gathers himself enough to tell him we are fine so the man will leave us be. It feels great to relea
se some of the tension. But I know when we arrive back home — damn, when did I start thinking of the farm as home — everything will change.
Twenty-Eight
June 20th, 1785
Adair
We arrive back at the farm and I jump from the buggy before it fully stops. Brax calls out my name, but I am so angry and confused that I need a minute alone. I am at the edge of the forest when I feel a hand grab mine. I whip around to see Toby and Thad with Brax a few feet behind them.
“Adair. Jasper, Toby, and I have to go back into town. We never finished the business there and several merchants are still expecting things we’ve traded from the farm.” Thad doesn’t appear happy as he speaks but continues anyway. “None of us want to leave you alone with him.” Thad motions toward Brax with his hand. “But we also don’t think he will hurt you. Well, any more than he already has, so it’s best we all go and get this done so we can get back quickly.” Thad’s face is shrouded in concern and he attempts to hide his contempt.
I reach up onto my tiptoes, smooth my hand down the side of Thad’s face until I can hold it in place, and kiss him. It’s a quick but loving goodbye before I whisper, “Do what you must and come back to me soon.”
I pull back and move to Toby. “You too, my love,” I say with a wink then grab his shirt and pull him to me. I kiss him with equal care. Then I turn to Thad and say with a bit of sass and a wink, “Give Jasper one for me.” With a twirl, I move past them and Brax without a word and make my way toward the barn.
Once inside the old wooden stable, I inhale the smell of the horses and fresh hay, and change from this ridiculous dress back into my jean shorts and tank top. I’m already wearing my boots under the dress since no one can see my shoes. Now dressed to work, I stand and consider what I can do that will help still the swirling thoughts in my head. It’s best that the guys left because I need to be away from everyone and everything. I barely feel competent enough to think much less make any decisions they might ask me to make.
I hear Brax stomp into the barn and sigh when I feel his hand on my arm. He seriously wants to do this right now? I guess if he wants to push he’s going to get it, just not what I think he expects.
I spin to face him, the hurt and fury unrestrained as I spit words at him, “What the fuck, Braxton? And how the hell are you even here? Why would you even want to be or think I would want you here? Trust me, you don’t want to do this right now.”
Brax’s expression changes from concern to surprise to pissed. Seriously, he’s pissed? What the hell did I do? He’s the one who left.
“Oh, we are going to do this right now, Adair.” His voice penetrates me. It’s rough, sexy, bold, and enraged all at once. I can’t look away from his clear blue eyes as he continues, “What do you mean ‘what the fuck,’ Adair? When I went to check on you, you were gone! How do you think I felt? Can you imagine the panic? I can’t protect you if I don’t know where you are! I used every resource at my disposal, which crossed lines I shouldn’t have crossed, to track you to that cave. I searched for days and nights for any trace of you. I finally found your diary hidden in the cave. I stupidly thought your words would comfort me.”
He laughs, the bitterness clear. “But no. No, I read about how I deserted you. I read about you falling in love with another man. I threw the damn book with the intention of leaving but then thought better of it. When I went to retrieve it, I fell down the fucking rabbit hole to here. Where I was also a dumbass and desperately searched for you. Just for any possibility to see with my own eyes you were okay. Only to to find you kissing another man! Then kiss two others shortly after.”
I start to respond but he cuts me off. “So no, not ‘what the fuck, Brax.’ What the fuck, Adair.” Brax’s face is bright red with anger. His eyes flash at me like it’s my fault that I disappeared without his knowledge. That I moved on after he left me.
“Brax, you will shut the fuck up right now. You make no demands. Your note crushed me. You left me. What hope did I have that you were coming back?” I look at him to make sure every word hurts him as much as I was hurt. “None. And that is your fault alone. So you can’t run back into my life now when I have finally started to feel like I have it figured out. finally feel like I might be able to move on from you. And you dare to tell me what to do or with whom I can do it? These men have been with me when you chose to leave me like I was yesterday’s news, and they have shown more loyalty than you ever have.”
I take a breath trying to calm the rage that pumps through my body, but it doesn’t work. I step into his space at the same time he steps into mine. I almost don’t hear his whisper, “I never wanted to leave you, Adair. I loved you, I still love you.”
I cackle angrily as my fists pound into his chest. “Bullshit, Brax. I finally know that love means staying not walking away. Your words might say one thing but your actions another. I am so fucking mad at you. I’m even more mad at myself for not being able to walk away from you right now.”
He is so close his breath moves over my face as he tells me, “I’m still pretty pissed at us both too, Adair. And action. You want action to know how I feel? Just remember you asked for this.”
His mouth steals my response as he crushes it into mine. I feel his anger, new and pent-up, along with his desire and something gentle hiding underneath. Brax’s tongue doesn’t ask permission as it attacks my mouth and we duel over control of the kiss. My hands no longer pound his chest but move down to the bottom of his shirt to roughly yank it up in an attempt to remove it. He pulls away long enough for his head to move through the hole before his mouth claims mine again in an aggressive kiss.
Brax grabs a handful of my hair to pull my head to the side for full access to my neck. He begins to lick it alternating with hard, sucking kisses. When he reaches my collarbone, he licks and sucks where my pulse beats rapidly, then he bites down, hard. My nails dig into his shoulders and I run them harshly down the length of his back.
I moan loudly, “Fuck me. Now. I need to feel you inside me. Now Brax, before I have time to change my mind.”
Brax pushes me two steps until my back hits the barn wall with a thunk. Fuck. That might hurt later. He yanks my tank down to expose both of my breasts. His mouth descends instantly to my hard nipple and sucks it in. He moves it between his teeth, licking and sucking, keeping me rooted to the spot. Somehow he manages to unbutton and push down my shorts. Brax pulls away and falls to his knees.
I look down to see his face at my pussy and spread my legs in response. His hands find the side of my panties and, looking me in the eyes, he yanks. The rip hits my ears and a second later I feel them fall to my feet, his mouth already licking my clit. I grab his hair and push his face into me. I need more of him. My hips grind into his face. He sucks my clit into his mouth, biting, licking, and sucking.
“Oh, fuck. Brax. It feels so good. I’m close.” He pushes two fingers into me and pumps them in and out in a demanding rhythm, and I lose all control of my body as I detonate and fall apart in orgasmic bliss.
I hear the sound of his belt open, his zipper come apart, and his pants fall to the ground. Then he is on me, lifting me from the ground. My legs wrap around him just as he pushes his hard cock into me in one hard, punishing stroke.
Brax and I fuck each other hard against the barn wall. My hips thrash back into him every time he pounds into me. “Adair. Fuck. I…” I feel him grow larger inside of me, his body unable to hold back as he tips over the edge. I let go and another orgasm floods my senses as his release fills me.
As I come down from the high my orgasms had given me, the realization of what we just did hits me. Fuck. My. Life. What did I do? What did we just do? I push at Brax so he will let me down. He hesitates but once he looks at me, he gently places me on the ground. I pull my tank back into place and snatch my shorts from the ground, quickly slipping my legs through the holes.
They are almost in place when Brax starts, “Adair, I just—"
I cut him off before any m
ore words can leave his mouth. "This changes nothing, Braxton." My words ring with a cold finality as I turn and walk from the barn leaving him speechless.
Twenty-Nine
June 28th, 1785
Day 24 (Past)
Dear Diary,
I don’t have much time, but I need to get my thoughts out before we head to the beach.
What has happened to my life? The happenings over the past month have been bizarre to say the least. But you know what? I wouldn’t change it if it meant I’d have to give up my men. UGH! I said it. MY MEN. It’s crazy.
I’ve been splitting my time between Toby and Thad with occasional stolen moments with Jasper. But Jasper and I haven’t progressed much since our kiss in the pub. Our friendship is still solid, thank goodness, and we both have a pull to the other, but he’s so guarded. Which is understandable with his past. I hope he will open up soon so I can try to understand him more. I am willing to wait because I feel in the depths of my soul that he is a piece of my complicated yet perfect loves.
Brax explained he thought leaving would protect me, but he has yet to disclose why. He said leaving me was the hardest thing he has ever done and the biggest regret of his life. He told me he never intended to make love to me because he knew he eventually had to go. It’s why he avoided my apartment or being alone as much as possible, but that last night when he came to end things, his will broke. Awfully convenient timing if you ask me, but I’m trying to remain open-minded.
He said he couldn’t have lived the rest of his life without worshiping me properly (and he did — no doubt) even knowing it would shatter his heart. When I asked about my heart he shed actual tears when telling me he had to block that out or he wouldn’t have had the strength to leave but not leaving wasn’t an option. He is either an Oscar worthy actor or a guy who thought he was doing the right thing even though the cost was high. I feel like such a pushover wanting to forgive him so easily, but the guys and I have spent this week making him earn even a moment of my time.