Manchild in the promised land
Page 40
"Oh! You been to jail, man? Is that where you been all this time since >)u got out of Wiltwyck?"
"No, man, but'I was over on the Rock for a few months. As a matter of fact, that's where I got the word."
I said, "Oh?"
He said, "Yeah. I was walking around lost too . . . until I went over there and heard the message. They got a lot of brothers over there. The movement's going strong there. A lot of cats are finding out where it's at in the joint. Most of the people out here, man if they were only to get the opportunity to go over to the Rock for a while, it might open their eyes."
"There're a lot of people out here, Floyd, who think their eyes are open already."
"Yeah, but they're not open to the right things. Do you think that the black man on this street is really making any progress? I mean, toward any freedom, with all these bars out here and with all the liquor stores. It seems as though that's where all the money's going. You know what happens? The white man works us to death here in Harlem, in New York, man, all over the world—all over the country anyway. He works us to death all week long and gives us a little bit of money, and we don't even keep that. You know what we do with it, Claude? We go downtown come Friday and Saturday night; we go down to the bars and the liquor stores, and we give it right back to him—for nothing. We act like we don't even want it. The black man is just a sleeping man. Unless he listens to the word of Muhammad, he's going to be lost all the time."
"Damn, Floyd, this thing seems to have happened to a whole lot of people. Nobody's colored any more, and nobody's Negro. It seems as though everybody is a black man."
"Well, what's wrong? Are you afraid of being a black man? We're all black men."
"Yeah, man, you're hollering about the black man. You sound almost as bad as Adam Clayton Powell. Light-skin as you are, you're going around hollering about black man. Somebody's going to say, 'Lx)ok, fellow, get a hold of yourself and look in a mirror.' "
"Look, I'm dark-skin. They got me on all the records, on the statistics, as a black man. If I go down to City Hall and ask for a niarriage license and put down there 'colored,' they'll make me put down 'black,' man. They don't want to hear none of that colored thing or Negro. They got the race
there, and they want 'white' or 'black.' So whether you like it or not, Claude, we are black men in this country, and that's all we're gon be. If you're a wise black man, you'll listen to Muhammad's message from Allah, here and now, and unite. The time has come for all black men to rise up, band together, and do something for themselves."
"Yeah, well, Floyd, what would you suggest? Right now?"
"Man, the first thing we got to do is stop buying anything but the necessities from the white man. Anything that you can get from a black man, got on and buy it. Man, you know what's wrong with the people out here? They don't realize who they are. They don't realize what they are. We're I not Negro, and we're not colored. These are words that somebody else gave us, that the white devils gave us ... to help rob us of our own identity. We're black men, and we've jeven been taught to be ashamed of it, when, actually, we should all be proud of it.
"You don't know ... I bet you don't know anything
about yourself. You think your name is Brown, huh? That's
not your name. That's just the name that some old white
man gave to your forefathers when they brought them to
.this country, stole their heritage, and bUnded them to their
i identity."
He told me that my name was probably Abdul or some-thing-or-other, a Muslim name.
"We all got those other names, man. We got to stop being Negroes. The only way we gon stop acting as Negroes is that we stop seeing ourselves as Negroes. The first step toward not seeing ourselves as Negroes is to reject those names they've given us and the term 'Negro' . . . those Anglo-Saxon names that they give to us and call us Negroes by them. Then they treat us like Negroes. Man, I'm deathly afraid of being a Negro in this country, because the Negroes get messed over, messed over right and left."
Then Floyd started talking about how the white man had robbed the black man in Africa of his heritage and put him into slavery by feeding him all this white religion. He said, "The black man's got no business with Christianity. They've even got us looking up at some white Jesus. J6sus was black. It says so in the Bible. It says that Solomon was black; it says that Moses was black. But here they've told us a lie. They took the Bible and rewrote it for themselves, telling us that they were white so we'd be looking up to them for being white. If you look up to Jesus and Jesus was white, you got
f!
man, and fucked up in their minds. They don't know who they are. They tbink they're Negroes; they think they're lost. They ain't got nobody to look up to but that white god. That's hard to accept, man. Can you imagine being a Negro in a place where the only Supreme Being is a white god, and he's in the white people's corner, and the white people are fucking over you? You might as well kill yourself.
"The junkies have to use drugs, man, to stand this life. I couldn't do it myself, man, without using drugs. I don't see how you do it. Everybody with a little bit of sensitivity; would have to use something or else kill himself. I couldn't accept being a Negro. I know I'm no damned Negro. That's why I was going to jail and doing all that fucking up fo* a long time, because I thought I was a Negro in a white world ruled by a white god. Once I found out that I was a black man and that God was a black man, I can walk witlil anything now. I know I'm too powerful to be made a slave ever again. My mind is free. When you get freedom of the mind, nobody can fuck with you. Nobody can enslave anybody who's got freedom of mind. All they can do is killj you. I
"Those white people can't do anything to me now, man.} The most they can do to me is kill me, but they can't make me a slave any more. They can't make me believe that it's right to go and spend my money in the bars. They can't make me believe that Jesus is white. They can't make me believe that I should go to church and all that kind of shit and live to go to heaven. Uh-uh, man. My mind is free, and this is what freedom of mind means. Whatever you do, man, you do it black, because you know you're a black man, and you know that God is black. When you got that knowledge of the power of blackness in this world, nobody and no force can fuck with you, because you've got the black god in your corner."
Floyd said, "Salaam aleichem, brother. Remember, Allah is black."
About six months later, I ran into Bulldog. I hadn't seen him in about three or four years. He was as big as a house. He looked Uke he must have been boxing or wrestling professionally. He'd gotten huge since I'd last seen him.
I said, "Bulldog. How you been?" I didn't ask him where he'd been or anything like that, because I usually had a pretty good idea, by this time, where cats had been when
I hadn't seen them for a while. I was glad to see him. I grabbed his hand and shook it. I asked him if he wanted to go have a drink with me.
He said that he couldn't do that He started off, "I just got out of jail, man."
I said, "Yeah? That's nice." Since I was with someone who wasn't accustomed to meeting people who'd just come out of jail, I tried to change the subject I said, "Come on, let's go in the bar."
Again he said, "No, man. I just got out of jail."
I said, "Yeah, well where were you?"
He started telling me that he hit a cop one night and they thought he was crazy and put him in Bellevue. Some attendants there started messing with him. He took on three or four of them, so they sent him to Materwann for about two years. He'd come out, and now he was a Muslim.
I said, "Wowl It seems as though this Muslim thing is getting to everybody."
He started telling me about it. He said, "You know, man, I don't cat no pork, and I don't drink no more. That's why I can't go in the bar with you and have that drink."
"Yeah, okay, B.D. I can understand that Do you want to go someplace and have a cup of coffee?"
He said, "All right"
We had a cup of coffee, a
nd he started telling me about how he had just come out of jail, all over again. Then it dawned on me that maybe they let Bulldog out a little too soon. He kept repeating, "I just got out of jail." If you asked him something else, he'd say, "I'm a MusUm." He had a beard, which he seemed real proud of. He kept pulling on it and stroking it as though it were something precious.
After a while, he told me about his new name. He said, **You know, Pashif s my real name now."
"Okay, Pashif." I shook his hand and said, "Salaam aleichem."
"Oh I Are you a Muslim too, man?"
"No, Brother Pashif, but I've heard a little about it I've met a few people, and I know quite a few."
"Do you know Alley Bush?"
I said, "Yeah, why?"
"Alley Bush is a Muslim too."
"Oh, yeah? I haven't seen him in a long time, and I wondered what happened to him."
"Yeah, he's out here, and he's a Muslim. As a matter of
man, and fucked up in their minds. They don't know who they are. They think they're Negroes; they think they're lost. They ain't got nobody to look up to but that white god. That's hard to accept, man. Can you imagine being a Negro in a place where the only Supreme Being is a white god, and he's in the white people's corner, and the white people are fucking over you? You might as well kill yourself.
"The junkies have to use drugs, man, to stand this life. I couldn't do it myself, man, without using drugs. I don't see how you do it. Everybody with a little bit of sensitivity^ would have to use something or else kill himself. I couldn't accept being a Negro. I know I'm no damned Negro. That's why I was going to jail and doing all that fucking up for a long time, because I thought I was a Negro in a white world ruled by a white god. Once I found out that I was a^ black man and that God was a black man, I can walk wi anything now. I know I'm too powerful to be made slave ever again. My mind is free. When you get freedom of the mind, nobody can fuck with you. Nobody can enslave anybody who's got freedom of mind. All they can do is kill you.
"Those white people can't do anything to me now, man. The most they can do to me is kill me, but they can't make me a slave any more. They can't make me believe that it's right to go and spend my money in the bars. They can't make me beUeve that Jesus is white. They can't make me beheve that I should go to church and all that kind of shit and Uve to go to heaven. Uh-uh, man. My mind is free, and this is what freedom of mind means. Whatever you do, man, you do it black, because you know you're a black man, and you know that God is black. When you got that knowledge of the power of blackness in this world, nobody and no, force can fuck with you, because you've got the black god in your corner."
Floyd said, "Salaam aleichem, brother. Remember, Allah is black."
About six months later, I ran into Bulldog. I hadn't seen him in about three or four years. He was as big as a house. He looked like he must have been boxing or wrestling professionally. He'd gotten huge since I'd last seen him.
I said, "Bulldog. How you been?" I didn't ask him where he'd been or anything like that, because I usually had a pretty good idea, by this time, where cats had been when
I hadn't seen them for a while. I was glad to see him. I grabbed his hand and shook it. I asked him if he wanted to go have a drink with me.
He said that he couldn't do that He started off, "I just got out of jail, man."
I said, "Yeah? That's nice." Since I was with someone who wasn't accustomed to meeting people who'd just come out of jail, I tried to change the subject I said, "Come on, let's go in the bar."
Again he said, "No, man. I just got out of jail."
I said, "Yeah, well where were you?"
He started telling me that he hit a cop one night and they thought he was crazy and put him in Bellevue. Some attendants there started messing with him. He took on three or four of them, so they sent him to Materwann for about two years. He'd come out, and now he was a Muslim.
I said, "Wowl It seems as though this Muslim thing is getting to everybody."
He started telling me about it. He said, "You know, man, I don't cat no pork, and I don't drink no more. That's why I can't go in the bar with you and have that drink."
"Yeah, okay, B.D. I can understand that Do you want to go someplace and have a cup of coffee?"
He said, "AU right."
We had a cup of coffee, and he started telling me about how he had just come out of jail, all over again. Then it dawned on me that maybe they let Bulldog out a little too soon. He kept repeating, "I just got out of jail." If you asked him something else, he'd say, "I'm a Muslim." He had a beard, which he seemed real proud of. He kept pulling on it and stroking it as though it were something precious.
After a while, he told me about his new name. He said, "You know, Pashif s my real name now."
"Okay, Pashif." I shook his hand and said, "Salaam aleichem."
"OhI Are you a Muslim too, man?"
"No, Brother Pashif, but I've heard a little about it I've met a few people, and I know quite a few."
"Do you know Alley Bush?" , ^
I said, "Yeah, why?"
"Alley Bush is a Muslim too."
"Oh, yeah? I haven't seen him in a long time, and I wondered what happened to him."
"Yeah, he's out here, and he's a Muslim. As a matter of
fact, he's swpposed to make a speech on 125th Street and Seventh Avenue tonight."
"Yeah? I'll haVfe to come back and hear this. I'd like to see him."
I left Bulldog. I came back that night, because I wanted to see Alley Bush. There he was, speaking on his box. Knowing Alley Bush, I didn't think he could ever be really involved in this thing. I thought he was just jiving about it.
After he was finished, I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, let's go down and have a beer or something."
He said, "No, man. I can't do that, because ... I could do it, but we'd have to go about three blocks away, because some of my brothers might see me."
We went and had a beer, and he started teUing me about the white devils and all this kind of business. He started telling me about the great plans he had for getting up a colored army and starting a revolution. He said, "The coimtry is ready, and what we need now is a revolution."
I thought, Damn, everybody seems to be going kind of crazy with this thing. Where is all this stuff coming from? So I asked Alley Bush if he had been in jail lately.
"Yeah, I just got out about three months ago."
I asked him if that was where he became a brother. He said yes and that his name was Bashi now and that his father had been a Muslim. I knew his father hadn't been a Muslim when I'd seen him. Alley Bush was a real great liar. He just couldn't help lying. If you asked him the simplest thing he just had this compulsion to lie.
We sat there sipping, and he started asking me when I was going to forsake this world of the white devils and go and join the black brothers "in our struggle for freedom of the mind and freedom in our own way of life and freedom in a land of our own where we can take our rightful place among the gods."
I was taking all this with a grain of salt. Occasionally I'd laugh, and he would get a little angry. He started raising his voice and almost screaming this stuff about the white devils and the great black man. This was funny, because Alley was a very light-skinned guy, and he'd always been aware of it.
It seemed as though, under this new Muslim movement, everybody was becoming real black and becoming proud of it. Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe it was bringing all
the shades together and making us reahze that we're all colored, regardless of complexion.
It seemed to me that everybody who was coming out of jail was a Black Muslim. While he was raving, I was thinking about this. I said, "Damn, Alley, what the hell is going on in the jails here? It seems that everybody who comes out is a Muslim."
He said, "Yeah, man. When you're out here, you're so involved in the way the white man has been teaching you to live and doing shit that he's been brainwashing you to believe, you just can't see where you
're going. You can't do the things that you ought to do, you know? But there, when you're in jail, man, you've got a lot of time to think about it. Then you can really see how this white man is fucking with you. The white cats in jail, man, they don't have to take all the shit that we have to take. They get the better jobs, and they get everything. It's just the black man, the black man, wherever he is, they're gon try and fuck with him. Actually, if the black man wasn't a god, he wouldn't have lasted this long, all the shit he's had to take in this country. Yeah, this is what it takes.
"You know what we got to do here. Sonny? We got to take Harlem out of Goldberg's pocket. You know Harlem is in Goldberg's pocket?"
"Yeah, Alley, that's been said before."
He said, "That's not my name. That's the name that the white devils gave me, man. When you call me that, you remind me of the fact that I've been robbed of my heritage. It's a painful thing, so I wish you wouldn't call me that. I wish you'd call me by my Muslim name, my real name, my true and honest name, given to my black father in the black land by a black god, many, many centuries ago."
"Okay, Bashi. Pardon me."
*'What we need here, Sonny, is a revolution. If all goes well with me, we're going to have it here in this country before long. I'm trying to get a lot of militant black men who are ready to stop taking this shit. I've been in jail with them, and I know that these guys are ready for a revolution. They're ready to die, because they Ichow we ain't got a chance in this world anyway, seeing as how the white men are running it.
"But if we revolt now, even if most of us have to die, our sons and grandsons might have a chance in it. The only thing that's going to get Harlem out of Goldberg's pocket is
that we take 125tlf Street and leave it all to the proprietors, but move the main thoroughfare to 145th Street. If all the Negroes would pool their money together and start purchasing all the real estate on 145th Street, in about two years time we could have it. We could have 145th Street being the main thoroughfare, and it would aU be owned by black people.