“Kadence is the bride’s daughter,” Eve explained. “She has not yet been delivered by the stork. It is to her interest to be sure that her parents do marry at this time, so that her existence is assured.”
Nia shook her head. “I have seen many things in my time, but this is a new one! She doesn’t yet exist?”
“Kadence exists,” Eve said. “And has for a decade. Just not physically. Not yet. She was instrumental in saving Xanth from a frightening disaster. Now I will tell all of you about the somewhat complicated background situation, so that you appreciate why this wedding is largely private.” She glanced at the child. “Why don’t you fade back and get to know your host while I acquaint them with your situation, dear?”
Kadence nodded and faded back.
“We will rehearse the wedding when my sister Dawn arrives,” Eve said. “Now I must bore you with a little personal history.”
The peeve opened its beak, but Eve’s glance snapped it shut again. The word HUMOR appeared on Tata’s screen. Dell knew by those signals that this was likely to be anything but boring.
“A decade ago a dreadful threat to Xanth appeared,” Eve said. “This was Ragna Roc, a big bird with the remarkable talent of rendering things, including people, illusory. This was Magician class magic and could have been of great benefit to Xanth, but he was corrupted by power and used it instead to try to take over Xanth and become its ruler. His disciples considered him to be a god.” Eve smiled briefly. “Real gods, such as the Goddess Isis from Mundania, take exception to that. At any rate, his mode of operation was simple: he demanded that any folk he encountered swear fealty to him and serve him loyally, doing whatever he required. Any who balked were promptly rendered into effective ghosts. They still existed, but had no substance; they were only spirits, visible when they made the effort, but unable to interact physically with living folk. If they then reconsidered, Ragna would turn them back to reality, and they became his servants. Some of you may have heard of him.”
Grania nodded. “His reputation terrified me at the time. But I never learned what happened to him.”
“That is relevant to this history,” Eve said. “He had to be stopped, but there was a question how, since no opponent could even approach him without being ghosted. News of the danger was slow to spread widely, because most who encountered him were converted or deleted. Then the three little princesses, my cousins Melody, Harmony, and Rhythm, decided that they would take him on. Each of them was a Sorceress in her own right; any two of them acting together squared that power, and the three of them together cubed it. So together they were the most powerful sorceresses in Xanth. They believed that they were the ones who could deal with this menace.”
Eve smiled. “They were children, twelve years old. They lacked proper caution. They didn’t tell the parents, they just tackled Ragna Roc on their own. They went to his castle and faced him down. There appeared to be nothing happening, but then the big blocks of the castle started melting around them, and the castle began to collapse, from the intensity of the magic combat being silently and invisibly waged. Xanth never saw such a battle, for all that it was largely invisible. As it turned out, even the three of them together were not sufficient to defeat the big bird. The three princesses fell, one by one, about to be deleted. However, there was a complication.”
“Rhythm was naughty,” the peeve said. “Melody was prettiest, Harmony was smartest, and Rhythm was naughtiest. Who would have thought what a difference that would make! You just have to like that girl.”
“Rhythm was naughty,” Eve agreed with two and a half fifths of a smile. “Dawn and I were naughty in our day, but Rhythm was worse. She was working with Cyrus Cyborg, and got a crush on him, so she told him, maybe expecting something from him in return. He dismissed her out of hand. ‘You’re a child!’ he said. That annoyed her.” Eve winked, as she had when Dell saw her on Tata’s screen. “It’s not smart to annoy any girl, especially not a pretty one, but super-especially not a sorceress princess. It is even more critical not to belittle a girl in love, even if it is only a crush. So she invoked a spell she had that made her instantly ten years older, burst out of her clothes, flung her arms around him, and hauled him into an adjacent love spring with her.”
“Oooo!” Win and Squid said together, fully appreciating the supreme naughtiness despite being too young to grasp its essential details. “Just like Ron Chi,” Squid added.
“Who?” Dell asked. Then he realized it was a pun for raunchy, and shut up. The children might not know the details, but they knew and appreciated naughtiness when they encountered it.
“She sure showed him,” the peeve agreed zestfully.
“Naturally we adults don’t approve such tactics,” Eve said, catching the eyes of Nia, Merrie, and Dell. “But there followed what followed, and thereafter he was hopelessly in love with her. The spell dissipated in an hour and she reverted to a twelve-year-old princess, but their relationship had fundamentally changed. Now they were in secret love, though the woman who had seduced him would not even exist for another ten years. It was awkward.”
“She’s been my favorite princess since that hour,” the peeve said. “She broke the record for naughtiness.”
Dell exchanged a glance with Merrie. He had thought that their association had some naughtiness, especially his thoughts when he helped her onto the boat or down the ladder, but now he knew they were rank amateurs.
“But as I said, there was a complication,” Eve continued. “The stork received such a powerful summons in that hour that it did not delay the usual inefficient nine months, but made an immediate delivery. That was Kadence. Residue from the ten-year aging spell affected her, and in minutes she was six years old, complete with her talent of making things align to the beat. Cyrus and Rhythm loved her, of course, though Rhythm at that point was only six years older than she. They had to pretend Kadence was a little sister, rather than a daughter. It was a tricky situation.”
“It was lovely,” the peeve said zestfully.
“And as it turned out, Cyrus and Kadence worked together to craft a prison that would contain Ragna Roc, and lure the big bird into it. He was out of the scene and could no longer directly affect people or things. That’s what finally saved Xanth. Then Kadence faded out and Cyrus was banished for his seeming violation of the Adult Conspiracy.”
“But he didn’t violate it,” Kadence said, returning to join them. “Mother was age twenty-two when they signaled for me.”
“Thanks to the temporary aging spell. It was, however, too close a call for comfort,” Eve said. “A twelve-year-old girl had no business being in love with an adult man, and he was not supposed even to notice her in that manner. It smelled of a serious Conspiracy violation. So it had to be covered up.”
“Tell the naughty rest,” the peeve said eagerly, evidently knowing already.
Eve smiled. It was clear she understood naughtiness, and not just because she governed Hades. Dell suspected that she had been plenty naughty in her youth. “That cover-up was awkward at one point. After the battle with Ragna Roc, the three little princesses were so tired they were on the verge of depletion. Their mother, King Ivy, used her Sorceress-level Enhancement to restore two of them, but then was too magically tired herself to do the third, Rhythm. She was unconscious, sinking toward oblivion. Cyrus couldn’t stand it. He got down and kissed her so ardently that it revived her. Only mutual passionate love could have done it—and she was only twelve years old. Now their secret illicit love was open. The shock of it was so great that King Ivy feared she would get a headache. Naturally something had to be done. So Rhythm was reproved and Cyrus was banished.”
“They saved Xanth from Ragna Roc, and their reward was his banishment?” Merrie asked, appalled. “What kind of justice is that?”
“They violated the Adult Conspiracy in spirit if not the letter. It had to be done.”
“Well, I think it’s silly,” Mer
rie said.
“A lot of folk think it’s silly,” the peeve said. “But Xanth is a pretty silly place, and not just because of the puns.”
“Now, however, the key decade has passed,” Eve said. “And Rhythm is the age she borrowed then. So of course she is marrying Cyrus, to make it official. That is the ceremony we will have here on the boat.”
“And they will signal the stork for me,” Kadence said. “I don’t know how they will do it, but I want to be sure they do do it. That stork’s got to deliver on schedule this time.”
“And the news will not be openly bruited about,” Eve said. “So there will be no royal scandal. That is why the gathering is small, and we ask you not to speak of it hereafter. King Ivy will be glad to know that her daughter is now an honest woman, and will not question her on the details.”
“Family scandals are like that,” Nia said knowingly.
Dell appreciated the situation. Certainly he would keep his mouth shut, and was sure the others would too. Xanth clearly owed a lot to the marrying couple, and to their daughter, but would not speak of it.
“We will now adjourn for a brief intermission before Dawn arrives to conduct the rehearsal,” Eve said. “The three Princesses should be here at any moment, too.” She stood, setting Tata down.
Dell went to help Merrie get to wherever she might wish. “Oh, that is so romantic, about Princess Rhythm,” she breathed. “I wish we could—”
“So do I,” he said as he picked her up. “Maybe—”
“Your situation differs,” Nia said, startling them. They hadn’t realized that she was paying attention. “It’s not a matter of waiting a decade for things to clarify. Where would your child live? On land or in water?”
“Bleep!” they said together. But of course she was right.
Then Princess Dawn arrived, stepping down the ladder from the hatch, and she and Eve hugged. Dawn was as lovely as Eve, but she was light where her sister was dark, so they complemented each other as they complimented each other.
“Is the boat in order?” Dawn asked Eve. “It would be embarrassing if it were not, after all the trouble the trio took crafting it.”
Dell was amazed. “The trio did what?”
“Oh, I thought you folk knew,” Eve said. “The three Princesses pooled their magic and made Fibot so they could travel comfortably. Later they got interested in Boys and lost interest in the Boat, so the Good Magician agreed to find appropriate new proprietors for it. That’s what your excursion is all about.”
“Live and learn,” Nia breathed.
“We’ll do our best,” Dell said, awed anew. “It’s a fine boat.”
“Did Tata and the peeve know?” Nia asked.
“You bet we did,” the peeve said smugly.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Dell asked.
“You didn’t ask.”
Dell and Nia exchanged a glance that resembled a birdcage that hadn’t been cleaned in weeks.
“I saw that!” the peeve said.
Merrie, still in his arms, kissed his nose. “Some animals have an odd sense of humor.”
So it seemed.
“One question, if you please,” Nia said to Dawn. “We’re not royal. We’re more like, well, spraints on the riverbank. We don’t know how to behave with royal folk.”
“Have no concern,” Dawn said. “Part of the privacy of this occasion is that it is largely informal. Treat everyone equal, including the princesses, and we will do the same with you. We appreciate the service you are doing us, helping us handle an awkward matter.”
“Thank you,” Nia said. “We are relieved.”
Indeed they were, Dell thought.
Then three more princesses arrived together, a matching set, flashing their nice legs as they descended the ladder. That little bit of naughtiness confirmed their identities. “Hello, all,” one said. “I’m Melody.” She was in a green dress, with green/blond hair and blue eyes. She might be the prettiest, but there was hardly a difference between her and the other two. Dell suspected that their other qualities, such as smarts and naughtiness, were similarly close. They just needed small ways to distinguish themselves from each other.
“I’m Harmony,” the second said. She wore a brown dress, matching her hair and eyes.
“And I’m Rhythm,” the third said. She was in a red dress with red hair and green eyes.
“It’s about time, dolls,” the peeve said. “We were getting ready to start without you.”
“We love you too, peeve,” the three said together, laughing.
“You three made the boat?” Dell asked.
“It was a challenge, but we tried to do it right,” Melody said. “The Good Magician helped us, off the record.”
“Until we lost interest,” Harmony said.
“But it does seem perfect for our wedding,” Rhythm said.
There was one more arrival, a young nondescript man who did not look like a cross between human and machine. “Cyrus!” Rhythm exclaimed gladly, hugging him. “I think I’ll marry you. Don’t get cold feet.”
He laughed. “If I do, I’ll put them on your bare body in bed.”
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“Try me, you impertinent nymph.”
“Oh, I will.” Rhythm looked around, naughtiness fairly radiating from her. “Not here. Let’s get somewhere private.”
“Oh no, you don’t,” Princess Dawn snapped brightly. “You’re not even supposed to see each other until the wedding. It’s tradition.”
“Too late for that,” Rhythm said, unrepentant. “Let’s go for a naked swim, dear.”
“Nuh-uh,” Princess Eve snapped, just like her sister only darker.
“You can’t stop us,” Rhythm said, naughtiness triumphant. “This way, secret lover.” They went for the hatch.
“Dell! Merrie!” Eve said. “Keep them company. Don’t let them do anything you wouldn’t do. They mustn’t mess up the wedding.”
That was not a sensible caution, considering what Dell and Merrie wanted to do. Dell heaved Merrie up and they scrambled in their fashion up the ladder to the upper deck, following Cyrus and Rhythm. The pair was flinging off clothing, so Dell dropped Merrie into the water and flung off his own. Then he plunged into the water, joining them.
“Hello, Princess,” Merrie said as they floated beside the boat. “I’m Merrie, your Maid of Honor.”
“A mermaid! Wonderful! That will be a great tail to tell,” Rhythm exclaimed, clearly delighted.
“An I’m Dell, your Best Man,” Dell told Cyrus.
“Good enough. We’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.”
“We’re supposed to not let you do anything we wouldn’t do,” Merrie told Rhythm. “To preserve the sanctity of the occasion.”
“And exactly what wouldn’t you do?”
“Nothing,” the mermaid said, eyeing Dell.
“Except that if we do, I’ll be her love slave,” Dell said. “Tortured because we can’t really be together.”
“I know how that is,” Cyrus said. “She seduced me, then turned back into a child. It was a dirty trick.”
“But I’m not a child now, am I, dear?” Rhythm asked, taking a deep breath that displaced the water around her in interesting ripples. They came together, kissing.
Merrie came to Dell and kissed him. Her ripples were just as interesting.
“No, please,” he gasped when it broke. “I can’t stand it!”
“We’d better go back before she teases him to death,” Rhythm said.
“He just needs to know how to defend himself,” Cyrus said. “If she tries it again, Dell, tickle her bottom.”
“I don’t have a bottom,” the mermaid pointed out. “Just a nice piece of tail.”
Cyrus sighed. “Then he must be lost. Too bad; I was just getting to know hi
m.”
“You can tickle mine instead,” Rhythm told him. “You’re already lost.”
Cyrus sighed. “What a cruel fate.”
“Bleep! I envy them,” Merrie whispered.
“So do I,” Dell agreed sadly.
The peeve appeared on deck. “Princess Dawn says to get your donkeys back below, pronto.”
“Our whats?” Dell asked.
“Posteriors,” Rhythm said quickly around a giggle as hers got tickled.
“Whatever,” the peeve said, its beak managing to smile. “Dawn says it’s time for the rehearsal.”
“She who must be obeyed,” Merrie said with a smile.
Cyrus glanced at Rhythm. “It seems we’re stuck with it.”
“It’s a chore,” she agreed. “But we’ll tickle tonight.”
Only then did Dell notice that the boat was now close to a fabulous castle that reared from foundations set in the water. “What is that?” he asked, amazed.
Rhythm looked. “Oh, that’s Caprice Castle that Dawn governs. It travels. It brought us here and we crossed over to Fibot. We’ll depart the same way.”
So this was Caprice! He was mightily impressed.
They climbed back into the boat. Win was there now, tittering. She faced them, and the wind at her back soon blew them dry. Fortunately she was young enough not to realize that she was seeing more than she ought. Then they dressed and went below.
Princess Dawn soon had them lined up correctly. “Best Man, your job is to get the Groom to the Chancel at the right time.”
“Who’ll get me there in time?” Rhythm asked.
Dawn looked about. “Oops! Normally the Bride’s father would walk her down the aisle while the Wedding March plays, but your father is not here. He’s busy carefully ignoring the wedding. Bleep. We need a substitute.”
“Tata can do it,” the peeve said.
They all laughed. But they did need someone, so in the end the dogfish walked the Bride down the aisle.
“Now all we need is the Wedding March,” Rhythm said wryly.
“Coming up,” Dawn said. She signaled the Princesses Melody and Harmony. Melody broke into song, while Harmony accompanied her on a small harmonica she had. It was the Wedding March.
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