“Dell, get the Groom to his place,” Dawn said. “Kadence, you’re a Bridesmaid. Help shore up the Maid of Honor.” Kadence fetched a chair for the mermaid to sit on. “Win, fetch a big bouquet of flowers from the pantry.” Suddenly the bouquet was there for the girl.
They walked through it, step by step. “Then it will be time to kiss the bride,” Dawn concluded. “You don’t need to do that here in rehearsal.” She paused. “I said you didn’t need to.” She paused again. “All right, enough is enough. End it!”
Dawn and Eve finally had to pry the couple apart with a sucking sound. The two looked around blankly. “Oh,” Rhythm said breathlessly. “Is something going on?”
“Sorry we missed it,” Cyrus said.
The two princesses huffed up indignantly. Then the three princesses burst out laughing. “Got you that time,” Rhythm said.
She was obviously still as naughty as ever.
“Intermission time,” Dawn said briskly. “Then we’ll hold the actual ceremony, providing the happy couple can wait for it.” She frowned, but on her the expression resembled a flash of sunlight.
Dell went to carry Merrie to a bed so she could rest in comfort. The mermaid was in tears. “What’s the matter?” he asked, alarmed.
“Weddings always make me cry,” she said. “I’m so happy.”
“Me too,” Kadence said. “Especially this one.”
“Me too,” Win said. “I cried at my folks’ wedding too.”
“And me,” Squid said. “And I’m not even human.”
Indeed, the tears were flowing from all their eyes.
Dell looked at Nia, hoping for some explanation.
“Don’t even try to understand women at weddings,” Nia said. “I don’t understand them either, and I am one.” Her face, too, was wet.
Dell shook his head, bemused. At least the boy Santo seemed similarly confused.
Princess Dawn appeared. “You will want to don formal attire for the event. Melody will issue it to you from the storage cabin.” Of course Princess Melody, as one of the three Sorceresses who had crafted the craft, would know where things were.
In due course the intermission was over and they got to the formal ceremony. Everyone was resplendent in the new clothing. The Maid of Honor and the Bridesmaids were achingly lovely despite their tail or youth, and the Groom and Bride were outstanding. Grania in her formal suit was the epitome of gravity. And Dell, feeling awkward and foolish in his tuxedo, hoped no one would notice. He focused on making sure Cyrus was at the right spot at the right time. That was his job.
The players took their places. The music started.
And Dell suffered a transformation. He knew better, but it was as if he were the one getting married, and Merrie was the bride.
There she was, floating down the aisle in much the way the boat floated in air, not anchored to the ground. She wore a white wedding gown that showed just enough of her bosom to be fascinating without freaking, and a white tiara with a translucent veil. She was beautiful beyond belief.
And he—was handsome in his tuxedo, which now fitted him perfectly.
“Do you, Lydell Human, take this lovely lady to be your wife, to have and to hold, to hug and kiss as long as you both shall live, in and out of the river?” the boat’s co-captain asked.
“I do,” he agreed.
“And do you, Merrie Mermaid, take this man to be your husband, to squeeze and to tease as long as you both can stand it?”
“I do,” she agreed.
There was Santo with the gold ring on a little cushion. Dell took it and put it on her finger, the only one that wasn’t webbed.
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
He kissed her, and it felt as if a fragrant water bomb splattered on their heads, dousing them in love. She had looked great in her wedding gown; now it was plastered wetly to her body, and she looked even better.
Then he snapped out of it. Cyrus and Rhythm were the ones kissing, while he and Merrie watched benignly from their sides. The cyborg and the princess were the married couple.
There was general applause. They had staged a successful wedding.
“We will now adjourn to the wedding reception,” Dawn said. “Where all the men get to kiss the bride.”
Santo looked pained. Dawn paused, reconsidering. “We don’t have enough men. Let’s make it all the women kissing the groom.”
“The bleep!” Rhythm said. “Let’s adjourn instead to the wedding banquet.”
They did so, and Dell sat beside Merrie. “This is a wonderful experience for me,” she said. “I love all of it.” Then she glanced sidelong at him. “But a water bomb?”
Chapter 6
Mountain Garden
Then it seemed an instant, but time had passed, and the princesses and wedding were gone. “It is time for me to go too,” Merrie said. “It has been a wonderful experience I’ll never forget, including thought-marrying you, Dell, wetness and all.”
“About that—”
She laughed. “We ladies have a little bit of natural talent. We can read the minds of young men when they are in certain channels. It helps us accommodate their needs. Didn’t Nia tell you?”
“He didn’t ask,” Nia said with three fifths of a smile.
“One last kiss and then you can throw me overboard.”
He picked her up, she kissed him, and he dropped her over the edge. Her flukes flashed and she was gone.
Dell felt painfully lonely. He knew it never could have been, but still it hurt to lose it.
“Now it must be your turn, Kadence,” Nia said.
“I suppose it must,” the girl said. “But there is something.”
“Something?”
“Ula wants me to stay. And I think I’d like to stay, at least for a while. She’s a great host, and, well, I like being among children like me.”
“Like you?” Dell asked. “But you don’t even exist yet!”
“Actually I do exist now. Just not in the form you see me. The storks have received the signal.”
“But how can that be? The wedding was only an hour or two ago.”
“Did you see Rhythm turn twelve as the banquet was finishing?”
“Do what? No.”
“You were too busy looking at Merrie to notice. But she turned young for an hour.”
“I saw it,” the peeve said. “I kept my beak shut.”
“Thank you,” Kadence said. “I wouldn’t have wanted that particular hour to be interrupted. When I get older, I’ll find out exactly what they did to make the signal, but for now I’m just satisfied that they did.”
“I don’t understand,” Dell said.
“They had a date for a decade ago,” Nia explained. “Their first impromptu tryst. Rhythm borrowed her twenty-two-year-old future self for the incident in the past. That meant that her twelve-year-old body switched places with her, and was here. Cyrus helped cover for her as a matter of courtesy. Now Kadence is official.”
“Some courtesy!” the peeve said.
Dell finally got a glimmer. “Oh.”
“Then the instant they got back to Caprice Castle, they did it again in present-day time,” Kadence said. “Just to make sure. And I know it worked. I’m finally real!”
“But what was this about being among children like you?” Dell asked. “The three aren’t at all like you except for being close to you in age.”
“Oh, but we are,” Santo said. “We’re from the future, now living in a different track. That gives us a common background.”
“But Kadence is in the same track. This one.”
“No,” Kadence said. “In the original track Ragna Roc deleted my mother. Only my return from the future, and the heroics of my father, succeeded in generating an alternate track where they survived. And here we are
.”
Dell felt as if his head would explode. “I guess it might make sense if you twist your mind about enough. But now it’s done, and you can go home and relax, knowing that you do exist.”
“I can and I will,” Kadence said. “But I’d like to visit with these ones who are so close to my own age.”
“Exactly your age,” Squid agreed. “Nine.”
“I’m close,” Win said.
“I would like to hear directly from Ula,” Nia said. “It is after all her body you are using.”
“Here she is,” Kadence said.
The body changed, the same but subtly different in many respects so that it was indeed another person. “It’s great!” Ula said. “I got to meet five princesses, and even to be one myself, because Kadence is one. I got to be a bridesmaid at a wedding. Now as a host I feel important. I love it. I’m living the life of a princess, instead of an orphan nobody cares about. She can stay as long as she wants.”
That seemed to cover it. “Stay as long as you want,” Nia said. “As long as you obey the rules of the house.”
“That means washing behind your ears and going to bed when you need to,” Win said, frowning. The others laughed, and she was unable to hold her frown very long.
“Very well,” Nia said. “We’ll park here on the lake awhile while we figure out where to go next. If we’re lucky, the mermaid will swim by to flash Dell again. Meanwhile it’s been a big day and you children need to rest. All four of you.”
“Awwww,” they said together, grinning. In barely a moment and a half they were all snoozing on their beds, the peeve and dogfish keeping an eye on them.
Dell and Nia went above and sat on the deck between the lashed rudder and mast. “I wanted a moment alone to consider our mission,” Nia said. “We have found the children and seen the royal wedding. But what about the mountain garden, or the dreams? Will they be similarly complicated?”
“I hope not. It’s not that I don’t like the children, and the wedding was wonderful. But I wish we could just—” He broke off.
“Just what?”
“Just keep sailing like this forever, I guess. It’s a really interesting life. The only thing I’m missing is a real girlfriend. I know we have to deliver the boat and then it will be over, but I’m in no hurry.”
“I feel the same. The past few days have crammed more excitement into my dull life than I’ve had in decades. And I like being with you, Dell. We’re way different, in age, gender, and outlook, but I know you will never do anything dishonest, and it’s a pleasure sharing that attitude.”
“Yes. I know that I’m making better decisions with you to guide me, and I like that.”
They gazed out over the calm water of the lake. “I’d better check on the children.” Her phantom eyes appeared, then floated down the hatch. “They’re okay,” she reported after two moments. “Still sleeping. So are the bird and dogfish.”
“That has become a really useful talent,” Dell said.
“It has indeed, as I learn to use it.”
A small gray cloud appeared before them. “What do we have hear?” it inquired.
“We have what?” Dell asked, surprised to hear a talking cloud.
“Audible, sound, listen, ear, close by—
“Here?”
“Whatever,” the cloud agreed, irritated. It expanded, poked forth five projections, and formed into a vaguely human outline. This then coalesced into a stunningly shapely female form. It was a demoness.
“Who are you?” Nia asked sharply.
“Who are you?” the figure demanded.
“Dell and Nia,” Dell said.
“Metria,” the form said. “Say, you’re a handsome youth! Give me a kiss.” She moved toward him.
Nuh-uh, his inner voice warned him. Here was yet another pretty shape coming on to him. He stepped back, avoiding her.
“Oh. Playing hard to fetch?” The form jumped forward, catching him in its surprisingly solid embrace.
“Hard to what?” he asked, having trouble orienting.
“Catch, grab, hold, understand, fathom—”
“Get?”
“Whatever!” she agreed crossly. Then she planted a potent kiss on him that threatened to freak him out. His hands clenched involuntarily, catching hold of provocative anatomy on her backside while her frontside poked him softly. “That’s more like it.”
“Metria,” Nia said while Dell was out of it. “I believe I have heard of you. The mischievous demoness with a speech impediment.”
“That’s me.” She twitched some anatomy, so that he hastily let go.
“So what are you here for, Demoness?”
“Children. Do you have any?”
“What do you want with children? You can’t treat them the way you’re treating Dell.”
“That’s the point. They’re innocent. I need a quarter passel or so.”
Dell finally recovered enough to speak. “You don’t seem like the innocent kind.”
She laughed, her front poking his front again. “That’s the point. I can’t go where I need to go. Only innocent children can do it.”
“Well, unstick yourself from him and we’ll discuss it,” Nia said.
Metria drew back with a slight release of vacuum. “So you do have children.”
“We have children,” Nia said. “That doesn’t mean you can have them. What do you want them for?”
“That’s a whole ’nother story.”
“Well, tell it.”
“It starts with a demoness in training,” Metria said, settling back on a bench opposite Dell and crossing her legs. Again, he didn’t freak out, but came close enough so that he was immobile. He suspected this was deliberate on her part; she was shutting him up, her way. “Her name is Nan O’Tech. She’s really a leprechaun from Ireland.”
“From where?”
“England, Scotland, Iceland—wait, I said it correctly. It is Mundania,”
“They have magic there?”
“Very little. That why she came to Xanth. To develop her potential. But she needs children.”
“What, to eat?” Nia asked cynically.
“No. To fetch something she needs to complete her training.”
“Why can’t she get it herself?”
“It would take her too long by herself. She’s just one week shy of eighteen. Then she won’t be a child anymore, her innocence dissipated, and won’t be able to do it. With a group of children she could do it faster. Except—well, it’s complicated.”
“Why should we help you get children?” Dell asked.
“Because I know the words you want. Or at least where to get them.”
“Words we want?” he asked blankly.
“In the ‘Evil Whispers’ poem.”
Dell exchanged a wary glance with Nia.
“You know more of us than you let on,” Nia said. “You didn’t barge over here just by accident.”
The demoness shrugged. “What of it?”
“I think you should lay your cards on the table and spell out exactly what you want from us. Then we’ll have enough information to kick you off this boat.”
Metria formed a handful of cards and laid them out on the bench. I HAVE A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH NAN. SHE … then she ran out of bench space.
“For pitiful sake!” Nia swore. “Just tell us in a halfway straightforward manner, if you are capable of it.”
The demoness considered. “I’m not sure I can. I’m not a straightforward type of person.”
That was becoming clear.
“Then get your smoke out of here,” Nia snapped.
The demoness dissolved into the ball of smoke and began to drift away.
“But the words,” Dell said. “They might be a clue. We might need them.”
“Of
course it’s a clue,” the cloud said.
Irritated, Nia capitulated. “Then tell us in your devious manner, however boring it may be.”
Metria reappeared in full explosive measure, uncrossing her legs, her short skirt sliding up her thighs. Dell slammed his eyes shut just before the panties came into view. “I thought you’d never ask.”
The magical aspect of Ireland was fading, and the leprechauns seemed to be doomed by the growing cynicism and outright disbelief practiced by the local citizens. In the good old days every leprechaun had a full soul, like that of an angel or demon, but closer to earth. Every leprechaun had a specialty wherein he or she might find a purpose; otherwise they would become depressed from boredom, then fade away.
Nan O’Tech was born (the storks did not properly serve this area, complicating the process of delivery) too late and too early for her time, so missed both the splendor of the golden age of magic in Mundania and the glory of scientific miniaturization to come. She had enormous potential that was wasted in this time and place. She needed a venue where she could find her purpose, lest she fade before ever trying. Her cousin Georgia O’Tech haunted a campus far away in another land, so Nan undertook the arduous process of traveling nonmagically to that spot so she could seek refuge with her cousin for a while. Georgia suggested that Nan should seek out the magical land of Xanth. There she might find purpose as a major challenger to the local powers there, whom Georgia felt were too prideful for their own good, especially with respect to the disgusting way they treated humans.
In fact Georgia felt that Nan could fill a special niche in Xanth. Georgia was her campus’s spirit of invention, a generalist, but Nan was a specialist who might operate in her field at levels beyond Georgia’s ken. Nan could create amazing things from atoms (very small bits of matter) alone, which were near magical in function despite the dreadful scarcity of magic in dreary Mundania. But her greatest weakness was her almost complete lack of creativity. She needed input from outsiders to learn and grow both as a person and as a builder.
Word gets around. Nan had heard terrible things regarding the local major Demons (capital ones were infinitely greater than uncapped ones), and was wary. But Georgia assured her that the Demon Xanth was actually a halfway decent sort who cared about his demesnes and the denizens in them. Nan remained nervous, so Georgia urged her to visit the Demoness Selene, the entity in charge of the Moon, and whose power was Light. Selene was seldom seen among the major Demons, even though she owned a barely weaker twin world to Earth. She made the distant Mundane city of Tokyo her special protectorate, and had to stay in place to prevent dreadful things from happening there. So again Nan made a difficult trip.
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