The Legend of Ulenspiegel, Volume 2 (of 2)

by Charles de Coster

  And King Philip looked with a lustful eye upon the Princess of Eboli,who was married. He besought her love, and she yielded.

  Madame Isabelle of France, of whom it was said that she had favouredthe designs of Don Carlos upon the Low Countries, became haggard andwoebegone. And her hair fell out in great handfuls at a time. Oftenshe vomited, and the nails of her feet and her hands came out. Andshe died.

  And King Philip did not weep.

  The hair of the Prince of Eboli fell out also. He became sad and alwayscomplaining. Then the nails of his feet and his hands came out, too.

  And King Philip had him buried.

  And he paid for the widow's mourning and did not weep.

  XXV

  At this time certain women and girls of Damme came to ask Nele if shewould be the May bride and hide among the brushwood with the groom thatwould be found for her; "for," said the women, not without jealousy,"there is not one young man in all Damme and round about who wouldnot fain be betrothed to you, who stay so lovely, good, and fresh:the gift of a witch, doubtless."

  "Goodwives," answered Nele, "say to the young men that seek after me:'Nele's heart is not here, but with him that wandereth to deliverthe land of our fathers.' And if I am fresh, even as you say, it isno gift of a witch, but the gift of good health."

  The goodwives replied:

  "All the same, Katheline is suspect."

  "Do not believe what ill folk say," answered Nele; "Katheline isno witch. The law-men burned tow upon her head and God struck herwith witlessness."

  And Katheline, nodding her head in a corner where she was sittingall huddled up, said:

  "Take away the fire; he will come back, my darling Hanske."

  The goodwives asking who was this Hanske, Nele replied:

  "It is the son of Claes, my foster brother, whom she thinks she lostsince God struck her."

  And the kindly goodwives gave silver patards to Katheline. And whenthey were new she showed them to someone that nobody could see, saying:

  "I am rich, rich in shining silver. Come, Hanske, my darling; I willpay for my love."

  And the goodwives being gone, Nele wept in the lonely cottage. Andshe thought on Ulenspiegel wandering in far-off countries where shemight not follow him, and on Katheline who, often groaning "take awaythe fire," held her bosom with both hands, showing in this way thatthe fire of madness burned her head and her body feverishly.

  And in the meanwhile the bride and groom of May hid in the grass.

  He or she who found one of them was, according to the sex of the onefound, and his or her own, King or Queen of the feast.

  Nele heard the cries of joy of the lads and lasses when the May bridewas found on the edge of a ditch, hidden among the tall grasses.

  And she wept, thinking on the sweet time when they hunted for herand her friend Ulenspiegel.

  XXVI

  Meanwhile, Lamme and he were riding along well astraddle upon theirasses.

  "Listen here, Lamme," said Ulenspiegel, "the nobles of the LowCountries, through jealousy against Orange, have betrayed the causeof the confederates, the holy alliance, the valiant covenant signedfor the good of the land of our fathers. Egmont and de Hoorn weretraitors alike and with no advantage to themselves. Brederode isdead; in this war there is nothing left us now but the poor commonfolk of Brabant and Flanders waiting for loyal chiefs to go forward;and then, my son, the isles, the isles of Zealand, North Holland, too,over which the Prince is governor; and farther still and on the sea,Edzard, Count of Emden and East Frisia."

  "Alas," said Lamme, "I see it clear; we journey between rope, rack, andstake, dying of hunger, gaping for thirst, and with no hope of rest."

  "We are but at the beginning," replied Ulenspiegel. "Deign to considerhow that all in this is pleasure for us, slaying our enemies,mocking them, having our pouches full of florins; well laden withmeat, with beer, with wine, with brandy. What would you have more,feather bed? Would you like us to sell our asses and buy horses?"

  "My son," said Lamme, "the trotting of a horse is very severe on aman of my corpulence."

  "You will sit on your steed as peasants do," said Ulenspiegel,"and no man will mock at you, since you are clad like a peasant,and do not wear the sword like me, but only carry a pikestaff."

  "My son," said Lamme, "are you sure that our two passes will availfor the little towns?"

  "Have not I the cure's certificate," said Ulenspiegel, "with thegreat seal of the Church in red wax hanging from it by two tails ofparchment, and our confession cards? The soldiers and catchpolls ofthe duke have no power against two men so well armed. And the blackpaternosters we have for sale? We are two reiters, both of us, you aFleming and I a German, travelling by express command from the duke,to win over the heretics of this land to the Holy Catholic faithby the sale of sacred articles. We shall thus enter everywhere thehouses of noble lords and the fat abbes. And they will give us richhospitality. And we shall surprise their secrets. Lick your chops,my gentle friend."

  "My son," said Lamme, "we will then be carrying on the trade of spies."

  "By law and right of war," replied Ulenspiegel.

  "If they hear of the affair of the three preachers, we shall diewithout a doubt," said Lamme.

  Ulenspiegel sang:

  "My standards 'Live' as motto bear Live ever in a sunshine land My skin the first is buff well tanned And steel the second skin I wear."

  But Lamme, sighing:

  "I have nothing but one skin, and a soft one; the least stroke of adagger would make a hole in it immediately. We should do better tosettle in some useful trade than to gad about in this way over hilland valley, to serve all these great princes who, with their feet invelvet hose, eat ortolans on gilded tables. To us the blows, perils,battle, rain, hail, snow, the thin soups that fall to vagabonds. Tothem the fine sausages, fat capons, savoury thrushes, succulent fowls."

  "The water is coming into your mouth, my gentle friend," saidUlenspiegel.

  "Where are ye, fresh bread, golden koekebakken, delicious creams? Butwhere art thou, my wife?"

  Ulenspiegel replied:

  "The ashes beat upon my heart and drive me on to the battle. Butthou, mild lamb that hast naught to avenge, neither the death ofthy father nor of thy mother, nor the grief of those thou lovest,nor thy present poverty, leave me alone to march whither I say,if the toils of war affright thee."

  "Alone?" said Lamme.

  And he pulled up his ass, which began to eat a tuft of thistles,of which there was a great plantation on that wayside. Ulenspiegel'sass stopped and ate likewise.

  "Alone," said Lamme. "You will not leave me alone, my son; that wouldbe an infamous cruelty. To have lost my wife and then further to losemy friend, that is impossible. I will whine no more, I promise you. Andsince it must be"--and he raised his head proudly--"I will go underthe rain of bullets. Aye! And in the midst of swords; aye! in the faceof those foul soldiers that drink blood like wolves. And if one dayI fall at your feet bloody and death-stricken, bury me; and if yousee my wife, tell her that I died because I could not bear to livewithout being loved by someone in this world. No, I could not do it,my son Ulenspiegel."

  And Lamme wept. And Ulenspiegel was moved to see that mild courage.

  XXVII

  At this time the duke, dividing his army into two corps, made theone march towards the Duchy of Luxembourg and the other towards theMarquisate of Namur.

  "This," said Ulenspiegel, "is some military decision unknown to me;it is all one to me, let us go towards Maestricht boldly."

  As they went alongside the Meuse near the city Lamme saw Ulenspiegellooking attentively at all the boats that were moving in the river; andhe stopped before one of them that bore a siren on the prow. And thissiren held a scutcheon on which there was marked in gold letters on asable ground the sign J. H. S., which is that of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

  Ulenspiegel signed to Lamme to stop and began to sing merrily likea lark.

  A man came up on the boat, crowed like a
cock, and then, on asign from Ulenspiegel, who brayed like a donkey and pointed him tothe people gathered on the quay, he began to bray terribly like adonkey. Ulenspiegel's two asses laid back their ears and sang theirnative song.

  Women were passing; men, too, riding the towing horses, and Ulenspiegelsaid to Lamme:

  "That boatman is mocking us and our steeds. Suppose we go and attackhim on his boat?"

  "Let him rather come hither," replied Lamme.

  Then a woman spoke and said:

  "If you do not want to come back with arms cut off, broken backs,faces in bits, let that Stercke Pier bray in peace as he pleases."

  "Hee haw! hee haw! hee haw!" went the boatman.

  "Let him sing," said the goodwife, "we saw him the other day lift up onhis shoulders a cart laden with huge casks of beer, and stop anothercart pulled by a powerful horse. There," she said, pointing to theinn of the Blauwe-Toren, the Blue Tower, "he pierced with his knife,thrown from twenty paces off, an oaken plank twelve inches thick."

  "Hee haw! hee haw! hee haw!" went the boatman, while a lad of twelveyears old got up on the bridge of the boat and started to bray also.

  Ulenspiegel replied:

  "Much we care for your strong Peter! However Stercke Pier he may be,we are more of it than he is, and there is my friend Lamme who wouldeat two of his size without a hiccup."

  "What are you saying, my son?" asked Lamme.

  "What is," replied Ulenspiegel; "do not contradict me throughmodesty. Aye, good people, goodwives and artisans, soon you will beholdhim try the work of his arms and annihilate this famous Stercke Pier."

  "Hold your tongue," said Lamme.

  "Your might is well known," replied Ulenspiegel, "you could neverhide it."

  "Hee haw!" went the boatman; "hee haw!" went the lad.

  Suddenly Ulenspiegel sang again, most melodiously like a lark. Andthe men, the women, and the artisans, ravished with delight, askedhim where he had learned that divine whistle.

  "In paradise, whence I have come direct," answered Ulenspiegel.

  Then, speaking to the man who never stopped braying and pointing withhis finger for mockery:

  "Why do you stay there on your boat, rascal? Do you not dare to cometo land and mock at us and our steeds?"

  "Do you not dare?" said Lamme.

  "Hee haw! hee haw!" went the boatman. "Masters, donkeys, playing thedonkey, come up on my boat."

  "Do as I do," said Ulenspiegel in a low voice to Lamme.

  And speaking to the boatman:

  "If you are the Stercke Pier, I, I am Thyl Ulenspiegel. And thesetwain are our asses, Jef and Jan, who can bray better than you, forit is their native tongue. As for going up on your rickety planks, wehave no mind to it. Your boat is like a tub; every time a wave strikesit it goes back, and it can only move like the crabs, sideways."

  "Aye, like the crabs!" said Lamme.

  Then the boatman, speaking to Lamme:

  "What are you muttering between your teeth, lump of bacon?"

  Lamme, becoming furious, said:

  "Evil Christian, who reproached me with my infirmity, know that mybacon is my own and comes from my good food; while thou, old rustynail, thou livest but on old red herrings, candle wicks, skins ofstockfish, to judge from thy scrawny beef that can be seen stickingthrough the holes in thy breeches."

  "They'll be giving each other a stiff drubbing," said the men, women,and artisans, delighted and full of curiosity.

  "Hee haw! hee haw!" went the boatman.

  "Do not throw stones," said Ulenspiegel.

  The boatman said a word in the ear of the lad hee-hawing beside himon the boat, and with the help of a boat hook, which he handleddexterously, came to the bank. When he was quite close, he said,standing proudly upright:

  "My baes asks if you dare to come on board his boat and wage battlewith him with fist and foot. These goodmen and goodwives will bewitnesses."

  "We will," said Ulenspiegel with much dignity.

  "We accept the combat," said Lamme with great stateliness.

  It was noon; the workmen, navvies, paviours, ship-makers, their wivesarmed with their husbands' luncheons, the children that came to seetheir fathers refresh themselves with beans or boiled meat, all laughedand clapped their hands at the idea of a battle at hand, gaily hopingthat one or the other of the combatants would have a broken head orwould fall into the river all in pieces for their delectation.

  "My son," said Lamme in a low voice, "he will throw us into the water."

  "Let yourself be thrown," said Ulenspiegel.

  "The big man is afraid," said the crowd of workmen.

  Lamme, still sitting on his ass, turned on them and looked wrathfullyat them, but they hooted him.

  "Let us go on the boat," said Lamme, "they will see if I am afraid."

  At these words he was hooted again, and Ulenspiegel said:

  "Let us go on the boat."

  Alighting from their asses, they threw the bridles to the boy whopatted the donkeys in friendly fashion, and led them where he sawthistles growing.

  Then Ulenspiegel took the boat hook, made Lamme get into the dinghy,sculled along towards the boat, where by the help of a rope he climbedup, preceded by Lamme, sweating and blowing hard.

  When he was upon the bridge of the vessel, Ulenspiegel stooped downas though he meant to lace up his boots, and said a few words to theboatman, who smiled and looked at Lamme. Then he roared a thousandinsults at him, calling him rascal, stuffed with guilty fat, gaol seed,pap-eter, eater of pap, and saying: "Big whale, how many hogsheadsof oil do you give when you are bled?"

  All at once, without answering him, Lamme hurled himself on him like awild bull, flung him down, struck him with all his might, but did himlittle harm because of the fat pithlessness of his arms. The boatman,while pretending to struggle, let him do as he would, and Ulenspiegelsaid: "This rascal will pay for liquor."

  The men, women, and workmen, who from the bank looked on at the battle,said: "Who would have imagined that this big man was so impetuous?"

  And they clapped their hands while Lamme struck like a deaf man. Butthe boatman took care for nothing except to save his face. SuddenlyLamme was seen with his knee on Stercke Pier's breast, holding himby the throat with one hand and raising the other to strike.

  "Cry for mercy," he said in fury, "or I will drive you through theribs of your tub!"

  The boatman, coughing to show that he could not cry out, asked formercy with his hand.

  Then Lamme was seen generously lifting up his enemy, who was soonon his feet, and turning his back on the spectators, put out histongue at Ulenspiegel, who was bursting with laughter to see Lamme,proudly shaking the feather in his cap, walking up and down the boatin mighty triumph.

  And the men, women, lads, and lasses, who were on the bank, applaudedwith all their might, saying: "Hurrah for the conqueror of SterckePier! He is a man of iron. Did ye see how he thumped him with his fistand how he stretched him on his back with a blow from his head? Therethey are, going to drink now to make peace. Stercke Pier is comingup from the hold with wine and sausages."

  In very deed, Stercke Pier had come up with two tankards and a greatquart of white Meuse wine. And Lamme and he had made peace. And Lamme,all gay and jolly because of his triumph, because of the wine and thesausages, asked him, pointing to an iron chimney that was disgorging ablack thick smoke, what were the fricassees he was making in his hold.

  "War cookery," replied Stercke Pier, smiling.

  The crowd of artisans, women, and children being dispersed to go backto their work or to their homes, the rumour ran speedily from mouthto mouth that a great fat man, mounted on an ass and accompanied bya little pilgrim, also mounted on an ass, was stronger than Samsonand that care must be taken not to offend him.

  Lamme drank and looked at the boatman with a conquering air.

  The other said suddenly:

  "Your donkeys are tired of being over yonder."

  Then, bringing the boat up against the quay, he
got out on the earth,took one of the asses by the hind legs and the forelegs, and carryinghim as Jesus carried the lamb, set it down on the bridge of theboat. Then having done the same with the other one without so muchas drawing a quicker breath, he said:

  "Let us drink."

  The lad leaped on the bridge.

  And they drank. Lamme, all in a maze, no longer knew if it was himself,native of Damme, who had beaten this strong man, and he no longer daredto look at him, save by stealth, without any triumphing, fearing thathe might take a notion to lay hold of him as he had done with thedonkeys and throw him alive into the Meuse, for spite at his overthrow.

  But the boatman, smiling, invited him gaily to drink again, andLamme recovered from his fright and looked on him once more withvictorious assurance.

  And the boatman and Ulenspiegel laughed.

  In the meanwhile, the donkeys, dumbfounded to find themselves on afloor that was not the cows' floor, as the peasants call dry land,had hung their heads, laid back their ears, and dared not drink forfear. The boatman went off to fetch them one of the pecks of corn hegave the horses that towed his boat, buying it himself so as not tobe cheated by the drivers in the price of fodder.

  When the donkeys saw the grain they murmured paternosters of the jawwhile staring at the deck of the boat in melancholy fashion and notdaring to move a hoof for fear of slipping.

  Thereupon the boatman said to Lamme and to Ulenspiegel: