A line of hair curled out of the waistband and I should not be thinking the thoughts I was thinking about that.
“I do this every night. You’ve never noticed before. Normally you have your eyes on that computer screen and don’t even look.”
That might be so but I had the evil knowledge now. He’d be there, asleep in the same room as me, with all his man bits going on. I didn’t want to think about his man bits. I wanted to think of him like a stray dog who needed looking after.
If I had the energy, I’d have left the room. I’d have stayed away until he was safely under the covers without that body taunting me. I kept my eyes off him but I heard the metallic sound of a zipper. It was the sound of all my suppressed lust being unleashed.
“Do not even think about taking your jeans off in front of me!” I jumped around to yell at him then had to cover my eyes. Even weirder, I giggled. A stupid nervous giggle like a schoolgirl.
“Wow, Ruby, you’re crazy tonight. It’s like you’ve hit puberty or something. Realised there’s a difference between boys and girls?”
“That’s not even funny.” I turned to face the wall and got out my phone so I could read. I wouldn’t acknowledge him at all. I’d put up an invisible wall between us.
***
The next day, I got one of the sheets and made a curtain between our beds. That would save me from semi-naked Tex. When Tex got back from the toilet, he laughed.
“What’s this? Some kind of modesty screen? Or is this meant to keep me out of your bed in case I get overcome with animal passion at your Pikachu onesie?”
“What’s wrong with my Pikachu onesie?”
“Nothing, nothing at all. It’s the perfect way to ensure you’re a virgin until the day you die.”
“Am not a virgin.”
“Bet you are. I can’t even show my chest without you getting all maidenly and blushing.”
“Dude, I’m 22 years old.”
“Yeah, you’re a freak.” He popped his head around the curtain and gave me a cheeky grin. Before I could throw my pillow at him, he disappeared.
I picked up my laptop to get to work. Then I heard a crash and realised the sheet screen had fallen down and knocked a cup to the ground. Damn, it’d taken me so long to get it up too.
I wanted to load that video and watch it again but I couldn’t. Not with the real Tex so close. If I had squishy girl feelings about him, it’d be so wrong. I wished he’d take his real self somewhere else so I could spend some time with the onscreen version.
***
The rain poured down outside. I didn’t notice until I went out to the front room to make a coffee. It ran down the windows and blurred the outside world. That was probably a good thing. The house site made me feel a little depressed. Already, weeds grew up through the cleared block where the house had sat but that was infinitely better than the charred wood and ashes that had been there before. It didn’t surprise me that Tex rarely went outside the studio. Who’d want to look at that when it was all that remained of your life?
He’d put off any meetings for the rebuilding. I’d refused to deal with it. I couldn’t. It wasn’t my house and I had no authority to make decisions, but Tex just kept cancelling things. The contractors were getting shitty and weren’t going to be waiting around much longer. Maybe that’s what he wanted – to keep delaying things forever.
The kettle boiled and I tipped the water into my cup. Tex popped his head out of the sound booth.
“Are you making coffee?” he asked.
I picked up the red cup and started making him one. He stayed leaning on the doorframe, watching me. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, suddenly conscious of the way I looked. Since the only time I ever had to leave the studio was to deal with workmen, and all the work on the house had ground to a halt, I hadn’t worried too much about actually getting dressed. Maybe I did look a bit sexless. It’s not like I was going to put on lipstick and high heels to lounge around in though. That’d be plain stupid. Still, maybe he was right about the Pikachu onesie.
When I turned around, he was still looking at me.
“What?”
“What?”
“Why are you looking at me?”
He shrugged and took the cup off me. The whole time he looked like he had some secret thoughts he was thinking. It worried me. I felt almost like he was laughing at me.
“You make the worst coffee,” he said. But he took another sip.
“Well, make it yourself,” I replied. “There’s nothing in my employment contract about making coffee. You’re taking advantage of me. I should sue.”
“I think that whole employment contract can be torn up. It’s not like you have a whole big house to clean now.” He smiled when he said that. He smiled a lot more than he used to.
“The original contract had nothing about having to be your go-between for rebuilding a whole house either. In fact, I think we need to talk about giving me a raise. I’m like a project manager now and that’s where you earn the big bucks.”
I kept my voice light and gave a little laugh but I wanted to remind him there were important things that needed to be done. Now that we were in the kitchen with a bit of space between us, I could actually look at him. So long as I didn’t look at him too long.
Before I could say more though, I heard footsteps on the porch outside and someone knocked on the door. I shot Tex a look. Was he expecting someone? It wasn’t grocery delivery day.
I opened it to see a huge parcel on the doorstep. The deliveryman must’ve left there and gone off without saying anything. I struggled to bring it inside.
“Oi, Tex, give us a hand here. I can’t lift this on my own. What the hell have you been buying anyway?”
Then I saw the packing slip on the side. It had my name on it. I’d not ordered anything online, so I had no idea what it was.
Tex helped me lift the parcel inside. I caught sight of him and he had a definite sparkle in his eyes. Was this some kind of practical joke he was playing on me?
“Keep going, right into the recording studio,” he said.
That confirmed it. He was definitely involved or he’d have not known to say that.
Once we got it in place, I got a knife to remove the packaging. I tentatively stuck the blade in and sliced through the layers of plastic and foam. Finally I got the packaging off. The thing was bulky and weighed a ton.
When I’d finished, I stood back to look at it but still had no idea what it was.
Tex took hold of one side and unhinged it open then did the same with the other side. I realised it was a folding screen. Not just a regular thing, like you’d see at the doctor’s or somewhere, but the most amazing screen with a frame of carved wood and ornate, Oriental painted panels. The painting was exquisite with stylised branches against a green background. Multi-coloured birds sat on the branches or flew around. I wanted to touch it, to feel the brushwork, but was worried I’d damage it because it was so delicate.
I couldn’t speak, I was so stunned by the beauty of it.
“You wanted privacy,” he said. “Don’t you like it?”
“It’s amazing. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Tex moved it into place between our beds. I couldn’t believe that he’d actually bought me a gift like that. It must have been expensive but the value was more than money. He’d noticed that I’d been upset and, despite his teasing, he’d actually done something to help me. As though he actually cared about my feelings.
I stupidly got a little teary-eyed.
“Thank you,” I said. I wanted to say more, to tell him how unbelievably grateful I was and how much I appreciated it but I couldn’t find the right words and hoped he’d realised without me saying.
“I wanted to do something because, well you know, you saved my life and all that.”
His grin was wonky.
“Any time,” I replied, my grin equally wonky.
I sat on my bed and tested out the screen. It su
re did provide privacy but it made my bed area look shabby. I instantly jumped up and made my bed and rearranged my things. Nothing I owned measured up to the beauty of that screen.
“Can you see me?” Tex said. “I’m naked.”
“No you aren’t.”
Then it struck me. Having a barrier between Tex and I wasn’t all good. Even though the nearness of him had embarrassed me and I didn’t want to think of him as a man, I’d miss seeing him change his clothes.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Why the fancy clothes?” Tex asked.
“These aren’t fancy. They are normal clothes.”
“They are actual clothes and that’s pretty fancy for you,” he replied. “Are you actually going somewhere?”
Shit, I’d hoped he’d be so engrossed in the book he was reading that he’d not notice me. I’d washed my hair and put on a bit of makeup. There was no hiding the fact that I planned to go out.
“I have some business,” I said. Since I had to lie, I figured I should keep it as simple as possible.
“Business, huh? You aren’t planning to leave me, are you Ruby?” His voice actually sounded like that concerned him.
“Just for a few hours. Got some stuff I have to sort out for my parents. Do you need anything?”
“Nothing that I can think of.”
“Cool. Cab’s here, got to run.”
The cab wasn’t anywhere nearby. I made that up. I walked to the end of the driveway to wait for it. It was better that way.
The cab driver didn’t talk on the drive into the city. As the buildings closed in around me, my palms sweated and I shivered a little. I’d gotten a message from Hannah the day before asking if I could come over and see her. I had no idea why. She’d said not to tell Tex, so I had a horrible feeling she wanted me to get involved in some scheme.
When the cab pulled up at her house, I realised I was wearing clothes she’d given me. I’d meant to get some other things but, apart from that disastrous trip to the clothing store, I’d only ended up ordering my Pikachu onesie. I had everything else I needed.
I’d wrapped myself up in a thick coat against the cold but the day was unseasonably warm. I had to look like a big, sweaty mess. I put my finger on the doorbell, ready to ring it but I couldn’t bring myself to push. I didn’t want to get caught up in horrible feelings business and I had no idea what she’d try to get me involved in.
Before I could chicken out though, she’d opened the door.
She just wore jeans and a t-shirt so I felt a bit more comfortable than when she was dressed in her power bitch suit. She showed me into a room that had to be her office. I’d not been in that room when I’d been at the house before. The walls were covered with band posters with a huge wooden table along one wall.
“I’ll just make coffee,” she said.
I nodded. While she was out, I got up and had a closer look at the posters. There were none for Tex’s band but it looked like she was definitely managing some big shots. Business people scared me. All that efficiency and networking.
When I heard her approaching, I sat back down and folded my hands on my lap. I reminded myself I didn’t have to agree to anything. I worked for Tex, not her.
She asked me about living in the studio and some other small talk. I tried to be friendly but the knot of tension in my stomach kept twisting and I wanted her to just get to the point.
“Has Tex said anything more about playing the festival?” she asked.
I shook my head. He’d most definitely not said anything.
“I need your help with something.”
My heart lurched and I tightened the grip on my coffee mug. I couldn’t even drink that coffee. I wasn’t sure it would get past the lump in my throat. I hated those kinds of things. If she wanted to ask me a favour, couldn’t she have just sent me an email? That way I could’ve had time to think of a way to say no.
I tried to smile but those smile muscles in my face just wouldn’t work.
“I’ll tell you something in confidence.” She leaned in closer to me as though she feared someone lurked outside, spying. “The insurance company isn’t going to pay up. Because the fire was caused by Tex smoking and he was most definitely intoxicated, they have said they won’t cover the fire.”
Holy shit. I wasn’t expecting that.
“So, he’s broke? He has to live in the studio forever?”
She picked up her cup.
“He’s not penniless by any means and this new interest in the band will definitely help but, at the moment, that’s the only money he’s living on. It’ll take a lot of money to rebuild, which will cut into his capital. He’d be living from quarter to quarter with no buffer. Relying on royalty cheques is not something that is exactly stable. Tomorrow, he might be old news again and have little coming in. And, let’s face it, he’s not exactly good with practical things like money. If he played this show, he’d be in a lot better position financially.”
Okay, I got that.
“Does he know about this?” I asked. I’d be in a mad panic if I were him but I’d seen no evidence of mad panic in Tex.
“I’ve told him. I sent him an email spelling it all out. I have no idea with that guy. You can tell him stuff and he doesn’t respond. I’m not sure if he just ignores things he doesn’t want to deal with and pushes them out of his head or if there is some processing going on just deep down that doesn’t reach the surface. That’s why I think you could help.”
She took a sip of her coffee and waited for me to answer.
Tex didn’t care that much about rebuilding. I’d figured that much out. But was it healthy for him to live like he did? Stuck in a holding pattern.
“I’m not sure what I can do. It’s not like he listens to me. Or anyone else.”
The thought of bringing up the subject struck me as a kind of hell. She just smiled at me though.
“I think you have more influence on Tex than you realise. You have no idea what he was like before you came. I worried about him. He never saw anyone, never talked to anyone. It might not seem like it but he’s become positively sociable since you moved in.”
“Well he doesn’t have any choice, does he? I mean, we’re practically living on top of each other.”
“He cares about you. He’s so protective of you. Why would he have you living at the studio? It’s not just as a buffer from the outside world. He is actually starting to wake up and take an interest in things around him.”
I wasn’t sure what she was trying to say. She had no idea just how grouchy Tex could be. I really didn’t think he cared much about my opinions.
“That doesn’t mean he’ll listen to me.”
Hannah sighed.
“He’s as stubborn as hell and very determined but I think deep inside, he wants this.”
That’s what I’d thought too. In that video of that band, he’d been so vibrant and alive. Now he had a tinge of sadness and resignation. Well tinge was a bit of an understatement. He was painted every colour of the sadness and resignation rainbow – and that was one dreary rainbow indeed.
If he did the show, maybe that part of him would start to come back. But, why me?
“I’ll try to talk to him,” I said. “I can’t guarantee anything though.”
She grinned.
“I knew I could count on you.”
Why had I said that? I was getting in deeper and deeper when I should’ve been running for the hills. Why did people ask favours of me? If they asked something simple like, “hey Ruby, why don’t you download stuff off the internet for me?” or “Ruby, can you make me an app that measures my levels of sadness and resignation.” That would be fine. But favours involving talking to people, especially about the dark stuff they hide deep inside, that was just the worst.
“So, what is it with him? Why is he like that?”
“I’m not actually sure and, of course, it’s not like he’s going to open his heart up to me. I took over this company from my father – long story – b
ut, at first, I was caught up in managing Storm.”
She indicated the posters on the wall. I’d noticed the front guy was the guy I’d seen there that other morning.
“There were a bunch of other bands signed to the company too. Mostly older bands. FORSAKEN were one of them. I just collected all the royalties and sent them out. I didn’t really do much else. Some of them were Dad’s friends’ bands, that kind of thing. When I actually had time to delve deeper into the finances, I realised FORSAKEN had been a huge thing. Tex was young when the band started and young when they hit it big. Far too young to handle it, I think.”
She stared at her cup while I waited for her to continue.
“So, I wasn’t around when they were big time. When I found out about them, Tex was pretty much a hermit in that house. He lived in squalor and never saw anyone. I started visiting him occasionally. Sometimes he’d not even answer the door, although I knew he was home. I’d see the curtains move and I’d keep ringing. Other times, he’d let me in but wouldn’t stay in the same room as me. It was like he couldn’t bear having anyone around him. I think he lived on food deliveries and booze. In the end, I put my foot down and told him he had to get someone in to sort his mess out. The place was a public health risk. Well, you saw it. You knew what it was like.”
I’d wondered why Tex had suddenly decided to end his isolation and employ someone.
“I figured it’d be some older woman, looking for an easy job. It’s so desolate out there at that house. Then I saw you and was like whoa! It made me wonder what Tex was doing. I mean, you’re a hottie.”
I blushed. I was so not a hottie. Even in the fancy clothes and wearing some makeup, I could pass for maybe average at best.
“Seriously, you were not at all what I expected in a housekeeper. I’m not going to pry into your relationship but the man would have to be seriously damaged not to notice you around.”
Hell, I blushed even more. It was not a conversation I wanted to have.
“There’s nothing like that,” I mumbled. “We’re… distant.”
“Really?”
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