Even though she’d said she didn’t want to pry, I could tell that prying was exactly what she wanted to do. But I wanted to change the topic.
“So, you know nothing at all about what happened with him?”
“I’ve heard bits and pieces. Mostly from the other guys. They’ve both tried to reach out to Tex but he’s pushed them away. Been really nasty to them until they completely backed off. We’ve never really talked about it but it was about Julie. She was the one who gave him that guitar. The one he had the night of the fire.”
Julie? Of course, the tattoo.
That information should’ve meant nothing to me but suddenly all the tension and anxiety turned into a huge lump of nausea. I put my coffee cup down.
“I should go,” I said. “I’ll just call a cab.”
She gave me a quizzical look but I needed to get back to my safe place.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
While I’d told Hannah I’d help her, she’d not really given me any practical suggestions on how to do so. Talking to Tex would achieve nothing. He’d only get cranky and go lock himself in the sound booth. I had to do more than just talk. Maybe I could trick him into it. I’d tell him something had happened and instead we’d turn up at the festival.
Maybe I’d get back to the studio and Tex would have decided through some miracle to do the concert. Then I’d be totally off the hook.
“Is this the place?” the cab driver said. “Not much here. Do you want me to check the address?”
“No, this is it.” I gave him my best fuck-off look so he got the point. Sure, it wasn’t the swankiest place in town but it was my home and he could stick to driving taxis instead of making snarky comments.
When I got inside, Tex broke into a huge smile.
“Let’s get pizza to celebrate.”
“Celebrate what?”
“You’re home. That’s a reason to celebrate.”
I looked at the pizza boxes in the garbage. We’d been celebrating a bit too much but I guess it wouldn’t hurt. And what the hell was that? Celebrating because I’d come home? Was he crazy or just looking for any flimsy excuse to eat pizza?
As I called the pizza place, Tex went out to the porch to smoke a cigarette. I hadn’t told him not to smoke in the bungalow but I didn’t need to. He only smoked on occasion and he went out to the porch and used an old can filled with water to extinguish his butts when he was done. I guess burning your own house down does that to you.
The door framed his body, silhouetted against the setting sun. He took a drag on the cigarette and the smoke spiralled up. He seemed so serene that I didn’t want to disturb him but I didn’t want this obligation buzzing around in my brain either. Some people can sit on things, waiting for the right time but I’d rather blurt them out straight away so that I get them out of my system. Still, I had to be kinda subtle.
“Have you ever thought about throwing these boxes out?” I asked him. “It’d give us a heap more space.”
He half-turned. I couldn’t see the expression on his face clearly with the sun in my eyes but he didn’t seem annoyed.
“There’s stuff in there that needs to be sorted out. I’ve been meaning to do it. I’ll do it later.”
By the look of the boxes, he’d been meaning to do that sorting for a long, long time.
“I could help you if you like. It’ll be easier if we both do it.”
He stared off into the distance for a while, as though he hadn’t heard me. Finally, he butted his cigarette out and turned to face me.
“Maybe we should.”
“Tomorrow?”
At least it was a lead-in to discussing things with him. I mean, him even agreeing to sort through stuff was a start. He’d seemed sincere, not like he was just fobbing me off so I’d stop asking him about it.
“Why don’t you grab a couple of beers and come out here? It’s such a nice night, might as well make the most of it before the weather turns cold again.”
Tex had some beers in the fridge but he hadn’t been drinking hard liquor since the fire either.
I sat beside him on the ramshackle porch, my feet dangling into the weeds, and ripped the top off my beer. I didn’t drink a lot but it seemed the companionable thing to do, joining him in a drink.
“I wish the pizza would get here. What’s taking them so long?” he said.
“I just got off the phone to them, they’d not have even started cooking it yet — hey, you’re trying to be funny, right? Give me some warning next time.”
Tex didn’t reply he just leaned over and bumped me, shoulder to shoulder.
“Did you get your parents’ business sorted out?” he asked.
“Huh? Oh, yeah it’s all sorted now.” I hated lying to him.
Because the studio was set back lower on the block, we didn’t get the full view of the bay like we had in the house, but you could catch glimpses of it through the trees from the porch. I couldn’t see another house at all and it felt as though Tex and I were the only people alive. We sat like that for an age, just sipping our beers and watching the changing colours of the sunset. Strangely enough, being with him like that felt comfortable, even though spending time with anyone at all normally made me a bit edgy. I knew Tex didn’t expect me to chatter away or rush to fill the silence.
I almost wished he’d put his arm around me and draw me closer to him. I shook myself to get rid of those thoughts and shuffled away from him.
“Look, Ruby, the stars are coming out,” he said. “Do you wish on the first star?”
“Sometimes,” I said. I laughed. I always did when I thought of it.
“What do you wish for?”
“To be left alone, most of the time. Peace and quiet. That’s awesome.”
He gave me a searching look.
“Well, what do you wish for?”
“It won’t come true if I tell you.”
“Hey, you made me and I was stupid enough to tell you. Hell, now I’ll never get left alone again. That’s going to suck all the balls.” I punched him on the arm.
“Okay, I’ll tell you.”
I waited for some amazing insight into the mind of Tex, something about his deepest desires. Somehow, the distance between us had closed again and we touched, shoulder to shoulder.
“I wished that the pizza would get here.”
“Cheater!”
“That’s not cheating — and hey, is that the pizza guy? Yes, my wishes always come true.”
“Do they?”
He looked away without answering me. I felt a tremble within me as though I’d stepped on shaky ground but Tex jumped up and took the pizza from the delivery man, suddenly grinning like a kid on his birthday. That pizza smell wafted over to me, making my stomach rumble and all the emotional stuff got forgotten in the need to get that pizza into my belly.
Tex laughed at me as I stuffed the pizza in my mouth.
“Look at you, you’re the perfect picture of contentment.”
“Well this pizza is pretty darn awesome,” I said, although the mouthful of pizza might’ve muffled my words. What more did a person need? Not just pizza but a place to live and nothing to disturb me and a soft breeze blowing through the warm night.
And Tex, said a tiny voice in the back of my head. I needed to file that thought back in the weirdo corner it had come from until I felt like getting it out and examining it. I sure as hell was not going to fall for Tex. That would be the worst possible outcome. He was a mess, a total screw up. It’d take a lifetime of shrink bills to get that guy even to a functional level. I had to save all my emotional energy for myself. I had none to spare.
“What’s up? Lost your appetite for pizza? If you don’t want it, I’ll eat it.”
I grabbed another piece. I wouldn’t lose to him.
Soon there was only one bit of pizza left.
“That must be mine because I’ve only had three bits,” I said.
“No way, I’ve only had three. I was pacing myself.” The way his eyes
wrinkled as he grinned made my heart flip-flop but if he thought he could use his charm and good looks to stiff me out of my fair share of pizza, he was sadly mistaken.
“Shovelling it in, more like. It’s definitely mine.”
“But I’m the man. I get the food. That’s how it works. And you are totally lying about having three pieces because I know I’ve only eaten three myself. I kept count.”
“Really? You are really accusing me of lying? I can’t believe you’d do that? My feelings are so hurt.” I sniffed a little as though I couldn’t hold back my tears. That got him. He hung his head in shame. And I swooped. Sucker. That slice of pizza was in my mouth before he knew what hit him.
“Hey, you played me. Give me that. At least share it with me. I’m starving.”
He grabbed hold of my wrist, prising the remnants of the pizza slice from between my teeth. I’d forgotten how strong he was. I struggled to get that pizza slice back in my mouth but he had hold of my arm and, even with all my strength, that slice inched closer and closer to his mouth. Probably because I was malnourished and not at full strength. I screamed and struggled but he didn’t flinch. I kicked out, knocking the pizza box to the ground.
“Look! Over there!” I screamed.
“As if I’m going to fall for that old trick.”
The pizza brushed against his lips, glazing them with a hint of greasy cheese. He leaned forward and chomped his teeth around the slice. My heart sank with disappointment. I was so hungry. He still had his hand around my wrist, although he’d loosened his grip. My skin felt warmer where his hand touched me. I moved in closer, aware that it wasn’t the pizza I craved but his lips.
Then he let me go.
“I guess you can have the rest.”
“Really?”
He nodded. What a swell guy.
After I finished off the pizza, I picked up the empty box to put it in the bin. I counted the cut lines on the bottom of the box. Something was not right there.
“Hey, they only cut it into seven pieces. The rogues!”
“No way, why would anyone do that? It makes no sense.”
I held up the box to show him, first picking a stray piece of salami off the bottom.
“See? That is some sick joke right there. Obviously someone at the pizza shop wants to cause domestic disharmony. They had to have done that on purpose. I’m going to call the shop and complain.”
Tex leaned back against the porch post, laughing at me as I pranced around the yard in indignation.
“You won’t call them. You never call anyone. You hate the phone.”
“I’ll send them a strongly-worded email though. You can’t let people just get away with that kind of thing. I mean, I actually thought you were blatantly lying right to my face. Things can start there and spiral into all kinds of misunderstandings. It could undermine all the trust I have in you.”
“Do you trust me, Ruby?”
Whoa, loaded question.
“As much as I trust anyone. Like, if you were going to the shops, I’d give you ten bucks to get me some snack foods and I wouldn’t ask for a receipt and count the change when you got back. That’s pretty damn trusting, right?”
“Would you tell me your deepest secrets?”
“No way.”
He laughed gently. “We’re a strange pair, aren’t we? Both damaged by the world. Hiding out here, licking our wounds.”
“Speak for yourself. I’m perfectly well-adjusted and happy.”
Our gazes met and, for a moment, it felt like I could see right into his soul. What I saw there was not the same pain I felt but the mirror image of it, something different but connected. A thread twisted between us and it seemed we were fated for something bigger. Then I broke away, unable to handle all the sludge being stirred up inside me.
“Wow, it’s turned cold,” I said. “I should get inside.”
“I might stay out here for a while.”
He looked up at the stars and lit up another cigarette. I threw the box in the bin then settled down with my laptop. Even though I tried to concentrate on coding, I couldn’t help but glance towards the door every time I heard a noise, wondering when he’d come back inside.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“Hey Tex, remember what you said about the boxes,” I said after breakfast. “It’ll be really handy when we can go in and out of the bedroom without having to move the chairs away from the table.”
Tex shrugged but I glared back at him. Having more space was a definite side benefit to the project. The makeshiftness of our makeshift kitchen was driving me nuts. It was okay for him but I was the one who had to cook and clean.
“Okay, you just chuck everything out.”
“Don’t put this on me. It’s your junk. You said it needed sorting out. We’re going to have to organise someone to take it away, get a skip or something.”
I opened the first box and took out a flier.
“So, where is this place you played? And why did you keep all these fliers? You’d have got more people to come to the concert if you’d actually handed them out instead of putting them in a box in your studio, you realise that?”
“Yes, I realise that. One of the guys who used to be in the band, Brownie, said he’d handed them out but he’d left them behind. By the time we realised, it was too late.” He chuckled to himself.
“It might have made more sense to throw them out immediately then, instead of hanging on to them for —” I checked the date on the flier, “— for nine years. What the hell? Are you some kind of crazy hoarder?”
Tex leaned back on his chair.
“I had stuff to do.”
I doubted that he’d had stuff to do for the entire nine years. He didn’t seem like a guy with an overly full schedule to me but I kept quiet, focussing on the point of the whole exercise, which was to get him talking about the band. So far, so good.
I opened another box of fliers. Different ones this time.
“So, this guy, Brownie, was constantly forgetting to hand out fliers then?”
“I don’t think those ones were his fault.” He scratched his head and laughed. It was pretty obvious that it was him. “Things got crazy really fast and we went from being the kind of band who handed out fliers to flying around in jets before we had time to catch our breath.”
I nodded but didn’t interrupt. I didn’t want stop him now that he was actually talking about the band.
He actually got off his chair and opened another box.
“Hey, t-shirts. We went to all the trouble of leaving the house to buy clothes when I had this whole box of shirts here. We could’ve just worn these.”
“Just t-shirts? No pants or anything?”
Then I gulped. Dirty, wrong thoughts came to my head. I’d already seen Tex wear less than that. And it’d been not unappealing.
“I don’t think you need pants…” Then he gave me a wink.
All kinds of hotness flushed through my body and I had desires. Man and woman together-type desires. The buzzing in my girlie parts was not something I was used to. Damn him.
He chuckled as he opened another box. He pulled out a mask of a tiger and held it up to his face.
“We have to keep this box,” he said.
“What is it?”
“Just a bunch of stuff we got, as a gag to wear on stage one night.”
He held up another mask, this time an elephant.
“It was one of those things that wasn’t really funny but we couldn’t stop laughing about it.” He seemed to be far away, lost in his memories of that time.
“Do you miss it?” I asked. You could so tell he did. He missed it like hell.
“Not really. Maybe. A little. But it was a long time ago. Everyone feels like that about their youth, don’t they?”
I shrugged. I had no nostalgic feelings about much really. The good things in my life were in the cocoon I built around myself and that went everywhere with me – past, present and future were all the same.
He went through the rest of the box. There was a heap of random stuff – more t-shirts, bunches of papers, some books and a pair of lacy knickers. I raised my eyebrows when I saw those but didn’t ask. There were some things best left unexplained.
“They aren’t mine,” Tex said. “I swear I have no idea where they came from.”
“Sure, I believe you.”
“Honest. Not those ones at least.” He grinned. “Come on, that was funny.”
It took me off-guard when Tex made a joke. I was so used to him being broody and silent.
I did notice he packed everything back into that box and put it to one side. The next few boxes were full of stuff only fit to throw out. Then he picked up a box of CDs.
“Hey, we could sell these,” he said. “To one of those second-hand CD shops. I could even sign them.”
“You are joking again, right?”
“No. I was serious.”
“Nobody buys CDs these days. There’s this thing called the internet. It’s all there.”
He picked up one of the CDs and tossed it to me. I caught it before it hit me.
“Hey, careful. These things are dangerous.”
“You can have that. Just in case you wanted to listen to some has-beens.”
Ha, my opening.
“You don’t have to be. Remember when Hannah was here, talking about that festival…”
The grin disappeared from Tex’s face. “You are fucking kidding me?”
“What? You want to go back to it. You might pretend not to but you are so into this stuff.”
He sat the box down. The carefree look had disappeared from his face so fast. He narrowed his eyes as though suspecting me of some kind of hidden agenda. Which I had, so it just made me look away.
“Just chuck all this stuff out. Organise a skip or something. I don’t want any of it.”
He walked outside without even looking at me. I’d known it would be difficult but whoa, that change in him was scary.
He wouldn’t be gone long though. Where would he go? I kept working, going through each box. The ones with fliers in them I put in a pile on the porch to be thrown out. The CDs and t-shirts I’d call Hannah about, just in case they were resellable.
Rock You (Fallen Star Book 1) Page 10