Secrets and Dreams

by Jean Ure

  Copyright

  First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2015

  HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollinsPublishers

  1 London Bridge Street

  London SE1 9GF

  www.harpercollins.co.uk

  Copyright © Jean Ure 2015

  Cover design © HarperCollinsPublishers 2015

  Illustrations © Shutterstock.com

  Jean Ure asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

  A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

  Source ISBN: 9780007553952

  Ebook Edition © 2014 ISBN: 9780007554003

  Version: 2014-10-24

  For Ellie-May Lambourne

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Also by Jean Ure

  About the Publisher

  If Mum and Dad hadn’t won the lottery, I would never have gone to boarding school.

  If Gran hadn’t given me her collection of Enid Blyton books, I would never even have thought of going to boarding school.

  And if I hadn’t caught the chicken pox from my dear little sister, I wouldn’t have started a week late; and if I hadn’t started a week late I might not have got tied up with Rachel and her problems.

  Not that I realised straight away that Rachel had any problems. That came later. When we first met she just seemed a bit … well, different, I suppose. But I was different too! Nobody else’s mum and dad had suddenly won the lottery and come into lots of money. We were both keeping secrets, I guess.

  When Mum asked me and Natalie to sit down, saying she had something to tell us, we knew at once it had to be something exciting cos Mum’s face was all scrunched and eager. But when she said that she and Dad had won the lottery we were, like, WOW! Well, I was like wow. Nat was more like punching the air and screaming.

  “Now, just calm down,” begged Mum. “I know it’s cause for celebration but we don’t want to go mad.”

  Too late! Nat was already going mad. Round and round the room, springing and leaping, and shouting out.

  “We’ve won the lott’ry, we’ve won the lott’ry!”

  I turned, wonderingly, to Mum.

  “Are we rich?”

  “Well, it’s not a rollover,” said Mum. “Hardly a drop in the ocean it’d be, to some folks. The Queen, for instance. But for me and your dad –” a big happy beam stretched across her face – “for me and your dad it’ll make all the difference in the world. Well, for the whole family, obviously! I just meant that me and your dad won’t have to struggle any more. And maybe – no promises! – we might be able to indulge you both just a little bit!”

  “Does that mean I can have a dog?” cried Nat. “Oh, please, Mum, please! Say that I can!”

  Nat had wanted a dog for as long as anyone could remember. Mum had always said it wasn’t possible, living in a small flat. But now we didn’t have to. Now we could move! We could move anywhere we wanted. Even to one of the big expensive houses in the posh part of town. The ones Mum was always sighing over.

  “What it must be like,” she used to say, as we drove past in Dad’s little old rattling van. “All that space!”

  Oh, and I would be able to have my own room at long last. I was thirteen! I needed my privacy. It is no fun having to share with your little sister, especially one as messy as Nat. I’m sure by the time I was eleven I’d learnt to be a bit more considerate.

  “Know what?” Nat suddenly flung out her arms, sending one of Mum’s precious ornaments flying to the floor. “If we lived near a park we could have two dogs! Two’s always better than one, cos one on its own gets lonely. And if you’ve got two it means you don’t feel so bad going out and leaving them for a bit. It’s actually quite unkind, just having one. I mean, if you stop to think about it—”

  “Yes, yes, yes,” said Mum, picking up her ornament. “I hear you! But before we get too carried away, let’s just simmer down a bit. I told you, we’re not going to go mad. Your dad and I have talked about this. We’ve decided that we should all choose one special thing we’d like to do, or have—”

  “I’ve already decided!” Nat bounced back on to the sofa, next to me. “I want a dog!”

  “Well, if that’s what you’ve really set your heart on,” said Mum. “But I’d like you both to go away and think about it. Seriously.”

  “You mean …” I said it slowly, my mind already buzzing with possibilities. “You mean, whatever we want?”

  “Whatever you want,” agreed Mum. “Though I’d rather you didn’t ask for a wardrobe full of designer gear, or the latest techno-gadget. We’d like it to be something that’s really important to you. Something that’s going to last. Not just a spur-of-the-moment thing.”

  She told us both to go away and put some thought into it.

  “And take your time! There’s no rush.”

  “But I’ve already—” began Nat.

  “I said, take your time,” said Mum. “When you’re both done thinking, we can have a family conference and see where we’re at.”

  “Have you decided yet?” said Nat.

  “No,” I said. It had only been a few hours. “I’m still thinking.”

  “I’ve decided. I knew immediately. I don’t need to think!”

  “Well, I do,” I said, “so if you’d just very kindly give me some peace and quiet, I might be able to get somewhere.”

  We were in our bedroom, Nat in her cubicle, me in mine. Mum had made curtains, which we could pull round our beds. We still had to share the wardrobe – and the dressing table, and the chest of drawers. We were supposed to have equal amounts of space, like half the wardrobe each, and half the dressing table, but Nat just had no idea of putting things away. Her clothes were everywhere, lying about in great festering heaps, along with empty crisp packets and chocolate wrappers. Really gross. Grown-ups are always going on about how teenagers turn their bedrooms into tips. Well, huh! They ought to start looking at eleven-year-olds, if you ask me.

  “Hey, Zoe!” Nat’s head came poking through the curtain.

  I said, “What?”

  “D’you think it’s OK if we tell people?”

  I wasn’t too sure about that. “Dunno,” I said. “Best ask Mum.”

  “Oh. OK.” She sounded reluctant. “If I must.” She was about to go off when her head came poking back in again. “You could always ask for skiing lessons.”

  “I don’t want skiing lessons!”

  Nat looked hurt. “You don’t have to snap, I’m only trying to be helpful! You wanted them last year. You and Sophie. You went on and on about them.”

  “That was when they had the Winter Olympics.”

  We’d watched them together. Me and Sophie. Sophie w
as my best friend ever! But last term she’d gone off to New Zealand with her mum and dad and I somehow didn’t fancy the idea of learning to ski all by myself. It was our thing; mine and Sophie’s. It wouldn’t be the same without her. Come to think of it, nothing was the same without Sophie.

  “So if you don’t want skiing lessons …”

  Omigod, I thought she’d gone!

  “How about –” her face was all scrunched and excited – “how about asking for a pig?”

  I said, “A pig?”

  “A dear little pot-bellied piggy. They’re so cute!”

  “But I don’t want a dear little pot-bellied piggy. You ask!”

  “I can’t. I’ve already decided. I’m just trying to give you some ideas!”

  I said, “I can find my own ideas, thank you very much.”

  Nat sighed. She didn’t actually say, “You are so mean at times,” but it was probably what she was thinking. She stood there, on my side of the curtain, fingering her phone. Obviously dying to start spreading the news.

  “I really don’t see why I couldn’t just tell Loo!”

  I said, “Cos Loo’s a bubblehead. And anyway, Mum’s already said we don’t want any publicity.”

  “But Loo’s my best friend! I bet you’d have told Sophie.”

  Maybe I might have, but that was because Sophie and I never had secrets. And Sophie wasn’t a bubblehead! She could be trusted.

  “I wish you’d just go away,” I said. “I’m trying to do some thinking here!”

  “But I—”

  “GO!”

  Nat went mumbling off, leaving me to rack my brains. You would think, if your mum and dad gave you the chance to have anything you want, you would be spoilt for choice. Like, there would be just so many things clamouring for attention you’d find it hard to know which one to pick. Not so! All the possibilities that had been swirling about inside my head suddenly burst like soap bubbles the minute I seriously considered any of them. What did I really want? What would I really like? “Something important,” Mum had said. Something that was going to last. I couldn’t think of a single solitary thing!

  I sat cross-legged on my bed, gazing at the posters pinned to the wall. Pop stars, rock groups. Jez Delaney … gorgeous Jez! The love of my life! Maybe I could talk Mum into getting me a ticket for his next gig? Except it was probably already sold out and, in any case, even I could see that going to a rock concert might not qualify as Something Important. Not in Mum’s eyes.

  So what did I want? What did I really really want? There had to be something!

  My gaze fell upon Gran’s old Enid Blyton books. They were all there, on the shelf. The Twins at St Clare’s, The Naughtiest Girl, Malory Towers, et cetera. I had read them over and over, especially the school stories. I’d grown out of them now, of course, but I still couldn’t bear to part with them. Mainly cos they’d belonged to Gran, but also cos I always used to feel that the characters were my friends. That I was there with them at St Clare’s, or Malory Towers. It had been my dream to go to boarding school! I’d even begged Mum, when I was, like, nine or ten, to let me go to one. We hadn’t been able to afford it then. But now that we had won the lottery …

  Yessss! I bounced off the bed. I knew what I wanted to do!

  “Right,” said Dad. “Moment of truth!”

  It was later that same day. Dad had come back from work and we were all sitting round the kitchen table having what Dad called a powwow.

  “Have you both had time to think?” said Mum.

  “I didn’t have to think,” boasted Nat. “I already knew!”

  “What about Zoe?”

  I said, “Yes, I’ve decided.”

  “Well, that was quick,” said Mum. “OK, if you’re sure, let’s get started. Your dad first!”

  I know Dad was every bit as excited as the rest of us. He is just not the sort of person to show his emotions. But even he couldn’t stop a big grin engulfing his face. He told us that he had already handed his notice in.

  “Couldn’t do it fast enough!”

  Dad had never really cared for his job. He was always telling me and Nat how important it was, if you possibly could, to find work that gives you satisfaction.

  “But he’s not going to be a gentleman of leisure,” said Mum. “Are you?”

  She looked across at Dad like she was really proud of him. Dad, suddenly going all bashful and un-Dad-like, agreed that he wasn’t.

  “Wouldn’t suit me, sitting around doing nothing.” He said he was going to carry on working, but not for the council. “For myself!”

  “He’s going to start up his own business,” said Mum. “Mr Bird, the Handyman.”

  “What do you reckon?” said Dad. “Catchy?”

  “Brilliant,” I said.

  “We’ll get a nice new van,” said Mum, “have it all painted up.”

  “And a car,” said Dad. “About time we had a proper car.”

  “Now that we’re rich,” said Nat.

  Mum frowned.

  I said, “That is so not cool!”

  “Well, but we are,” said Nat. “We are,” she insisted, “aren’t we?”

  “I prefer to think of it as no longer being chronically hard up,” said Mum.

  Dad chuckled. “Tell them what you’ve decided on!”

  Mum said that what she wanted was to move to a house – “Somewhere nice” – with lots of rooms and a large garden. No surprise there!

  “Now ask me,” said Nat. “Ask me what I want!”

  “We know what you want,” I said.

  “No, you don’t! I want a dog—”

  “You already told us that.”

  “And a pony!”

  She announced it with a triumphant flourish. Dad blinked, but even the pony wasn’t all that much of a surprise. Two summers ago we’d gone on a camping holiday to Devon and Nat had done some riding at a local stable. We both had, but Nat had become, like, obsessed for a while. I thought she’d forgotten it. Obviously not!

  Mum said that if Nat really and truly wanted her own pony then she supposed she could have one.

  “So long as you’d be prepared to look after it properly. Not just leave it to other people.”

  Nat said, “Mum, of course I’d look after it!”

  Nat is always saying of course she will do things and then never doing them, but I think in this case we all believed her. She is really into animals.

  “Right,” said Mum. “So what about Zoe? What has she decided?”

  I took a breath. A really deep one. Right down to the bottom of my lungs.

  “Well?” said Dad.

  “I’d like to go to boarding school!”

  The words came spurting out of me. It was the only way I could do it. All in a rush, before I got cold feet.

  There was this long, shocked pause while they all gaped at me; then Dad said, “Boarding school?”

  I appealed to Mum. “You know I always wanted to!”

  “Well – yes,” agreed Mum, sounding rather shaken. “I suppose you did.”

  “I did! I always did!”

  “This is ridiculous,” said Dad. “She can’t go to boarding school!”

  “She’s mad,” said Nat.

  “You do realise,” warned Mum, “that it wouldn’t be like it is in Gran’s books?”

  “I know that,” I said. I wasn’t stupid! I could tell the difference between stories and real life. “Mum, I really do want to go!”

  “But what about all your friends?” spluttered Dad.

  “I’ll just make more,” I said.

  I don’t have any problems making friends; I’m what Mum calls “an easy mixer.” I hadn’t exactly been moping around since Sophie left. But there wasn’t anyone special. No one that could replace Sophie. I was looking forward to meeting new people.

  Dad was frowning at me like I was being really disloyal, but I think Mum understood how I felt. She knew how close me and Soph had been.

  “Mum?” I said. “Please?”r />
  “Well –” Mum turned to consult Dad – “I suppose, if she’s genuinely serious about it?”

  “I am!” I said. “I am!”

  “We did promise,” said Mum. “Anything they wanted.”

  “Within reason,” muttered Dad.

  I said, “Da-a-a-d!”

  “A promise is a promise,” urged Mum.

  Dad shook his head.

  “Dad, please,” I begged.

  There was a bit of a silence. Mum and I exchanged glances. Then Dad threw up his hands like, what can you do?

  “All right, all right! I give in.”

  “Does that mean I can go?”

  “Well, it seems your mum’s in favour, so … I suppose the answer is yes.”

  Yay! Mum gave me this little secret wink. She can always manage to get round Dad!

  “We’d better start looking for somewhere,” she said. “It’ll be no use trying for one of those places where you have to have your name put down at birth.”

  Eagerly I said, “I’ve been looking on the computer. I think I’ve already found one that would be OK. And it’s not all that far away!” I’d purposely picked one that was quite close, cos I knew Mum wouldn’t be happy if I couldn’t get home occasionally. Maybe I wouldn’t, either. “Shall I show you?” I said. “D’you want to come and see?”

  “Why not?” said Mum. “No time like the present.”

  After that, everything happened really fast. Dad bought a smart new van and set himself up as The Handyman. Mum fell in love with a house just outside of town and almost before we knew it we were moving in there. Nat then dragged us all off to the nearest animal shelter and found an adorable Staffy pup, all rubbery and wrinkled, that she said she was going to call Lottie – “Short for lottery!” The pony was going to take a bit longer, but Nat said she didn’t mind waiting, as it would give her a chance to do a bit of puppy training. Mum was pleased. She said, “It’s really given her a sense of responsibility, having a pet to look after.”

  Even though I am not specially a dog person, I had to admit that Lottie was pretty cute. She had this funny little habit of licking your ears, getting her tongue really deep inside and slurping about. Once I would have thought it disgusting; now I just giggled. Nat, needless to say, was like totally besotted. She said she didn’t know how I could bear to go away and not be there to see Lottie grow up.