Dark Little Lies

by Gabrielle Snow

  I grinned at his words. “Well, it was kind of due to an unforeseen situation,” I began and went on to explain the whole debacle with Amelia’s mother and Harvey. At the end of my story, Xavier was shaking his head in disbelief.

  “What the hell, man. And her mom tried to get with you after she’d found out about you guys? That’s the craziest part of the story,” he exhaled loudly.

  “Yup. So, she’s staying with me now. But in all honesty, it’s been great. I gotta admit I really like having her live with me.”

  “This one’s gotten under the cold, hard, aloof exterior of Lucas. I salute her,” Xavier bowed his head and lifted up his bottle.

  I let out a laugh. “Her college friend has been staying with us this week. They’re actually having a small get together with some people and we’re invited,” I told him. “What do you think? You’re game?”

  “Hell yes, you know I always am. Plus, I wouldn’t hate getting some snacks. I’m hungry and Lily’s out of town so I know the only thing I have to look forward to at home is a frozen pizza,” he grimaced and emptied his bottle.

  I followed suit and then we tidied up and headed out of the office. Less than a half hour later, we clambered out of the cab onto the pavement. Music was booming from the inside of my house and I instantly glanced at Xavier with a worried look on my face.

  He had come to the same realization. “I thought you said it was a small get together?”

  We got up the steps and I pulled my keys out and unlocked the door. It opened to a crazy scene of about three dozen drunken people, some dancing, others playing beer pong and a small group of them around a keg with one person doing a keg stand. The living room looked trashed with empty cups and snack wrappers littered everywhere. I spotted a dozen empty pizza boxes strewn around the room as well.

  Xavier turned to look at me with a grimace on his face. “I think I’m gonna pass on this frat party. The frozen pizza in my freezer is starting to look like a better time.” He eyed my horrified expression up and down. “Do you want help clearing this up?”

  I shook my head. “Thanks, but I think I’ll manage. Go have your pizza and call your wife. Tell her I said hi.”

  Xavier nodded and waved, running to catch the same cab we had just gotten out of moments before.

  I took in a deep breath, preparing myself for what was to come. I was getting more and more annoyed over the situation by the second. I stepped inside and started going through the rooms. When I entered the bedroom, I walked in on a pair of 20-somethings having sex. On my bed. I instantly backed out, having had enough. Amelia was nowhere to be seen and after a long day of work, this was the last thing that I needed.

  “Party’s over!” I yelled out, walking towards the stereos. As soon as I reached them, I turned the music down. “Everyone, time to go home!”

  Most of the people turned to look at me with a displeased expression on their faces, as if I was ruining their night. Funny, I could say the same. Slowly but surely and with a few more words of encouragement, they started venturing outside through the door. A very tipsy Jennifer passed by me, holding on to Kane, with a regretful look on her face.

  “Sorry Lucas, the party got a little bigger than we thought it would,” she said apologetically and then giggled when Kane whispered something in her ear.

  Feeling annoyed, I just shook my head and waited for everyone to get out. It was better I didn’t say anything because if I did, there would be no guarantee of what would come out.

  After all the people, including the couple from my bedroom, had exited, I grabbed a big garbage bag and started clearing out the litter. Where the hell was Amelia?

  My thoughts were answered within a few minutes, when I heard the door open and turned to see Amelia stepping inside. All color drained from her face when her eyes glimpsed over the scene. Somehow, her reaction seemed to annoy me even more.

  “Where the hell have you been?”

  She took a few quick strides to me. “I was helping this drunk girl get home safely. She lived only five blocks away and we couldn’t get a cab so I walked her home.” Her grey eyes looked at me worriedly. “And afterwards I stopped in the store to get a soda,” she explained and lifted her hand that was holding a small can of coke.

  All rationality seemed to leave my body. “What the hell is this?” my voice grew louder as I gestured over the room. “Is this the type of stuff you’re used to doing? I thought you were mature for your age but this shit was practically a fucking frat party!” The words flew out of my mouth, as if I had absolutely no control over them. My heated emotions were in charge—I had entirely succumbed to them. The worst part was that they made me question her. Had I been stupid to assume that she was wiser beyond her years? What if I had just wanted to convince myself of her maturity and seen what I wanted to see?

  “I didn’t sign up for this!” she said exasperatedly, tears gathering in her eyes. “The party got completely out of hand. I only had two drinks and I was the one who tried to minimize the havoc here. I even took that girl home to make sure she’s safe,” she explained, her voice loud and clear but slightly shaky.

  Irritation was still running through my veins and her words did little to calm me down. “I can deal with this mess, it’s gonna get cleaned but shit, a random couple was fucking in the bed we sleep in. That crosses the line for me. Who does that?” I called out indignantly.

  “I’m so sorry Lucas! It was Jen’s date and his friends. I had no idea he invited so many people.” Her voice was desperate and apologetic.

  “I don’t fucking care. It doesn’t change anything,” I said harshly. “Clearly your friend is mentally still a freshman. I thought you were past this type of shit.” I shook my head and continued picking up cups from the floor, tossing them in the garbage bag. “You know our friends say a lot about us. And she’s yours.”

  My words hit her hard. A few tears broke free from their constraints but I turned away, needing to focus on this mess that I had to deal with. The mess that her friend was making me deal with without my consent.

  Amelia picked up another bag and we cleaned in silence. After the clutter had been cleared from the living room, I walked into the bedroom and stripped the sheets off the bed, feeling disgusted. I tossed them in the washing machine and when I got back to the bedroom, Amelia was putting clean sheets on.

  “I’m so sorry, Lucas,” she repeated faintly.

  “Whatever, it’s happened,” I said in an emotionless tone and helped her put the sheets on. The annoyance had finally started to fade, but I still wasn’t completely okay. The whole thing still kind of irked me.

  “You can get the bed, I’m gonna sleep on the couch tonight,” I told her after the bed was made. A few tears slid down her cheek, leaving behind them a wet trail. “I just need some alone time.”

  I turned on my heel and left her standing there, avoiding her eyes. I couldn’t look at her sad, tear-stricken face, or else I’d run straight to her. But I needed to take a bit of time to think things through, so I forced myself to lay down on the couch and let my mind run freely.

  I felt guilty for my outburst and for putting the blame on her, even though she hadn’t been the one to invite all these people over. Still, something was making me question her maturity. She’d told me that Jennifer was her one and only friend from college. Was this what they did when they got together? I had no interest in that kind of life.

  Was I being unfair to her for not letting her act her age? I had already experienced so much more than she had. However, at the same time, I was also entitled to the kind of lifestyle I had now—we both were. If the answer was yes, did it mean that maybe our age difference would be in the way of our happiness after all?

  Not wanting to answer the question, I turned on my side and drifted into a restless sleep.

  Chapter 5

  Amelia.

  I woke up at the crack of dawn after a sleepless night spent crying. It killed me that Lucas had wanted to sleep on the couch, instead of
next to me in the bed. Had I messed things up?

  I tried getting a couple more hours of sleep in, but after an hour of futile attempts, I accepted that it wouldn’t be happening and sat up in bed. I reached for my phone and noticed a dozen messages from Jen. Immediately, I called her.

  “Amelia? Is everything okay?” she answered with a groggy, sleepy voice.

  I’d obviously woken her up. However, after last night, I didn’t feel too guilty about it.

  “Well, not exactly. Can I ask you to get a hotel room for your final nights? Lucas is still pretty annoyed about yesterday,” I bit down on my lip, feeling anxious about even thinking back to the events of the night before. I had never seen him so agitated. And I had caused that. I swallowed hard, trying to stop the tears from forming in my eyes.

  “I’m so sorry Amelia. Of course I can. I just need to get my things from there somehow,” she said apologetically.

  “That’s no problem. I can bring them to you,” I replied, taking in a deep breath. “Is it okay if I come soon? I can’t really sleep so it’d be good to distract myself for a while.”

  “Yeah that works. I’ll text you the address. Call me when you’re here,” she said and hung up.

  I got up from bed and walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth. After taking a quick shower, I put on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, and then headed to the guest bedroom to pack all of Jen’s things. As I walked through the living room, I noticed that Lucas was still asleep. At least one of us was able to sleep. I wasn’t sure whether that was a good sign, or a bad one. Then, deciding to not want to think about it too much, I started folding her things into the bags.

  About half an hour later I tiptoed out of the house and closed the door behind me without waking him up. Hopefully, I’d be able to surprise him with something nice when I got back. I texted Jen that I was on my way and she immediately replied that she’d meet me in town instead. I hailed the first cab I saw and hopped in.

  When I got to our meeting spot, Jen was already there waiting for me.

  “Amelia,” she gasped and ran towards me with short, quick strides. “You look like you haven’t slept at all. Is everything okay?”

  I shook my head in a defeated manner. “No, I don’t think so,” I sighed as she took her bags from my hands. “He’s really angry. I think our relationship is on the line,” I revealed, staring at the ground. It took every last bit of strength to not start crying again. And I didn't want to, because once I started, it was impossible to stop on command. I’d already spent several hours crying last night.

  Jennifer stroked my hair affectionately. “I’m so sorry. I feel really guilty. It was my date who brought all those guys. Please tell him that. I don’t want him to blame you.”

  I forced a smile on my face. “I will, thanks. And I’m sorry for this,” I pointed at the bags. “Let me know when you’ve reached home safely.”

  “I will. And don’t worry about me staying in a hotel. You guys were more than welcoming. I’m just sorry it ended up this way,” she grimaced.

  We hugged each other and then headed in different directions. I wandered the empty, early morning streets, deep in thought. I was trying to calm myself down but couldn’t seem to shake a feeling of dread and impending doom that had taken over. What if he didn't want to be with me anymore? I swallowed hard, feeling the same clump in my throat and a tightening feeling in my chest.

  I’d have to show him how sorry I was. My eyes glanced at the only open door a hundred feet in front of me and I quickened up my pace. The door led to a bakery, the only one open at this hour on Saturday morning. As I stepped inside, the comforting smell of freshly baked goods wafted in the air. This was it. I’d surprise him with breakfast.

  “Good morning, sweetie,” the gentle looking older lady greeted me happily. Her face was filled with joy and hope and it managed to lift my mood up.

  “Good morning. I’d like two of the blueberry muffins and two chocolate ones, please,” I said and my lips automatically curled up into a smile to match hers. Not long after, I was standing on the street, holding a paper bag filled with fresh muffins and hope, ready to go win Lucas back.

  Thirty minutes later, I opened the door quietly and stepped inside, not wanting to wake him up in case he was still sleeping. I planned to make some coffee first and then set the table, before waking him up. I tiptoed to the kitchen and glimpsed at the couch on my way. He wasn’t there.

  “Lucas?” I called out, thinking he must have just gotten up. However, the familiar and comforting voice didn’t answer.

  I dropped the bag on the kitchen table and then walked through the rooms to check whether he was there. He wasn’t. He had left.

  I sat down on the couch and laid on my side, breaking down. The tears that I’d fought so hard to keep put, were freely running down my face. How many tears could a person even shed? I thought I’d reached the limit.

  The thought that repeated in my head as sleep slowly creeped over me, was that I couldn’t believe he had left without a word.

  I STIRRED AWAKE TO a loud bark that reverberated from the outside. I was still in the exact same position on the couch. And he hadn’t come back. I sat up and pulled my phone out from my purse that was on the floor next to me. It was already 4 p.m. and he hadn’t even texted me. A cold shiver ran down my back. I glanced behind me, spotting the bag of muffins, now cold without a doubt, still on the kitchen table. A sob attempted to escape my lips but I managed to stifle it. No more crying: I had already cried enough.

  Even more so than feeling hurt, I was starting to get worried. I put my pride to the side and dialed his number but it went straight to voicemail, making the dreadful feeling in my gut grow. What if something had happened to him? My rational side tried to discredit the thought, insisting that he was probably perfectly safe. He just didn’t want to talk to me.

  I walked into the bedroom and changed out of my jeans into a pair of leggings. I wanted to be comfortable: it was the only way of trying to make myself feel better, to feel comforted.

  After changing, I grabbed a shopping bag and headed to the grocery store. I was hungry but at the same time I didn’t really have an appetite. Since I hadn’t eaten all day, I was hoping that food would make me feel better by bringing more comfort. If having him comfort me wasn’t an option, I was willing to try anything else to ease the dreadful feeling I had.

  I bought ingredients for a simple pasta with chicken and started walking back to the house. His house. Worst case scenario I’d become homeless again— the situation seemed bleak. Lucas didn’t want to talk to me and he hadn’t wanted to sleep next to me either. That’s how disappointed he had been.

  As I got back inside, I instantly noticed that he hadn’t returned yet—nor called or texted. I quickly sent him a text, telling him that I was starting to get worried.

  For now, I needed to distract myself. I pulled out a pot and a pan and started preparing the food in low spirits. After the food was done, I forced myself to eat a small portion of it: my appetite was nonexistent but I was in desperate need of energy. I hadn’t eaten since the night before—before everything had happened.

  I put the dishes in the dishwasher and then picked out a movie to distract myself with. As the minutes rolled by, I slowly dozed off, dreaming about happier times.

  I was awakened by a loud thud that seemed to come from the inside. I sat up, my heart racing a hundred miles a minute. Finally, my eyes fell on Lucas standing in front of the door with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

  “I’m so sorry I’ve been MIA all day,” he said, his voice filled with regret and emotion. “I really fucked up. I should’ve heard you out last night. I’m so sorry, Amelia.” He took a few quick strides and sat down next to me on the couch.

  I felt relieved that he was safe but hurt beyond words over his disappearing act. “I was so worried,” a quiet sob escaped my lips. “You just disappeared.”

  His blue eyes looked at me with regret and he took my hands in his. “I kno
w. I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head, pulling myself together. “You told me that I wasn’t mature. But what you did today wasn’t mature either, it was childish to disappear like that. Especially since you know how it affects me when my mom does it to me. I was worried sick.”

  “I know. I hope you can forgive me,” he sighed. “I needed to clear my head and think about things objectively. I thought about everything, us and also what happened last night. And when I did, I realized how unfair I had been towards you by not letting you explain,” he said apologetically. “And also by disappearing without a word. I think I was letting my insecurities about our age difference get to me. I used that situation yesterday to deem you immature. When, in my heart, I know you’re not. It was just my insecurities talking.” He shook his head while stroking my hand with his thumb. “I’m so sorry. Could you please tell me your side of the story again? I want to hear you out.”

  His honesty was touching and refreshing: especially admitting that he struggled with insecurities too. I hadn’t been expecting that—I thought I’d been the insecure one.

  I gave him a faint smile and nodded, then started telling him my side of the story.

  “Everything started according to plan. But when Kane’s friends came over, things got out of hand and I was trying to calm people down and clean up after them,” I explained. “Then that one girl started passing out and I had to make sure she got home safe. So, I left Jen in charge without knowing that she would get too preoccupied with Kane,” I sighed. “When I got back, you were here and you were so mad and wouldn’t let me explain. But before I’d left, things had been kind of wild but not out of hand and the house hadn’t been so dirty,” I finished telling him. “I understand that you were mad and disappointed. But I really did try my best to keep things under control,” I insisted before continuing. “I should’ve realized that inviting Kane wasn’t that great of an idea, but I really thought it would be okay to have a few people enjoying their evening here. That’s what I was looking forward to, not an out of control party.” I glanced up at his baby blue eyes, this time filled with softness. “I’m sorry Lucas.”