The Love Laws

by Tamara Larson

  “Are you certain? You helped her in the dressing room, didn’t you? She must have had an inkling who you were.”

  Theresa laughed. “Umm… No. Kerry was too busy admiring herself in the mirror and trying to get the video camera on her phone to work. She wouldn’t have noticed if Audrey Hepburn was trying on rubber pants in the next stall.” Theresa fingered one of the crimson stockings from Kerry’s colorful abandoned purchases. “I can’t really understand what she was doing with all this stuff. She’s worn white as her trademark for years. Occasionally she’ll wear some black to spice things up, but rainbow is not her thing.” She shrugged. “Even a snake changes her skin I guess.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything to her?”

  “Yeah. No. Last time I saw her she was yelling at me because I got cake on my junior bridesmaid dress. No thanks. Didn’t feel like a trip down memory lane.” Theresa gave a look of mock horror. “Besides. She and Duncan are divorced now. She’s ancient history. Thank God. She was such a nightmare.”

  Jamie bit her lip thoughtfully. “Not sure how much you heard from my conversation with her but she may not be history. She mentioned something about Kevin. Marrying him.”

  Theresa’s eyes went wide in shock. Then she started laughing. “Oh man. She is delusional. Kevin Hall isn’t the marrying type. And if he was, he certainly wouldn’t be interested in that she-wolf. Kev has more sense than that.”

  Jamie shrugged. “I’m not so sure. She seemed pretty certain.” She patted the pile of clothing. “She said this was all for him. Because apparently he loves seeing her in skimpy things.”

  “Well, I doubt Kev would look away if any woman was prancing around in front of him in your designs, but he has way too much integrity to get involved with Duncan’s ex. He`s not like that. Trust me.”

  “Do you know him that well?”

  “Oh sure. Until recently, Kevin was always around. He takes Hannibal for walks when Duncan and Jess are at work and I’m supposed to be in class. And he keeps his car in one of Duncan’s spots. No room at the hotel, I guess.” Theresa giggled. “Remember when I was in that production of ‘Arsenic and Old Lace?’ He would read lines with me in the funniest voices. He’s the best. Like another older brother. But seriously hot.”

  “You said ‘recently.’ So he’s not around as much lately?”

  “Well, no. He’s having trouble with his latest book or something. I overheard Duncan and Jess talking and they seemed pretty worried about him.”

  “You don’t seem concerned.”

  “Nope. Kev is one of the good ones.” Theresa spoke with absolute certainty. “He’s like Superman without the bad outfit. Whatever his problem is, he’ll figure it out.” Her eyes shone with hero worship as she began putting Kerry’s items on a nearby rack

  Jamie attempted a whistle. “Wow. That’s quite the endorsement. The Man of Steel. Really? Kevin always seemed more like the horny side-kick than the hero to me. Don’t you think?”

  Theresa raised one eyebrow. “Horny side-kick? What kind of comics have you been reading exactly?”

  Jamie blushed. She didn’t actually read comics. But suspected Kevin would look outstanding in a skin-tight leather ensemble like Wolverine. She could not, however, imagine him enjoying wearing anything so ridiculous.

  Theresa gave Jamie a suspicious look. “Why are you so interested anyway? I seem to recall you avoiding him like an STD at the wedding. Have things changed? Does psycho-Kerry have some competition?”

  “No way. She’s welcome to him.” Jamie said, reaching under the counter she grabbed her calculator and began adding up receipts in an effort to look disinterested.

  “Hmmm…Really? So the fact that you went all Jersey-shore with Kerry has nothing to do with Kevin? Not at all?”

  “I did not get all ‘Jersey’ with her. She was being unreasonable.”

  “Right. Jamie. I saw you at the Kitty-Kat, remember? You laughed off some seriously rude customers there. Now you’re trying to tell me that one itty-bitty insect woman can rile you? I don’t think so.”

  “I was not riled. I’m tired. There’s a difference.” Jamie muttered snapping an elastic band around a huge pile of receipts. “Now, let’s get this place sorted out and then get the hell out of here. I owe you a drink after all this. Okay?”

  Theresa rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, Cinnamon Spice.”

  Jamie sighed. Her damn curiosity had gotten the best of her and she’d revealed too much. Now she was lying to everyone about her feelings for Kevin.

  Why did she care about him and his messed up love life anyway? He was a complete waste of her time and energy. Despite Theresa’s rather naive character reference, it was obvious to Jamie that Kevin was involved with Kerry. Why else would Duncan’s toxic ex be here unless Kevin had sent her? It would seem that he was sending her a very clear message - He had moved on and he wanted her to know it in the most hurtful manner possible.

  Well, two could play that game. She would send her own message. And she wouldn’t have to violate Love Law #2 to do it.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Love Law #7 - Beware the Man-Whore.

  We’ve all met this guy. He has a very special gift. He’s completely comfortable around females and knows how to communicate with them. He relates to women, understands them and doesn’t talk to them like they’re men. (In other words, he is capable of talking about a range of subjects more complex than baseball scores and fart jokes.) Why has he cultivated this ability? Because he knows women will respond to it and that is his main objective in life – to seduce women. (Granted, some lesser man-whores are not this sophisticated. Many of them underestimate women and believe that flashing a bulging wallet is all that’s required to cause any female to become overwhelmed with lust.)

  No, the true man-whore appears irresistibly confident at all times. Women respond to this on an instinctive level and he uses this weakness against us. As independent as we have become a man who seems together and projects a sense of security is always wildly attractive to us. As a result, the confident man-whore has so many notches in his bedpost it looks a lot like the dartboard in a popular pub. He may be gorgeous, funny, rich or none of the above. It doesn’t matter. Even if he’s an accountant, writer, or garbage man, be smart and avoid a relationship with him. Do not be fooled by his deceptive ways. (Chances are he’s overcompensating anyway.)

  Uber-confident guys who’ve had success with the ladies are simply trouble if you’re looking for something permanent. Yes, it’s true, they usually do settle down eventually, but do you actually think the women who tame this type of guy are happy? They’re not. Life is not a Victorian romance novel where rakes make the best husbands. In reality, rakes make for insecure wives and unhappy marriages.

  No matter how tempting it is to try and change Mr. Promiscuous, do NOT get seriously involved with him. He’s been so successful with women that it’s skewed his sense of entitlement. He no longer believes the rules of society apply to him, so he continues to pursue women even when he’s in a relationship. Chasing women is like a drug to him. He lives for the hunt, even if he no longer has a permit. Monogamy will never be a natural state for him, so unless you’re willing to spend the rest of your life trying to force him into that faithful box, please keep your emotional distance. Physical distance, however, is another story. All that sexual experience does have its benefits…

  Jamie ignored the sound of impatient knocking coming from Hidden Treasures front entrance for several long moments. It was two hours before opening and no one should even be thinking about buying lingerie right now. So whoever was trying to beat her door down was someone who wanted to see her. The problem was that she couldn’t think of one person she wanted to see. Not her sister, her best friend. No one.

  Well, that’s not strictly true. A very small and dumb part of her still leaped at the possibility of Kevin being on the other side of that door. Considering he’d been MIA for days and was now the boy-toy of a super-skank it was unlikely t
hat he was still interested in her enough to be seeking her out at her store. Unless of course he’d read her latest Love Law already. Her stomach dropped at the thought. What if he’d read it and had come here to confront her? It was fairly obvious who she was talking about.

  She’d wrote the offensive entry last night in a fury, submitted it to Jeff and then almost immediately regretted her stupid, childish impulse to use The Love Laws to get back at Kevin for sending Kerry to her store. She wished she could take it back but it may be too late. Her poisonous words were out in cyberspace and there was no escaping them. Kevin had mentioned reading the other Love Laws so it was just a matter of time before he saw it.

  Dragging her feet in her stylish pumps, Jamie approached the front door. From her wide-legged trousers to her satin blouse she was dressed entirely in grey today. The dismal color suited her mood. Even the long strand of pearls draped around her neck was the color of a storm cloud.

  It was so tempting to just pretend she wasn’t here. But then she’d be a coward as well as a mean-spirited fraud. She needed to take responsibility for her actions and that meant she couldn’t cower behind a closed door to avoid a confrontation. How bad could it be anyway?

  Cracking the door open she was relieved to see Cathy standing on the other side. She smiled and beckoned her friend to come in but was shocked when Cathy shook her head and held up a sheet of paper.

  “Jamie, what is this? Please tell me it’s a joke.” Cathy cried accusingly, her voice harsh and surprisingly loud against the early morning traffic outside.

  Jamie stared at her friend in surprise for a moment and then leaned forward, studying the paper Cathy was holding up for her examination. It was a printout of Love Law #7 from The Vancouver Star’s webpage. Damn it. She’d wanted to talk to Cathy before she saw it but hadn`t had the energy to do it last night. To be honest, she’d known Cathy would be unhappy with this particular entry but had assumed the meek Proofreader wouldn’t be confident enough to confront her on her poor etiquette. Judging by Cathy’s enraged expression she’d grossly underestimated Clay’s formerly shy sister.

  Despite her shock Jamie couldn’t help being delighted in Cathy’s transformation. She had clearly put her mousy ways behind her. In fact, with her hair in a stylishly messy French braid and her neat twin-set Cathy looked a bit like an extremely preppy Viking princess on the warpath. It was hard to believe this same woman had been afraid to voice her opinion just two weeks earlier. Amazing what a makeover and some confidence building could do.

  “Cat. C’mon in and we’ll talk about it. Okay?” Jamie said, holding the heavy door open wide for her.

  Cathy ignored the invitation and stood on the sidewalk waving the printout in the air like a flag. “Just tell me it’s a mistake. Someone high-jacked our webpage and put this nonsense up there, didn’t they? Because that’s the only explanation I can think of for why this garbage is taking up space where our articles are supposed to be.”

  Garbage? That stung a little. “Cathy. Please. It’s not that bad. I got inspired late last night and knew you were busy with your Dominatrix class. I thought Jeff would like the idea of a bonus Love Law exclusively for the website. Anything new to generate publicity, right?” She smiled in what she hoped was an engaging manner but Cathy just stared at her like she’d suddenly sprouted horns.

  Cathy’s lips thinned in disapproval. “No. Jamie. Not right. You blatantly went behind my back and published something without my input despite the fact that this is supposed to be a joint effort. I thought we were a team.”

  Jamie felt her stomach drop. Cathy made her actions seem so underhanded. She’d just been so enraged at Kevin, Kerry and just about everything in her life last night that she’d acted without thinking. She hadn’t actually intended to betray anyone. Especially Cathy.

  Stepping outside onto the sidewalk next to her former protégé, Jamie pried the printout from Cathy’s hand and scanned it quickly. Oh God. It was worse than she remembered. She sounded like a bitter hag. No wonder Cathy was enraged.

  “Listen. Cat. I’m sorry. I made a mistake.” She shrugged her shoulders helplessly. “I should have talked to you before publishing this. I’ll call Jeff immediately and have it pulled, ok?” Jamie said with genuine contrition.

  Cathy shook her head. “Jamie. It’s too late for that. I already tried it. Jeff isn’t budging. Your latest entry is generating a lot of buzz. None of it good but apparently any buzz is good buzz as far as he’s concerned.” Her hard tone made it clear that Cathy was beyond disappointed in Jeff’s part in this debacle. “Regardless, The Love Laws are history.”

  Jamie gasped. “What? Why? Admittedly, this isn’t my best work. But it’s still good advice. Women should beware of womanizers. I don’t see why stating the obvious is so awful. I mean, I still should have consulted with you and I could have toned it down a little but the article itself does have value. I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”

  “Jamie. Don’t you see?” Cathy poked the paper in Jamie’s hand with one accusing finger. “This isn’t advice. We started this because we wanted to generate some publicity for your store and advance my career, but at the heart of these articles we were actually trying to help women to connect and find relationships. This…” She poked the piece of paper again, harder this time. “…Is about you and your own issues. It’s obvious to everyone who reads it that you have some personal vendetta against womanizers and you’re using The Love Laws to voice your own prejudices. And I can’t be a part of that. I wanted to get ahead but not like this. So as far as I’m concerned our collaboration is over.”

  Jamie felt hot tears flooding her eyes. She could understand why Cathy was so upset but this seemed blatantly unfair. One little misguided article and Cathy would abandon their entire project? Why was she surprised? People always demanded so much from her now. Back when she was working at the Kitty-Kat people assumed she’d screw up. Now that she was trying to be more responsible it seemed like she wasn’t allowed to make mistakes. Everyone expected her to be perfect. Jessica, Duncan, Clay. All of them were constantly criticizing her. Now even Cathy was judging her.

  Needing an excuse to hide her burning face, Jamie turned slightly away from Cathy and looked down the bustling street. She cleared her throat and was about to respond to Cathy’s announcement when a familiar neat figure caught her eye.

  “Let’s go inside. Please.”

  Cathy turned her head and followed Jamie’s terrified gaze. She waved grimly when she saw her brother approaching with a tray full of coffees. Turning her puzzled gaze to Jamie she noticed that the formerly confident woman before her seemed to have shrunk in on herself. She’d gone even paler than usual and appeared to be trembling.

  “Jamie? Are you ok?” Cathy asked, concerned.

  Jamie was reaching for the door as if her life depended on getting inside but her unsteady hands couldn’t seem to be able to get the key in the lock. So instead she leaned against it, holding onto the knob to keep from falling onto the dirty pavement. “I just don’t want you two ganging up on me.” Her voice sounded very young and just a tad hysterical.

  This had never happened before but Jamie suspected she was having some kind of anxiety attack. She didn’t seem to have much control over her body. She felt icy cold and unable to focus. Her breathing became shallow and her pulse sounded unnaturally loud in her ears. Around her the pedestrians and cars speeding past faded into the background until she was barely aware of anything around her.

  Countless images of her parent’s disapproving faces flashed before Jamie’s eyes and she felt herself needing to flee, to escape from those looks. She attempted to take control and slip into her defiant act but she found herself completely unable to summon the energy it took to pretend she didn’t give a damn. Because the truth was that her friend’s opinions mattered and this time she deserved their anger and disappointment. No amount of pretense was going to hide the fact that she had behaved like a complete bitch.

  Cathy�
�s eyebrows drew down in puzzlement as she watched Jamie struggle. She was acting very odd, almost like she was in a trance. Despite her anger Cathy reached out to try and comfort her but Jamie flinched away from her hand. “Ganging up? Seriously? That’s what you think will happen?” Cathy asked softly.

  Jamie tried to focus on Cathy’s voice and appear normal. Despite everything she still couldn’t allow any weakness to show. She wanted to shrug casually but the movement was beyond her. She took a couple of deep breaths and then spoke in a hollow voice that didn’t sound like her at all. “I screwed up. Now you both can stand around and make me feel like shit. Then you can take off and talk about what a disappointment I am.”

  Cathy took a step back. “Jamie. I’m pissed off about the article. I have a right to feel that way, don’t you think?”

  Jamie nodded and then looked down at the ground. That overwhelming feeling of panic was passing. She still couldn’t bear to see the look on Clay’s face when he reached them but her body was no longer in flight mode. She would have to face him without her usual mask in place and it terrified her - made her feel naked and vulnerable.

  The old Jamie would have tossed her hair back, looked insolent and pretended she was above reproach but she just couldn’t manage that much false bravado anymore. Clay would be rightfully furious with her for betraying his sister and she owed him an honest response. He was a gossip and didn’t shy away from stating his opinion, even if it was hurtful or unwanted, but he was also incredibly loyal. He would take his sister’s side in this disaster. And Jamie would be left alone. With her failing store and that was about it. Abandoned. Again.

  In her attempt to finally be a success she realized that all she’d actually succeeded in was alienating everyone in her life. Jessica was already so wrapped up in her new husband and upcoming baby that Jamie rarely saw her. Once she heard about what Jamie had done Jess would probably give her the silent treatment for a few months. And her husband would be thrilled.Then there was Kevin. Oh God. How she wished she’d handled everything with him differently. She’d challenged him to be monogamous and he’d done so. With his best friend’s evil ex. She suspected that she’d actually driven him into Kerry’s arms. When what she’d really wanted was to keep him for herself - when it was convenient for her and on her own terms.