Heaven's a Beach

by J. A. Cipriano

  “You think?” Lucifer asked, his voice almost hopeful.

  Nodding, I leaned my face on his shoulder. “Positive. After all, you can change your appearance at will. I doubt an eyebrow will be much of a challenge.”

  Straightening out, Lucifer nodded. “You’re right. It will be fine. Now, let’s finish making our pasta.”

  “You still want to?” I gaped. “After all that?”

  “Pfft. You think a bit of a singeing will put me off? I wanted to have a meal with you that we created, and I’m going to do exactly that.” He moved back over to our pot and looking at the top. “Now, what’s next?”

  Chewing on my lower lip, I thought about what we needed. “Well, I find hot sauce tastes best with chicken pasta. So, we’ll want to make a cream sauce of some kind.”

  Lucifer slapped his hands together eager to get started. “Alright, point me in the direction of the sauce.”

  “Well, there are several things we need.” I started to list them in my head as I walked over to the pantry. My eyes landed on a jar, and I came back out and handed it to Lucifer. “Here. Probably best we don’t try and make it from scratch tonight. I think we’ve had enough adventures.”

  Lucifer took the jar of pasta sauce from me and stared down at it. “This is cream sauce? It looks like something a demon barfed up.”

  “Trust me, it’s sauce.” I grimaced at the imagery Lucifer had put in my head. Demon. Barf. Yuck.

  “So, what do I do with this?” Lucifer moved over to the stove and undid the cap. “Do I pour it into the noodles?”

  He started to tip the jar when everyone in the kitchen shouted, “No!”

  Lucifer froze and straightened the jar. Jose snatched it from his hand and started saying something in Spanish I didn’t understand, but I was pretty sure he was cursing out Lucifer and calling his mama some bad names. Jose turned to me and shoved the jar in my hands.

  “Don’t let this one cook,” Jose warned before taking his pot off the stove and going to the counter.

  Smacking my lips together impatiently, I grabbed a saucepan and put it on the abandoned burner. I poured the sauce into the pan and turned the burner back on to low.

  “Can I trust you to stir?” I asked, holding a spoon out to Lucifer with a warning look.

  Lucifer made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. “Of course, I can stir. What, do I look like an idiot?” I stifled a snort laugh, but it escaped my hand. Lucifer growled and jerked the spoon from my hands. “Don’t answer that.”

  Clearing my throat, I shook my head. “I’m sorry. Really, I am, but I have to say this is turning out to be a better date than I had with Michael. Definitely more entertaining.”

  “Really?” Lucifer’s eyes brightened. “You’re not just saying that because I burnt my eyebrow off, are you?”

  “Of course, I am.” I grinned cheekily, earning me a pinch. “Hey. Don’t be a spoil sport.”

  “I’ll show you spoil sport,” Lucifer warned, abandoning his stirring to grab me around the waist. He drew me up to him, his mouth stroking mine lovingly. I sank into his embrace with a sigh and then something popped next to us.

  “Lucifer, the sauce!” I pushed him away and back toward the stove where the sauce had begun to bubble. “Pay attention. If we burn the sauce, then it’s all over. Don’t forget to stir the noodles every once in a while, too.”

  Lucifer pursed his lips together and asked, “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to the fridge to look for some chicken. We probably should have done that first, but I wasn’t thinking clearly.” I grinned backing away from him. “I blame you for that.”

  Smirking with male satisfaction, Lucifer placed his hand on his chest. “I’ll take that blame gladly.”

  Giggling like a school girl, I went to the walk-in fridge and looked for chicken. Sandwich meat. Hot dogs. Eggs. No chicken.

  I turned around in a circle and tried to think of what we could use instead of chicken. It wouldn’t be horrible to use the sandwich meat. I mean it was ham, but still, it was still meat. Then again, the hot dogs could work as well. Just as I was about to grab the hot dogs, I caught sight of a box labeled chicken further into the fridge.

  The box was stuck between two other ones, and I struggled to get the top one off the box I needed. The box tilted to one side and before I could stop it, the box fell off. I jumped to the side just barely missing being squashed by a box of what looked like watermelons.

  “Really?” I exclaimed, kicking one of them with my foot. “Who puts watermelons in a box? And next to the chicken? That’s a health violation if I ever saw one.” I bent down to pick up the watermelons and grumbling to myself. My hand reached for another melon and landed on a black shoe. Grasping the shoe firmly, I frowned. Shoes don’t belong in the fridge.

  I tried to pull it out to show Jose, but it was stuck. I tugged on it and then reached down to see what it was caught on only to find a long hard leg attached to it. Swallowing hard, I tried to calm the rapid beating of my heart as I moved the cart in front of the leg to the side.

  “It’s just someone taking a nap,” I reassured myself. As the cart moved and the pale unseeing eyes of a man wearing a security guard outfit came into view, I couldn’t deny it any longer.

  The guy was dead. And not just dead dead, but dead for a while dead. I sighed and checked the name tag. Just my luck.

  “Oh, Ernie. What have you gotten yourself into?” I asked the dead guy in front of me as I pulled my phone from my back pocket and dialed Mandy. She was not going to be happy about this.

  17

  Leaning against the counter with Lucifer, I rubbed my hand over my face. Considering the dead guy in the fridge, we decided to postpone our date. Besides, Lucifer had burnt the sauce beyond repair. I guess that was what I get for giving him more than one responsibility at a time.

  “Are you alright?” Lucifer asked, putting his arm around my shoulders.

  I leaned into his embrace and shook my head. “No, not really.” I paused for a moment, the sight of Ernie’s cold body still in the forefront of my mind. “I had expected to see a dead body from time to time in this field. I mean, dead bodies must be every day for Mandy and them, but I didn’t expect to find one in the fridge.”

  Lucifer pressed his forehead to the side of my face. “It’s hard, I know. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it doesn’t. Every time it happens, it will be a fight to keep your sanity.”

  I glanced up at him to see a dark expression had covered his face. “Is that what it’s like in Hell? Having to see all those people in constant torment?”

  Shaking his head, Lucifer smiled, but it was forced. “No, it is worse, but then again, God didn’t put me in that position because it was easy.”

  I started to ask him something else, but a commotion outside the kitchen door stopped me. I glanced around the room, to see Jose and the busboys tense. I had a feeling they didn’t really want the cops in their kitchen.

  “B.F.P.D,” Mandy announced, pushing through the doors of the kitchen. She flashed her badge around the room. Her eyes moved to Lucifer and me, and her face scrunched in confusion.

  “Hey,” I nodded to her, straightening. “Where’s O’Connor?”

  I had barely gotten the words out before O’Connor came through the door, flashing his badge and his gun liberally.

  “Okay, what have we got here?” O’Connor demanded, his eyes immediately going to Jose. “Do I need to arrest someone? I’m in an arresting mood. Give me a reason.”

  “O’Connor,” Mandy warned rolling her eyes. “Jane called.”

  “I thought your name was Patty?” Jose asked, and then tensed when O’Connor got in his face. “That’s what she said.”

  “Right,” Mandy agreed. “Sorry, I must have heard your name wrong on the call.”

  Apparently, we were pretending they didn’t know me. The way Mandy’s eyes kept going to Lucifer and the way he held me, we weren’t pretending that much. I could s
ee the question on her tongue, but she refrained.

  “He’s in there.” I gestured with my head toward the fridge. “I didn’t move anything. Well, except the box of watermelons that I knocked over before I found him.”

  “Watermelons?” O’Connor asked, moving away from Jose causing him to let out a breath. “Why would anyone put watermelons in a box?”

  “What I thought exactly!” I pointed a hand at him. “How was that smart? Plus, they were on top of a box of chicken. Not safe.”

  O’Connor shot Jose a disgusted look. “I will be having the health department down here after we have finished up here.”

  “Don’t look at me.” Jose held his hands up in defense. “I’m just the backup chef. I don’t run the kitchen.”

  I snorted but didn’t say anything. No wonder he didn’t care if we used it. He probably didn’t give a rat’s ass about us being there. Except maybe the fact that we almost blew up the stove. That he might have gotten in trouble for.

  “Get me the resort manager, Riley Parks,” O’Connor demanded, jerking his head toward the door. Jose scrambled to obey, more than happy to be out of there. I could sympathize with him. I didn’t want to be there either.

  “Alright, let’s get this over with.” O’Connor started toward the fridge but then paused in front of Lucifer. He glanced between us and then asked, “I thought you were dating that one large blonde fellow. Mike.”

  “Michael,” I corrected. God forbid he hear O’Connor call him that. I didn’t need another drama queen on my hands. “And I was. I mean I am. I’m also dating Lucifer.”

  O’Connor’s brow rose up, and a strange smile covered his face. “Really now? And how do you feel about this?” he asked Lucifer.

  Lucifer pulled me closer to him and smirked. “I’m good. There’s plenty of … Patty” - he glanced down at me for confirmation, and I nodded - “to go around.”

  The detective chuckled as if he had just heard a good joke before shaking his head and rubbing his jaw. O’Connor walked over to the fridge and opened it. Mandy shot me a look, telling me we’d be talking about Lucifer later, before following O’Connor into the fridge.

  Lucifer and I waited while they did whatever the hell they did, none of us speaking. They were only in there for a few minutes before they came back out, cleaning their hands on some wet wipes Mandy had magically produced.

  “You call it in, I want to talk to our witnesses here for a moment.” Mandy inclined her head toward O’Connor, who for once didn’t argue with her. When O’Connor was gone, she turned to the bus boys. “Did you see anyone come in here? Anything suspicious?”

  “No,” the first busboy said.

  “No way. We didn’t get here until about an hour ago, right before those two came in.” The other one pointed a finger at Lucifer and me.

  “Right,” Mandy nodded. “Well, then you’re free to go, but give your contact information to O’Connor before you leave.”

  The two busboys took off, not once looking back at us. Cowards.

  “So.” Mandy pulled a notepad out of her pocket, her pen poised. “First off, this is Lucifer? He doesn’t look like the Devil. Shouldn’t he have like horns?” She stared at Lucifer’s head a bit fearfully. Which I found funny because even being Catholic like she was, she didn’t even believe in the Devil or Hell.

  Lucifer chuckled. “The horn thing was so last millennia. I try to go for a more approachable look nowadays. It certainly made it easier to attract this one.” He stroked my chin with his thumb, a soft smile on his lips.

  Mandy stared at us and slowly let out a sigh. “Right. So, then what were you guys doing here? I thought the case was closed? We were going to arrest Ernie and Crystal.”

  I snorted. “Good luck with that.” Mandy looked at me curiously. “That’s Ernie in there. You didn’t check the name tag?”

  Mandy had the good sense to duck her head, busying herself with writing on her notepad. “So, you just found him like that? Nothing out of the ordinary.”

  “Not besides the watermelons.” I shrugged. “We were making dinner, and we needed chicken, so I went to the fridge and boom there he was.” I smacked my hands together. “Well, not boom. He didn’t magically appear. Or at least, I don’t think so. But I went to pick the watermelons up, and I found his shoe. Apparently, that shoe had an owner, and it was still attached to him.” I waved a hand at her. “Then I called you.”

  “Why were you making dinner here?” she asked with an arched eyebrow. “You have an apartment.”

  “Uh.” I ducked my head for a second. “Well, I wanted to make sure to get my massage in before I had to check out. You know, I’ll never get another chance. Not with what I’m making.”

  “Jane,” Mandy growled, shaking her head, “you are using city money for that. You can’t go spending it all willy-nilly.”

  I giggled. Willy-nilly. “Fine. I’m sorry, but I had to after I spent all day cleaning the rooms here, I needed a bit of relaxation.”

  “Cleaning the rooms? When did you do that?” Mandy asked, her face scrunched up.

  “The other day but that’s beside the point.” I moved out of Lucifer’s embrace to point at Mandy’s notepad. “The critical point is why do you have a notepad? You have a phone for a reason. Take notes on that.”

  Mandy pulled the notepad away from my grasp and grumbled, “I can’t work the stupid thing.”

  I gasped. “You can’t work your smartphone? That’s it. I must revoke your cool card. You are no longer a member of my generation. I’d expect that from O’Connor, he’s like fifty, but you?” I shook my head and tisked. “Just shameful.”

  Lucifer chuckled behind me.

  “Leave me alone,” Mandy snapped. “And O’Connor is thirty-five, not fifty. Stop exaggerating.”

  “Fine, but seriously, who do you think killed Ernie? Crystal?” I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to think who would have the motive.

  “I guess.” Mandy tapped her pen on her notepad. “We don’t really know anything about him besides the debt. I mean, unless there’s someone he stole a lot of money from. Maybe they did it.”

  “Well, Abigail did say that he was mooching off Crystal a lot. Maybe she finally got tired of it. Or maybe she caught him stealing from the guests?” I started throwing ideas out there, not really knowing what actually happened.

  “It’s possible, but we’ll have to find out his cause of death before we can do anything. There weren’t any lacerations or gunshot wounds, no apparent reason for his death.” Mandy tucked her notepad into her pocket and sighed. “We’ll know more when the M.E. gets a hold of him.”

  “Okay.” I moved back over to Lucifer and took his hand. “Well, we’ll be in my room. Just let me know when you want me to go interrogate Crystal.”

  Mandy grabbed my arm. “No, you’re not going to go near her. We can’t risk you tipping her off. And you need to check out. The case is over. We’ll take it from here.”

  “But Mandy,” I whined, “it’s close to bedtime. At least let me stay one more night. I promise I’ll check out in the morning.”

  Mandy growled and finally released me. “Fine. One more night, but you better not mess anything up or charge any more to the room, or I’ll make sure it comes out of your check.”

  “Fine. Fine.” I held my hands up, waving her off. “I’ll only eat what’s in the mini fridge.”

  “No mini fridge!” she shouted after me, and I ignored her, bolting with Lucifer out the door.

  We bypassed O’Connor who shouted after us, “No running!” and then we were down the hall and into my room. Kicking my shoes off, I immediately headed to the mini-fridge and pulled out everything.

  “Alright, let’s see what we got here.” I began to sort the goods out into drinks and snacks. “So, we have a bunch of shots if you’re looking to get your first hangover.” I waved one of the little bottles of liqueur in Lucifer direction.

  He reached out to take it from my hand, but when I let it go, it fell to th
e ground. Luckily, it was carpeted, and the bottle didn’t break, but I was still bummed. Lucifer’s solid form had worn off.

  “Well, that sucks.” I leaned down to pick up the bottle. “I was hoping we had more time.”

  Lucifer sighed. “I did too. We didn’t even get to eat our meal.”

  “You mean our burnt meal.” I pointed out with a raised brow. “Hey, your eyebrow is back. That’s a plus.”

  Lucifer touched his face and grinned. “Well, that’s one less thing to worry about.”

  I fiddled with the bottle of liqueur and looked up at him from beneath my lashes, suddenly a bit shy. “You know, I could just give you some more blood. Then you would be corporeal again, and we can finish our date.”

  Moving closer to me, Lucifer reached out, but then his hand stopped mid-air. His head tilted to the side for a moment before he cursed. “I’m sorry, I have to go. It seems like there is some sort of emergency.” He growled and glared up at the ceiling. “One that conveniently happened in the middle of our date!”

  Frowning at how upset he was getting, I tried to lighten the mood. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not like you’re going anywhere. We can finish our date another time. Besides, I really shouldn’t be getting into the mini fridge. Mandy wasn’t lying about taking it out of my check.”

  Lucifer didn’t seem convinced by my words but didn’t argue. He stroked along the side of my face, leaving zings of electricity in its wake before disappearing.

  Sighing, I glanced at the pile of food on the counter and then started to shove it back into the fridge. I’d just order a pizza or something. I’d gotten everything but the little bottles into the fridge when I stopped. Ernie’s dead eyes stared back at me and suddenly being alone didn’t seem like a good idea.

  “Fuck it.” I gathered the bottles up in my arms and plopped down on the couch. Twisting the top off the first one, I downed it in one go. I’d just started on the second one when someone pounded on the door.

  “Jane, I’m coming in. You better not be naked in there.” The door handle jiggled, but she didn’t open it right away.