Dime a Demon

by Devon Monk

  “Well, I do now!” She chortled, and it sounded like a rubber chicken shaken by the neck. She opened her eyes wider and pointed at her mouth.

  I placed an extra bar on the table. “There’s more in the cookie jar. You might want to try the carrots in the refrigerator, or the box of granola, which I’ll leave out.” I set the granola near the cookies. “I’ll be back before dinner, we’ll find something for you to eat then.”

  “No need. I’ll go to work with you.”

  “We just went over this.” I strode out of the kitchen to my home office down the hall. The door was locked because there were valuable books, spell items, and other magical things I didn’t want to fall into the wrong hands. Or hooves.

  I stepped into the comfortable, airy space, and followed the tug in my chest without focusing on it too much. I dragged my fingertips across the spines of the books, until I felt a tingle in my palm. I withdrew two identical books: Common and Uncommon Laws of Ordinary

  “Huh,” I said.

  “I thought virgins were annoying.”

  “What?”

  “What?” Xtelle paused just inside the room. “Are you listening to me?”

  “You’re not going to work with me.” I tucked the training manuals for becoming a reserve officer into my bag. This wasn’t just the human law stuff, though that was covered too. This was mostly the dos and don’ts of upholding supernatural and deity laws.

  “Well, isn’t it pretty?”

  I glanced over. “No. No, no, no. Put it down.”

  “This?” Every drawer of my desk was open and it was obvious she’d rummaged through all the contents. I had no idea how she’d done that so quickly.

  She was sitting in my chair, one pearly little hoof pointed at the carved wooden box she’d placed in the center of the desk.

  The box contained the only weapon I had against Bathin. A pair of golden scissors with an ebony blade and a ruby blade. A crossroads demon had given them to me. They weren’t enough to cut Delaney’s soul away from Bathin’s grasp—I’d need a certain page of a certain book to do that—but this was all I had to save her soul. A stick of dynamite without the fuse.

  “That’s private,” I said.

  “I’m a unicorn.”

  “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “I thought we were just saying random things.”

  “This isn’t yours.” I picked up the box.

  “There you go again. So random.”

  I slid the box onto the tallest shelf. “It contains things that are private and not for you to see. Promise me you’ll leave it alone.”

  “Like I can reach it up there. Fine.” She hopped off the chair and started digging in the drawers again. “What a strange assortment of junk. There’s not even one disemboweling scoop.”

  “What?”

  She looked over at me and batted her extra-long lashes. “Ice cream scoop?”

  “No, you said—” The doorbell rang. It was followed by a brisk knock. “Wait here.”

  I strode to the front door and looked out the peephole.

  Bathin had his hands in the front pockets of his slacks, his suit jacket unbuttoned, his crisp white shirt pulled back far enough to reveal the width of his chest and flat stomach. He stared straight at the peephole and smiled.

  Back there on the sidewalk, in front of my house, a couple cats lingered. Strays again. Were they adopting him?

  I opened the door. “What do you want?”

  “Good morning to you, too, Myra. I’m here to collect on our deal.”

  “What deal?”

  “Three dates. I’m here to claim the first.”

  “No.”

  “Have breakfast with me. We can take a long stroll on the beach, get to know each other. Find out if our star signs align.”

  “I already know your star sign.”

  “How studious of you.” He leaned in, resting his arm on the doorjamb above my head. I rocked back on one foot and crossed my arms over my chest. “Want to share all the good stuff with the class?”

  “Ass, you mean,” Xtelle shouted from behind me. “You have some nerve coming here and trying to…what are you trying to do?”

  “You like me,” Bathin said, ignoring the unicorn. “I like you. Let’s have breakfast.”

  “I already ate.”

  “Let’s have coffee.”

  “No.”

  “Her? You’re trying to date her?” the unicorn screeched. “That one? Why did you choose the most boring Reed?”

  I raised my eyebrows and decided the demon had a good strategy. I ignored the unicorn.

  “No breakfast,” I said to Bathin.

  “Then let’s do lunch.” His smile was almost fond. “I know you’re trying to come up with an excuse for why you can’t have lunch with me. I’m sure you have a dozen very good reasons. Here’s my rebuttal: We made an agreement back at the Hell vortex. Let’s not sully those memories by going back on our words. Lunch will be lunch. I’m not expecting anything else.”

  “Except two more dates.”

  “Except two more dates.” His gaze flicked down to my mouth, then back to my eyes. “Let’s do lunch today. Then you can choose our next date. How does that sound?”

  “Weak,” the unicorn muttered.

  “Fair enough, considering you forced me into agreeing to this.”

  “There were other choices,” he said. “There are always other choices.”

  Maybe I should just ignore him too. “What’s up with the cats?”

  He shrugged. “Strays.”

  “I know that. Why are they following you?”

  He shrugged, but didn’t say any more.

  I frowned. “Are you feeding them? Are you…?” I tried to peer around him. Yep. Three stray cats. They looked healthier than the last time I’d seen them around town. And even though they were ignoring Bathin, it was obvious they were following him.

  “You’re taking care of them, aren’t you?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. So,” he said. “Lunch. I’ll stop by around one.”

  “I’m working.”

  “I know. I’ll find you. I will always find you.” His gaze wandered from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes. He winked.

  “Knock off the stalker act, Bathin, or I’ll have to throw you in jail. And then who’s gonna feed your cats?”

  I shut the door in his face. I waited for the chuckle and footsteps to fade, then went back to packing for the day.

  Chapter 11

  Delaney shut the door to the evidence room. Jean and I squished together a little closer between the shelves and stacks of boxes. It had been awhile since we cleaned out the little storage room and there wasn’t a lot of open floor space left.

  “Okay.” She leaned back on the shelf behind her. “We have some volunteers for reserve officer. I want to run them past you two before we do the actual interviews.”

  “Is that how we do this?” Jean asked me.

  “Since Ryder is the only reserve officer we’ve hired?” I shrugged. “We don’t really have a procedure. Who’ve we got?”

  “Half-a-dozen people are interested, but I’ve narrowed it down to two.” She fished folders off the shelf behind her and handed one to me and one to Jean.

  “No way,” Jean said, flipping through the pages quickly.

  I glanced at the first page.

  Kelby, one of the local giants. She was level-headed, hard to ruffle, and physically in great shape. She’d be terrific at the job. Especially since she already knew about the supernaturals and deities in town.

  I quickly scanned through the recommendation letters from her boss, her teammates on the volleyball team, the basketball team, and the golf team, then finally got to the second applicant.

  “Oh.” I read the applicant’s name twice. No, three times just to make sure I was seeing it right. “Death? As in the deity? The god of? Thanatos?”

  “That’s him,” Delaney said. “You’ve met him, re
member? Sort of uptight and formal. Likes kites. Has terrible fashion sense?”

  I would smack her, but there just wasn’t any room. “When did he get back to town?”

  “Around three o’clock this morning.” As if just the memory of it made her tired, Delaney yawned and rubbed at her forehead. “I already took his powers out to Frigg. Ryder went with me. Than is once again, officially, a citizen of Ordinary.”

  “And he wants to do this?” I lifted his folder.

  Jean handed her folder back to Delaney. “He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who was all that interested in law enforcement when he was last here.”

  “I think he’s the kind of guy who’s interested in everything,” Delaney said.

  “How did he know we were looking for more people?” I asked.

  “It came up when we gave him a lift back to his house.”

  “What about the kite shop?” Jean asked. “I thought he was all about selling those things.”

  “He said he wants to broaden his human experience. He thinks he should try being underemployed while working two part-time jobs.”

  I snorted, but he wasn’t wrong. Crime really wasn’t all that high in town, and we didn’t have the budget to pay any more officers. Working for us meant volunteering. For free.

  “So you’re taking him seriously?” I asked.

  “Yes,” Delaney said. “I am taking death seriously.”

  “Shut up.” I opened the file again and read it more carefully. “I’m not against the idea of getting some fresh resources, and I agree with Jean. I think Kelby will be a terrific fit.”

  “Plus, she’s a supernatural, and all the rest of us cops are humans. We need better representation of our citizens in the department,” Jean added.

  “Right,” I agreed. “And it makes sense we let a deity try out law enforcement if that’s how they want to spend their vacation. But Death?”

  Delaney shook her head. “Not Death. Just Than.”

  “Death, Than, I vote for the scary guy,” Jean said.

  “You think he’ll be a good cop?” I asked. “Really?”

  Jean unwrapped two sticks of gum, releasing the clean scent of mint into the air, and popped them in her mouth. “I don’t know. Probably not. But it’s gonna be hilarious watching him try.”

  I widened my eyes and shot Delaney a look.

  “He can learn,” Delaney said. “We all can learn. It’s close-minded to underestimate someone. We all have the capacity for change. Let’s give him a try. Just for a week or so. If it’s not working out, I’ll tell him.”

  “You’re going to fire Death,” I said.

  She smiled. “You keep calling him that. While he’s here, he’s not really Death. He’s Than, the kite shop owner. Just another quirky citizen in our quirky little town.”

  “I know. I get that,” I said. “Do you understand my hesitation?”

  “Yes. Noted. Do you have any other concerns?”

  “Who’s going to train him?” I asked.

  Quick as a flash, both of my sisters pointed at their noses.

  “Nose goes,” they both chirped.

  “No,” I said. “I have too much on my plate as it is. Come on.”

  “All you have on your plate is a unicorn,” Jean said. “Who I still haven’t met.”

  “Trust me, you don’t want to.”

  “I think a unicorn sounds fun.”

  “Oh, just buckets of rude, demanding, self-centered joy. She took over my guest room, complains about my cooking, and won’t do as she’s told.”

  Jean grinned. “No sympathy from me. You got me volunteered for the stupid Slammin’ Salmon Serenade. Bertie is a task master. Every time I think I’ve slipped away, she shows up right in front of me. She tracked me down when I was hiding out over lunch yesterday.”

  “Where were you hiding?” Delaney asked.

  “Here. Like, right here.” She pointed at the room.

  I laughed.

  “The door was locked!” she said. “But she came in anyway.”

  “She’s a Valkyrie,” I said. “What did you expect?”

  “Privacy. I expected to be able to eat lunch without her dumping a pile of paperwork on top of me.”

  “Aw, poor thing.” Delaney cooed.

  “There, there,” I said.

  “You both suck.”

  “Well, we both took our turn being Bertie’s lackeys,” Delaney said. “It is your turn, girl.”

  “But it’s a salmon parade. It doesn’t even involve costumes. It’s just, like…dead fish walking.”

  “So don’t care,” I said. “I had to roller skate breakfast goods to people.”

  “And I had to judge a rhubarb contest,” Delaney said. “Rhubarb.”

  “So you can march with the fishes, sister,” I said.

  She blew a bubble, popped it. “Fine. At least I don’t have to train a rookie god.”

  “No,” Delaney said. “You have to train a rookie giant. I want Kelby with you on the desk and ride alongs for the first week.”

  “That works,” Jean said. “Except for when Bertie takes up all my time.”

  “I’ll take Kelby if Bertie needs you,” Delaney said. “Hatter and Shoe can help too. Sound like a plan?”

  I reached into my bag and pulled out the rule books, handing one to Jean. “Let’s do our part to make Ordinary safer.”

  Jean chuckled and Delaney shook her head. “Or at least keep it just as safe as it is now. Speaking of which, do you have any more info on the Hell vortex situation?”

  Delaney opened the door, and we all headed into the fresher, non-minty air.

  “I haven’t had a chance to get to the library yet. I’ll head up tonight, after my shift.”

  “Okay. Good. Let me know if I can do anything to help.”

  “You could tell Bathin to give back your soul.”

  We were both out in the hall now, Jean having moved past us to the front desk.

  “I have asked him. He keeps giving me the same answer,” Delaney said.

  “No?”

  “No. He keeps telling me he can’t.” She shrugged. “So until he can, or we find a way to make him, that’s a no-go.”

  “Delaney,” Ryder said, coming down the hall toward us. “You ready?”

  “Just about. We’re going to the casino to pick up god mail,” she said to me. “You okay dealing with Than today?”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay, good.” She pressed her hand on my arm. “Do you mind doing a drive-by on the vortex? I just want someone to keep an eye on it while I’m out of town.”

  “Leave the vortex to me. And Than.”

  “Tell me if you need help.”

  “I will.”

  She gave my arm one more squeeze, then moved out into the main part of the station.

  Ryder tipped his head at me and moved to follow her, but I caught his sleeve.

  “Can I talk to you a second?”

  “Sure.”

  “Outside?”

  “I have some books for you in my truck.”

  “Perfect.”

  We strolled through the station. Delaney and Jean were talking to Hatter and Shoe, giving them the rundown on the first week of training for our new recruits. Delaney held up her finger in the universal “be with you in a minute” sign as we walked by.

  “So what’s up?” Ryder asked as soon as we were out the door.

  “How’s Delaney? Really.”

  Ryder was over six feet tall, and his stride was naturally longer than mine, but he shortened it without me saying anything. We stopped at our vehicles, parked around the back of the station.

  “She’s good, most of the time,” he said. “But other times…I don’t know.”

  “The staring off into space thing?”

  He nodded. “That, and she doesn’t laugh like she used to. It could be because we’ve been together for a while. Maybe she’s losing interest.”

  “Or maybe her soul has been in possession o
f a demon for over a year, and that is a lot of strain for anyone to bear.”

  He stared at the station as if he could see through the walls to his girlfriend inside.

  “I need you to keep track of her, any changes,” I said.

  “All right. What should I be looking for?”

  “Anything that isn’t normal? Maybe you could keep a diary or journal and just note her behavior and moods? We can take a look after a week or two to see if any patterns emerge.”

  “You want me to spy on your sister.”

  “It’s not technically spying.”

  “It’s spying.”

  “It’s observing. I want you to observe her so we can help her.”

  He hooked his thumbs in his jean pockets, pulling the flannel shirt away from the dark green Henley he wore beneath it. “Do you know how to get her soul back yet?”

  “I have a date,” I cringed, “with Bathin. Today. I’ll knock some information out of his head.”

  “Sounds…violent.”

  “Oh, it will be if he thinks he can take my sister away from me.”

  Ryder’s eyebrows went up, but the look in his eyes was respect. “I’d almost feel bad for the demon, thinking he can tangle with a Reed woman and come out on top, but that bastard is using my girlfriend’s soul for leverage. That doesn’t sit well with me.”

  “Or me.” I pushed my bangs out of my eyes. “So, the books?”

  “Yep.” He lowered the tailgate and leaned in to drag a moving box toward him.

  “Found them in the old house on Quay Avenue I’m remodeling. Thought you might be interested.”

  “I expected a book or two.”

  “Twenty.”

  “And you think they should be locked away in my library?”

  “Well, half of them are in languages and symbols I can’t read. They’re old. A couple appear to be handwritten. All that is a pretty good indication I should hand them over to Ordinary’s historian/librarian/knowledge-keeper.”

  I smiled because it was always nice when someone acknowledged my responsibilities weren’t just policing and being at the right place at the right time.

  “Thanks. I’ll look up all the people who lived in the house so we can get an idea of where the books came from.”

  I popped the lock on the cruiser’s trunk, but before I could lift it, it was pushed open from inside.