Dreams of Stardust

by Lynn Kurland

  It could have been minutes, it could have been an hour: he wasn't sure. Finally Amanda gingerly dabbed at her face with her sleeve, then looked at him with bloodshot blue eyes still the color of some exotic bit of ocean in the Bahamas.

  "You're late," she whispered.

  "I hurried."

  She shifted, but gasped in pain. "Do not be late again."

  "I never will," he said with feeling. "But what in the world possessed you to come here?"

  "I didn't think I had a choice."

  "And now that you do?"

  She looked at him again for a long moment, then put her head on his shoulder. "I want to go home."

  "I'll get you there." He looked up at Nicholas, who was suddenly standing there in front of him. Or he could have been standing there forever. Jake had no idea. But he did understand the look on his face.

  Resignation, if not acceptance.

  Jake nodded in understanding and received a short nod in return.

  "Well?" Jake asked, more than ready to move on. "The abbess?"

  "She lives still," Nicholas said, "but I daresay she'll wish she didn't once I'm finished with her."

  "I think we should bust her down to scullery maid."

  " 'Bust her down'?" Nicholas asked.

  "Turn her into," Jake clarified. "Can we do that?"

  "Consider it done." He looked at Amanda. "I've liberated the abbess's chambers for Amanda's use, but I don't know how we'll get her there."

  "We'll make a seat for her. Amanda, can you stand?"

  "Briefly," she said, wincing.

  Nicholas pulled her up, then Jake rose. He showed Nicholas how to clasp hands to make a seat, then they carried Amanda to the abbess's chambers. It wasn't as though Jake had carried Amanda before, but he couldn't help noticing that there was nothing to her.

  "Have you eaten?" he asked.

  "I don't remember," she said wearily. "I fasted quite often to rid myself of my vices."

  "And we know those are legion," Jake said dryly. He set her down, then he and Nicholas helped her lie facedown on the abbess's very soft-looking bed.

  "Ah, this is worth it all," Amanda said with a heartfelt sigh.

  "I'll go look for the healer," Nicholas said.

  "Wait," Jake said, looking up from where he knelt by the bedside. "Who knows whom we can trust here?"

  "Not trust a healer?" Nicholas asked, aghast.

  "Just bring me some wine," Amanda managed.

  "And herbs," Jake added. "Do we have herbs now in England?"

  Nicholas stared at him as if he'd lost his mind. Amanda turned to look at him from a single, aqua eye.

  "Aye," she said. "Nicky, storm the kitchens. See if they have dried plantain or knitbone. Either will serve."

  Nicholas rolled his eyes, but left the little room just the same without further comment. Jake covered Amanda's hand with his own and looked at her seriously.

  "I am sorry," he said.

  "That you were late," she asked with a faint smile, "or that I was foolish enough not to wait longer?"

  "I'm sorry I didn't tell you everything I should have before I left," he said.

  He felt her stiffen. "Everything?"

  "Answers to all the questions you asked me."

  She took a careful breath. "And those answers? Will I find them to my liking?"

  "I hope so."

  She looked at him for quite some time in silence. "Will you leave again?"

  "Not alone," he said.

  She smiled at that, a small curving of her mouth that he found utterly enchanting.

  "Is that an offer of marriage?"

  "Not yet."

  "Haven't you decided if you like me well enough?" she asked, without flinching.

  "I knew the moment I saw you that I liked you well enough," he said honestly. "But I have a few more things to put into place before I get down on bended knee and profess undying love."

  "You can do that without asking me to wed with you."

  He laughed, then leaned over and kissed her forehead very gently. "I love you, Amanda of Artane, and will to my dying breath and beyond."

  She considered, then closed her eyes with a smile. "That will suffice me."

  He waited. He looked at her hand that had curled itself around his and waited some more. And just when he opened his mouth to chide her for not returning the favor of declaring her love, he realized there was no point.

  She was snoring.

  He hoped it wasn't an omen.

  He considered her wounds—and his—and decided they could wait a few more minutes. So he sat on the floor and held her hand. And there came a point, not long afterward, that he thought he might just fall over if he didn't rest his head too, so he put his head down next to hers and closed his eyes.

  He'd done it.

  He knew that the hardest part was in front of him and not behind him, but that he had come this far and apparently had a little of the esteem and affection of the woman in front of him was nothing to take lightly.

  He would manage the rest.

  He had no intentions of failing.

  * * *

  Chapter 32

  Amanda sat on a stool next to the fire in Artane's great hall with a blanket wrapped about her shoulders and knew that she had never been more grateful for anything in her life than she was for the simple fact of being home. Well, she might have been more grateful for a chair, but who was she to quibble over details?

  She was sitting on a stool instead of a chair because her back was still healing and she could not bear to lean against anything. It had been that last bit of instruction from the abbess to almost finish her. Amanda remembered the start of it, but she didn't remember the end. Perhaps she had become senseless from the pain. What she did know was that for a day or two there in the abbey, her brothers and Jake had actually wondered if she would be coming home at all. She had been out of her head with a fever. She did remember, vaguely, Jake refusing to allow anyone to come bleed her and she was almost certain that she'd heard the ring of steel.

  Robin was sporting a swollen eye. She hadn't asked where he'd come by that. Nicholas wasn't breathing very well and she suspected he might have a broken rib or two. She hadn't inquired as to the origin of those injuries either.

  Jake was unscathed and ferocious in his protection of her. Or at least he had been until they'd returned home, he had assured himself that Anne would keep any and all leeches away from her, and Robin had invited him out into the lists for a bit of training.

  She could say this for the man: he was singleminded.

  Of course that applied to his attention to her as well. When he returned from his day's labors, his entire self was focused on her and nothing else; not even the chance to thrash Nicholas in chess was enough to distract him.

  Indeed, she had little to complain of and very much to be grateful for.

  She shifted, winced, then shifted again until she was as comfortable as possible.

  "Hurt?" Anne asked.

  " 'Tis nothing I do not deserve," Amanda said grimly.

  "Mandy, stop," Anne chided. "You were foolish to flee, but not even that justifies how you were treated." She shivered. "What a horrible woman the abbess was."

  "Aye, well, she'll have her due." She looked at Anne. "Didn't Robin tell you?"

  "I haven't seen him," Anne said with a smile. "He spends all his time in the lists with Jake."

  "I'm sorry for that, sister," Amanda said.

  Anne shook her head. "Do not be. If he were not driving your love in the lists, he would be hovering over me and annoying me with his commands that I do nothing but sit and rest. Nay, 'tis a fair trade and I'm happy to make it. But it does mean that I've heard very little about your escape."

  "Then I'll give you the details I haven't been able to from my sickbed this past fortnight," Amanda said, shifting again. She wasn't sure what was more annoying: the pain of bruised muscles or the itching from healing welts. "As you know, Jake rescued me just before I was to take
my vows."

  "Timely," Anne said approvingly.

  "Aye, well, those vows would have been to Ledenham, so 'twas timely indeed. And you know how he tended me whilst I was out of my head with fever."

  "I've seen the results on Nicky and Robin," Anne said with a laugh. "Ah, Mandy, I daresay your Jake will see to you well enough."

  "I daresay. But apparently his skills do not end with his ability to fend off my brothers' best intentions. When the abbot arrived to make certain the abbey was being properly prepared for the king's visit—"

  "The king?" Anne interrupted. "Here?"

  "Seakirk," Amanda corrected. "I daresay Father will go to meet with him there."

  "No sense in depleting our larder unnecessarily," Anne agreed.

  "Nay, let him ravage Seakirk castle and the surrounding countryside. But because of our good fortune in escaping a royal visit, Abbot Bartholomew was on hand to see firsthand what our good lady Joan had been about. Jake suggested that perhaps the best way to save the woman's soul was to give her the chance to pass the rest of her days in service, true service to those sisters around her."

  "What, cleaning the privies?" Anne asked with a laugh.

  "Oh, that as well," Amanda agreed. "Scullery maid and cleaner of privies and stables, if I remember aright. Attended in her duties, I might add, by one Sister Eunice, she of the rather heavy, but dilatory hand." Amanda shivered. "At least I can thank heaven that 'twas Eunice who beat me most often. She hadn't the stomach or the endurance to administer more than a pair of blows."

  "Amanda," Anne said in a low voice, "how did you bear it?"

  "My heart was broken," Amanda said with a shrug. "What did it matter?"

  "And now?"

  And now? The front door opened. Amanda looked over to see Jake walking in with Robin and young Christopher of Blackmour. They were laughing about something. She despaired of ever seeing Nicholas be as easy with her love as Robin was, but perhaps that would come in time. For now, she would content herself with the sight of that man, the one she loved, drawn into the bosom of her family by her eldest brother. If Robin could see in Jake what she did, perhaps her father would see it as well.

  She watched as they walked toward the fire and her heart ached within her. By the saints, she had come so close to never having even the small joys she had at present. If she had been forced to wed Ledenham…

  Jake knelt down in front of her. "You're thinking again."

  "I do it often," she said lightly.

  "Can I hope it was about my great successes in the lists?"

  "That, too," she said with a smile.

  He looked at her seriously. "How are you?"

  "Better," she said. "I'm home. That counts for a great deal. How do you fare?"

  "Still on my feet and not bleeding from dozens of wounds," Jake said.

  Robin collapsed into the chair next to Anne. "He's making good progress. Christopher, lad, will you fetch me wine? And for Jake as well."

  "And for me, if you will, Christopher, my lad," Nicholas said. He had brought two chairs from the high table. He put them both down, then dropped into one of them. He nodded toward the other.

  "Kilchurn," he said, in a not unfriendly tone.

  Amanda looked at Jake with a raised eyebrow. "How companionable you are with each other."

  "Amanda, it is not fodder for jest," Nicholas warned.

  She looked at him and hoped that somehow he would understand that she loved him very much indeed, that he would hold a place in her heart that even Jake would never fully take away. By the bloody saints, hadn't she told him as much on their way back from the abbey?

  "Oaf," she said curtly, "I wasn't jesting."

  Nicholas scowled at her. "He may have bested me in matters of the heart, but he will never best me on the field."

  "Never is a dangerous word," Robin remarked placidly. "Give him a year or two and he'll be your equal. Never mine, of course," he said with a modest smile, "but few have the cheek to aspire to such a lofty height. Even fewer manage it. Indeed, I cannot think of a one."

  Nicholas grunted and looked at Jake. "Think twice, Jackson, before fully committing to wed with this family, for Robin, unfortunately, is a part of that family. Not only is he impossibly arrogant without cause, his favorite activity is poking his nose into your affairs."

  "Amanda and I will travel enough that he won't have a chance," Jake said with a deep smile. He reached over and took Amanda's hand. "I'll survive."

  Amanda sat near that warm fire, holding the hand of the man she loved, and wondered if things could improve. Her aches and pains could go away, she supposed, and Jake could trot out a title to please her father, but perhaps for the moment, she couldn't ask for anything else.

  "Are you up for more?" Jake asked, looking at Robin.

  Robin looked at Amanda. "This is your doing, not mine, sister. I was fully prepared to sit happily inside this evening, enjoying the companionship of my wife and son, yet it is your love who drives me back out into the lists for—"

  "I'll go," Nicholas interrupted.

  Amanda frowned. "Perhaps Robin should…"

  Nicholas smiled. And it was almost easily done. "He will return unscathed, sister," he said. "Hard as it might be for Robin to admit, I do have some skill myself."

  Jake kissed her hand, then rose. "I'll be back." He looked at Nicholas. "Let's go."

  "By way of the kitchens," Nicholas said, heaving himself to his feet. "Let me borrow your page, Robin. And why is it you have one and I do not?"

  "Because even for a young lad, Christopher has a remarkably keen eye and very sound judgment. You may borrow him, but be careful with him and try not to ruin him by having him watch poor technique."

  Nicholas looked at Jake. "Do you begin to understand now why I hate him so?"

  Jake grunted and pushed Nicholas toward the kitchens. "Go. If you're especially nice to me, I'll show you the infamous disarm-unsuitable-suitors-with-no-blood-spilt move I used on our good Lord Ledenham."

  "In truth?" Nicholas asked, sounding pleased. "I found that quite to my liking, if I must admit it. Where did you learn it?"

  "That is a very long story…"

  Amanda watched them walk off together and felt her heart begin to ease. They were walking together with no sharp implements of death bared. This was very good. They were of a height, quite the same in build, and somewhat the same in nature. But just the same, they were quite different and she couldn't help but believe that, for her, she had chosen the right one.

  "At least Nick has stopped plotting how best to do him in," Robin remarked lazily. "You should be relieved, sister."

  "I am. I will leap up and dance a jig tomorrow—when I am more myself." She wanted to lean back, but couldn't. Instead, she pulled the blanket more closely around herself and leaned toward the fire. She looked up at Robin carefully. "Where do you think Jake was all that time?"

  "Haven't you asked him?"

  She shook her head. "I couldn't bear to know."

  "Well, he was certainly not whoring his way from here to London and back."

  "Robin!" Anne exclaimed.

  Robin winked at Amanda. "Forgive me. And if you'll know the truth of it, sister, he was off retrieving bags of gold and jewels to pay your purchase price. Who knows where, though."

  Amanda stared into the fire for a very long time before she spoke again. "Montgomery thinks he's a fairy and that he was trapped in their land until he could convince them to let him go."

  "Montgomery would be better served to think less and practice with his sword more."

  Amanda smiled at Robin. "Didn't you watch him follow Jake and Nicky just now? He loves Jake well, no matter where he's been." She sighed and looked back at the fire. "I only hope all Jake's time in the lists will be sufficient, sufficient to merit his gold and jewels."

  "It will be."

  "There is a part of me that grieves that he should spend all he's worked for just to have me."

  Robin drank deeply of his wi
ne. "You, sister, have little idea of what he's sacrificed to remain here with you—and that includes far more than his gold."

  "Does he love London so much, then?" Amanda asked wistfully.

  "London is the very least of the things he's given up."

  Anne laughed. "By the saints, Robin, can you be any more mysterious? Either give the poor girl the details, or cease with tormenting her."

  "I'll say no more—"

  "The saints be praised," Amanda muttered.

  Robin frowned at her. "What you learn about him, you will learn from him. If you're curious, why don't you ask him yourself?"

  "I will. I just felt it was appallingly impolite to inquire about the state of his purse," she said primly.

  "Why?" Robin asked. "Every male of marriageable age in England has inquired about the state of yours."

  "I hardly want to emulate any of them," she said. She looked down into the fire for a goodly while, listening to Robin and Anne talk softly about simple things and envying them their peace. Robin had his place assured and so did Anne. She watched them thoughtfully until Anne looked at her and smiled.

  "What is it, Amanda?"

  Amanda shook her head. She would have preferred to shrug, but that hurt too much. "I worry."

  "You probably should," Robin said helpfully. "Not only will he have to impress Father, he'll have to wrench a title from the king."

  "Robin," Anne chided. She looked at Amanda. "Rhys will help him, I'm sure."

  "Hmmm," Amanda said, but she wasn't sure at all.

  "Don't give up hope," Anne said gently.

  "Listen to her," Robin advised. "You gave up hope before and look what it got you."

  "Many thanks for the reminder," Amanda said, pulling at her hair.

  "That won't help it grow," Robin pointed out.

  Amanda glared at him. "Have you nothing useful to say? Perhaps you should repair to the lists and favor them with your sunny words."