Another smile flashed across her face as she spun and raced across the walkway and down the stairs, not even bothering to close the patio doors before heading down the hall once again, eager to find Merivic. Nearly at the doorway, Anya heard a playful laughter ring out, followed by a low grunt and deep moan. She stopped short as her hand flew to her mouth to muffle her giggle. Apparently, she would not find Merivic in there. But someone was sure to be having a good time.
She turned to retreat when she heard another, though more pleasurable, laugh. Embarrassed, but unable to resist sneaking a quick look, she bit her lip and slithered against the wall to the curtain hanging around the entryway. Half hidden in the material, she held her breath, and peeked around the corner.
Even though she was looking at her back, she recognized Zabela almost at once, sitting on someone’s lap with her hips pumping furiously. Anya gasped in innocent shock and snapped back, nervous they may have seen or heard her, but the continuing sounds they made told her they were unaware of her presence.
It surprised her, this public display. Why would Kael take her where anyone could walk in on them? Her belly tightened and her heart picked up the pace as she played through the vision in her head. Despite Kael being one of the participants in the erotic tryst, she could not help but feel a little aroused, especially considering the reason she was seeking out Merivic.
Daring to have one more look before leaving, she eased around the corner again just as Zabela hooked her hands around his neck and arched back. Anya’s breath caught as she jerked away a step, seeing Merivic’s face clearly before he took the servant’s breast in his mouth. Zabela’s deep, husky laugh filled the hall as his lips moved over her, ringing through the air and echoing in Anya’s head. Staggering back in stunned shock, she finally found the will to move and spun around, running directly into Kael as he came up behind her. He grabbed Anya’s arms to steady her as Zabela’s cry of triumph and ecstasy taunted her, causing the sting of tears the stab at her eyes.
Jerking away from Kael’s grasp, Anya dodged around Gerhard and raced down the corridor, leaving the two men to exchange a confused glance.
“Well, I suppose we found her,” Gerhard commented before peering into the great hall. “Oh. And I suppose she found him.”
Kael looked over his shoulder. “Damn it. Stay here. Wait until Lord Merivic is…in a less compromising position, and inform him of what happened.”
They both glanced down the hall, a sharp crack sounding through the air as Anya whipped open the stain-glass doors they had just secured. A sharper noise followed as shards of glass slipped from the panes and shattered to the floor, the door swinging wildly on its hinges.
Kael’s entire body mourned for her, the ache in his chest tightening with every muscle all the way to his stomach. “I will see to Lady Anya.”
*****
Every doubt Anya had stashed away came flooding to the surface as she ran from both the man and the love she thought they had shared. What an illusion he had created for her—she was made to think what they had physically experienced was something special, something to be cherished. She forgot that although it was new and special to her, it was not to Merivic, and therefore would not mean as much. The intimacy of it was gone. The meaning of it was gone. How could she have been so stupid?
Her breathing sobbed as she braced herself against the wall and stared unseeing at the garden below, tears blurring her vision. A hurricane of thoughts collided together, spearing through her judgments and assumptions. She would have to rethink everything—every thought, every emotion, every decision, and every ramification. What had gone wrong in her life? How did she end up here? And what could she do about it now?
Kael could not have come upon her at a worse time. Or a more opportune time—depending upon one’s perspective.
“Anya?”
Her back straightened as she scrubbed at the tears with the back of her hand, but she did not turn. “I would like to be alone right now.”
“I cannot give you that.” He eased next to her, and everything about the way he moved spoke of gentleness and comfort.
They stood in silence, side-by-side, staring out at the garden. Every now and again, Anya’s breathing caught, then released in a jagged sigh. And every time it did, Kael glanced down at her with deep concern.
“You are saddened because he was with another. Surely he will see the error of his ways.”
“I do not care about that. He can take whatever woman he wishes to, without blame and with a clear conscious.” Her voice was full of resentment, but also of resignation, and the soft edge to her words caught him off guard.
“Then why do you weep?”
“I let compassion and loyalty dictate whom I would love, rather than my heart.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I allowed myself to succumb to Merivic when truly I have always loved another.”
Kael was quiet a moment as his heart did a soft flip, and then he responded impulsively rather than logically. “Perhaps there is still time.”
“What if he does not want me?”
His lips parted in disbelief. How could he not? And how could she truly believe he would deny her? He felt as if everything he had done since they had been reunited screamed of love and longing.
Anya moved to dismiss herself, apparently drawing her own conclusions from his silence for she never looked upon his face for confirmation.
Instinct had Kael grabbing her arm, and she turned to him. “Do not doubt, he wants you.”
“Anya!”
When Kael heard Merivic’s panicked voice calling out, his sense of honor and duty reared up within him. He knew when he accepted his station, he would have to be near her again. And he began to draw strength from his prior convictions—he could not betray his loyalty to Merivic or his position as weapons master. “Or perhaps not.”
Bowing his head slightly, Kael backed away, his hard, piercing eyes locked on hers. Merivic rushed into her line of sight and grabbed her by the shoulders, and when he drew her to the side, Kael was already gone.
“Anya.” Merivic’s hazel eyes were dazed but wild as they roamed over her face.
Fury ignited as she shook off his hands. “Do not touch me!”
The venom in Anya’s tone shocked him, even given the situation. There was a fire in her he had not known to exist and he was suddenly even more desperate to douse it. With that thought in mind, a conflicting, and yet intriguing, thought joined it—as surprised as he was by her rage, he found he was aroused by it as well. There was a tiger within this kitten.
As he stared into her pained eyes, he was ashamed by the intruding thought and he promptly shoved it aside. “Please, Anya. You must forgive me.” He stepped closer and she matched it in retreat.
“Perhaps we are not meant to be after all.” She tried to step around him.
His chest tightened. “We are! You know we are!” He grabbed her arm, spun her toward him, and rambled as the panic seized. “I do not even know what happened.” He swallowed hard, trying to remember through the fog in his head. “Zabela fetched my drink, I was thinking of you, then her head was in my lap…”
Merivic stared over her head, unfocused as his brow creased and his eyes narrowed. “We… I… It was like I had no control. She was you and then…”
Anya felt her anger lessen as she studied him. Something was off. He was distressed, that was obvious, but there was more to it than that. She felt a quick wave of guilt for denying him, and began to think none of this would have happened if she had not. But her indignation immediately flared—this was not her fault, she was not to blame.
Oblivious of Anya for a moment, Merivic concentrated, pushing at the terror long enough to try and figure out had what happened. He jolted as he came to a realization—Malik. He squeezed his eyes closed to control his temper, then slowly opened them. “I have no excuse. Please, I will do anything to regain your trust. Anything. Simply name it.”
“Merivic
...” Anya sighed as she twisted out of his grasp, and turned her back on him. “I do not know right now.”
He gritted his teeth. “I understand.” Putting his hands lightly on her shoulders, he murmured, “But will you stay? And give yourself a chance to forgive me?”
Anya’s stomach clutched. Could she leave, when all she ever wanted was there? Even though—if she was to be completely honest with herself—she was not sure who that was at the moment. She nodded her agreement, and Merivic squeezed her shoulders as he leaned down.
“Thank you, Anya,” he whispered in her ear. She flinched as his lips brushed against her cheek, and he immediately released her. “I will give you your space. That was foolish of me. I apologize.”
Turning, she glanced at his ashamed expression, and then away, determined not to feel guilty for his indiscretion—it was ridiculous for her to do so.
“I will see you to your quarters.” He bowed his head and gestured toward the stairs.
She stared at his sullen posture and sighed in exasperation. Even if she did decide to forgive him, would he ever forgive himself? Would, or could, anything ever be the same between them? And what of Kael? What had he truly divulged to her? He had said he wanted her, but then not.
She sulked toward the steps, lost in the maze of unanswered questions knowing she would not find any answers that night, or possibly, ever. And Merivic sulked with her, an arm’s length away, careful not to touch her as he led her to her room.
*****
Merivic’s voice was tight, but controlled. However, anyone that knew him as Malik did, knew it was the calm edge in his tone that was to be feared the most. He was on the verge of losing it.
“If you have ruined this for me, rest assured I will have your head on a platter.”
“Perhaps I could—”
“You have done enough. I need to think about how I can fix this, to undo the damage you have caused.” Merivic paced the confined room, hands clasped behind his back.
“I will tell her what I did. Surely she would not blame you if—”
“You cannot!” he suddenly snarled, stalking up to Malik. “What if she should put that magic together with her and I? I cannot risk it!” He spun away, sweeping his arm across the table as he let out a guttural roar, throwing vials, pouches and parchment into a pile on the floor and ignoring the small explosions it set off at his feet. “You nearly destroyed everything!” Merivic leaned against the table, his fisted hands supporting him as he took several deep breaths. Malik recoiled a step when the lord turned back to him, his hazel eyes steady and his voice deadly smooth once again. “What if she decides it must be magic binding us?”
“No magic was used! It was her choice.” Malik tried standing up to his flat glare, but instinct had him cowering inside.
“Yes, I know that!” he snapped, breathing deeply again before continuing. “But I cannot risk her thinking otherwise, especially after tonight. Who knows what she would doubt now?” He stared at Malik, and something in his stance alerted him. “Malik.”
He did not respond, deciding it was simply safer to wait and hear what the lord had to say.
“Is there anything else I should know about?”
Malik’s mind raced, thinking about how he and Zabela had been using a similar potion on Kaelestis, then pondering as to what kind of punishment such a confession would earn. The decision to lie was an easy one. “No, there is nothing else.”
Merivic nodded once. “One more thing. Send Zabela away. See to it at once.”
Malik opened his mouth to protest, but snapped it shut when he saw the flash of anger in the lord’s eyes.
“I will not have a walking reminder being flaunted in Anya’s face! Get rid of her tonight!”
“Yes, Sire. As you say.”
Merivic stared hard before leaving, and when he slammed the door behind him, Malik let out a huge breath. He would not risk angering Merivic further by disobeying—he would send Zabela away.
However, he could not stand to send her far.
Chapter 24
The beauty of the garden did nothing to soothe the turmoil within Anya’s mind and heart. Her restless night weighed her down with drowsiness, and her lover’s betrayal weighted her down with bitterness. And the dreary cloud-covered sky only heightened both sensations.
Heavy sighs escaped as she meandered between the planters, stopping every so often to caress a silky petal between her fingertips before moving onto the next blossoming batch. Gardens have always provided a soft fascination to her, but even this one, in all its splendor, could not deter or distract her from the night before.
Thankfully, she was so absorbed in her thoughts that she was unaware of being watched from afar. Palms propped on the low wall of the balcony above, Merivic looked on with a raging turmoil of his own.
“Sire.” The lord did not respond nor move a muscle at Kael’s address. Curious as to what caught his attention so vigorously, Kael approached. It was not until he was standing next to Merivic that he saw who was in the garden. Kael gave Anya a cursory stare as well before speaking again. “There is a messenger from Silktree here to see you, My Lord.”
Merivic did not look away as he responded, “I made a grievous mistake last night, Kaelestis.”
So did I, Kael thought sourly. “It is none of my concern, Sire.”
“It affects her,”—he nodded at Anya—“therefore it is your concern.” Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I will make it up to her. Of this, I swear.” He turned to Kael. “I feel I must apologize to you as well.”
Kael’s confused expression saved him the need to question the lord further.
“Zabela,” Merivic’s one-word quiet explanation said it all.
“Oh. It was not like that between us any longer.”
“My apologies, I did not know. Just as I did not know last night, therefore it remains inexcusable on my part. But your admission alleviates a measure of my guilt arising from a decision I had to make.”
“Decision, Sire?”
“I sent Zabela away. I was afraid that would upset you further.”
“No, My Lord. It is for the best.”
Merivic leaned on his elbows as he watched Anya again. “How can one man have such erroneous judgment where the people that matter most are concerned?”
Kael was not sure if the lord was speaking to him or himself, but he replied anyhow—despite the burn the words left behind. “I am sure she will forgive you.”
“I can only hope. She means the world to me,” he admitted, and then murmured, “Quite literally.”
Feeling a twist in his gut, Kael turned to leave. “Do not forget about the messenger, My Lord.”
Merivic waved a hand at him absently as he continued watching the woman below.
*****
Several days passed with nothing resolved. Anya was still teetering on an edge between what was and what could have been. Merivic was still giving her a wide berth for her to contemplate his actions, although he continued to watch her clandestinely. And Kael remained as scarce as possible, temporarily passing his duties to Gerhard as he studied the situation from afar.
Anya spent much of her time wandering the castle halls—sometimes finding herself lost in the process—and wishing for any sort of clarity, just a moment of lucidity to focus the chaos inside. It was during one of those mindless journeys that she bumped into Kael.
Rounding a corner, she did not even realize who she had walked into until she looked up into those deep blue eyes. Kael grabbed her shoulders to steady her as she stumbled back—something he seemed to have to do quite often—and then released her as soon as she was balanced.
“Pardon me, Milady.”
Her eyes narrowed at the title. “Back to that, are we?”
He nodded cordially. “Very well, then. Anya.”
“Why have I not seen you since…” Her eyes darted down as her hand flew up to fiddle with her amulet. Was she to refer to that night as the one where Mer
ivic cheated on her, or the one where Kael very nearly professed his feelings to her?
“I have other duties besides your security. I trust Gerhard has seen to your needs.”
Throwing her shoulders back, she crossed her arms. “He has, in his painfully polite way. You could not have simply assigned a rabid dog to me instead? It would be far easier to deal with that than this pitiful excuse for a sentinel.”
Kael’s mouth quirked toward a smile, but managed to contain himself. “I assure you, Gerhard is more than capable of maintaining order and assuring your safety.”
“And who is to protect him from me? For if he keeps up his attitude, rest assured, he will require quite a measure of protection.”
“Would you like me to speak to him on your behalf?”
Her shoulders slumped as her bottom lip slipped out. “No. I am sure it would only encourage him further.”
“Very well. If you will excuse me.” Kael bowed slightly as he moved to step around her.
“Wait. I did want to speak to you about something that was bothering me.”
Kael’s brow arched casually, but his frame tightened in anticipation. “And what was that?”
“I just wanted to express my regrets about that night… When you had to see…” She heaved a sigh. “I feel bad you had to see Zabela like that. Cheating on you. It was selfish of me not to consider that when we spoke… Well, when we were talking on the balcony. I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to realize… Anyway, I regret that you had to go through that, as well.”
He let a slow breath to release the tension. “There is no need, Anya. I am fine.”
“Kael, you cannot fool me. I know it must have hurt to witness for yourself.” Anya briefly reflected on her own pain as she empathized with him. No one should have to feel that way. No one deserved that.
“Anya, I am fine. Truly, I am. Zabela was a distraction to me. Nothing more.”
Her mouth dropped open as she stared at the man in front of her. A distraction? He would refer to a long-term relationship—a physical one, at that—as a simple distraction? Just what kind of man had he become? “You… Did you not… A distraction?”
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