Broken Silence: A tense psychological thriller

by Fran McDonnell

  Isobel reached out and touched her hand. “I know. But at least he will understand better what is happening. You’ve been so brave.”

  Emer shook her head. “I actually feel easier now. I’m so tired. I haven’t been able to sleep. I get nightmares. I’ve ended up lying here on the couch because Ben has to work and I kept waking him. He would want to comfort me, and I couldn’t let him.” She began to sob again. “We’d been trying for a baby. At first he thought I’d miscarried – that I didn’t want to have sex because I was afraid of getting pregnant again. I let him think that. It was easier. But then, as my depression grew worse and worse, he began to see that there must be something else involved.”

  Isobel let her cry for a few moments and then said, “Ben cares about you so much. He loves you.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m sure he’ll support you in this. Let him. None of us can get through tough things by ourselves. We all need support.”

  Emer looked up. “Like Mum supported you when you were sick.”

  “Just like that. I thought I might die. I was so afraid. All the help your mum gave me made a difference. I know it can be hard to let someone in, but it’s worth it.”

  Emer nodded.

  Isobel bit her lip. “There are specialised people at the Rape Crisis Centre who could help you.”

  “I’m not ready for that. But I want to protect my niece and nephew so I’m going to tell some people – Ben, Mum, my sister.”

  Isobel nodded. “Those are the people you need to start with.”

  “Maybe in the future …” There was a pause. “Do you think I can get through this?”

  Isobel waited for Emer to look at her. “Yes. I think you can.”

  Emer nodded.

  “What do you want to do now?” Isobel asked.

  Emer swallowed. “I’m going to tell Ben and Mum now. Maybe tomorrow I can talk to my sister, Yvonne. She’s tried to be supportive. She knows someone from her area who has become reclusive like me, another woman, and she’s been reading up on it.” She almost smiled. “She keeps trying to suggest meditation and mindfulness and yoga to help with my anxiety. I just haven’t felt able to do any of them. Maybe she’ll understand better now.”

  There was a knock at the door. Isobel looked at Emer with a raised eyebrow.

  Emer called, “Come in!”

  Rebecca opened the door and stepped in, observing Isobel sitting on the floor by Emer’s chair and Emer’s tearstained face. She glanced at Isobel who gave a small nod.

  “Mum.” Emer’s eyes dewed up again.

  “Are you alright, love?”

  “Better than I was.”

  Rebecca flicked a glance at Isobel.

  “I’m glad I’ve talked about it,” Emer said.

  Rebecca’s shoulders dropped. “I am too, love.”

  “Mum, will you ring Ben and ask him to come back? I want to talk to you both.”

  Rebecca flashed a glance at Isobel who nodded encouragingly.

  “Of course.” Rebecca left the room again.

  “Will you stay while I tell them, Isobel?”

  Isobel nodded. “Yes.”

  Emer took a deep breath. “I’m afraid that I might not be able for their reactions. And I don’t want to go into detail, just say what happened.”

  Isobel reached out, took Emer’s hand and squeezed it.

  She squeezed back. “Thank you, Isobel. Despite everything, for the first time since it happened I feel a little better.”

  “When exactly did it happen, Emer? You said January?”

  “Yes. It was the 31st of January.”

  Isobel stood up from the floor. Emer frowned and reached out for her hand. Seeing her anxiety, Isobel took her hand again and perched on the arm of her chair.

  “Just say as much as you want to now – a sentence, just the facts. Once you’ve done that you can go as slow or as fast as you want to or feel able to.”

  Emer nodded. “How do you think they’ll react?”

  Isobel blew on her lips softly. “Probably some relief at understanding what has been going on for you and then shock, anger, sadness, devastation.”

  Emer inhaled deeply. “Ben will be angry with me. He never wanted me to walk alone.” She looked at Isobel. “But I thought I was safe, here, so close to home, on a well-lit path.”

  Isobel nodded. “I know.”

  They both heard the front door open. Emer squeezed Isobel’s hand tightly. There was a murmur of voices and then Rebecca and Ben came into the sitting room.

  Ben met Isobel’s eyes and she nodded.

  Emer’s grip on Isobel’s hand didn’t lessen, so Isobel gestured to the couch and Rebecca and Ben sat down.

  Isobel glanced at Emer whose eyes were again fixed on the floor, and then said, “Emer is very upset but she’s hoping to give you some idea of what has been going on for her. This is very difficult for her and she’s afraid.” She closed her eyes and prayed for guidance on how to handle the situation.

  Ben cleared his throat.

  Isobel snapped her eyes onto his.

  “Whatever it is, Emer, I just want to help you,” he said. “I’m in the dark, I don’t know what to do for the best. Just talk to me.”

  Isobel could feel her eyes filling up. This was an amazing young man, a keeper.

  Emer took a noisy and ragged breath. “The reason I’ve been the way that I am is,” she dragged in a breath, “is that … I was … I was raped in January.” She dissolved into tears, her head bent over.

  There was a stunned silence.

  Rebecca and Ben both looked at Isobel.

  Tears came into Rebecca’s eyes and she put her hand to her mouth to stifle a sob.

  Ben put his head into his hands.

  “Emer, it’s OK now,” Isobel murmured. “You’ve done so well to tell me and then to tell Ben and Rebecca. They’re shocked about what happened to you but they’re so relieved to know what the problem is. They need time to come terms with this, as you do, but it’s so good that you’ve opened up and they understand what you’re going through now. Ben and your mum love you so much. They’re just upset that this has happened to you.”

  She gestured for Rebecca to come over.

  Rebecca came and knelt by the chair. Reaching out and putting an arm around her daughter’s bent shoulders, she said, “Oh, God, love, I’m so sorry. We’ll help you get through this.”

  Emer let go of Isobel’s hand and, turning to her mother, cried in her arms.

  Isobel went and sat beside Ben on the couch. Gently she touched his hand and he looked at her. Quietly, under the cover of Emer’s crying, she said, “She knows you didn’t like her walking alone.”

  He bit his lip and shook his head.

  “I’ve been telling her that this isn’t her fault,” Isobel said.

  Ben swallowed and nodded, his eyes full of pain.

  “She was so frightened, so afraid to tell anyone,” Isobel said, “but what happened to that other woman today has shaken her up.”

  Gradually, she could see Ben getting a grasp of things. She nodded at him and towards Emer. Ben got up and crouched on the floor where Isobel had been. Emer’s tears were abating.

  He reached out. “Emer, I’m so sorry that this happened to you.” His voice caught. “And I’m so glad that you’re here and that you’re telling us about it.”

  Emer wailed again and, turning from her mother, fell into Ben’s outstretched arms. He hugged her close, both crying at this stage. Isobel could hear him murmuring endearments and reassurances.

  Rebecca got up and, catching Isobel’s eye, jerked her head towards the door. Together the two women crept out and went to the kitchen.

  Rebecca turned to Isobel and shook her head. Isobel could see the shock in her eyes. She reached out and hugged her, feeling her shaking in grief as she cried for her daughter.

  Eventually Isobel guided Rebecca to a seat, put the kettle on and made two cups of tea. Before sitting down, she looked into the sittin
g room. Emer and Ben were sitting on the couch together, arms around each other, and Emer was talking. Isobel left them to it.

  Back in the kitchen she sat down opposite Rebecca and took a deep breath. “Rebecca ...”

  “At least we know now what the problem is,” Rebecca said, nodding to herself as she spoke. “We can support Emer, and she can get help.”

  Isobel reached out and took her hands. Rebecca had her head down, her eyes unfocused with shock and devastation. Isobel squeezed her hands and gradually increased the pressure until eventually Rebecca looked up.

  Her eyes were haunted. “How could someone do that to my little girl?” Her eyes filled with tears.

  Isobel shook her head. “Rebecca, I need you to listen to me. I know it is a lot to take in, but I need you to listen to what I’m going to say now.”

  Rebecca nodded and Isobel could see her strive to concentrate.

  “One of the reasons Emer couldn’t tell you about what happened is that the man who raped her threatened to harm Barry and Rachel if she told anyone.”

  Isobel could see another level of shock register.

  “What?”

  “Yes, he threatened Rachel and Barry if she said anything.”

  Rebecca went white. “What are we going to do?”

  Isobel grasped her hands and chaffed them. “Take a deep breath.”

  Rebecca complied.

  “Emer is going to speak to Yvonne tomorrow. In the meantime, you need to keep a close eye on the children.”

  Rebecca looked dazed.

  “Do you understand what I’m saying?” Isobel injected some force into her voice. “All of you need to be more mindful about their safety – without frightening the children.”

  Rebecca started to nod. “Yes, yes. That is what we need to do. We can do that.”

  “Yes, you can.”

  “And Emer?”

  “She has taken a huge step today. She is probably going to be exhausted. Keep reassuring her that, despite everything, it is better to know, that you will help her, that she needs time, that she can get through this.”

  Rebecca nodded. Isobel could see the eminently practical part of Rebecca reach ascendency and knew that she would be OK.

  They sat a few minutes in silence.

  “Thank you, Isobel. These last few months have been hell, worrying about Emer and having no idea what to do for the best.” She gave a rueful smile. “It is still hell but at least now I know why we are in hell and I have some belief that there might be a way out.”

  Isobel nodded. “Slowly.”

  Rebecca nodded.

  Isobel felt her shoulders sag. “Will you be OK if I head home now? I’m exhausted. It’s been a tough day.”

  Rebecca squeezed her hand. “We’ll manage. Thank you for this.”

  Isobel hugged her. “I’ll just say goodbye to Emer. I will talk to you tomorrow. Try and get some rest.”

  Ben and Emer looked up as Isobel came into the sitting room.

  “Emer, how are you doing?”

  Emer gave a thin smile. “I’m OK.”

  “I’m going home now. I’ll call tomorrow and see how you are doing, if that’s alright with you.”

  Emer nodded. “Thank you.”

  Isobel gently touched her shoulder. “Bye.”

  On the drive home to Newport, a small village in rural Tipperary fifteen miles from Limerick city, Isobel found her mind jumping through the day: one woman raped and murdered and another, her friend’s daughter, raped. While Emer had survived her attack, she had a long road ahead of her. Isobel thought of the family of the dead woman and wondered if she had children. She drove through her tears.

  Tucked up in bed, she felt exhausted, wrung out physically and emotionally, but sleep brought little rest.

  She dreamt that she was lying down. She could hear crows cawing and she knew they were coming. She heard the sound of wings. They were getting closer. She felt sure that they were going to attack her. She put her hands over her eyes to protect them. She could hear lots of wings. Feathers brushed her arms.

  She screamed and curled in, covering her head.

  In the distance dogs barked and she knew they were coming for her too.

  Isobel woke bathed in sweat and fighting off her bedclothes.

  Chapter 5

  Wednesday 19th June

  Isobel extracted herself from the tangle of duvet, shivering as she remembered the threatening crows and dogs of her nightmare. Lying there, she looked up at the peaked ceiling and admitted to herself that she was afraid that death was stalking her too. Her treatment for cancer had finished only a few months before, but the truth was that she had now found a lump in her other breast. Even acknowledging that thought made her stomach turn liquid. This is what had happened eighteen months ago. Surely it couldn’t be happening again? And yet she knew it could. It had happened to other women.

  Emer had faced her demon last night and Isobel knew that she needed to do that too. She had encouraged Emer to move forward and she needed to do the same.

  She took a shower and checked that she wasn’t imagining things. She wasn’t. The lump was still there.

  At nine o’clock, she took a deep breath and picked up the phone.

  “Hello – Newport surgery.”

  “Hello. I have a history of breast cancer and I’ve just discovered a lump on my other breast. Could I have an appointment to see the doctor, please?”

  “Let me see … yes, she can see you at two o’clock today.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  Isobel breathed a sigh of relief. She had taken the first step. Now it was a matter of getting through the waiting-time. That was always hard. She knew from before that what helped her was walking and doing things.

  She had a hasty breakfast and then grabbed her car keys and headed into Limerick City. By the time she got there she had a string of missed calls from Dave, her brother, her sister Jo and her parents. Her illness had shaken everyone up and they were still overanxious and concerned for her. Isobel felt her heart sink. She couldn’t tell them about her new fears. It would be time enough to tell them when the doctors had given her their opinion, when there was some definite news. Living with the ‘what if’s’ was hard: what if the treatment hadn’t stopped the cancer, what if it had spread? Finding any calmness in the midst of the ‘what if’s’ was hard. It was hard to get through the day and especially the night.

  The phone rang again. It was Dave.

  “I’ve been talking to Jo. That body in Limerick was found near where you walk.”

  Isobel rolled her eyes. “Yes, the walking group discovered it.”

  “Oh my God, how awful.”

  “I know. I’m fine though.”

  “What is going on with you and bodies? First there was that whole thing in London and now this. You’re not going to get involved, are you?”

  “Obviously I had to give a statement but –”

  “The last thing you need right now is more crime. You need to take it easy and concentrate on getting stronger.”

  “I know. I know. Dave, I can’t talk now. I’m meeting someone. I have to go. Tell everyone I’m good.”

  “Go, go. We’ll talk again.”

  “Bye.”

  Isobel shook her head. Her family were worried enough as it was and right now she couldn’t cope with their worries and her own. She would only tell them if there was something to tell.

  Isobel’s first port of call was Henry Street Garda Station. Leaving the bright street behind, she entered the dark foyer and approached the policeman on duty.

  “I’d like to see Detective Sergeant Alanna Finnegan, please. It’s in relation to the lady found dead yesterday in Corbally.”

  “Sergeant Finnegan is busy. What exactly is it you want to tell her?”

  “I found the body yesterday.”

  The man’s attitude softened. “Have you given a statement?”

  “Yes, yesterday.”

  “Have you thought of somethi
ng else?”

  “Yes, there is something that I need to add.”

  “The sergeant and Inspector Ryan are with the pathologist at the moment. You won’t get talking to them until this afternoon. Let me take your name and I’ll let her know that you called. Is there anything you want me to pass on to her?”

  “No, no. I’ll wait and talk to her later.”

  Turning quickly, she headed back out into the street.

  The Rape Crisis Centre for Limerick City was in Dooradoyle. Isobel had never been there. Despite Google maps it was difficult to find it – it was a private house off the road.

  She made her way inside and rang the bell.

  A gentle, kind-faced woman came to meet her.

  “Hello, my name is Isobel McKenzie.”

  “Hi, Isobel, Fiona Carr. How can I help?”

  “My friend’s daughter has told me about being raped. I’m looking for an information pack and a contact number to pass on to her.”

  Fiona nodded. “Of course.” She moved away to a desk and collected a small folder which she handed to Isobel.

  Isobel glanced down at it. It was handbag-size. Flicking it open, she could see a number of sheets inside.

  “Thank you. This looks very informative.”

  “I’m one of the therapists here.”

  Isobel smiled. “Good to meet you. I’m actually a psychotherapist myself. But I thought it might be better if my friend’s daughter talked to someone who isn’t a family friend.”

  Fiona nodded. “Yes. When you know the family so well it’s often better to let another professional deal with it.”

  “She may not talk to anyone. Her attacker threatened her to ensure her silence.” Isobel noticed a slight rise in Fiona’s eyebrows. “But I want to give her choices, now that she has opened up. I want her to feel that there is a lot of support available.”

  “Of course.”

  Isobel waited a moment, but Fiona didn’t add anything else.