Have Mother, Will Travel: A Mother and Daughter Discover Themselves, Each Other, and the World

by Claire Fontaine

  I’m clear about my commitment to work with lawmakers and the educational community in an effort to prevent or stop child abuse, and I write and speak about my own experience as a way of helping other survivors heal and move on. This year I began research for my next project, a narrative nonfiction book that combines four of my greatest interests: travel, human behavior, history, and culture. I’ll be writing this one sans Maman, and starting next month I’ll be sleeping on Soraya’s sofa as I transition back into life as an author in New York City.

  The same week I got home I did three things. The first was to call my mother. It took a lot of calls but she did start speaking to me. I eventually went to visit her; it was as if no time at all had passed. Words cannot express how grateful and happy I am to have her in my life again.

  The second thing was to join a boot-camp class. I couldn’t run a block or do a single man’s push-up. Nowadays I’m running five miles, doing fifty push-ups and a couple hundred sit-ups, all before sunrise. It’s changed my life.

  The third was to start learning how to assist others in changing theirs. Just before I left Avignon—ironically, as I was packing up my vision map—I got an e-mail from Barbara: did I want to train under her to become a performance/transformational coach? As she likes to say, there are no accidents. Still jet-lagged, I got on a plane to San Jose and a year later became certified. I then went on to become a certified relationship coach.

  Sadly, a year after I returned, both the house and my marriage continued their slow decline. As much as we respected and loved each other, Paul and I weren’t sure which was causing the other to further decay. We’ve separated and have never gotten along better. The week I left, he bought the paint color he’d wanted for five years (and I didn’t). Dating in my fifties, for the first time in twenty-five years, will be an interesting adventure.

  Having Mia live near me these last two years has been fabulous. I feel like I got back the two years we lost when she was fifteen. I’ve watched her grow as a woman in so many ways and I’ve grown and learned from being with her. Mostly, we’ve had fun together. That girl could make a stone laugh. Our editor won’t want to hear this, but half the reason we took so long to write this book is that we laughed so much whenever we worked. We can’t walk two blocks without stopping to laugh, and you can’t ask for more than that, because like life, the mother-daughter relationship is, après tout, just a matter of good.

  I’m currently living in Paris, researching a historic novel. I have no idea where I’ll live when I return, and I’m not really bothered by that. Trust seems to be working pretty well for me these days.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Chrystelle Guisset, chère amie and chief muse, you are a constant source of delight for us. We cherish your wisdom, love, and support, your humor and your joie de vivre (not to mention your talent for logistics and efficiency). This book would not have been possible without you.

  We’re fortunate in having an agent who is also a friend (and a mother of four daughters, all under age five!). Stacey Glick, of Dystel & Goderich, thank you so much for being our cheerleader and champion over the years.

  We’re just as lucky in our brilliant editor, Cassie Jones, who’s got the patience of, well, a mother. You make us look good, you make us laugh, and you call us “your lovelies.” Doesn’t get any better than that for an author. Nous t’adorons!

  We’re grateful to Jessica McGrady as well, for her smarts, efficiency, and care, especially when we’re down to the wire (which is often). And to our amazing copyeditor Olga Galvin Gardner, whose sharp eyes and mind made this a much better book. Our gratitude and a round of applause to everyone on our team at HarperCollins—your support and hard work have meant the world to us from day one.

  A very special acknowledgment goes to William and Pamela Chalmers. What Bill (aka the Ringmaster) has created in The Global Scavenger Hunt is sheer genius. How Pamela pulls it all together, and holds it all together on the road, is just as amazing. To learn more about this amazing annual travel adventure and competition, and the great good they do with the funds they raise for the GreatEscape Foundation, go to globalscavengerhunt.com.

  We would like to acknowledge and thank again everyone who donated to charities in our names. Your generous donations went to the organizations Childhelp and Protect.org, and, through the GreatEscape Foundation, funded coed elementary schools in Sierra Leone, Sri Lanka, Ecuador, India, and Kenya, and gave to the Clinton Foundation, World Monuments Fund, and the September 11 Freedom Fund, among others. To learn more about the remarkable work done globally and in the United States by SOS Children’s Villages, visit www.sos-childrensvillages.org and www.sos-usa.org.

  To all the women who have so generously shared their personal stories with us, in person, through e-mails, and questionnaires, thank you—you have enriched this book, and our lives, more than we can express. Every one of you has touched us and made the journey that began with Come Back one of continuous discovery, inspiration, and growth.

  A huge thank-you to the many folks who have supported, advised, humored, fed, and sometimes housed us during the writing of this memoir. In the United States: Nancy Marsden, crusading for our children on the Huffington Post; Chris Simpson; Leah Komaiko (who births a lot of amazing things over at leahkomaiko.com); Kelly Sterling, who nourishes us in every way (put on your apron and go to snailsview.com); the remarkably doublegood Karin Anderson; Robyn Tauber, mother extraordinaire who spreads sunshine everywhere she goes.

  In France: Kristin and Jean-Marc Espinasse, who continue to enchant with their words and wine at French-word-a-day.com and rouge-bleu.com. The humor and kindness of Isabelle Oudin and Anthony Viro gave us more unforgettable memories than we could fit in here. Nathalie Daguet, for your keen insight and for giving us all Avignon on your gorgeous blog, avignon-in-photos.blogspot.com. Christine Witebsky, la belle Isabelle, and Xavier Robaux, for your kindness, friendship, and last-minute rescue. Thank you, dear Amy Plum, for the warmth and welcome of your home. And Bruno Lavollé, for your extraordinary generosity, warmth, and humor; you and your delightful family have made Paris feel like home.

  A special thank-you to Maureen Murdock, Ph.D., therapist, photographer, and author of The Heroine’s Journey and Unreliable Truth, among many others; Tracey Jackson, screenwriter, filmmaker, and author of Between a Rock and a Hot Place; Sabrina Faludi, for giving so generously of your time, care and expertise, usually at a moment’s notice.

  We are grateful to Mindy M., Jill R., Amy H., Sue L., Tracey S., and Nikki R., for their wisdom and courage in sharing their stories with us.

  For sharing their experiences and insight on the mother-daughter relationship in other cultures we thank Noni Darwish, Violet Mess, and Sabrina Faludi and her friends.

  Un grand merci to those who’ve given us a home-away-from-home office, in France: the Fabulous Five at Bar les Célestins—Stephan, Christine, Edith, Jeremy, and Roman; and in West Palm Beach: the gang at the Clematis Starbucks, the Marulli family at the historic Harvey Building, Chef Scott Helm for care and feeding, and a very special thank-you to Molly Charland and her staff at the Four Arts King Library, a haven of tranquility and beauty.

  We’ve had the privilege of speaking with book clubs across the country over the last five years. In the last two, some of you let us interview you, so a special thank-you to Queen Nancy and the Venice Book Club Chicks; Pamela and the Jersey Girls; Not Too Busy to Read in Plymouth; Sherri and Wendy of the Yale book club in Miami. The Chicago area has so many book clubs full of smart, funny women; please forgive us for not mentioning you all by name. If we’ve forgotten anyone, and we’re afraid we have, it’s only because we let Claire handle logistics and filing. Bad idea.

  A huge thank-you to the warm and wonderful Dee Bloom, a cheerleader and friend who gave this book a critical read at a critical time, giving us, and you, a much better book.

  To our Hungarian family—Alice, Zolie, Hajnalka, Eva, Gabby, and Zoliku—connecting with you has been an amazing gift. Y
ou’ve shown us that love, laughter, and generosity require no translation.

  Claire would also like to thank:

  My first and greatest debt of gratitude goes to you, Mom, for all the things I never thanked you for, the wisdom I didn’t see, the sacrifices I didn’t notice, the quiet acts of loving kindness and devotion, the patience and joy you took in mothering us, all the ways you said you loved me that I was too foolish and wrongheaded to recognize. I see more and more each day how much I owe to you, as a mother and as a woman.

  The great putter-upperer and, nowadays, fixer-upperer, Paul. Your patience, smarts, talent, and love have helped mother this book through a very long journey!

  My four unique and wonderful sisters, with special thanks to Viv for your eagle eyes and insight in reading this manuscript. Sandy, my beloved big brother and Stacey, welcome to the family.

  Barbara Fagan of SourcePoint Training, for your brilliance about being, and for your mentorship, love, and support over twelve years. You’re a role model, an inspiration, and a treasured friend.

  Lou Dozier of SourcePoint Training and Lynn Pollard and David Gilcrease of ResourceRealizations. I cannot imagine more effective and powerful training in the field of relationships than what you’ve lovingly created.

  Cami McClaren, I’m grateful to have you in my life as a friend and colleague. Your willingness to challenge me has been invaluable.

  Carole Watson, for your support, wise counsel, and for tracking me down all the way in France.

  A big köszönöm to Violet Mess and her six A.M. boot-camp gang, for pushing me further than I ever thought I could go. You guys rock.

  Denise Perez—we’ve laughed, cried, scolded, and loved each other through an amazing transition. We’ve watched so many sunrises and sunsets on the beach together that if you were a guy I’d marry you.

  Mia would also like to thank:

  Dad, I’m so grateful for this extra time we’ve had together. You are and always will be my hero, my best friend, and my rock.

  Bubbie, I love you for your sense of humor, your compassion, your bravery, the poppy-seed pastries you’ve baked, and the blankets you’ve knitted me since birth.

  Grandmaude and Grandpa, you gave me childhood memories that I cherish, and I love that every visit is somehow more fun than the last.

  Richard, for your nourishment and support, for bringing Florida to life, and for keeping me laughing throughout.

  Soraya, for being my steadfast guide and anchor. You’re the kind of true-blue friend we happen upon so rarely.

  Nina, for your ongoing friendship and support. The humanitarian work you’ve done over the years has been such an inspiration.

  Guenn and Alanna, for being the best roomies a New York newcomer could ever want.

  Peter, thank you for showing me the city and the countryside that I never saw, and returning me to a place that changed my life.

  To the RYLA crew and the Nelson clan, thank you for creating weekends that I look forward to year after year. Sean Nelson, you’re truly inimitable, and your dedication and passion for youth continuously amaze me.

  Sarah, I’m pretty sure that whatever we exist as before we’re born was halved in two and delivered forty years apart. Your love and friendship are lifelines for me. Lee, thank you for bringing her the love and light she’s always deserved.

  ABOUT THE AUTHORS

  CLAIRE FONTAINE and MIA FONTAINE are the coauthors of the bestselling memoir Come Back: A Mother and Daughter’s Journey Through Hell and Back.

  A former screenwriter, Claire divides her time between the United States and Europe, where she is researching a historical novel and doing a comparative analysis of les éclairs au chocolat de Paris. She is also a certified relationship coach and a certified life coach.

  A popular motivational speaker, Mia has written for the New York Times, blogs for Ms. Magazine, and is currently at work on a narrative nonfiction book that combines four of her greatest interests: travel, human behavior, history, and culture. She lives in New York City.

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.

  ALSO BY CLAIRE AND MIA FONTAINE

  Come Back: A Mother and Daughter’s Journey Through Hell and Back

  CREDITS

  Cover design by Mary Schuck

  Cover photograph © by JFCreative/Getty Images

  COPYRIGHT

  Claire and Mia Fontaine continue to write under pen names for reasons related to their first memoir. A few people’s names in this book have been changed to protect their privacy. Most everyone, however, is referred to by their real names, and all the events, even the most embarrassing ones, are true.

  HAVE MOTHER, WILL TRAVEL. Copyright © 2012 by Claire Fontaine and Mia Fontaine. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  FIRST EDITION

  ISBN 978-0-06-168839-3

  Epub Edition © JULY 2012 ISBN: 9780062109637

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  FOOTNOTES

  * A little trinket or ornament, bric-a-brac.

  * Yiddishized version of “greenhorns,” meaning a newcomer from the Old Country.

  * Fuck your mother.

  * Grammar.

  *Think they. In France, almost anything will do for a “th,” the letters f, v, s, or z.