Don't Let Go

by Andrew Grey

  Zeke had heard all that before. “I’m going to go to bed. Will you do what I asked?” He was too tired to talk about it anymore.

  His dad nodded, and that was enough for him.

  Zeke went down to his room, stripped off his clothes, and climbed under the covers, wishing he was back in the cabin with Robert curled around him. Everything was straightforward when they were together. There were no worries about the future, no complications. Things were happy and simple. Zeke needed more of that in his life right now.

  TOAST AND coffee, the breakfast of champions… not. But it was what was in the house, so Zeke ate and headed out to the barn. He had things he needed to get done, and they weren’t going to do themselves.

  The scrape of a shovel on concrete met his ears as he pushed open the door and stepped inside. The barn smelled fresh and clean. He inhaled the scent of horses and straw that hung in the air as humming reached his ears, not tuneless sounds, but a complex melody.

  “Morning,” Robert said with way too much perkiness for this hour of the day. He must have been up for hours, because the stalls were nearly all cleaned. He pushed the wheelbarrow past Zeke and out of the barn, then returned with it empty and grabbed a bale of straw. Robert spread it on the floor of the stall and got another, working until it was covered.

  “How long have you been up?” Zeke asked.

  “I couldn’t sleep.” Robert finished in the stall and closed the door. “I kept wondering what happened to the guy who went to bed with me and why I was alone.” He winked. “I figured you had to get back and then I saw the note.”

  The curl of Robert’s lips sent wicked thoughts running through Zeke’s head about things he’d much rather be doing, and they all involved Robert’s naked body on white sheets.

  “You there?” Robert asked quietly, pulling Zeke out of his thoughts.

  “Sorry. Yeah, I didn’t want my father to go ballistic on me.” He checked around the now-spotless barn. “I see you’ve already put your stamp on things.”

  “It needed organizing, so….” Robert grabbed his tools to put them away. “The horses are out in the pastures. It’s supposed to be a nice day, so they can stay outside.”

  “We need to bring in Maisey and Colton and get them saddled. I figured we could ride the fence and see how bad things are. They didn’t look good from the road, and if we don’t make repairs, we’re going to end up searching the valley for our cattle.” Zeke stretched, and Robert watched him closely. His skin heated, and Robert closed the distance between them, his hand sliding over the skin just above his belt.

  “I’m going to make breakfast,” his dad called, and Zeke stepped away from Robert, pulling his shirt back into place. Thankfully they were out of the line of sight. “Are you two going to ride the fence?”

  “Yes, Dad. I was about to bring in the horses.” Zeke strode away, not turning toward his dad because the bulge in his pants was obscene and he needed a chance to get his head back on work where it belonged. He opened the door, and Maisey came right up to him. Zeke led her to the stall and brought in Colton as well.

  Robert kept busy and out of his way, but Zeke was keenly aware of him the entire time he worked with both horses.

  “Let’s go in to eat. Your dad is going to have breakfast done.” Robert came down the loft stairs, covered in bits of hay and straw, a clipboard in his hand. “I was taking inventory of what we had so you and your dad can figure if there’s enough.”

  Zeke smiled and shook his head. “There never seems to be enough.” Of anything, lately. He reminded himself that he needed to look into the ranch finances while he was home. Maybe he should stop in at the bank in town to have a chat with the manager. Lord knew his father would tell him that they were doing fine and there was nothing to worry about. “Let’s go eat.” It was best not to get into all that.

  The enticing scent of eggs and bacon greeted him but was immediately overshadowed by the rising stench of burning toast. Zeke hurried to the kitchen and popped the toaster up as smoke billowed out of it. His father hadn’t seemed to notice.

  “Dad,” Zeke called, and his dad snapped out of whatever daze he was in. Zeke opened the windows and back door to get the smoke out of the room.

  Robert put fresh bread in the toaster as Zeke took over the cooking, saving what was left of breakfast. He wondered if things like this happened to his father very often. He didn’t remember his father zoning out like that before.

  “I’m fine. Just a little scattered,” his dad pronounced sharply, pulling open the refrigerator door with enough force that everything rattled and threatened to spill out. He got the orange juice and thunked the container on the table. Zeke ignored his reaction, finishing the cooking and getting the food on the table.

  Once they sat down, his dad ate without looking up, while Zeke and Robert exchanged glances. Zeke couldn’t stop watching Robert, and that kind of attraction was something Zeke hadn’t experienced before. Robert fascinated him; there was no doubt about it. But Zeke wondered what he really knew about him. Sure, he was great in bed and he’d told him a little about growing up, but other than that, Robert was a mystery. Maybe that was the source of the attraction.

  “After we check the fences, I’m going to head to town. Is there anything you need?”

  His father humphed, and Zeke waited for a better answer, but he didn’t get one. Zeke figured he’d get what he thought was best. He raised his gaze to Robert, who shrugged and finished eating in silence. Zeke’s father was a stubborn man at times, but he rarely used the silent treatment. He was more likely to argue his point till the end of time than just clam up like this. Something was wrong, and Zeke hoped his dad would open up about it eventually.

  Zeke finished his eggs and bacon using a piece of toast as a pusher before taking care of his dishes. “I’ll meet you in the yard when you’re ready,” he told Robert and got out of the house and into the fresh air, breathing deeply. His list of problems kept mounting—his career, Charlene, the ranch, and now his dad’s health. This trip home to have a chance to think was turning into a fucking minefield.

  He grabbed the saddles from the tack room and made smooth work of brushing the horses and getting them ready, putting on their saddles and adding two sets of bags. They were going to need supplies while they were out. He checked the saddlebags, making sure he had all the basic tools for repairing fences. Zeke had forgotten to get waters and snacks, but when Robert eventually came out, he had that with him. Zeke packed it and got on Colton, letting Robert take Maisey. She was gentle and had a smooth gait.

  “How long has it been since you rode?”

  From the way Robert swung himself easily into the saddle, it obviously had not been that long. “Longer than I want to admit, but it’s like riding a bike,” he said softly, turning to smile at Zeke, eyes shining under his tan hat. Damn, Robert looked studly-stunning on that horse, back straight, legs wrapped around Maisey the way they’d held Zeke last night. He knew the power in those denim-encased thighs, and his own jeans grew tight. He had to think of something else, because riding with a hard-on could be damn painful.

  “We’ll start west and work our way around. It’s going to take a while.” The job always did.

  “Then let’s get to it.” Robert nudged Maisey forward and out into the field. Zeke started after him but took over the lead, showing Robert the way. They had to open and close a few gates before they were in the ranch’s open rangeland.

  “I feel like I can breathe now,” Zeke said softly. “Sometimes being inside too much makes me stir-crazy.”

  Robert lifted his hat to wipe his brow and placed it on his head again. “Sometimes open air and land that goes on forever are just what a man needs. Well, that and a horse and a friend to share it with.” He sighed and started humming softly to himself.

  “You do that a lot?” Zeke asked. “I heard you in the barn this morning.”

  Robert stopped abruptly. “I never thought about it.” He colored slightly and turned away,
toward the fence line. “I guess I do it when I’m happy.” Robert picked up speed, and Zeke matched it. “Are we starting right there?”

  “It’s as good a place as any.” Zeke led the way and marked their starting point, then turned to follow the line. “Dad talks about the days before there were fences here.”

  “He told me about it.” Robert smiled. “Said he wasn’t sure if it was to keep the cattle in or the rich city folks out.”

  “That’s one of Dad’s old jokes. He tells that one to anyone who will listen. But I have to wonder if he’s right. I caught a drunk man a few years ago wandering through one of the horse pastures, naked as the day he was born. The guy had it in his head that he was going to climb on a horse and ride naked through town… or something. It was ridiculous. Thankfully Dad and I got ahold of his family and they came to get him. His dad was some big-shot New York businessman and he was pissed as hell. Offered to pay me to keep my mouth shut. I told him that as long as he kept his kid away from my horses, we were even.”

  Robert snorted and turned toward him. “You know, there’s a certain cowboy I’d pay to see ride a horse naked.” He winked and urged Maisey forward.

  Zeke swallowed and stifled a groan. “Make that two of us” was all Zeke could come back with.

  “Looks like a break ahead.” Robert pointed and they headed over. Sure enough, the fence had come loose from the pole.

  Zeke dismounted and Robert did the same. Zeke got the tools from the saddlebag. “This isn’t too bad. I can fix it if you stay with the horses.” He got to work, refastening the wire to the post. It was still strong enough to hold, and once he had it fixed, Zeke checked the rest of the area around it before putting everything away. “I was expecting worse.”

  “The fence seems old but strong enough.” They mounted and continued on their way.

  “This spot is pretty bad,” Zeke said ten minutes later, staring at the mess of wire strewn over the ground. The top wire was all that held the area closed. Zeke climbed off and got the tools.

  He and Robert set to work. They restrung what they could, splicing a few pieces of wire together to close the gap. Zeke got an orange plastic strip and attached it so the section would be easily visible for later. “We’re going to have to bring out some fresh posts and restring this entire area.”

  “Seems secure enough for now,” Robert observed as he tested the fence.

  A rattle sent a chill racing up Zeke’s spine. His mouth went dry, and he felt his horse tense and start to shy. “Don’t move,” Zeke said as he backed away. “Stand still. There’s a snake five feet behind you, and he isn’t happy.” He carefully moved the horses back so they didn’t spook. “Slowly take a step forward.” Zeke’s heart raced as Robert took a step. The familiar rattle sounded again, and damn it all, they needed to be more watchful. Robert took a second slow step and then another. The rattle stopped as Robert continued moving away. Zeke pulled his revolver out of his saddlebag, loaded it quickly, and shot.

  The snake’s headless body lay in the grass.

  “That was really good.”

  “Normally I leave them be, but we have to come back here and I don’t want to encounter him again.” He put the gun away and they remounted.

  “Why didn’t the horses spook?” Robert asked as he climbed back in the saddle.

  “They would have if I hadn’t moved them away from the snake.” He pointed, and they headed off. “They’ve heard plenty of gunshots. They don’t like them, but they don’t spook because of them.”

  They continued on their way and made the turn at the back of the property. They’d already been in the saddle an hour and had quite a bit more time to go.

  The fence in that section looked decent, and they rode along in companionable silence. Robert started humming once again, and for the hell of it, Zeke joined in. At first Robert stopped, but then he started again, and they continued until they reached the riverbank.

  The heat had built, so the shade under the trees was more than welcome. Zeke slid out of the saddle and tied Colton to a tree, with Robert doing the same with Maisey. The horses could reach the water and grass, so they were happy.

  Zeke grabbed a saddlebag and led the way to the riverbank. “The water is really cold because it comes right down out of the mountains.”

  “It’s like air-conditioning under here.” Robert checked the area before sitting on the grass.

  Zeke handed him a bottle of water and an energy bar, sitting next to him. “I used to come down here all the time when I was a kid. I’d strip down and swim, no matter how cold it was.” He chuckled softly as Robert bumped his shoulder. “There’s no way I’m doing that now, no matter how much you paid me.” The water was way too damn cold.

  “But I like your tight little cowboy butt.” Robert bumped him again before touching his chin lightly. Zeke turned and Robert kissed him. “Did you do that here when you were a kid?”

  Zeke shook his head, and Robert kissed him again, harder, the heat rising in the shade. He lay back, and Robert leaned over him. “I used to dream about finding someone to be with out here.” Zeke blinked when Robert kept his distance but held his gaze. “I always thought I was all alone. You know? The only kid to feel this way. There weren’t any other gay kids in school, as far as I knew. I couldn’t tell my dad. He’d be so angry, and….” Zeke slid his hand around the back of Robert’s neck, just holding it there. “This was my dreaming place. Here I could be whatever I wanted.”

  “What was it that teenage Zeke wanted to be?”

  Zeke opened his mouth and barely stopped the truth from coming out. He didn’t want to talk about rodeo in case Robert put things together. “An astronaut.” That had been the truth at one point. “I used to dream of flying to the stars.”

  “I used to dream about flying. I’d like to have been a bird so I could soar above everything.” Robert chuckled softly. “But mostly I used to dream of being a jockey. I wanted to race horses. But I got too big pretty fast, so that was out. My dad suggested I learn rodeo. He said that with my love of horses and the way they did what I wanted them to do, I could tame every bronco on the circuit.”

  “You didn’t, though?” Zeke perked up a little with added interest.

  “No. All I wanted to do was ride. I thought about dressage, but didn’t pursue it. I only wanted to be around horses. It was what I lived for. I told my dad more than once that after the ranch became mine, I was going to get rid of the cows and raise horses, lots of horses.” Robert shook his head as he smiled. “Those dreams died when my dad lost the ranch, and I had to find other dreams.” A cloud crossed Robert’s features for only a second. “That was a long time ago.” He pulled away and lay down. They stared up at the sky through the leaves overhead.

  “It’s obvious you love horses.” Zeke turned his head so he could watch Robert. “I’ve had my own horse since I was ten. Dad gave me my first colt for my birthday that year, and he and I grew up together. Colton and I have been together since then. He’s fifteen now, and he’s got a few more good years left in him and then I’ll put him out to pasture for his retirement.”

  “That’s the way I felt about Blacky Blue. He and I grew up together.” Robert inhaled sharply and wiped his eyes. “He and I were a real team until he got sold with the rest.” He sat up with a soft curse. “I hate when I get maudlin about all that. It was long ago and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Robert groaned and put his head on his knees.

  “It’s okay to talk about it. We all have dreams that don’t come true. And sometimes when they do, they aren’t at all the way we thought they’d be.” Zeke had thought being a rodeo star would be the end-all. He’d be on the top of his game and have all the money he wanted. No one would be able to tell him what to do then, and he could live his life the way he wanted. It turned out that the rodeo part of things was so much easier to manage than being able to do what he pleased.

  “Tell me about it,” Robert mumbled, and Zeke’s curiosity threatened to get the bette
r of him. But hell, he was keeping secrets of his own… for a good reason, but still. “Sometimes you get what you think you want most and realize you don’t want what you got.” He lay still, looking up through the branches as a breeze rustled the leaves. “This is a great place.” Robert opened the bottle of water, then chugged most of it.

  Zeke watched him drink and then eat his energy bar. Zeke did the same, his stomach grumbling at the first bite. “Did you have a creek on your ranch?”

  “Yeah. It was amazing and what made the ranch special.” Robert turned to him. “I used to dream of going back there to buy the ranch back. But it wouldn’t be the same. Just like this wouldn’t be the same if someone else bought it. They’d make changes.” Robert sighed again. He’d been doing that a lot. “Let’s talk about something else.”

  “We could talk about my dad.” Zeke clenched his hands to fists and released them, rolling his eyes.

  Robert threw his head back and laughed. “You have to be kidding me. You want to talk about your dad at a time like this?” He bumped Zeke’s shoulder, realizing he’d been kidding. “Your dad is way back at that house, we’re all alone… and you want to talk about him.”

  Zeke rubbed his hand down his face. He must be going crazy. “On second thought….” He closed the distance between them.

  Robert slipped his hand around Zeke’s neck to tug him closer until their lips met, and the zing of attraction and rising passion frizzled through Zeke like an electric current. He kept wondering if what was between them was simply lust, even though it felt different than that first night. But the feeling didn’t go away and seemed to build whenever they came together. Zeke pressed closer as Robert did the same, pushing him back until Zeke’s head rested on the grass.

  “You’re amazing. Do you know that?” Robert asked breathily. “You make me wonder what I ever did to deserve someone like you.” He tugged Zeke’s shirt out of his pants and slid his hand up his belly, which quivered with each touch. Zeke closed his eyes, drinking in the sensation like parched ground desperate for rain.