by Lucy Clark
‘Absolutely,’ she returned with a wide grin and, with that, he headed off to get Chloe’s bath ready.
Once the little girl was bathed and dressed for bed, Eddie served up dinner. Felix sat next to Chloe and cut up her food. ‘It might be a little spicy for her,’ Felix added after chewing an exquisite mouthful.
‘We’ll see,’ Harriette remarked as they watched Chloe take the first mouthful.
She grinned and swallowed and declared the food ‘yummy’.
‘Really?’ Felix seemed surprised.
‘And Eddie had a cheese sandwich all ready to go in case she didn’t like it,’ Harriette remarked.
‘Cheese sandwich!’ Chloe declared and put her spoon down.
‘You spoke too soon, Harriette,’ Felix remarked and Eddie immediately went and retrieved the cheese sandwich, with the crusts cut off and in little rectangular finger-sized bites. ‘A fancy cheese sandwich,’ he continued and Eddie just grinned. Then Eddie dipped one end of the cheese sandwich into the boeuf gravy and held it up to Chloe’s lips. The child immediately ate it and asked for more.
‘It appears to me, Felix,’ Harriette said a while later when they’d all finished their meals, ‘that your niece prefers French cuisine.’
‘Ugh. Trust me to end up with a child who has upmarket tastes.’
Harriette smiled at him, impressed because his tone held the right level of humour, mixed with the right level of truth and—dared she hope?—a little bit of love towards the gorgeous girl. She had no doubt that Felix loved Chloe but it wasn’t a deep, personal love but more one born out of duty. He’d mentioned his father had served in the military and it made her wonder whether that was what ‘love’ had been like in his household, one of duty and respect rather than one filled with cuddles and laughter.
When Eddie offered to put Chloe to bed—in her own bed—the child willingly agreed but insisted on a horsey ride to take her to her bedroom. Immediately complying, Eddie crouched down and waited for Chloe to seat herself on his back before making clip-clopping noises as he headed towards Chloe’s bedroom.
As they stacked the dishwasher Felix couldn’t help but voice his amazement. ‘Eddie really is quite a natural with Chloe.’
‘He’s always had a way with people. He just accepts them for who they are and doesn’t judge.’
‘You, too. You’re a lot like that, very personable, very trusting.’
‘Ah, but that blind trust can sometimes get you into a lot of deep water.’
‘Eddie’s father?’
‘Exactly. I believed him when he said he loved me. I trusted him when he said that being intimate was the next step in our future relationship, that he wanted to marry me and be with me forever.’
‘And yet you still seem able to trust people you’ve just met?’
‘Like you?’ When he only shrugged, she continued. ‘I have to trust you, at least in a professional capacity. Out here in the middle of nowhere, we’re forced into closed quarters. Living here—’ she gestured to the house ‘—working in the clinic, going off on house calls, which out here last for two or three days because the properties are spread out. We need to trust each other, to be open and honest with each other, rely solely on the other person—especially in an emergency. We’re not in a large teaching hospital any more, where there are countless other staff members and a plethora of equipment. It’s just you and me and our wits.’
‘And our training.’
‘That, too.’ She smiled. ‘What I’m trying to say is, the sooner we figure each other out, the sooner we form an understanding of how each other ticks. That’s what small-town medicine is all about—getting to know the staff on a personal level, getting to know your patients on a personal level and thereby being able to provide personalised treatment. When someone gets a cold in this town everyone gets a cold. Everyone gets sick together, or it comes in waves, and to deal with that we need to be a part of the community rather than standing back from the outside looking in.’
‘But in standing back, we may be protected from becoming sick ourselves and therefore will be more able to heal the community from the outside.’
‘Fair point but that’s just not an option. Your patients won’t trust you, they won’t tell you what’s wrong in the first place and then signs and symptoms risk going untreated and causing more of an epidemic that then spreads throughout the wider districts, infecting more people.’
Felix sighed with exasperation and sat back down on the chair, elbows on the table, head in his hands. ‘What have I done, coming here?’ The question was rhetorical and Harriette stayed quiet but went and sat down next to him. ‘I’m not the sort of bloke who enjoys...closeness of community. I’ve never had it before. Not in my family growing up and not in my working life. I guess I don’t need “closeness” as much as others.’
‘Everyone needs to be close to someone, Felix.’
He lifted his head and stared across at her. ‘Like you and Eddie?’
‘Yes. You can have that closeness with Chloe.’
‘But she’s only three.’
‘Almost four,’ Harriette added. ‘And yes, you can have that closeness with her. Just because she’s a child, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the same feelings. She may not comprehend them in the way you and I do, but she has them and she needs you to help her and the only way you can help her is to become an integrated part of her life. If you let her in, if you let her break through that heart of yours, which you’ve clearly had locked up for quite some time now, then your life will change in all the positive ways you’ve probably never even imagined.’
Felix stared at her for a moment, then shook his head in stunned bemusement. ‘How is it you seem to know me so well?’
‘I know your type. Eddie’s father was a lot like you.’
‘I don’t think that’s a compliment, given he left you in the lurch.’
‘And you wouldn’t have?’
‘If I had accidentally impregnated my girlfriend, I would not have left her to raise my child on her own.’ His words were vehement and direct and she could see that he meant every single word. ‘There are too many injustices in the world. It’s important we fix the ones that are within our control.’
‘Would you have offered to pay for an abortion?’
‘No.’ His answer was instant.
‘So in your opinion I did the right thing?’ She couldn’t help the hint of her past inexperienced sixteen-year-old self tingeing her words.
‘Of course and meeting Eddie only proves you did the right thing.’
‘I think your brother did the right thing by appointing you as Chloe’s guardian. Whatever your differences, he knew you’d be able to cope with the situation. That’s a compliment.’
Felix leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers behind his head, stretching his shoulder muscles. Harriette tried not to stare, tried to remember why there were sitting here chatting, that she was trying to help him put his situation into perspective. Instead, she seemed to be memorising the way his shirt was pulled taut across his well-defined biceps and how the buttons looked as though they were ready to burst as his chest expanded beneath the fabric. She closed her eyes for a split second, determined to focus and get her over-active hormones under control.
‘Once or twice a year,’ Felix began and Harriette looked at him again. Thankfully, he’d stopped stretching and was rubbing his temples with his fingers. ‘David would get himself into some sort of trouble and I’d either get a call while I was away at medical school, from my father telling me to “handle it” or from the police. The area where David and my father still lived was where I went to high school and two of the police officers at the local station were in my year so nine times out of ten they’d call me first, rather than having to deal with my father.’
Harriette raised her eyebr
ows in surprise. ‘The police didn’t like your father?’
‘Post-traumatic stress disorder, especially when triggered through serving in a war zone, doesn’t bring out the best in people who suffer from it.’ He clasped his hands in front of him and placed them on the table. ‘My father’s moods were erratic. One minute you’d be having a normal conversation with him and the next, he’d be yelling at you to get down under the table, to protect yourself. He’d accuse you of taking his gun, of being in collusion with the enemy.’ Felix looked down at his hands and only then realised just how tightly he was clenching his fingers. He forced himself to relax, to take a deep and calming breath.
‘David’s antics were often more than enough to set Dad off. Sometimes, he’d think David or I were the enemy and he’d hit us. Then, when he snapped out of it, he would apologise profusely, often in tears, begging us to forgive him and not report him.’
‘You poor boys.’ Harriette’s heart went out to the younger Felix, feeling sad for what he’d endured.
‘I think Mum hid it from us for quite a while, managed it by getting him onto anti-depressants, which seemed to help with the symptoms, but after her...death, he just snapped. He was never the same, never fully comprehensive of what the life around him was all about.’ Felix spoke softly, looking past Harriette as though he was looking back in time. ‘Life could have been so different for us all. We wouldn’t have been so estranged. It would have made Mum sad to know that that’s how things ended up. David and I not talking. Dad turning his back on both of us, declaring us “dead to him”, not wanting to talk to us, to have anything to do with us.’ His voice was soft, reflective and filled with regret. He was so lost in his thoughts that he was surprised when Harriette put her hand over his, offering support. When he returned his gaze to meet hers, he was even more astonished to find she had tears in her eyes.
‘Wow.’ The word was soft and she sniffed, offering him a wobbly smile.
‘Wow?’ He mimicked her earlier response.
‘And I thought I’d had a hard life.’
Felix couldn’t help but smile. ‘I guess we...everyone...has their own crosses to bear.’
‘It’s how we deal with them, how we allow them to shape us as a person, that matters most.’ She rubbed her fingers slowly on top of his in a gesture of support and understanding. She’d been through her own personal hell and she’d conquered it. And yet, he was still surprised at how one simple touch from her was really starting to make him feel better about his past. That sort of thing had never happened to him before. Then again, he’d rarely spoken to anyone about his family. Even with his ex-wife and definitely not with his last girlfriend. So what was it about Harriette that was making him open up, making him tell her things he’d never have thought of telling her?
Was it because she was such a calm and confident woman who, as he’d witnessed over the past few days, was very empathetic towards her patients, the staff and basically everyone she met? Or was it because she had the ability to make him feel as though he was the most important person in the world right now, that all her attention was focused solely on him, that she was listening to him.
‘Where is he now?’ Her soft words brought his thoughts back to what they’d been discussing, even though he was still highly aware of her smooth, soft hand resting on top of his.
‘My father?’ At her nod, he continued. ‘In a nursing home in Darwin. It’s one for ex-servicemen and especially those suffering from PTSD and other associated disorders. He has dementia now and wouldn’t have a clue who I was. I receive regular emailed updates from his physician and the last one stated that the old man was slowly failing.’
‘Oh, Felix. Darwin isn’t that far from here. You could go and visit him. Dale could fly you there as soon as you like.’
Felix withdrew his hand from her touch and stood. ‘Why would I want to see him? He hasn’t spoken to me in years. He told me I was useless, hopeless and a disgrace. He blamed me for my mum’s death, he accused me of—’ He stopped and shook his head. ‘No. I don’t want to see him.’
As though he couldn’t stay still, Felix started to pace back and forth in front of her. ‘Do you see your parents? Especially after the way they treated you? Treated Eddie?’ He clearly wanted the conversation turned away from himself and the only way he could do this was to attack her. Thankfully, Harriette recognised this behaviour and answered the question calmly, rather than allowing him to rile her as had clearly been his intention. She knew what emotional pain was like and she knew it could make you do and say things you often wished unsaid.
‘Yes. I tried many times over the years and they refused any contact but then, when Eddie was twelve, he ended up in hospital with influenza A. It was the darkest time of my life. Nothing...no hurt, no pain—nothing—could compare with the thought of losing my boy. We had to go to Melbourne city so Eddie could receive treatment. I called my parents. I begged them to come to the hospital and...eventually they did. It wasn’t a tear-filled reunion and we still don’t talk regularly but at least I know I can contact them if I need to and vice versa.’
‘You forgave them? After the way they treated you? Treated Eddie?’
She shrugged. ‘You just do because otherwise it eats at you. You end up with regrets and if you leave it too late, those regrets can affect your life.’
He knew what she meant. He had so many regrets but they were to do with his mother, not his father. ‘Mother.’ He whispered the word, barely audible but somehow Harriette heard.
‘You have regrets about your mother?’ she asked softly.
Felix swallowed and clenched his jaw as though he was desperately trying to control his overwrought emotions. ‘Yes.’ He choked on the word and lowered his head to look at the ground, his hands curled tight into fists at his sides.
‘Everything changed when she died?’ Harriette offered when he didn’t say anything more.
‘Yes.’
‘You loved her.’ It was a firm statement.
He raised his head and met her gaze. She could see the anguish in his eyes, could see the sorrow and regret in his face. ‘Yes.’
If all Felix was capable of was monosyllabic answers then she would provide him with the easiest way to get through this difficult conversation because now that he’d unlocked the doors he’d obviously kept closed for quite a few decades, she didn’t want him to slam them shut again, especially not when his father was dying.
‘Do you think your mother would want you to go see him? Even if he doesn’t know who you are?’
It took a while for him to answer. ‘Yes.’ He cleared his throat. He looked so much like a little lost boy that her maternal instincts kicked in and she instantly stood and walked to his side. He remained where he was, body taut, hands clenched, jaw tight. He was still looking at her, still holding her gaze, still trying to shut her out but clearly unable to do so. Harriette was honoured. She placed her hands onto his shoulders.
‘Would you like me to go with you?’ She held her breath as she waited for him to answer. It was a turning point in his life. Would he choose to heal his past or would he live with regret for ever? He clearly regretted the rift between his brother David and himself. Would he miss the same opportunity with his father? She continued to hold his gaze, not wavering but trying to support him, with whatever decision he made. She silently prayed it was the right one. That he would go.
‘Yes.’
The instant he said the word, Harriette breathed out and then, as though it was the most natural thing in the world, she slipped her arms under his and allowed him to draw her close into a hug. It wasn’t a hug filled with sensual overtones, although she wasn’t unaware of just how perfectly his body was sculpted. Instead, it was a hug between friends—friends who were becoming closer with every passing moment. By agreeing that he wanted her to go with him on this venture, he was showing her just how mu
ch he was putting his trust in her.
‘I won’t let you down,’ she whispered against his chest and closed her eyes, his firm, solid arms still enfolded around her.
‘Thank you.’
CHAPTER SIX
FOR A LONG moment Felix stood there with his arms around Harriette, unable to believe that this woman had not only managed to get him to open up about his family, and more particularly his father, and was now hugging him close, offering her support.
He wasn’t used to people supporting him, being on his side. In fact, every woman he’d ever dared to care about had rejected him in one way or another. Harriette might be saying she’d support him now but she’d leave him in the end. Although she’d offered to come and see his father with him, she would forget about it, or she’d find an excuse.
He stopped the thought before it began and adjusted his arms around Harriette, trying to loosen his hold a little as he became more aware of just how perfectly she fitted into his arms. He tried not to breathe in her alluring scent, tried to remember that she was only hugging him because she’d been emotionally moved by what he’d told her. A woman like her, a woman who appeared genuine and naturally caring, couldn’t possibly be interested in a career-hungry surgeon who didn’t know the first thing about raising a child.
Felix shifted back a little, knowing he needed to let her go before he started to memorise the contours of her body pressed against his own. Harriette. Sweet Harriette. During the past few days she’d helped him more than she’d realised. Gratitude was one thing but starting to become more aware of her as a woman was a completely different thing altogether.
Harriette lifted her head and looked up at him, concern still reflected in her gaze. ‘We’ll get through this together. You’re not alone.’
He nodded and edged back from her, trying not to be delighted when she took her time sliding her hands from his waist. Was she trying to linger? Could she feel that same awareness buzzing between them?