by Lucy Clark
‘We should probably go and say goodnight to Chloe.’
‘Uh...’ He cleared his throat. ‘Yes. Good.’
Harriette walked ahead of him and he followed, trying not to watch the way her hips swayed gently from side to side, trying not to feel bereft because she wasn’t in his arms any more. They were colleagues. Yes, he was a man and yes, she was an incredibly attractive woman, but if this whole situation was going to work he needed to get himself under better control. Focusing on Chloe would definitely help and, when they entered her room, they found the little girl all snuggled up in bed, almost asleep. She was still awake enough to know they were there. Eddie finished reading the last page of the book using a boring monotone voice, then grinned at his mother before standing and heading out.
Felix watched in the dim light of the room as Harriette knelt down beside Chloe’s bed and tenderly brushed some hair from the little girl’s forehead before placing a gentle kiss there. She whispered sweet and soothing words to the child, just as a mother would. Just as his mother had when he’d been little. He could remember her coming into the room he’d shared with David. He’d been almost eight years old and had been begging for his own room. His mother had told him that when they moved to the next military posting, onto the military base, he would be able to have his own room. He’d told her that when that happened, he wouldn’t need her to come in and say goodnight to him like this, to brush her hand on his forehead and place a kiss there. He would be too old for that ritual and she need not bother. His mother’s answer had been to chuckle softly and kiss his forehead. ‘I will always come and kiss you goodnight,’ she’d told him. ‘You’re my wonderful son, no matter how old you are.’
Felix tried to swallow over the dryness of his throat before forcing himself to block out his emotions surrounding his mother. She’d lied to him, she’d let him down and she’d left him and David alone in the world to fend for themselves.
‘Did you want to give her a little kiss? She’s practically asleep right now.’
Felix blinked, bringing his thoughts back to the present at Harriette’s soft question. He looked at her. ‘Pardon?’
She smiled and beckoned for him to kneel down next to her. He hesitated for a moment, then did as Harriette had suggested. As he bent down his knee cracked and Harriette immediately grinned. ‘Getting old,’ he mumbled.
‘Aren’t we all?’ she whispered back.
‘Not you.’ The words were instant. Harriette continued to stroke Chloe’s hair and a moment or two later, the child’s breathing evened out into a natural rhythm. ‘You don’t look old enough to have a twenty-two-year-old son.’ He gestured to the sleeping Chloe. ‘A child of this age—yes, but the mother of a grown man? Most definitely no.’
Harriette looked at him for a moment, a look of surprise and...embarrassment? Had he embarrassed her?
‘Sorry. It wasn’t my intention to embarrass—’
‘You didn’t,’ she responded quickly, perhaps too quickly. As they both knelt beside Chloe’s bed, side by side, leg near leg, arm near arm, Felix realised far too late just how close they were to each other. He breathed in her scent, allowing it to wind its way around him, to become absorbed by his senses. ‘I...er...it was very nice of you to say that. You know, that I look young.’
He was learning not to be astounded or even surprised at her openness. Harriette would talk about any subject with him in an honest way and that promoted a faith in her, the beginnings of trust. Of course, on a professional level, there was already a certain level of trust forming between them, but this was a deep, personal kind of trust and he wasn’t sure when he’d last felt that way about anyone.
‘Surely you know how beautiful you are, Harriette.’ His soft words were a statement and for a long moment they stared into each other’s eyes. It was as though time stood still, as though it were only the two of them. That seemed to be happening to him...to them...a lot lately. Would it continue? As he settled into life in Meeraji Lake, would this sensation, these feelings, the attraction he felt towards her continue to grow? Did he want that?
‘Well...uh...I guess that doesn’t...um...really matter.’ Her stuttered words weren’t the reaction he was expecting. In fact, he wasn’t sure exactly what reaction he’d been expecting but he didn’t expect her to stand and walk away. He had embarrassed her, or at the least he’d made her feel uncomfortable. Felix turned and watched Chloe sleeping, shaking his head slowly from side to side.
‘Women,’ he murmured softly but in a way that held such confusion and bewilderment. ‘I doubt I’ll ever understand you.’ He reached and brushed Chloe’s hair from her forehead, mimicking Harriette’s actions. He hadn’t really done this before, watched Chloe sleep. Usually, as soon as she was asleep, he’d collapse with exhaustion.
As he looked at her, gently touched her smooth, soft forehead, he was filled with a sense of...love. He knew he loved Chloe, in the sense that she was his niece and it was his duty to love her, but to be so completely stirred by the emotion, to look at this angelic little person—the same little person who he’d hardly class as angelic when she was awake and causing complete havoc in his life—and have his heart fill with love for her... He paused, then leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
The instant his lips touched her baby-soft skina warmth flooded through him and seemed to spread throughout his entire body. A warmth of affection, a warmth of protection, a warmth of devotion. He eased back and stared at the child in complete bewilderment. Even though she’d caused him deep consternation, deep confusion and deep contemplation, even though she’d screamed so loud he’d thought his ear drums would burst, even though she’d turned his life inside out and upside down... Felix loved her. Not because he had to love her but because he wanted to love her.
He stood and once again stared at the sleeping angel. ‘Huh!’ Then he turned and stopped short when he saw Harriette leaning against the door jamb. ‘I thought you’d gone.’
‘It’s amazing, isn’t it?’ she stated quietly.
‘What?’
‘The moment you’re completely overcome with parental love for your child.’
Felix shoved his hands into his pockets, unsure he was ready to discuss the emotions he’d just experienced. They were still too raw and personal for him to talk about, especially when he wasn’t even sure he understood them.
‘She’s my niece,’ he murmured as he walked past Harriette, feeling a different sensation—one of close awareness—as he made sure their bodies didn’t accidentally brush each other as he headed into the living room.
‘She’s your daughter,’ Harriette corrected. Eddie wasn’t anywhere to be found so she assumed he’d gone to his own bedroom.
‘No, she’s not. She’s David’s daughter. In my mind, she will always be David’s daughter and I’ll always be Uncle Felix.’
‘In your mind, yes, but in her mind, she will come to see you as her father.’
‘Hmm.’ He hadn’t thought about it that way before. He sat down in the chair and gave it some serious consideration. ‘She’ll always know her true parentage. Even if she forgets David and Susan, I’ll remind her, I’ll show her photos of them, tell her anecdotes about them.’
‘Of course.’
‘But she’ll see me as her father. She’ll be my daughter.’
Harriette sat down in the chair opposite and kept quiet, delighted at watching the dawning realisation cross his face.
‘Chloe is legally my child, my daughter.’ He paused and allowed that previous sensation of love, the love he felt towards the girl, wash over him once more. ‘I’m not just her guardian, I’m her...father!’ His mind seemed to race, to connect dots that he’d never noticed before. ‘I’d never wanted children before because of...well, because of many reasons but now that it’s finally sinking in...’ He looked at Harriette. ‘I want to be a good fat
her.’
‘And you will.’
‘How can you know that?’
‘Because we’re having this conversation. There will be a lot of questioning, a lot of arguments, a lot of love and, believe me, it’s all well worth it.’
‘But how do I do it? How do I become a good dad?’
Harriette leaned back in the chair and grinned. ‘Get to know Chloe.’
He waited for more advice but it never came. ‘That’s it? The wise and sage advice you’re offering is “get to know Chloe”?’
‘Yep, but really get to know her.’
‘How?’ He leaned forward in his chair and spread his arms wide, his face earnest, his words filled with incredulity. ‘How do I do that? No one will tell me how. I’ve read about a hundred parenting books and articles online but none of them are written out like hospital protocols. None of them say, “Do this and then do that.” So what am I supposed to do, Harriette? Tell me, please. How do I get to know her?’
Harriette was laughing at him but not in a mean way, more in a way that told him she was as surprised by his outburst as he was. ‘OK. OK. I’ll help you. I’ll tell you the secret to parenting.’
‘There’s a secret?’
‘Well, there’s a few and the first one you need to know is—be interested in what they’re interested in.’
‘Be interested.’ He nodded. ‘What else?’
She thought for a moment. ‘It doesn’t get better, it just gets different.’
‘More riddles? What is that supposed to mean?’
‘It means that whatever phase your child is going through, it’s never going to get better. You can’t wait for things to get better, to settle down, because they don’t. Just when you think you have a handle on things, when you think you’ve figured them out, they enter the next phase and—ʼ
‘It gets different.’ He nodded. ‘Anything else?’
Harriette sighed and frowned in thought. ‘It’s a long time since I’ve had to do any of these things.’
‘So there does come a time when you’re done? When the parenting is over?’
‘No. When you’re a parent, you’re a parent for life—if that’s what you choose. Eddie is my best friend. I love being with him and I hate it when he goes because I worry about him. That part never goes away.’
‘The worry never goes away. Got it.’ Felix looked around. ‘I should be writing these down.’
‘You’re a smart man. You’ll remember them.’
‘But tell me how...how do I get interested in what she likes?’
Harriette eased back into the chair and thought for a moment. ‘Ask what her favourite book is.’
‘Favourite book. Got it. What else?’
‘Read stories to her. Ask her which toy is her favourite. What’s her favourite colour?’
‘She has a favourite colour?’
‘Of course she does.’
‘What is it? Do you know?’
‘You know as well, you just haven’t tuned your brain into realising it.’
‘You’re talking in riddles again.’ He leaned back and crossed his arms in an action that immediately reminded her of Chloe.
‘What colour is the backpack she takes to day care?’
‘Purple.’
‘What colour are the shoes she likes to wear the most?’
He thought on this one for a moment. Chloe had a favourite pair of shoes? He pictured the ones she’d been wearing today...and then realised she’d worn them yesterday and the day before and, for that matter, she usually got upset if he tried to make her wear different shoes that were more suitable to the weather. ‘Purple.’
‘So...her favourite colour is?’
‘Purple.’ He nodded slowly, as though he was finally starting to see what Harriette was saying. ‘Was that why she got angry with me yesterday morning? Because I told her to wear runners to day care rather than her sparkly purple shoes?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, why didn’t she just say they were her favourite?’
‘Because she’s three years old.’ Harriette laughed.
‘Am I supposed to let her get away with doing whatever she wants?’
‘She’ll want to listen to you if you give her good reasons to listen.’
‘There you go again. Talking in riddles.’
Harriette shook her head in bemusement. ‘You can’t cram for a parenting exam. You just learn things over time.’
‘I wish it was an exam. It would certainly be easier.’
‘To start with, why don’t you arrange a playdate with her? That way, you’re showing Chloe that you’re interested in what she’s interested in.’
‘But what if I’m actually not interested in the same things as her?’
‘Then you learn to be.’ Harriette’s words were earnest, her gaze direct. ‘This is too important, Felix. Your relationship with Chloe is more important than your work, than being published. Patients will come and go. Jobs will come and go. Publications will come and go. Chloe is in your life forever. She’s a constant in your life, just as you’re a constant in hers. So start by spending time together. Just the two of you, or invite some of her day-care friends along if you must, but you have to be a part of the event.’
‘Event? Like what?’
Harriette thought for a moment. ‘Uh...what about a...tea party? Sit down and pretend to have a tea party with her.’
‘Pretend? As in make-believe?’
‘Yes. Use that rusty imagination of yours. It could do with a good oiling.’
‘A tea party?’
‘Yes.’
‘A pretend tea party.’ He mulled over the idea.
‘Pretend ones are easier to organise and she’ll be less fussy about the food,’ Harriette pointed out.
‘Good point. She won’t get cross with me for cutting her cheese sandwich into squares instead of rectangles if it’s imaginary.’ Felix rubbed his chin with his thumb and forefinger. ‘A tea party, eh?’
‘Looks as though you’re already getting ideas.’
‘Will you come?’
She looked at him with excited surprise. ‘Do you want me to?’
‘Yes. You and Eddie, Chloe and myself.That way, as it’ll be my first time hosting an imaginary tea party, you’ll be able to tell me if I’m doing anything wrong.’
Harriette laughed. ‘I think Chloe will be the one to tell you if you’re doing it wrong. She’s very forthright in her opinions.’
‘I’ve noticed.’ He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head.
‘That’s a good thing, Felix. Just think. When she’s older, when guys are interested in her, she’s not going to be a pushover. She’s going to know exactly what she wants, and she’s going to go for it but only if she knows you’ve got her back.’
‘Don’t even mention guys. Just the thought of her, all grown up with some pimply, hormonal teenager drooling all over her—’ He clenched his hands and shook his head, a protective look in his eyes. Harriette couldn’t have been prouder.
‘The point is, if she has your support, she’ll realise she can do anything in life.’
‘And it all starts with a tea party?’
‘And it all starts with a tea party,’ she confirmed with a bright and happy smile, delighted she’d been able to get Felix not only to open up to her, something she had a feeling he rarely did, but to view his guardianship of Chloe in a different light. He had been blessed with the opportunity to be a parent, to be a father to a grieving, hurting child, and as she watched him declare he was going to go and watch his daughter, not his niece, sleep, Harriette was positive she’d seen the imaginary swish of a superhero cape fluttering out from behind him.
CHAPTER SEVEN
IT
WAS TWO days later when Harriette received her invitation to join Miss Chloe Jane McLaren and Dr Felix McLaren for a tea party, to be held at half past four in the afternoon, at the doctors’ residence. She rushed through her paperwork after clinic and managed to arrive only two minutes late.
‘She’s here! She’s here!’ Chloe’s excited words filled the house as Harriette stepped inside. Eddie, Chloe and Felix were already in the lounge room where a picnic rug had been spread out on the carpet and a lovely new purple tea set with little white flowers on it, had been set up for four people. Felix stood behind one of the high wing-back chairs, grinning widely at Chloe’s over-excitement.
‘Look. Look.’ Chloe pointed at the tea set as she ran around the edge of the rug with hyperactive delight. ‘Uncle Felix bought it for me. For me because he said I’ve been a good girl and it has little flowers on it. Look, Harriette.’
‘That’s so pretty.’
‘And we’re having a tea party!’ Chloe jumped up and down and clapped her hands, completely and utterly delighted with this turn of events. ‘I helped Uncle Felix set it all up and we did it together.’
Harriette glanced at Felix and nodded in approval. ‘Very impressive.’
‘But the food isn’t real but then we can use our ’maginations and have purple tea and orange cupcakes,’ the little girl continued, taking Harriette’s hand and leading her to a place setting. ‘You sit here.’
‘All right.’
‘And, Eddie, you sit over here.’ Chloe led Eddie to his spot, clearly eager to get this tea party underway. ‘And, Uncle Felix, you sit over here.’ She took Felix’s hand and he seemed surprised at Chloe’s voluntary act of treating him like the others. ‘And I’ll sit here because then I’m closest to the teapot and the ’magination food so I can give it all to you.’
‘That sounds perfectly lovely,’ Harriette said and then held out her cup to Chloe. ‘May I please have a cup of...blue tea?’
Chloe giggled but lifted the pot and poured a cup of imaginary blue tea for her first guest. As the party continued they all pretended to eat the vibrantly coloured food and Eddie made sure Chloe drank her imaginary tea with her little finger in the air.