by M. J. Reed
I didn’t see or hear anyone else as I made my way down to Sade’s guard station, but that didn’t prevent me from glancing over my shoulder every few seconds to make sure I was still alone.
The outpost that Sade manned was about as remote a place to work as I could imagine. She had once told me that her father made special arrangements to have her trained as an enforcer to keep her out of trouble. Sade had always expressed an interest in combat training, and her father hoped that after experiencing security work firsthand she would lose interest in such a low-level career, and reconsider becoming the next Syndic of Departure instead. But I wonder if all the time she’s spent bored and alone at a remote guard post isn’t making her rebellious nature worse.
I usually like to hang around with Sade while I drink, but my paranoia is too intense to allow me to stay and socialize tonight. Besides, I have a lot of work to do. I made my purchase as quickly as I could and rushed home. As soon as I got back to my apartment, I took a swig from the bag that Sade had sold me. I don’t know how long I spent slumped against the door, eagerly sipping the poisonous nectar and waiting for it to make me feel better. By the time I started to feel like myself again it was just after three in the morning.
I’m such a failure. I thought, willing myself to stand up and do something, anything, productive. Instead, I sat on the floor for another hour, paralyzed by my own fear, doubt, and indecision. I’ve been struggling for a while. I don’t have it as hard as anyone who lives on the lower levels. I have a beautiful home, a prestigious job, and an easy life, but somehow I never feel satisfied. Even when something good happens to me, I feel numb. Why can’t I just be happy? The only time I feel anything anymore is when I drink. So, no matter the consequences, I was willing to do anything to keep myself supplied.
I just need it. I thought, noticing how my trembling hands had steadied. I can’t seem to stop. I’m so fucking weak! I forced myself to get up.
I gathered my files around me and booted up my computer. I searched my computer for those who had low match quotients, then I referenced their personnel files to see who I might be able to pair with someone else. It’s going to be a long night. I thought, looking over Jarno Greer’s file.
It had taken me months to arrange the original matches. I had to be sure that everyone was being paired with someone who was genetically dissimilar from themselves, and from a similar socioeconomic background. It was a difficult job. If I matched too many people from different tiers of the city parents, the department heads, and even Reglin Charr himself would be angry with me. To further complicate matters, the original purpose of the Matching Ceremony was to ensure that the genetic diversity of the city was maintained, but when the nuclear event happened not everyone made it underground in time, leaving me with a smaller population to work with than anticipated. Now, thanks to my deal with Wrenna, I only had a few days to arrange it so that her son would be matched with someone from a higher tier and issued a safer job, without raising suspicion.
By six in the morning, I had made a few quick changes which I wasn’t entirely satisfied with, but which, I hoped, would work. Wrenna’s son, Jarno Greer, would be matched with Cora Halax. The Halax family works in hydroponics so I could assign Jarno a career as a hydroponics engineer without arousing suspicion. It’s not ideal, but it shouldn’t raise too many eyebrows. I shut down my computer and put my files away, feeling momentarily lighter at having accomplished something.
I took another drink and headed to bed, secure in the knowledge that Wrenna would be happy with my work. In exchange for my efforts, Wrenna Greer had agreed to let my poor attempt at theft slide, and instead to steal water from the storage lockers on my behalf for one year. More precisely she offered to steal water for me “for one year, or until we get caught.” It was a more ominous statement than I had hoped to hear, but Wrenna is a smart woman; unlikely to get caught. Besides, I was ecstatic that I was going to have enough extra water to trade to feed my addiction. Wrenna wasn’t happy being in business with me, and I wasn’t ecstatic about working with her, but in the end, it served both our needs, and I told myself that that was what mattered.
I flopped down on my bed, still fully dressed, to nap for an hour or two before I needed to get up for the day. Even though I was exhausted, I couldn’t fall asleep. Guilt nagged at me. I used to be so much better than this. I looked at the picture of Lorna I kept on my nightstand. She would be so disappointed with me. I felt my eyes glaze with tears. I miss her so much. I pressed the picture to my chest, closed my eyes, and tried to focus on happier times.
Lorna was the woman that I had been matched with many years ago. I barely knew her when we met, but after a few years of marriage, I knew that I was lucky, and had gotten matched with the perfect woman. A year later I was promoted to Medical Director, and with that title came the sacred honor of arranging matches for new generations of young people. I hoped that each couple I matched would find the friendship and love that I had. The years I spent married to Lorna were the best years of my life. Unfortunately, our marriage wasn’t meant to last.
After five years of unsuccessfully trying to have children, Lorna and I underwent fertility testing. I was the problem. We were both devastated. We had always wanted children, and Lorna was particularly upset to find out that we couldn’t have them. Fortunately, for her, infertility is one of the few grounds for a re-match that exists in Departure. Lorna requested that she be matched with someone who could give her children, and so I had to find my wife, and my love, a new husband. My position in the community meant that I was allowed to keep my job and my apartment, but I’ve felt empty ever since.
First, my marriage dissolves, now I’m compromising the matches I’m making for other people to feed my own addiction. I’m such a fucking failure! I put the photo away and cried myself into a restless sleep. When my alarm rang an hour later, I was almost thankful to be free from my own personal demons, if only for a little while. I set out for work, making a mental note to have Wrenna steal me more water tonight. I was going to need more alcohol than usual to get through the Matching Ceremony this year.
Chapter 4
“Welcome everyone!” Oswalt Charr began. The room stilled.
The common area is crowded today. Those about to undergo the Matching Ceremony, myself included, have been packed into the center of the room. There are so many of us that we have to sit on the floor, shoulder to shoulder, to ensure that there’s room for everyone. Nervous energy shrouds us, as we wait to see what our futures hold. I wrung my hands and searched the crowd for my father.
Our families and the city officials have been seated around the perimeter of the room to listen to the speech Cardinal Charr had prepared. I didn’t see my dad amongst the spectators. Typical. He’s probably at work, getting ready for all his new apprentices. I sighed through my nose and turned my attention back to the Cardinal.
“I know everyone here is anxious to see their results, but today is a sacred day, and I want us to take a moment to appreciate the gravity of this event. For generations Matching Day has helped us maintain the purity of Departure,” Oswalt gestured out toward the crowded room. “It marks the significant transition of this group of young people from childhood to adulthood, and serves as a continuing affirmation of the covenant between Solne and our community.” The Cardinal raised his eyes upwards as if he expected to see Solne looking back down at him. “I hope that these young people will fulfill their new roles with pride, will grow to love and support their spouses, and will live to see the day when we return to the surface!” A handful of people applauded, perhaps thinking that his sermon was over, but instead of ending on a high note Oswalt bowed his head and kept talking. “Now, let us pray.”
I resisted the urge to groan in frustration. If patience is a virtue, it’s not one that I have.
Oswalt spends his days preaching at services, organizing community events, and taking part in the management of the city. As Cardinal, he has a hand in everything that happens in Depart
ure, and he never misses an opportunity to address a crowd. Right now, I just want him to shut up and get on with it! It feels like I’ve been waiting my whole life for Matching Day, and having to sit through another sermon before seeing who I’ve been matched with is torture.
I sighed and snuggled closer to Lonn. I don’t know what I’m so worried about. We’re meant to be together. I thought, cheering myself. It’s fate. I relaxed, knowing that in the coming hours the pomp of Matching Day would be over, and I would be celebrating my betrothal to Lonn Amici.
I’ve known Lonn since we were children. Our parents have always gotten along, and so they arranged playdates for us. For a long time, I thought of him as my best friend, but as we got older, I wondered if we weren’t something more between us. It was nerve-wracking to admit my feelings to Lonn, but it’s paid off in a big way. After dating for almost two years, I know that we make a good couple, and I’m excited to move on to the next step together.
He wrapped his arm around me, a bold move in a public place, but neither of us could be bothered to worry about the rules at a time like this. Oswalt’s underlings wouldn’t want to risk interrupting the event by wading through the crowd to discipline us in the middle of the Cardinal’s speech. I could see at a glance that we weren’t the only pair taking advantage of the situation. A few scattered couples had even gone so far as to kiss in public! At least Oswalt’s prolonged lecture means I get to spend more time with Lonn.
I leaned my head against my future husband with a smile. “I can’t wait to marry you,” I whispered.
He raised an eyebrow and gave me a wicked look that brought a blush to my cheeks. “And how do you know we’ll get matched?” His tone was flirtatious, but I know that Lonn has been worried that we’ll get paired with other people.
I let my hand rest on his thigh. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a priest glaring at us, but he left us alone. “Because it’s fate,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone, punctuating the statement with a nod.
“Fate?” Lonn asked, distracted by how far up his leg my hand had moved.
Even though the common room is filled with people, the ability to touch one another, made the event feel intimate. In Departure, dating is discouraged, and displays of physical affection between unmarried couples are forbidden. Today, none of the couples in the common area seem to care.
We’ve never gotten to do this before. It’s nice. I allowed a sly smile to slide across my face. And once we’re married, we’ll be able to a lot more. The thought sent my heart racing with fear and excitement. I decided to push my luck, just a bit, and slide my hand further up Lonn’s leg. “Fate brought us together, it’s kept us together, and it won’t let us down now.”
“Cora!” Lonn hissed, embarrassed by my forwardness.
He may enjoy being able to touch me, but Lonn has always been much more concerned about getting into trouble I am. I could tell he had spotted one of the glaring priests along the perimeter of the room, and his apprehension skyrocketed. Lonn sat up straight and unwound his arm from around my shoulders, but he didn’t move my hand. Okay, he’s nervous, but maybe I can get him to loosen up. I snuggled against him again, and Lonn looked down at me and gave me an uneasy smile.
Lonn has spent the past month in a state of near constant uneasiness. He fretted over whether or not we would get matched up, what his career assignment would be, and even the logistics of moving out of his parent’s house! No matter how I tried to reassure him, I couldn’t stop him from worrying. Part of the problem is that Lonn’s never been the sort of person to believe in destiny. He, unlike me, is a skeptic, and needs the comfort of facts, rather than dreams, to make him feel better.
I decided to take one more stab at calming my future husband. “Don’t worry. Matching Day will be over before you know it, and then everything will settle down.” I moved my hand off his leg, hoping it would help him relax. “And, as for us, we’ll be fine. It makes sense to match us up. Our parents are all department heads, we come from the same level of the city,” I gave him a playful nudge. “We definitely aren’t related, and besides, it seems like Dr. Ward tries to keep couples together when he can.”
A sudden silence snapped me back to attention. Of course, Oswalt finishes his sermon as soon as I’m starting to enjoy myself!
I smirked at Lonn. “You’re cute when you’re nervous.”
He turned red. “You’re always cute.” He shot back, composing himself.
“Everyone whose last name begins with the letter “A,” please proceed to the adjacent room,” Oswalt ordered over a sound of restless people suddenly being allowed to move. He had to raise his voice to be heard over the chatter and shuffle that erupted throughout the common room. “On the wall to your right, you’ll find your posted work assignment. The list on the left wall will display your spousal matches.” Oswalt had to yell to be heard now, and his priests had their work cut out for them as they tried to maintain order. “Once you have gotten your assignments please exit the room through the far door and immediately report to your assigned workstations. After each group has cleared the room, we will proceed with the next group.” With that Oswalt stepped off the stage and attempted to help his priests add some order to this new chaos.
“That’s me.” Lonn seemed nervous as he met my eyes. “I’ll see you on the other side.” In one quick motion, he leaned in, kissed me square on the lips, and made a beeline towards the adjoining room.
I had been caught completely unprepared. We’ve never kissed before, and it was over before I could react! I had always imagined that our first kiss would be magical. Instead, it had felt hasty and awkward. That kiss was so unlike the magical thing I had envisioned, that I felt a wave of doubt sweep through me. For the first time, I was nervous to find out who I had been matched with. I’m being silly. It doesn’t matter that the kiss felt off. All that matters is that we finally kissed! Plus, we’ll have a lot of time to practice soon enough. I thought, shoving my doubts aside and waiting for my group to be called into the next room.
Despite the decorations that parents had put up around the common room, the atmosphere within was anything but festive. Sure, there was a lot of talking, but the clergy had convinced most of us to do so in hushed voices, which only dialed up my anxiety. Usually, I feel in my element when I’m around other people, but now, surrounded by all of my peers, I feel more isolated than I’ve ever felt before. By the time my group was called my nerves were stretched to their limit. It took all of my restraint not to run across the common area and into the adjoining room. Somehow, I kept my composure. I threw a backward glance over my shoulder at those still left waiting, and then I stepped across the threshold to have my destiny confirmed.
The wall with the spousal assignments was surrounded by a cluster of frantic people, while the job board only had a few people milling around in front of it. I already know that I’m going to be matched with Lonn. I thought, confidently, forcing myself to check my career assignment first.
I found my own name quickly and saw that I had been posted to the hydroponics department. I was pleased, but not surprised. Most children do some juvenile vocational training with their parents, and it’s common to assign them to the positions they've already been trained to do, so most people wind up doing the same job as one of their parents. I’ve spent a lot of time working with my dad, and he’s the head of the hydroponics department, so it makes sense that I would be assigned to the same area as him.
I checked the “A” section of the list to find that Lonn Amici had been assigned to water purification, which meant he would be working alongside his mother. My heart leaped into my throat. Neither Lonn nor I will additional training before starting our jobs! We’ll be given priority in housing assignments, and we’ll be able to get married that much sooner!
The area around the career board had become crowded, as people who had seen their spousal matches made their way across the room to see what job they had been assigned. There were a handful of people crying q
uietly by one list or another, but as I turned towards the spousal assignments, I saw Erik Harstead lift Marcia Hicks into the air and give her a passionate kiss. I laughed and clapped at the spectacle along with everyone else. Some people are just meant to be together. I thought, my spirits bolstered by the display.
I practically skipped over to look at the spousal pairings, but when my eyes landed on Lonn’s name, I felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room. “Priya Furillo?” They matched him with Priya Furillo!? I rushed to find Priya’s name on the list, hoping that this was a mistake, but “Lonn Amici” was listed right next to her name, too. This can’t be happening. I pushed my way to the “H” section of the list to find my name. Lonn and I have been together for years. We’re meant to be together! The hum of panicked thoughts racing through my head made it hard to find my name. When I finally did, the name next to mine was “Jarno Greer.” I ran my finger down the list, to make sure I was reading it correctly.
The presence of the other people around me was overpowering. Their happiness and excitement underscored my pain. I backed away from the list slowly, but I didn’t join those sobbing on the outskirts of the room. Completely dazed, and operating on instinct, I left my peers behind and reported to the hydroponics department. I don’t know what kept me from running to Lonn right then, but I felt too numb to think straight. Fate had turned against me.