by M. J. Reed
I half-heartedly listened to my dad give his traditional welcome speech to all the new hydroponics employees. He congratulated me and gave me a playful punch in the arm when I passed him, but I was deep in thought and only offered him a thin smile in return.
I’ve always put my trust in destiny, and everything has worked out before, but now I don’t know what to do. How could I have been matched with Jarno-fucking-Greer instead of Lonn? I barely even know Jarno, and he’s from another tier of the city. This doesn’t make sense! I spent the rest of the day in shock and was unable to absorb anything about my first official day on the job. The same thoughts swirled around my head on repeat, and before I knew it, I was back in my room. It was only then, as I sunk into my familiar mattress that I let myself feel the dark pain within me, and I burst into tears.
Chapter 5
Jenny had called me here to talk, but we hadn't done much talking. I grinned as she buttoned her pants. She and I have been dating for almost three years now, and we’ve been meeting here, at The Lost Hook, about once a month for nearly a year.
The Lost Hook is another hole-in-the-wall establishment on the fifth level of the city. It rented rooms, sold cheap but decent food, and no one inside ever asked any questions. Security patrols were less frequent on the lower levels, so it made the perfect locale for our clandestine encounters, amongst other things.
A part of me has always been amazed that we haven't been caught, though we have been careful to hide our relationship. Fortunately, Jenny and I didn't seem like a likely couple from the outside. Not only is a relationship between two women forbidden, but we are about as different as two people can be. Jenny is cautious, tenacious, and quiet, while I am none of those things. Still, our differences just make me love her all the more. Her personality compliments mine in all the right ways, and together we make a great team.
I made it a point to take a last peek at her as she searched for her shirt. Even physically, we look like an unlikely pair. I'm tall and thin, while she is short and curvaceous. I have dark skin and deep brown eyes, while she has creamy white skin and bright blue eyes. I keep my hair cropped short, while hers dangles almost down to her waist. I drank in her beauty and marveled at our many differences as she dressed. Beautiful.
"We need to talk, Sade." She began, as soon as she had pulled her shirt on.
"So you said." I grinned at her.
She remained stone-faced, no longer in the mood to flirt. "I've been matched up." She let the words hang between us, sharing none of the playful attitude that I had adopted during our post-coital banter.
I had known that this would be what she wanted to discuss. Jenny is a year older than I am and she had just gone through the Matching Ceremony. We had promised each other that we would go to my father once Jenny was paired up, and ask him to accept us as a couple, but I knew that her timid nature was making her agonize over the impending confrontation.
"And you want to practice what we should say to my dad." I finished with a feeble smile.
I had expected Jenny to relax a little at the prospect of prepping for the conversation together, she had always relished being as prepared as possible before doing something important, but she still looked anxious. "Actually, I don't think we should talk to him." She said, glancing away.
"What do you mean?” I asked, incredulously. “You're going to be married off if we don't talk to him and get him to grant some kind of exception for us."
Jenny trembled as she spoke. "Do you really think, after all the sneaking around, that they're just going to let us be together? The last couple like us who was discovered got sent down to level seven! Even after they were released, they got crappy career assignments, and their families disowned them. They were ostracised!"
I frowned. "My dad is a reasonable man, and I'm his daughter, I'm sure he won't do anything like that."
"To you!" She cried in frustration. "He wouldn't imprison you, but who knows what they would do to me! This could ruin my life." She took a deep breath and made an effort to compose herself. "Besides, even if your dad is alright with us, which is a big if, what about your brother? The Cardinal has just as much power to send people to level seven as the Syndic does, and your brother is a fundamentalist. There’s no way he would tolerate his sister being with another woman!"
"Okay." I began, privately acknowledging that Jenny was right about my brother. "What do you want to do then, huh? Marry whatever guy you got matched with and be together in secret?"
She shook her head. "Affairs carry some pretty harsh punishments, too. Besides, I don’t want to keep living my life constantly worrying about getting caught."
"So, we won’t get caught," I said with a wink. I grabbed for her hand, trying to comfort her, but Jenny pulled away.
"I think we should stop seeing each other." She said, eyes glued to the dirty floor of the room we had rented.
I had always thought that when people talked about heartbreak, they meant it metaphorically, but I could swear I felt my heart splintering in my chest. A hot rush of tears threatened to spill from my eyes. "So, you're just going to give up? Everything we've said, everything we've done, that just means nothing to you?!" I hadn’t meant to, but my voice rose to a yell as I spoke. I was sure everyone in The Lost Hook could hear me, but I didn’t care. “I love you!”
She looked at me with pity, and a touch of fear, and my heart broke again.
"I should go." She said heading to the door. "I'm sorry." She said, looking over her shoulder. Then, just like that, she was gone.
Chapter 6
I’m not sure if I’m excited to see my sister or not. I love her, obviously, and she’s always been my confidant, but she has a way of prying her way into my business, and I’m not really in a talking mood today.
“I think dinner went well last night.” My sister, Leah, said as she bustled around her spacious kitchen. I’ll never know how she does it, but her kitchen is always clean, her children are always well behaved, and she still has time to work me into her busy schedule. “Priya fit right in with the rest of the family. Mom and dad both adore her, and you two seemed to be hitting it off.” She passed me a cup of hot tea. “So, what do you think of your future wife? She’s cute, huh?”
I didn’t want to admit it to Leah, but Priya and I had been getting along well. My family likes her, we have a lot in common, and she’s a pretty girl. But, every time Priya and I share a joke or start to enjoy spending time together, I feel like I’m betraying Cora. What is the matter with me? I have a girlfriend. Why can’t I get Priya out of my head? Instead of replying, I sighed and stirred my tea.
“What’s wrong?” Leah asked. She sat down with her own drink and put on her serious older sister face. She didn’t give me a chance to answer. “It’s Cora, isn’t it?” Leah is the smartest person I know, and she always knows what’s on my mind. Most of the time I find it charming, but at the moment it’s just irritating.
“Of course it is!” I snapped. “I feel so guilty when I’m around Priya.” I looked at my sister, desperate for her to understand. “I care about Cora, and I don’t want to hurt her.”
“I know.” Leah put her hand on mine, comfortingly. “But how do you feel about Priya?”
Much as I wanted to ignore the question, I knew Leah wasn’t going to drop the issue until she got an answer. She’s nosey, but Leah has always looked out for me. That’s probably what she thinks she’s doing right now.
“I like her a lot more than I thought I would.” I felt that familiar spike of guilt as I spoke. “But that doesn’t mean that I suddenly don’t care about Cora! We’ve been together forever. She was so sure we would get paired up that, well, I started to believe it, too.” Leah had been staring at me intently as I spoke, and I hated it. Whenever she looks at me like that it feels like she can see right through me. I deliberately studied the pattern on my teacup so that I didn’t have to meet her gaze.
“Okay. But do you think Priya would be a good partner? A good mom? That you two
could work together, long-term? Because that’s what you need in a wife.” She said. I know Leah likes Priya, but I’m surprised by how relentless she’s being. Leah, historically, has disliked almost every girl I’ve ever shown interest in, including Cora. I’m not sure what makes her so adamant that I give Priya a chance, but Leah’s approval means a lot to me, and her support for my newly betrothed only makes me feel more confused.
“I know.” I sighed into my cup. “Priya would be great at all those things. I guess it’s just hard to accept that Cora and I might not wind up together.” I looked at Leah again, surrendering to the fact that I’ll always be transparent to her. “I’ve been with Cora for so long. I feel like I owe her.”
Now it was Leah’s turn to sigh. She got up, checked that no one was in the next room, and closed the door that led to her kitchen. “Lonn, I’m going to tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Okay?”
“Sure, Leah.” I was surprised. Leah isn’t the kind of person who keeps secrets and knowing she’s been keeping something from me made me a little anxious. “You can tell me anything.”
“Terry is a great husband.” Leah began. “He’s the best father I could want for my children, he’s a good partner, and we get along really well, but... it’s not like I’ve never cared for anyone else.”
“Oh,” I replied, stupidly. “I don’t remember you being upset when you were matched with Terry. Were you hoping to marry someone else?” I felt a bit better knowing that perhaps Leah had gone through what I’m going through. “What happened? Are you happy you with Terry?”
“Well, I was dating someone, secretly, around the time Terry and I got matched. I was devastated that I didn’t get matched with my boyfriend.” She said, staring wistfully into her cup. “I married Terry, though. Not that I had much of choice in the matter. I knew if I didn’t I would be sent to level seven.” Leah stirred her drink nervously. “But, ultimately, it’s worked out for me.” She looked at the door one more time, just to make sure it was closed, and she leaned across the table towards me. “As for my boyfriend, we still see each other sometimes.” She said, lowering her voice.
My eyebrows jumped up in surprise. “What are you talking about? What do you mean you still see him?” I was shocked. My sister has always seemed so devoted to her family, but hearing her admit to adultery made me question how much I know about her. If she’s been keeping this from me, what else is Leah hiding? I tried to rearrange my face into a less judgemental expression. My sister may do bad things, but she’s not a bad person. I thought, absorbing what she had told me. Besides, it feels nice to have her confide in me for once.
“I see him on the side.” She answered in a deliberately casual tone. “Terry doesn’t know, though I think he suspects.” She said, anticipating my next question. “But I’m not the only person to have an affair, and as long as I’m not discovered, it’s fine. Terry and I are devoted to one another, no matter what, and that’s what matters in a match.”
My head swirled with questions. Who is this mysterious boyfriend Leah’s been hiding? How can she be sure she wouldn’t get caught? What would Terry do if he ever found out? I wanted to make her tell me everything, but before I could ask her anything Leah had shifted the conversation back to my own relationship troubles.
“Look, I know Miles Halax. He’s a nice man, but if you or Cora do anything to mess with your matches, he’ll disown Cora, and see that you’re both sent to level seven.” Leah said, looking concerned. “Just, don’t do anything to get yourself in trouble.”
Leah’s blunt, but I know she’s right. I thought with a frown.
Miles Halax, more than anything, cares about his family’s reputation. The Halax family has only lived in the upper portion of the city for a few generations, and Miles is determined to prove that they belong there. It’s why he’s so strict with Cora, and why the two of them have so much trouble getting along.
“I know you don’t want to think about this, but maybe all of you would be happier if you married the people you’ve been matched with, and figure out if you need to arrange some, um, extracurricular time with your girlfriend afterward.” I opened my mouth to protest, but she cut me off. “Just think about it.” She got up and took my cup from me. “And in the meantime, go fix your hair. I invited Priya over to hang out, and she should be here any minute.”
I rolled my eyes at my sister but headed to the restroom to check my appearance anyway. Ambushing me with Priya is such a Leah thing to do. I should have seen it coming. Usually, I would be irritated with Leah for something like this, but a part of me is excited to see Priya again. Maybe, I’ll try to give Priya a chance. I thought, smiling at myself in the mirror. I owe my sister that much, at least. I heard a knock on Leah’s door, and I darted out of the bathroom, determined to look unruffled by Priya’s visit.
Chapter 7
I recognized the silhouette of Paul Ward from all the way at the end of the corridor. He isn't the only person who visits me at my security station on the fifth tier of Departure, but he is my most frequent guest, and I’ve grown surprisingly fond of his visits. He’s the only one I can talk to lately. I thought, excited to have someone I could talk to about my breakup with Jenny. I popped open one of the small panels underneath my desk, where I keep my drinks stored away while I’m on duty, and waited for my favorite customer.
In theory, I shouldn’t like Paul Ward. As the city’s matchmaker he facilitates one of the most harmful traditions in Departure, and even though I understand that the goal of the matching is to maintain a healthy population and prevent inbreeding, I still think the practice does a lot more harm than good. Anyone who refuses to marry the person they’ve been matched with or who is caught being unfaithful to their partner is imprisoned, or worse. People who are, or sometimes just suspected to be, homosexual are similarly punished. Divorces are only granted when one person can prove that their partner is infertile, but marital problems, including spousal abuse, get swept under the rug as long as the couple is able to produce children. Still, much as I hate Paul’s job, I’ve grown to admire him as a person.
He’s a humble man with a self-deprecating sense of humor, which I appreciate. Even though I won’t go through the Matching Ceremony until next year, he still talks to me as if I were another adult, and he treats everyone he speaks to with the same level of respect. He cares about the health of all his patients, and he takes pride in his work. Sure, by all accounts Dr. Ward is only a shadow of his former self, but even though he’s now an aging alcoholic, I can still tell that he’s a good person.
Paul opened the door to my security station, so used to our visits that he no longer waits for permission to enter, and began pulling food and water rations out of the bag he had with him. Straight to business tonight. I thought, disheartened at how terse Paul had been around me since the Matching Ceremony. I wonder what wrong with him, and how he’s been able to afford all this lately. I gave him two bags of the illicit mixture that I’ve become known for on the lower levels.
I started making bootleg alcohol out of a combination of curiosity and rebellion. The surreptitious nature of making something illegal appealed to me, and when I started my first batch, the act of brewing seemed like harmless fun. Having a secret, and something to keep myself occupied, made me happy. After I had made a few successful batches I realized I had no interest in consuming the foul mixture, but I wanted to keep making it, so I started selling it instead. I honestly can’t understand how people stand to drink it, but I’ve never gotten any complaints, and Paul seems to love it.
“You doing okay?” I asked as he packed away his favorite drink. The amount he drank had always worried me, and it had only gotten worse over time, but I hated the idea of deciding what someone should, or should not, be able to put into their own body. If he keeps going like this, I might have to set a limit on how often I’ll sell to him, if only to keep him from getting us both caught.
Paul always seems depressed after a Matching Ceremon
y, but this year had been worse than I had expected. He was typically a calm and composed person in public, even while drinking, but this year it was apparent that something was wrong. He hasn’t been taking care of himself. He smells, his hair looks defiantly messy, given how little of it he still has, and he seems distant.
“I did something bad.” He said after a moment of contemplation. He covered his face with his hands, and let out a sob as he sank to the floor.
I felt my brows jump upwards in shock. Something bad? I had assumed that the Matching Ceremony had brought back unpleasant memories from his divorce and that he was drinking more heavily to compensate. It was hard for me to imagine Paul doing something so terrible that he would torment himself this way. “What did you do?” I prodded gently. Paul and I share a lot with one another, but he had always been sensitive around Matching Day, and I knew if I pressed him too hard he would withdraw into himself.
Paul crumbled. He moved his hands, revealing the tears streaming down his face. “Constable Greer agreed to steal for me, so I could keep buying this.” He said, gesturing to his bag. A sob rattled his body again, but he continued. “I only meant to have her take a little at a time, but I can’t stop. I’m fucking worthless!” He pounded his fist against the wall once, hard, before crossing his arms over his chest as if trying to hug himself.